Reading: What a Son Needs from His Mother

What A Son Needs From His Mother
Henry Reyenga
 
Leman, Dr. Kevin (2012-09-01). What a Difference a Mom Makes: The Indelible Imprint a Mom Leaves on Her Son's Life. Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

What Makes Boys So Different from Girls?
What makes boys so different from girls-- other than the obvious? Researchers in the journal Cerebral Cortex reported a fascinating difference between men and women in regard to the part of the brain that controls visual-spatial abilities and concepts of mental space-- skills necessary for tasks such as mathematics and architecture. That area of the brain is about 6 percent larger in men than in women. But does that mean men are smarter?

What Makes Boys So Different from Girls?
But does that mean men are smarter? Not necessarily. Men's brains may be larger, but women's contain more brain cells. Also, male and female brains work differently. When men and women perform identical tasks, different areas of their brains light up in response. In addition, females use both hemispheres, while male brain activity is restricted to one side. (Kindle Locations 183-187).

What Makes Boys So Different from Girls?
Perhaps that's why you sometimes feel you and your son are on opposite sides of the planet-- because you truly are. You're able to bounce from brain hemisphere to brain hemisphere, but he's solidly entrenched in one and can see only that side of the equation without your help. Another good reason God almighty created both men and women. We need each other in many ways! (Kindle Locations 187-190)

What Makes Boys So Different from Girls?
Men tend to focus on the present and the future, and they like to present possibilities whether they're realistic or not. They are often fast moving and risk takers. Contrast that with women, who tend to focus on the present and the past due to their relational abilities, and since they use both sides of their brain, they tend to think more realistically and in detail about tasks that need to be done. As a result, they are usually more cautious and less risk taking. Put the two together and it's easy to see why you and your son will sometimes disagree or even clash.
 (Kindle Locations 190-194)

Boys Are Competitive; Boys Are Tough
Boys are risk takers who don't want anyone else to get ahead of them in life. They've got a drive to be number one and in the fast lane. They're born competitive. They go after what they want with determination. That's why you'll rarely find guys like me in the slower, right-hand lane of the expressway. We're always the ones zooming to the outside lane to see how far ahead we can get of the next sucker.
(Kindle Locations 203-206).

Boys Get Bored-- Fast
Within the heart of every boy is an adventurer. Boys like to be on the move. (I can hear some of you saying, "You can say that again! He never stops!”) They have wildly different attention spans than girls. They prefer to look at objects for shorter time periods, but they are more active in their attention to that object. Boys are physical beings-- they're attracted to the physical. They're not into talking about the details; they're scoping out the details--the way a toy is built, the way a computer runs, or the cute waitress at IHOP.
Leman, Dr. Kevin (2012-09-01). What a Difference a Mom Makes: The Indelible Imprint a Mom Leaves on Her Son's Life (Kindle Locations 210-215). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Boys Get Bored-- Fast
Boys are more intense and tightly wired, and they're bored much more quickly. Their brains move more rapidly from object to object, which means they can often get the full scope of a project more quickly than girls. But they also take in less sensory information than girls, so they can miss things along the way. That means boys sometimes misinterpret what someone says, because they don't take the time to process both the verbal and the physical cues to see if that person really means what they're saying.
(Kindle Locations 226-230)

Boys Are Singularly Focused
When you throw any new information your boy's way, you'll most often hear that famous word: "Huh?” Does this mean your boy is ignoring you? Or that he's completely clueless? No, it means he's deeply focused on the world of whatever he's thinking about, and he isn't able to change his thought track as fast or as often as you can. He's solving a problem, and he can only handle one problem at a time. But no doubt about it-- the problem will be solved.
(Kindle Locations 232-236)

Boys Are Singularly Focused
Males are wired to be singularly focused. When they're doing a task, they're doing just that task-- not thinking up their to-do list for the rest of their day like you are. To say that males aren't multitaskers is the understatement of the century. But, Mom, that's why they need you in their world.
(Kindle Locations 236-238).

I Am King, Hear Me Roar!
Within the heart of every little boy is the need to be king. To conquer and to be the one in charge. To be the one who figures everything out by himself. The lone hero standing on top of the highest rock, sword in hand.
(Kindle Locations 238-240)

Wants to Conquer
Boys have the need to be in control and to stay in control. They also have the innate drive to stay on top of the manure pile of life. That's why they work hard and they play hard. Life belongs to those who get there first, who work hard, who are the fastest, and who stay on top, boys are primed to think. And they're determined to be the conqueror, the winner.
(Kindle Locations 249-252)

Culture Boys to Be Boys!
Every tough, risk-taking boy needs a good dose of femininity. No, I'm not talking about "getting in touch with his feminine side.” For the past several decades, society has been working hard to redefine men's roles and to emphasize the "sensitive” man who is supposed to enjoy cuddling and talkfests, and basically act like a girlfriend would. But is that really who you want your son to be? A girlfriend? Or do you want him to be a real man--one who is determined, honorable, and goal-oriented, but also loving and thoughtful toward the women in his life?
(Kindle Locations 255-260)

Culture Boys to Be Boys!
Frankly, I'm sick of getting in touch with my "feminine self.” I like the masculine part just fine, thank you very much. I like channel surfing. I won't apologize for thinking that sex and football are two of the Almighty's and man's greatest inventions (respectively). I don't go to Tupperware parties. I won't eat quiche. I'm comfortable with my testosterone. I like eating with plastic forks-- or no forks at all. I don't need a napkin to complete my meal.
(Kindle Locations 260-263).

