Stumbling Blocks To Communication Part 2
Henry Reyenga

Stumbling Blocks


Romans 14:13    Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. NIV


Meaning Barriers

A barrier to communication is something that keeps meanings from meeting. Meaning barriers exist between all people, making communication much more difficult than most people seem to realize. It is false to assume that if one can talk he can communicate. Because so much of our education misleads people into thinking that communication is easier than it is, they become discouraged and give up when they run into difficulty.

--Reuel Howe, theologian and educator

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Thomas Gordon's List of Communication Spoilers

Experts in interpersonal communication like Carl Rogers, Reuel Howe, Haim Ginott, and Jack Gibb have pinpointed responses that tend to block conversation. More recently, Thomas Gordon devised a comprehensive list that he calls the "dirty dozen” of communication spoilers.

Bolton, Robert (2009-11-24). People Skills (p. 15). Touchstone. Kindle Edition. 


7. Moralizing - Using the God or the Bible says so "card” without careful and prayerful consideration.  

Examples: "The Bible says you are wrong about that.”  "God does not like that attitude in this church.”


8. Excessive/Inappropriate Questioning - Asking  many closed-ended questions or ones requiring short or simple answers.

Examples: Did you think that action was Christ-like? What part of the sermon did you miss? 


9. Advising - Giving what you think is the best solution without input or dialogue. 

Example - 

I think you should ask Wilma to do that ministry. 


10. Diverting - Pushing the other person's concern way and switching the subject. 

Example:  "I feel that my husband neglects me.” "He is a good provider and he gives generously to our church.”


Logical Argument  

11. Logical Argument   - Trying to convince another person by focusing on facts, without emphasis on emotional issues. 

Example:  "Don't worry about your plane flight. Commercial Plane travel is safer that walking on the sidewalk.” 


12. Reassuring  - Reassurance is a way of seeming to comfort another person while actually doing the opposite. The word comfort comes from two Latin words, con and fortis. The combination literally means "strengthened by being with.” Reassurance does not allow the comforter to really be with the other. It can be a form of emotional withdrawal. Reassurance is often used by people who like the idea of being helpful but who do not want to experience the emotional demand that goes with it.

Bolton, Robert (2009-11-24). People Skills (p. 25). Touchstone. Kindle Edition. 

Example: "Lots of people have flunked the exam.” "Lots of children now a days leave the faith.”


Road Block 13

When people are introduced to the roadblocks, a fairly typical reaction is, "That's just what my husband has been doing all these years! Wait till I tell him about all the roadblocks he sends.” Or, "Gosh, my boss uses just about all of these barriers. The next time he does it, I'm going to point out how he's roadblocking me.” This is Roadblock Thirteen: telling other people they are sending roadblocks. Roadblock Thirteen belongs in the judgment category. If you want to improve your communication, pointing the finger of judgment at others is a poor place to begin.

Bolton, Robert (2009-11-24). People Skills (p. 25). Touchstone. Kindle Edition. 

It is About YOU! 

Colossians 3:23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 


Making Changes

Which stumbling blocks in part two do you struggle with?  

Ask someone in your life to help you see the truth about yourself.

Last modified: Tuesday, March 16, 2021, 8:35 AM