Reading: Talking Less (Video Slides)

Talking Less

Henry Reyenga

Lowe, Sandra (2014-05-30). How To Talk Less - The Ultimate Guide To Get What You Want By Talking Lesser (How To Talk Less, How To Talk To Anyone, How To Talk To People, People Styles At Work, People Skills For Business) (Kindle Locations 24-27).  . Kindle Edition. 

Introduction

There is always that one person (or maybe two, or sometimes several) in a group who loves to talk - whether it's about himself, about the current group discussion, or some random thing that he thinks is intensely interesting. When that certain person starts to open his mouth, the general reaction is one of disgust, embarrassment, or annoyance. Now these are impressions that a person would not like to be known for. Be aware and find out whether you are that type of person.

Assess Past Conversations

Try to remember how your conversations went on in the past. Replay the scenes and analyze them carefully. Instead of talking to others, try talking to yourself for a change. Ask yourself some questions and answer them honestly.

1. Assess Past Conversations

Who talked the most? 

How long did I talk - how many minutes?

 - What was the conversation about - was it all about me?

How many times do I interrupt people while they are talking? 

Do I mention things about myself without being asked?

2. Think Closely About How You Interact With Everyone

Mull over how you talk to people at work, your family, friends, teachers, service crews, or even to a random stranger at the bus stop. This will help you gauge how active you are in conversation. Talking sometimes depend upon one's comfort level with a person. Thinking back on past interactions will help you determine if you only talk too much with people you know, or if you do it with everybody else.

3. How Do You Start A Conversation With A Person You Just Met?

How you begin a dialogue would be a good indication of being a talker.

Do you ask questions to get the other person to open up or do you barrel through the introductions with your life story? Usual meetings start with hi and hello. Familiarity with additional life facts come later in the relationship. Talking too much at the start is both uncomfortable and unpleasant for a new acquaintance.

4. Learn To Read Body Language 

Pay attention to your receiving audience when you talk. If you see them rolling their eyes or spacing out or barely replying... chances are, they feel that you talk too much and too often. When people give non-committal replies or grunts as answers to your overflowing stories, it is a sign that they are not interested and would rather be talking about something else.

5. Talk To A Trusted And Reliable Person... 

...and then ask if it is hard for you to look at yourself critically and objectively, then ask a trusted person if you really do talk too much. A real friend would most likely tell you the truth with the view of improvement in mind. Take a deep breath and have a little courage. Facing the problem, if there is actually one, is extremely difficult but this initial fear must be overcome if you expect to have it solved eventually.

How Do I talk Less? 

The first step (which you have already done at this point) is to see the problem, accept the problem, and decide to do something about it. This is no mere feat and you should be giving yourself a huge pat on the back. Change is difficult and to change for the better is a sublime act indeed.

How Do I talk Less? 

2. Get to the root of the problem There are several reasons why people talk: to get attention, for sympathy, to seem popular, to show off, or to stave off boredom. Ask yourself honestly what is yours. Dealing with the source of the issue will definitely make the problem solving task a lot easier.

How Do I talk Less? 

3. Make a conscious effort to talk less and slow down. You know yourself best. At times when you notice your mouth running off again, take a deep breath and delay the rush. Instead of talking at a hundred words a minute, take time to enjoy the conversation. It is after all, not a competition to see who gets more words in.

How Do I talk Less? 

4. Don't try to fill in awkward pauses or long silences It's natural for conversations to lag at times, and that is completely normal. Attempts to fill in the void would only make the situation more awkward. Nobody is obligated to keep talking; sometimes silences are a good thing too. It gives time for both parties to digest all the pooled information. When that inevitable silence comes, just relax and enjoy it.

How Do I talk Less? 

5. Give others a chance to contribute Once you have put in your two cents, it's your partner's turn to speak his own. It's a give and take process and not a give and give one. Let the other person have his opportunity to pull his own weight, conversation wise. Ask questions to keep him or her talking and even up the exchange.

How Do I talk Less? 

