Reading: Helping Dads With Daughters

Helping Dads with Daughters
Henry Reyenga

Every Daughter Needs Masculinity in Her Life
All Quotes Taken From:
Leman, Dr. Kevin (2014-05-13). Be the Dad She Needs You to Be: The Indelible Imprint a Father Leaves on His Daughter's Life (p. xvii). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.

Every Daughter Needs Masculinity in Her Life
After all, every daughter needs a good, healthy dose of masculinity in her life, and you're the best one to convey that. The bonus is that the same principles work with the other women in your family too. To be the best dad to your daughter, you don't have to surrender your masculinity.

Why Are Dads So Important?
At first blush, everyone thinks the most important relationships in the family are the father-son and mother-daughter relationships. But they're wrong. The cross-gender relationships are most critical. Why does a dad matter so much to a daughter, in particular? A dad is the one who teaches a daughter what a male is all about. (p. 2).

The Dad Role is Crucial!
Her dad is the first man she loves, the first male she tries to please, the first man who says no to her, the first man to discipline her. In effect, he sets her up for success or failure with the opposite sex. Not only that, but she takes cues from how Dad treats Mom as she grows up about what to expect as a woman who is in a relationship with a man. So Dad sets up his daughter's marriage relationship too. And if that dad is a man of faith, he all of a sudden takes on the awesome responsibility of representing almighty God himself. Wow. If that made you a little nervous, then you're a smart man. 2

Gives Daughter Security
If Dad is a loving, steady, balanced man in his approach with his daughter, she will have a sense of security, love, and trust in her relationships with men. She will also stand up for herself if males attempt to take advantage of her, because she knows that her daddy would never treat her that way or allow her to be treated that way.

Gives Daughter Security
However, if a daughter doesn't have security, love, and trust in her relationship with her dad, that daughter will pay for the lack of those critical things all her life. She will be driven toward men who aren't good for her, who treat her badly-- and she'll allow it because it's consistent with the way she views herself in relationship to men. If Daddy treated me this way, she'll think, then all men must be like this, so I guess I have to put up with it to have a man in my life. P.3

The Benefits of an Engaged Dad (1)
When daughters have engaged dads, they benefit from that relationship for a lifetime. Here are a few of the benefits:

• They have higher self-worth. Girls who have the secure love of a father see themselves in a more positive light. They are able to stand up for themselves and make good decisions. P.6

The Benefits of an Engaged Dad (2)
They rebel less, especially in the critical years. A dad who rules with an iron fist and demands respect only increases a daughter's desire to rebel against the rules. Dads who relate to their daughters in a respectful manner earn their respect. Daughters with dads who are involved in their lives will tend to be less involved with drugs and crime because they don't need to look outside the home for love and acceptance. They also will say "no” more easily in dating situations and have a lower possibility of becoming pregnant outside of marriage.

The Benefits of an Engaged Dad (3)
• Their adult relationships are healthier. The way Dad treats them is the way they expect others to treat them. Does your family get the leftovers of your time-- after golf, after the football game is over, after the car gets fixed, after you finish an extra project for work? Then that's what your daughter will expect out of her own husband later. Don't miss out on some of the most influential work you can ever do.
• Their life trajectories are more successful. When a dad believes in a daughter, she feels she can do anything. She won't put up with guff from others, and she'll power ahead through difficult situations because she knows her dad loves her and believes in her. pp.6-7

Reclaiming the Role of Masculinity in the Society Mix
You see why we men need you women? So men aren't always good at the details or with specifics, but we are good at many things. Sadly, today's society doesn't seem to have much use for men. In fact, if you watch sitcoms, which bash men with great regularity, you get the distinct impression that men aren't needed for anything. But if you don't think men are needed in the family, take a look again at the stats I shared in chapter 1 about what happens when dads are emotionally or physically AWOL. Every bit of research shows that your daughter will do better in life because you're there. We men don't do things the same way, but male role models are needed to balance that wonderful female creature called a woman.

Dads Set Up Their Daughters for Healthy Self-Esteem
Rest assured, Dad, that you are the biggest difference maker in your daughter's life. The attention you give her, the affirmation you shower upon her, the approval you provide her-- all gets internalized by your daughter to the point where she adopts the internal perspective: I am somebody. I'm a (your last name). I'm a worthwhile human being. I don't have to take ill treatment from anyone. And I won't.

Having a Problem Solver in Her Life
Your daughter does too. She needs you to anticipate her needs before she has them-- and before they become the size of Mount Vesuvius. She needs you to help her look at situations logically and from multiple angles, rather than from the one lens she may be looking through, colored with emotions. But she doesn't need you to handle every situation for her. Every child needs to learn how to solve her own problems. However, in order for daughters to do that with confidence, they need a dad's listening ear.

Different Perspective than the Wife
Dad, the way you play with your kids and encourage them to take on life is usually completely different from the way your wife does. You bring certain testosterone-laden qualities and characteristics to your relationship with your kids that are necessary for your daughter to achieve a balanced perspective about life.