Reading: People Smart Techniques Part 2 (Video Slides)

People Smart Techniques Part 2

Henry Reyenga

Finding Out What Someone Does Without Asking, "What Do You Do?”

So how do you find out what someone does for a living? You simply practice the following eight words. All together now: "How . . . do . . . you . . . spend . . . most . . . of . . . your . . . time?”

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 96). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

Answering The "What Do You Do?” Question

To make the most of every encounter, personalize your verbal rèsumè with just as much care as you would your written curriculum vitae. Instead of having one answer to the omnipresent "What do you do?" prepare a dozen or so variations, depending on who's asking. For optimum networking, every time someone asks about your job, give a calculated oral rèsumè in a nutshell. Before you submit your answer, consider what possible interest the asker could have in you.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 99). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

Including Benefit Statements In What You Do

Putting the benefit statement in your verbal "Nutshell Rèsumè" brings your job to life and makes it memorable. Even if your new acquaintance can't use your services, the next time he or she meets someone moving into the area, wanting to plan their financial future, thinking of self defense, considering cosmetic surgery, or needing a new hairstyle, who comes to mind? Not the unimaginative people who gave the tax-return description of their jobs, but the big winners who painted a picture of helping people with needs.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 101). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

Not So Fast "Me Too”

Whenever you have something in common with someone, the longer you wait to reveal it, the more moved (and impressed) he or she will be. You emerge as a confident big cat, not a lonely little stray, hungry for quick connection with a stranger.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 109). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

COMM-YOU-NICATION 

COMM-YOU-NICATION Start every appropriate sentence with you. It immediately grabs your listener's attention. It gets a more positive response and saves them having to translate it into "me" terms. When you sprinkle you as liberally as salt and pepper throughout your conversation, your listeners find it an irresistible spice.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 113). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

Use Visual Images In Communication

Find phrases that have visual impact. Instead of a clichè like "sure as death and taxes," try "as certain as beach traffic in July" or "as sure as your shadow will follow you." Your listeners can't see death or taxes. But they sure can see beach traffic in July or their shadow following them down the street.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 123). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

Stop Teasing. Period

The next sure sign of a little cathood is teasing. Little cats go around patting their friends' paunches and saying, "Enjoying that cheesecake, huh?" Or looking at their balding heads and saying, "Hey, hair today, gone tomorrow, huh?" They think it's hilarious to make a quip at someone else's expense and say "You don't have an inferiority complex. You are inferior! Hardy har har.”

Delivering Bad News

Everyone must give bad news from time to time, and winning professionals do it with the proper attitude. A doctor advising a patient she needs an operation does it with compassion. A boss informing an employee he didn't get the job takes on a sympathetic demeanor. Grief counselors at airports after fatal crashes share the grief-stricken sentiment of relatives. Big winners know, when delivering any bad news, they should share the sentiment of the receiver.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 131-132). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

Talking To VIPs

People who are VIPs in their own right don't slobber over celebrities. When you are chatting with one, don't compliment her work, simply say how much pleasure or insight it's given you. If you do single out any one of the star's accomplishments, make sure it's a recent one, not a memory that's getting yellow in her scrapbook. If the queen bee has a drone sitting with her, find a way to involve him in the conversation.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 138). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

How To Say Thank You

Very simply, never let the phrase thank you stand naked and alone. Always make it thank you for something. People use the bare exposed "thank you" so often that people don't even hear it anymore. When we buy the morning newspaper, we flash a naked "thank you" at the vendor when he gives us our nickel's change. Is that the same "thank you" you want to give a valued customer who makes a big purchase in your store? Or a loved one who cooks you a delicious dinner?

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 140). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

Keep Getting Interesting

Once a month, scramble your life. Do something you'd never dream of doing. Participate in a sport, go to an exhibition, hear a lecture on something totally out of your experience. You get 80 percent of the right lingo and insider questions from just one exposure.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 148). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

Learn The Lingo

All you need are a few insider opening questions to get you started with any group. You ask questions, listen to the responses, and indulge in elementary on-target conversation with them for a moment or two about their field. (Then change the subject ASAP! You don't want to fake you are more knowledgeable about their field than you really are.)

