Reading: Learning To Be Likable (Video Slides)

Learning To Be Likable

Henry Reyenga

VERY Important

If you could master one element of personal communications that is more powerful than anything we've discussed, it is the quality of being likable. I call it the magic bullet, because if your audience likes you, they'll forgive just about everything else you do wrong.

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (p. 83). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Can I Really Do Something About Being Likable? 

This is a very tricky subject because the magic bullet, likability, is difficult to define. Almost no one can tell you exactly how to be likable. People who try too hard to be likable usually aren't. It appears almost as if some people are born likable, and others will never be likable. But in fact, you can do something about your like quotient.

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (p. 84). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Unlikable Defined

While no one can tell you exactly how to do it, it is possible to define some things that likable people have. It's also helpful to identify unlikable behavior so you can avoid it. People who are unlikable complain about their problems, jabber constantly about meaningless things, and talk in a monotone. They are overly serious and rarely smile or joke about anything. They usually are self-centered.

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (p. 84). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Qualities Of Being Likable Or Unlikable

One quality of likable people is that they are genuinely concerned about the well-being of other people. It's not the phony concern of "How are you today?” and then the blank look while the person answers. A guaranteed way to be unlikable is to talk down to others or to put them down.

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (p. 84). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Qualities Of Being Likable Or Unlikable

At least one third of my clients have the problem of being too arrogant or aggressive-- either as speakers or as listeners. They turn others off and tune them out because they're over-projecting and underabsorbing. One of the unfortunate byproducts of success often is arrogance.

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (p. 84). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Unlikable Phrases 

Perhaps you're sometimes guilty of this, too. Do you say unlikable, put-down phrases like these to others: "You don't understand,” "Well, obviously,” "Let me start at the beginning,” "In simple terms,” "Let me explain something to you,” or "You probably don't know this, but”?

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (pp. 84-85). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Qualities Of Being Likable Or Unlikable

Another trait of likable people is that they are optimistic. Pessimistic people bring you down; optimistic people bring you up. President Lincoln once said, "The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity and the optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (p. 85). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Qualities Of Being Likable Or Unlikable

If someone asks you how you are feeling and you actually tell them that things are terrible, people are not going to want to be around you. Extremely shy or depressed people are generally not likable, even though we might feel sympathy for them.

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (p. 85). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Being Around An Optimist! 

Optimists tend to respond to disappointments, like being turned down for a job, by formulating a plan of action and asking other people for help and advice. Pessimists often react to such difficulties by trying to forget the whole thing and assuming there is nothing they can do to change their circumstances. Which kind of person would you rather be around?

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (p. 85). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Being Around An Optimist! 

Likable people are almost never "poor me,” self-pitying people. If you've been around people who always tell you how the world's treating them badly, or how their bosses treat them unfairly, quickly you want to get away. If you want to be likable, avoid being a "poor me” person. Likable people simply lend a hand, have a smile, mind their own business, and laugh easily, especially at themselves. They often understand humor and can get others to laugh.

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (p. 85). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Likability Exercise! 

List five people whom you consider to be unlikable. Then list the characteristics about them that you don't like. Do the same with five people whom you consider to be likable...If you emulate the likable people, you will be even more likable yourself. You'll also become a better communicator in the process because you'll carry the magic bullet wherever you go.

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (p. 85). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

No matter how things are going for you, if you can take the time to realize that somebody else can use a lift, you'll never be forgotten and you'll always be likable.

Ailes, Roger (2012-02-22). You Are the Message (p. 87). Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Colossians 4:6  Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.