Session 5: Forgiving Others

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Introduction

Welcome to session five of forgiveness. In this session, we examine the topic of forgiving others. In the last two sessions, we've talked about seeking forgiveness from God and seeking forgiveness from others. In this session, the important topic of extending forgiveness to others who have wronged us.

We're going to look at the identifying the key relationship that empowers us to forgive. We'll look at forgiving people before the Lord and then going to them, pursuing peace. We'll confront wrongs and wait for the response and explore the topic of extending forgiveness and for promises that exist in extending forgiveness. We'll talk about reconciliation and that relationship with restoration and we'll also explore some spiritual warfare dynamics in the area of forgiveness.

The Key Relationship That Empowers Forgiveness

So let's begin by talking about identifying the key relationship that empowers us to forgive others. When someone has wronged us, sinned against us, we have a choice to make, and that choice is what the question we ask is: What relationship is going to govern my ability to forgive? Is it going to be my relationship with Jesus Christ, or my relationship with the person who wronged me or offended me.

If my relationship with Jesus Christ is going to be the primary relationship for me, then I'll seek to please Him first. If it's the relationship with the person who has wronged me? If that becomes the relationship I'm going to focus on in deciding whether I'm going to be willing to forgive that person, then I'll seek to please myself first, and I'll be looking out for my own self-interest.

Here's what Jesus said in Mark 11:25 about forgiveness. Whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.

In Luke chapter 17, verses 3 and 4, he said, "Take heed to yourself. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him, confront him, and if he repents, if he confesses, repents of his sin, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes to you and says, "I repent, you shall forgive him.

And this is the way the Lord treats us. In Matthew 18, Peter came to the Lord and asked him, "How often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him up to seven times. And Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you up to seven times, but up to 70 times seven.

When the Lord instructs us to demonstrate a seemingly unlimited willingness to forgive, He's inviting us to treat others the same way he treats us. Does he withhold forgiveness from us when we repent and come to him for forgiveness? He invites us to do the same in our conflicts.

Forgive Them Before the Lord

The first step to forgiving someone is to forgive them before the Lord, just as Jesus said, when you stand praying and remember that someone has done something and something against you, forgive them. Forgive them before the Lord in prayer.

So when someone wrongs us, our first response isn't to go to them; it's to go to the Lord and say, "Lord, I want to treat this person the way You've treated me. I want to be Your ambassador in this relationship. So grant me the grace to forgive them, and Lord, I release them before You from this sin. I forgive them because, Lord, not because they've earned it or deserve it, but because you-that's how you've treated me. You've freely forgiven me, and so I freely forgive them before you.

Now, show me what you want me to do to make peace with them. Show me how to reconcile this relationship in a manner that glorifies you, and I ask you to restore the relationship as you are able.

Jesus said in Matthew six, "Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. As he answered, in part, the disciples' question: "Teach us to pray, and after he finished that prayer, he said, "If you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Go to the Person and Pursue Peace

So after we've. Gone before the Lord and forgiven the person who has wronged us between us and God, we then go to the person to confront the wrongs and to pursue peace. Remember, our going isn't to avenge ourselves.

Our going isn't to get the party who has offended us to do what we want them to do. We want to go and pursue peace. What is it going to take to pursue peace in this relationship? What is it going to take to reconcile this relationship? And we know that part of that equation is forgiveness, but the part that we don't control in this situation is acknowledging the wrongdoing and repenting, asking for forgiveness.

But we go out of obedience to Jesus' command in Matthew 18. We says in verse 15. Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you've gained your brother. If he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. Pursuing peace at every stage here.

But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. And how is it that we treat heathens and tax collectors? Well, we treat them evangelistically. We pray for them, but we don't have intimate spiritual fellowship with them.

And so we're going to this person at least three times to pursue peace Every step on that progression, from going alone, taking one or two others, involving the church, the pursuit at all times isn't to decide who's right and who's wrong, who's the winner, who's the loser. It's what is it going to take To restore, what is it going to take to reconcile? What is it going to take to make peace?

Wait with a Willingness to Forgive

When the offender does not acknowledge their sin, and they don't ask for forgiveness, remember we've already forgiven them before the Lord, but if they're not of a heart to reconcile with us, we cannot extend that forgiveness to them until they confess and acknowledge their sin and show signs of repentance, and so we are unable to reconcile that relationship until confession and repentance occur, but we wait.

We wait for that confession and repentance, remaining willing to forgive as soon as that occurs, because it doesn't change the fact that we've forgiven them before the Lord, as far as we're concerned, we are not bound by their wrongdoing toward us. Before the Lord, we've released them and released the situation to the Lord. We are walking in the freedom and the liberty of the Holy Spirit.

We're able to intercede for them, and we are prepared when they confess and acknowledge their sin and show signs of repentance that we will freely forgive them. Reconciliation can occur as soon as that happens, and restoration of the relationship becomes possible once reconciliation occurs.