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 150-151). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

The Hot Buttons

Before jumping blindly into a bevy of bookbinders or a drove of dentists, find out what the hot issues are in their fields. Every industry has burning concerns the outside world knows little about. Ask your informant to bare the industry buzz. Then, to heat the conversation up, push those buttons.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 155). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

Clear "CUSTOMS" 

Before putting one toe on foreign soil, get a book on dos and taboos around the world. Before you shake hands, give a gift, make gestures, or even compliment anyone's possessions, check it out. Your gaffe could gum up your entire gig.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 163). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

Copy and Paste

Watch people. Look at the way they move. Small movements? Big movements? Fast? Slow? Jerky? Fluid? Old? Young? Classy? Pretend the person you are talking to is your dance instructor. Is he a jazzy mover? Is she a balletic mover? Watch his or her body, then imitate the style of movement. That makes your conversation partner subliminally real comfy with you.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 174). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

Pay Attention To The Language Of The Thing

Would you believe using the wrong synonym for a seemingly uncomplicated word like "have” labels you a know-nothing in somebody else's world? For example, cat lovers purr about having cats. But horse people would say owning horses. And fish folk don't own fish. They talk about keeping fish. Hey, no big deal. But if you use the wrong word, your conversation partner will assume, correctly, that you are a stranger in his or her hobbyland.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (pp. 178-179). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

Metaphors That Matter

Evoke your listener's interests or lifestyle and weave images around it. To give your points more power and punch, use analogies from your listener's world, not your own. Potent imaging also tells your listeners you think like them and hints you share their interests.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 184). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

Employ Empathizers 

Don't be an unconscious ummer. Vocalize complete sentences to show your understanding. Dust your dialogue with phrases like "I see what you mean." Sprinkle it with sentimental sparklers like "That's a lovely thing to say." Your empathy impresses your listeners and encourages them to continue.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 187). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.  

Anatomically Correct Empathizers 

What part of their anatomy are your associates talking through? Their eyes? Their ears? Their gut? For visual people, use visual empathizers to make them think you see the world the way they do. For auditory folks, use auditory empathizers to make them think you hear them loud and clear. For kinesthetic types, use kinesthetic empathizers to make them think you feel the same way they do.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 191). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

We Words

The word we fosters togetherness. It makes the listener feel connected. It gives a subliminal feeling of "you and me against the cold, cold world." When you prematurely say we or us, even to strangers, it subconsciously brings them closer. It subliminally hints you are already friends. At a party, you might say to someone standing behind you at the buffet line, "Hey, this looks great. They really laid out a nice spread for us." Or, "Uh-oh, we're going to get fat if we let ourselves enjoy all of this.”

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 194). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

Old Friends

When you meet a stranger you'd like to make less a stranger, search for some special moment you shared during your first encounter. Then find a few words that reprieve the laugh, the warm smile, the good feelings the two of you felt. Now, just like old friends, you have a history together, an Instant History. With anyone you'd like to make part of your personal or professional future, look for special moments together. Then make them a refrain.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 196). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

Compliment In The Network

A compliment one hears is never as exciting as the one he overhears. A priceless way to praise is not by telephone, not by telegraph, but by tell-a-friend. 

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 203). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

Carrier Of Good News

Instead, become a carrier of good news and kudos. Whenever you hear something complimentary about someone, fly to them with the compliment. Your fans may not posthumously stuff you and put you on display in a museum like Stumpy Joe. But everyone loves the carrier pigeon of kind thoughts.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 205). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

Rules For Giving Compliments

Rule #1: Deliver your Killer Compliment to the recipient in private. If you are standing with a group of four or five people and you praise one woman for being fit, every other woman feels like a barrel of lard. If you tell one man he has wonderful carriage, every other feels like a hunchback. You also make the blushing recipient uncomfortable.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 213). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

Rules For Giving Compliments

Rule #2: Make your Killer Compliment credible. For example, I'm tone-deaf. If I'm forced to sing even a simple song like "Happy Birthday," I sound like a sick pig. If anyone in earshot were foolish enough to tell me they liked my voice, I'd know it was hogwash.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 213). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

Rules For Giving Compliments

Rule #3: Confer only one Killer Compliment per half year on each recipient. Otherwise you come across as insincere, groveling, obsequious, pandering, and a thoroughly manipulative person. Not cool. With careful aim, the Killer Compliment captures everyone. It works best, however, when you use it judiciously on new acquaintances.

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 213). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition. 

The Tombstone Game 

Ask the important people in your life what they would like engraved on their tombstone. Chisel it into your memory but don't mention it again. Then, when the moment is right to say "I appreciate you" or "I love you," fill the blanks with the very words they gave you weeks earlier. You take people's breath away when you feed their deepest self-image to them in a compliment. "At last," they say to themselves, "someone who loves me for who I truly am.”

Lowndes, Leil (2003-10-10). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (p. 226). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.