6. Learn to stop interrupting. Instead of interjecting whenever you feel particularly touched or fired up by a certain point in the discussed issue, try to give non-verbal feedback instead like nodding or smiling. There are other ways to convey your feelings, aside from literally speaking them out. Explore them and use them.

How Do I talk Less? 

6. Learn to stop interrupting...

Extra tips and tricks to help you through the process: 

- Learn the process of reciprocation. When a friend asks about you, don't just go on and on about yourself. Remember to ask him back about how he is too to share stories. Don't give away all your treasured anecdotes all at once. 

How Do I talk Less? 

6. Learn to stop interrupting...

Extra tips and tricks to help you through the process: 

Don't be afraid to say you talk too much or feel ashamed when people say that you do. When you are the first to admit it, other people's first impulse is to feel sympathy. Instead of getting annoyed at you for hogging the limelight, they would just most likely laugh it off.

How Do I talk Less? 

6. Learn to stop interrupting...

Extra tips and tricks to help you through the process: 

Get support. Change is a big thing; getting friends to help you out would ease the process. Also, reading up and learning about self help would greatly contribute to your success.

The Benefits Of Talking Less

Thinking before you speak. 

When you keep silent, this gives you the opportunity to formulate a proper and intelligent response to what the other person is saying. This gives you an advantage, especially when trying to make a good impression. Having time before you speak to think carefully will keep you from regretting any foolish words that you didn't intend to say in the first place.

The Benefits Of Talking Less

2. You can fully understand what is being said.

We sometimes miss out on the main point of the discussion when we focus on ourselves and how we sound to other people. Talking less gives the opportunity for you to really listen and concentrate on what the other person is talking about.

The Benefits Of Talking Less

3. Only the important stuff will be said.

If you are only going to say a few words, it would make absolute sense to say the most significant ones. 

If for example you are only allotted one hundred words to make your point, then only the salient ones would be said for the best impact to be made. No energy and effort would be wasted in useless, pointless conversation.

The Benefits Of Talking Less

4. Extra time and listening will allow you to make decisions effectively.

During important times, crucial information should be fully absorbed before giving out a definite answer, like in company meetings or oral examinations for example. Decision making is not something to be rushed; answers could be important and could mean major changes if given thoughtlessly. Taking the time to keep quiet and think may prevent disastrous effects that could crop up later.

The Benefits Of Talking Less

5. You will learn the value of opinion. Listening widens horizons. 

Your own opinion may not be the best there is. By talking less and listening more, you will appreciate the worth of information that others put to the table. For yourself, you gain added knowledge; more than this, your perspective about a person changes. Learning his views on a certain thing tells a lot about his personality, intelligence and personal values - which are all influencing factors in keeping relationships and connections together.

The Benefits Of Talking Less

6. You will have better communication skills.

Not only will your conversation improve, people will most likely appreciate your new found ability to listen and give relevant, concise answers. Good communication skills will open doors and relationships.

The Benefits of Talking Less

7. Talking too much can give the wrong impression.

Whatever reason it is that we have for talking too much, the person listening would most probably not be aware of it. They just might see the whole situation negatively and simply write you off as a chatterbox or gossiper. As a first impression, this would not be a good start. Keeping silent or talking less would help you prevent mistakes. 

The Benefits Of Talking Less

8. Talking less shows others that: 

- You value other people's opinion. You talk because you want to be heard. It is the same for other people. Stopping to keep silent and listen will make them feel that you are taking their views seriously.

Value Others

- You give importance to the other person's time. As with anything, conversing takes minutes off one's schedule. Talking concisely and keeping the conversation short shows that you value the person's time and you recognize that he could be doing something else instead of talking to you.

Value Others

What you say is important. A wise man will not waste his time in superfluous things. It is the same in conversation. When little time is wasted on talking, people automatically assume that when you do talk, you only talk about important things.

Value Others

You are a mature adult. Babies and children live in an ego-centric world. They think that the world revolves around them which is fine and completely natural and could be even cute. As adults however, this tendency to keep talking about one's self could be seen as a reflection of childishness. Being mature, you should be seen as one who is willing to be a part of something that is bigger than yourself. Talking less, shows that you can step back from yourself and let others take the center stage.