The Words That Extinguish Conflict

And so when the confession is made, and when forgiveness is requested, we then have the privilege to say the words of power and conflict-the words that extinguish a conflict wildfire. I forgive you.

when an offender acknowledges his or her wrongdoing and asks for forgiveness and reconciliation is and forgiveness is granted, the debt is removed and the relationship is reconciled. And when we say "I forgive you, what do we mean? Well, I suggest to you these four promises again from the Peacemaker, Kenneth Sandy's book. He indicates that when we say "I forgive you, we're making four promises.

Four Promises of Forgiveness

The first that I'm not going to dwell on this incident. When I forgive you, I'm going to forget about this incident. I'm not going to keep thinking about it. I'm not going to let it bother me. I'm not going to let it occupy space in my mind. I'm not going to dwell on it. As far as I'm concerned, the blood of Jesus has washed this situation and cleansed it, and I no longer need to dwell on it.

Second promise. I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you. When the Lord forgives our sins, He forgets our sins. When we forgive sin, we're not to keep a record of those wrongs, and then the next time someone wrongs us, we bring up the past against them. When we forgive, we treat others the way the Lord treats us when He forgives us.

Number three, I will not talk to others about this incident. Now, I'll qualify that.

We may talk to others about this incident to bring glory and honor to Jesus Christ, to tell others that we've been reconciled, and that I've given, they've extended forgiveness to you, and that you have received my forgiveness, and we're no longer in conflict, but we're experiencing peace that only Jesus Christ can bring through the power of forgiveness.

And so, these first three promises have to do with reconciliation, with again balancing the relationship, bringing us back to level ground. You're not holding anything against me. I'm not holding anything against you. Our past record of wrongs is is balanced. We've wiped everything out through the grace of Jesus Christ and the forgiveness He's given to us. We've extended to one another, and our relationship is square.

That doesn't mean that our relationship is is growing. It doesn't mean it's restored back to where it was before the offense occurred. It might mean that in some cases it does, and praise the Lord for that. But there are often difficult situations where we can't get to restoration.

The fourth promise of forgiveness from mr. Sandy says, "I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship. This is a promise of restoration. This is a promise we make when we are ready to pursue restoration. Both parties are ready to pursue restoration. Remember, forgiveness brings us to reconciliation. Restoration is rebuilding the relationship, and sometimes, in certain situations, that takes time.

Spiritual Warfare and Forgiveness

Now, let's close this session by talking about the topic of spiritual warfare and forgiveness, because one of the enemy's schemes concerning forgiveness is to deceive us into thinking we can or even should withhold forgiveness.

Maybe our wounds are so deep that we find it difficult to forgive. Maybe the wrongs committed against us are so despicable and vile that we can't bring ourselves to forgive. Forgiving someone before the Lord is not contingent on how we feel, it's a faith choice in response to how God has treated us through Jesus Christ.

Now, maybe we cannot extend forgiveness to the person who wronged us because they've not acknowledged their sin. No confession, no repentance has been made. But while we wait for that, we can enjoy the Lord's peace by already having forgiven them before the Lord, and thereafter interceding for that person until they repent.

Sometimes we confuse restoration with reconciliation. We refuse to forgive because we're not ready to restore the relationship because of the past. We think that by saying "I forgive you, we have to jump back into the relationship as if the damage never happened and restore the relationship to what it was before.

But we're not ready for that. That's being honest, right? Maybe boundaries need to be set up. Maybe wounds need to be healed. We need to be honest about our wounds and what it's going to take to make things right to restore the relationship. But that's a separate topic from being willing to forgive, and the enemy loves to keep us in a place where we have not reconciled.

We're not willing to forgive, or we're not willing to confess. Wants to keep the conflict and the division in the body of Christ going. When we do that, we contribute to the enemy's schemes. He loves to hinder the relationships in the body of Christ, keep us focused on how someone's treating us rather than how the Lord has treated us.

And when someone repents and confesses their sin to us, the Lord does not give us. Permission to withhold forgiveness. We're called to forgive as the Lord has forgiven us, and extending forgiveness resets the relationship and provides the opportunity for restoration to occur, even if it happens down the road.

Sometimes restoration happens immediately, but if it doesn't, forgiveness should never be conditioned on restoration. Forgiveness isn't earned or deserved. If it was, we would never be forgiven by our heavenly Father.

Closing Encouragement

And as His ambassadors, we have this privilege to forgive as we've been forgiven, the Lord's grace is great towards us. And my prayer for you is that you will be an ambassador of Jesus Christ and experience the powerful transformation in your broken relationships that takes place when we engage in Holy Spirit-led reconciliation and restoration.

May the Lord grant you the grace to grow in wisdom in these matters, for the glory of Jesus Christ and for the blessing of your relationships. See you in the next Session