Reading: First Impressions (Video Slides)

First Impressions

Henry Reyenga

First Impressions In The Bible

Jesus, Paul

2 Corinthians 2: 15   For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.  16 To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. 

The Power Of First Impressions

Whatever it was, try to focus on the first seven seconds of the encounter. What did you feel and think? How did you "read” the other people and how do you think they read you? How accurate or lasting were the first impressions on both sides? Did the tone in the opening seven seconds carry over to the rest of the meeting? Was the ice broken initially, or was tension established?

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 342-345). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Think About First Impressions

Now, review the last few days. Did you meet anyone new? Try to remember. What happened in the first seven seconds? What was directly or indirectly communicated in that time? How did you feel about this person?

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 345-346). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Think About Yourself

Finally, think about yourself. What sort of impression do you believe you make on others in the first seven seconds? How aware are you of all the verbal and nonverbal signals you send to others as you come face-to-face, or even when you speak to others over the telephone? 

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Location 347). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Think About Yourself

How aware are you of the underlying messages sent by eyes, face, voice, and body (yours and others')? How much control do you feel you have over these variables? It's important to focus on these questions because they help define not just your communications skills in the abstract but also who you are and how others perceive you.

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 347-351). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

First Impressions

Interpret 

Try to read other people's nonverbal signals in every situation. It may be business or personal, at a convention or an intimate dinner. It's amazing how accurate these messages are. We all send them out and we all receive them.

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 351-353). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

First Impressions

Get good at body language reading

Some body language specialists suggest that you can interpret someone's hidden agenda from the positioning of arms, legs, torso, and so forth. That's partially true. But it's not so simple. You also have to take into account the other person's pitch, tone, rate of speech, phrasing, breathing-- even eye dilation.

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 353-355). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

First Impressions

Read as children

Most children are natural at reading others. They know when to ask Daddy or Mommy for something. They know when to keep quiet and leave the room. They know when there's tension between their parents. And they know when everyone thinks they're adorable. As we get older, we begin to block these natural absorbing techniques. We need to open them up again. Pay attention. Watch. Listen. Talk less. Notice whether people's words are saying the same things as their vocal tones.

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 358-361). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

First Seven Seconds 

"When I firs' walked into th' room, you stood up and turned right toward me. Your eyes looked right into my eyes and then you looked me up and down from head to toe as if measurin' me, to judge if you could take me in a fight if you had to. Those kinda people cause trouble.”

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 380-382). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Your Face Is Important In First Impressions

Research shows that the eighty muscles of the face are capable of making more than seven thousand different facial expressions.  Most of us can read if someone is happy or sad or frightened, but what about the other nuances?

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 400-402). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Unlearn Some Things

Facial expression is often the most difficult area of nonverbal communication to master because we are taught early that our faces can give us away. Many people, particularly business executives, freeze their faces regardless of the emotional state they are in. They believe a poker face is a strategic advantage.

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 404-406). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Learning New Facial Expressions

Still looking in the mirror, think of something funny until you smile. When you do, see if your eyes smile as well as your mouth. It's important not to try to make a smile but to concentrate until an incident or something someone said comes to mind which causes the reaction naturally. Dwell on that thought until your whole face smiles, including your eyes. Note carefully how your face smiles.

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 413-415). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Learning New Facial Expressions

Think of a very happy time in your life, a very sad time, and a time when you were most angry; think of a time when you were frightened or concerned and try to show all these emotions as if you were a mute. Study very carefully how your face moves and concentrate on how it feels so that when you aren't looking in a mirror, you can re-create that look simply by muscle tension and feeling.

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 419-422). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Learning New Facial Expressions

We all wear masks, but it's necessary to drop the mask to communicate fully. Get used to using your face every time you speak.

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 428-429). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Reality Check

To gauge your conversational skills, you need constructively critical feedback from someone else. Ask a spouse, friend, or coworker to candidly appraise your conversational skills

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 442-444). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Reality Check

Giver communicator

Are you self-centered or other-oriented? Do you talk too much, overexplain, or lecture others? Are you a complainer? Or do you draw other people out on topics they're clearly interested in discussing? Are you a sympathetic listener? Do you smile, laugh easily, and respond to others genuinely?

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 445-446). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.  

Reality Check

Interesting communications

Do you have interesting things to say? Can you discuss subjects besides your job or home life? Do you occasionally use colorful language? Do you avoid trite expressions?

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 447-448). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Reality Check

Opening more communications

Do you encourage monologues or dialogues? Do you ask others open-ended questions that draw them out? Or are your questions "closed,” prompting just one-word responses? Open-ended questions often begin with "how” or "what”; they elicit detail.

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 450-452). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. . 

Reality Check

Warm communications

Do you pontificate or do you ask others how they feel about a subject? Are you open, candid, direct, and friendly, or tight-lipped, secretive, elliptical, and aloof?

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 453-455). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. . 

How Many Of The Top Ten Downers Do You Practice

1. Lack of initial rapport with listeners 

2. Stiffness or woodenness in use of body 

3. Presentation of material is intellectually oriented; speaker forgets to involve the audience emotionally 

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 458-460). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

How Many Of The Top Ten Downers Do You Practice

4. Speaker seems uncomfortable because of fear of failure 

5. Poor use of eye contact and facial expression 

6. Lack of humor 

7. Speech direction and intent unclear due to improper preparation

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 460-462). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. . 

How Many Of The Top Ten Downers Do You Practice

8. Inability to use silence for impact 

9. Lack of energy, causing inappropriate pitch pattern, speech rate, and volume 

10. Use of boring language and lack of interesting material

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (Kindle Locations 462-464). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Are You Offended? 

Do your really want to master communications and your first impression? 

Proverbs 27:17  As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.