Video Transcript: Listening Is More Than Waiting to Talk

Video 4A — Listening Is More Than Waiting to Talk

Hi, I am Haley Steiner, a CLI presenter.

This course is taught by Rev. Henry Reyenga and Attorney/Pastor Brian DeCook.

Welcome to Topic 4: Presence, Listening, and Loving Attention.

In this topic, we begin practicing one of the most important people skills: listening.

Listening is more than waiting for your turn to talk.

Listening is more than staying quiet while preparing your answer.

Listening is more than collecting information so you can fix the person quickly.

Christian listening is an act of agape love.

Agape love seeks the true good of another person before God. When we listen well, we are saying, “You matter. Your words matter. I am willing to slow down enough to receive what you are saying.”

James 1:19 says, “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.”

That is simple to read and hard to practice.

Many of us listen through fear.

We wonder, “What should I say next?”

We listen through pride.

We think, “I already know what this person needs.”

We listen through impatience.

We want the person to get to the point.

We listen through self-protection.

We hear correction as rejection.

We listen through our own inner conversation.

While another person is speaking, we may be saying inwardly, “I need to sound smart. I need to defend myself. I need to make this less awkward. I need to fix this.”

Because we are organic humans, our inward speech affects our outward presence. It can shape our face, tone, posture, timing, attention, and response.

People skill confidence grows when we learn to pause before answering.

A good listener does not need to be perfect. A good listener needs to be present.

Presence means I am here with you.

Presence means I am not rushing to control the moment.

Presence means I am not using your words as a doorway back to myself.

Presence means I am listening for what is being said and what may be beneath what is being said.

Sometimes listening means asking a gentle follow-up question.

Sometimes it means saying, “Tell me more about that.”

Sometimes it means saying, “That sounds heavy.”

Sometimes it means saying, “I want to make sure I understood you.”

Sometimes it means silence.

Listening is not weakness. Listening is not passivity. Listening does not mean agreeing with everything. Listening does not mean accepting manipulation, gossip, abuse, or unsafe behavior.

Listening means offering loving attention before deciding what response is wise.

This week, practice listening as love.

Before a conversation, say inwardly, “Lord Jesus, help me be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.”

Then enter the conversation as an organic human in Christ: spiritual and physical, attentive and humble, willing to love with your ears before you love with your words.

Reflection question: When someone is speaking, what inner sentence most often pulls you away from listening?

Gentle next step: In one conversation this week, pause before responding and ask one gentle follow-up question.