Culture Boys to Be Boys!
Are you comfortable with your son? Do you affirm his maleness? More than anything, your son needs for you to appreciate him as a boy and to encourage the masculine qualities you want him to have. In today's world, some moms are more concerned with increasing a male's sensitivity toward the female population than with affirming male qualities. But such tactics don't really produce the results moms want. Instead, they create confusion-- and confused sons tend to make terrible, traumatic choices.
(Kindle Locations 265-269).

Develop Gender Roles
No woman wants a sissy for a son. She wants a tough, resilient man who will stand up for others with firm resolve and gentle compassion, and who will have a fierce, protective love and understanding heart for those close to him. Helping your son develop clearly defined gender roles will produce such a mature adult.
(Kindle Locations 271-274)

Develop Gender Roles
But it all starts with you, Mom. In all my years of counseling families and speaking to literally millions of people through radio, television, and seminars, one fact has impressed me as much as anything else: it's the child's relationship with the parent of the opposite sex that is most important in families.
(Kindle Locations 274-276)

Indelible Imprint
Mothers leave an indelible imprint on the lives of their sons. Their sons may leave home, graduate from college, get married, and have children of their own, but they'll never stop being Mommy's boy. Although it might be natural to think that the man in your son's life-- your husband, your ex-husband, the man who fathered your child, or your boyfriend-- would have the most influence on him since they're both males, the opposite is true. You influence your son directly and have a much greater impact on the man he will become.
(Kindle Locations 277-281).

Moms And Future Spouses
Mothers shape their sons in ways so profound that many men live with their mom's unwritten rules imprinted on them. That means your son's relationship with you, more than any other relationship, will affect the way he relates to all other females in his life, including bosses, co-workers, subordinates, sisters, wife, and daughters. How you treat him and think of him-- and how he treats you and thinks of you-- is the key to how he will treat all other females. That means you, Mom, have the edge in picking your own someday daughter-in-law. A man's marriage says far more about his relationship to his mother than it does about his relationship to his father.
(Kindle Locations 281-286)

What a Son Needs From Mom
He needs to be respected.
Your son may be 13 and have recently dyed his hair blue, but he still needs to know that you respect who he is at his core, instead of merely looking at his exterior and thinking how he'll embarrass you in front of your friends. Keep in mind that little secret I shared with you: your boy wants to please you. You're his mama, the most important person in his world . . . even if he is asking you to walk a couple steps behind him and his friends. Your son needs you to believe he is a capable, worthy human being. He needs to know he is important in your world, and not just another thing to take care of or clean up after. He longs for acceptance, a sense of belonging, and companionship from you.
(Kindle Locations 295-300).

What a Son Needs From Mom
2. He needs to be needed. Again, your boy wants to please you. He just may not know how to do it. If you look too capable (at times the multitasking abilities of you moms can be incredibly intimidating to us men), he may not risk trying to help. Why not give him some ways to help? You'll do yourself a favor too.
(Kindle Locations 303-306).

What a Son Needs From Mom
He needs to be fulfilled as a man. That includes knowing who he is--specifically as a male, what makes him unique, and how he should relate to women. No one can teach him more about what women want and how they deserve to be treated than you, a woman. If you have a husband who's a wonderful daddy, your son has a great start for male role models. Uncles and other close male family friends can also fulfill that role for a growing boy. But what your boy needs from you is your acceptance of his masculinity.
(Kindle Locations 319-323)

Affirm His Masculinity
You often hear, "That's my boy!” from dads, but how often do you hear that statement from moms? Your boy needs to know that he belongs to you, that you think he's special just as he is, and that you appreciate his maleness-- the ways he thinks differently from you, the times he uses his physical strength to shovel snow and mow grass, the way he looks out for his younger sister at school on the playground. Affirm his maleness, and you'll have a boy who will be eager to help around the house and will go the extra mile for you when needed.
(Kindle Locations 323-327).

Teach Him How to Treat a Woman
Don't ever allow your son to treat you in any way that debases you as a female. If you do, you are setting up patterns in him that will negatively impact every female he has a relationship with, as well as the next generation (if he has children). (Kindle Locations 332-334)