Reading: Knowing How to Bless Each Daughter

Knowing How to Bless Each Daughter
Henry Reyenga

Source
Leman, Dr. Kevin (2014-05-13). Be the Dad She Needs You to Be: The Indelible Imprint a Father Leaves on His Daughter's Life (p. 35). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.

The Firstborn Girl
Firstborns are the planners, organizers, list makers, managers, and perfectionists of the world. School is often their proving ground. They tend to be confident and self-assured in most situations. They keep things under control, set goals and reach them, and tend to get more done in a day than children who fall elsewhere in the birth order. They're great problem solvers.

The Firstborn Girl
But the very things that make them successes can also cause problems in their relationships. Others may see them as self-centered and difficult to work with (firstborns know how things should work and expect everybody else to agree). They're sometimes afraid to try new things because they're not sure they'll succeed, and they're critical of themselves and others. They're never satisfied with the job they've done.

The Firstborn Girl
They live by the rules and aren't naturally flexible-- order is very important to them. They also put themselves and others under a lot of stress and pressure and tend to be serious, failing to see the humor in situations. Does this put some things about your firstborn in perspective, Dad? Do you see now why it's so important for you to lighten up on that already heavily burdened firstborn?

The Middle Daughter
Middle-borns tend to march to the beat of a different drummer. As the firstborn goes, the middle-born goes the opposite way. They're the hardest of all birth orders to pin down because children are always influenced most by what is directly above them. The middle-born looks up and sees not adults as the firstborn does, but the firstborn.

The Middle Daughter
How can a middle-born compete with a star performer like the firstborn? She can't. So she's smart enough to decide to take an entirely opposite direction. That's why your middle-born and firstborn daughters will differ like day and night in interests and personality.

The Middle Daughter
To make things worse, when the baby of the family is born, the middle-born not only is looking at that star firstborn and knowing she can't compete but also is feeling that she can't compete with the "cuteness” of the baby of the family. No wonder middle-borns will tend to go outside their families for friendships and are less likely to confide in family members. They're relational masters, great at mediating and negotiating, since they're always stuck in the middle at home. They also tend to be more secretive, independent, diplomatic, and compromising in social situations.

The Middle Daughter
Middle-borns realize that life isn't fair, because they've experienced it at home, being caught between siblings. They tend to be realistic, unspoiled risk takers who strike out on their own and know how to get along with others. They're peacemakers who are great at seeing issues from both sides.
Leman, Dr. Kevin (2014-05-13). Be the Dad She Needs You to Be: The Indelible Imprint a Father Leaves on His Daughter's Life (p. 40). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.

The Middle Daughter
Again, the very qualities that make them great at what they do can become negatives. Middle-borns may be suspicious or cynical because they've been ignored by their families. They may feel inferior because they're neglected. They may also rebel because they feel they don't fit in. Family members may see them as stubborn, bullheaded, or unwilling to cooperate. Since they want peace at any price, others can take advantage of them. Wanting not to offend their friends can cloud good judgment and decisions. They also may take a long time to admit they need help since it isn't easy to share feelings with family members.

The Middle Daughter
Does this sound like your middle-born daughter? Since a middle-born so often gets the end of the stick-- squeezed between the crown princess and little schnooky-- work hard to affirm her and draw her out. If you want to give your middle-born a treat she won't forget, spend time with just her. Even better, do it on a regular basis she can count on. Don't include any other siblings, no matter how much they beg. And make sure you take plenty of pictures, since middle-borns have a lot fewer pictures in their photo albums than the firstborns and babies of the family they compete with. Take a peek at your family albums, and you'll see exactly what I mean.

The Lastborn Daughter
Everybody applauds for a firstborn star in nearly every area of life, and a middle-born has a whole group of loyal friends, but the baby of the family has her work cut out for her. She has to figure out how to get attention, so she's likely to be the most social of your kids. She's charming, people-oriented, affectionate, engaging, and tenacious --that's because she's learned early in life how to push her parents' and siblings' buttons to get what she wants. She's uncomplicated and not hard to figure out, unlike the middle-born. She tends to be the one in the family who has one or more pet names, versus the older kids, who are most likely called by their given names.

The Lastborn Daughter
People love last-borns. After all, they are likable, fun to be around, easy to talk to, caring , and lovable, and they want to help. They don't have any hidden agendas, and they're often entertaining and funny. They know how to get noticed. And they don't take no for an answer; they keep going until they get what they want. Again, they spent a lot of time manipulating their older siblings to do things for them, so they've got that sort of negotiation down pat.

The Lastborn Daughter
Last-borns are very good at working a daddy over into giving them what they want by batting eyelashes or letting a single tear slip. I've seen rock-hard negotiators, known in the business world for forcing grown men into humble compliance, melt before a teary-eyed three-year-old daughter. (p. 43)

The Lastborn Daughter
Their downside? Babies of the family can come across as fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants, or even a little flaky, impatient, spoiled, or temperamental. They're used to others pitching in and helping out with their workload (after all, those older siblings can do things more easily and faster because they already have a track record of doing them), so they can be lazy. They're also very trusting. Others can easily take advantage of them since they make decisions based on their feelings. (P. 43)

The Last Born Daughter
Does this sound like your baby-of-the-family daughter? Sure, she's charming, and she steals your heart. But if you let her manipulate you, she'll be drawn toward someone like you-- somebody she can manipulate and control. So, do your future son-in-law a favor. Teach her responsibility and hold her accountable for her actions. If you do, your warm, cheerful daughter will gain the organization, compassion, and understanding she needs to make a significant impact in her adult world.
(p. 44)

The Only Child
Only-born children have the positive and negative traits of firstborns times ten. They're super-achievers, perfectionists, and conscientious to the max. By the time they're eight or nine, they're pint-sized adults. They relate more to adults than to kids their own age, and they're ahead of everyone in the game of life. They don't need anyone to organize them, make plans for them, or take care of things for them. (p. 45)

The Only Child
But those very traits that make them highly successful in their careers can also be damaging in their relationships. Their accuracy, detail, and perfectionism can work against them unless only children learn how to manage their own expectations. (p. 45)

The Only Child
Does this sound like your only-born? If so, do her three favors: Lighten up on her (especially if you tend to have that critical eye). Teach her compassion toward others and to recognize that what others think and feel is important. Find something to laugh with her about every day. If you do even those three simple things , you'll give your only-born the kind of wings that will allow her to soar for a lifetime. (pp. 45-46)

Top Four Do's for Dads
Listen to her.
Take your cues from her.
Don't assume anything . . . ever.
Be gentle.
(p. 52).

Really Get To Know Her
Few things in life have been as rewarding as getting to know each of my daughters ' quirks, fears, dreams, and hopes, and then parenting around those. When you do that, Dad, you make your daughter feel special. Like the notorious bandit El Guapo tells his men in what I consider the greatest of all movies, The Three Amigos, "I know each of you like I know my own smell.” (pp. 55-56).

Really Get To Know Her
When you know your daughter like you know your own smell, loving her as an individual will be a natural response, as simple as breathing. You'll also make decisions that are right for her, and you'll be on your way to building a relationship for a lifetime.
Leman, Dr. Kevin (2014-05-13). (p. 56).