Reading: General Wisdom for Mothers with Sons

General Wisdom for Mothers with Sons
Henry Reyenga

Source:
Leman, Dr. Kevin (2012-09-01). What a Difference a Mom Makes: The Indelible Imprint a Mom Leaves on Her Son's Life. Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Guiding Parenting Principles
Don’t major on the minors.
Don’t react. Think, then respond.
Don’t push your child. It’s not a race, and your child will grow up all too soon.
Stay calm, cool, and collected at all times.

Talking, Walking, and Potty Training (1)
Every child talks and walks on a different schedule, so don’t compare your son with anyone else. He is who he is, and unless there’s a physical problem, he will walk and talk in his own time. Those are natural functions, just like sleeping, eating, and going potty. I need to ask you something. Chances are good that you’ve gone potty today, but does someone give you an M& M every time you go potty? No? Then why should you do that with your son? Parents are great at fabricating schemes to get their kids to do what comes naturally.
(Kindle Locations 1558-1562).

Talking, Walking, and Potty Training (2)
When you say, “Oh, Frank! Mikey has just gone poopy. Oh, come and look. Isn’t that great?” what’s your son thinking? Boy, that wasn’t so hard. One grunt and a four-and-a-half-incher plopped out. These people will do anything for entertainment. Let’s see now, if next time . . . If you make a big deal about potty training, it will become a big deal. Treat it as just a natural thing that you do and it takes all the challenge out of it. (Kindle Locations 1566-1567).

Talking, Walking, and Potty Training (3)
Instead of pushing potty training, look for signs of readiness: interest in a big potty, dislike of wet or poopy diapers and the way they feel, etc. The time to strike is when a child’s interested. Then be calm about it.
(Kindle Locations 1566-1567).

Sharing
Your son won’t naturally share. After all, all children start out with the perspective of “me, me, me, and only me.” He needs to be taught to share—by you demonstrating. Before he’s three, make sure that even if your child is an only child, you share things with him, and then ask him to share things with you. “See, Nathan, Mommy shares with you. Grandma shares with you. Sometimes you need to share with [whomever he’s with].” By the time your child hits age three, he should be taught how to share, take turns, compete (nicely), and work with others.
(Kindle Locations 1603-1607).

Childhood Mentoring
During these years, attitude, behavior, and character are most important. How your son treats others says a lot about his attitude and how you’re doing raising him. What does he act like when another kid is picked on? Does he join in with the bullying or defend the child being hurt? His response says a lot about his character.
(Kindle Locations 1674-1676).

What You Can Do
Take clues from your child about what he needs from you.
Teach him to be responsible and hold him accountable.
Stay away from the activity trap.
Enjoy your son! There are no years like these, where you figure so prominently in your son’s life. (Kindle Locations 1735-1738)

The Great Secrets of Adolescence
Your son thinks he’s a klutz . . . and he is.
Your son thinks he’s dumb . . . and he does dumb things.
Your son thinks he’s ugly . . . and he is a little awkward looking. Your son really doesn’t like himself . . . but he loves you.
(Kindle Locations 1792-1793)

The Great Secrets of Adolescence
Your son’s body will be changing continually during this time— pimples will pop out, his voice will crack. He’s never been interested in girls before, but now they loom large on his masculine landscape. He also studies the handsome, muscled guys on magazine covers and on TV, then takes a peek in the mirror at himself. He looks nothing like them, and that makes him feel inferior. Your son needs you to empathize with him but also to gently put things in perspective. Telling stories about embarrassing things you did during your own growing-up years provides shared laughter and a longer-term perspective for your son.
(Kindle Locations 1803-1807)

The Great Secrets of Adolescence: Money
It’s important that your son learn how to budget his own money. Add up all the money you spend on your child during the year— groceries, doctor bills, and other such things aside— then divide it by 12. At the beginning of each month, give your child that amount. (When a child is younger, you’ll want to do it weekly and use a smaller amount.) Explain that the allowance has to cover certain items (initially making him a list of those items will help) and that it has to last the month. No other money will be given to him until the beginning of the next month.
(Kindle Locations 1812-1816)

The Great Secrets of Adolescence: Money
I guarantee your son will look at the money in that envelope and his first thought will be, Hey, I’m rich! Look at all this money. I’m going to do this and this and this . . . Before long your son is out of money, and it’s only the twelfth of the month. There’s a lot of the month left. When he comes to you and says, “Uh, Mom, I wanted to do pizza at lunch on Tuesday, but I don’t have any money,” what do you say? “Well, payday is two weeks from Saturday, and that’s when you’ll get your allowance again.” Now that’s a teachable moment your son will remember. The next month he’ll be a lot more careful about how he spends that money. (Kindle Locations 1812-1816)

The Great Secrets of Adolescence: Money
“I know you’re only 12 right now, but the next four years are going to fly by. I want you to know that I believe in you and I trust you. However, if you decide not to be responsible at home or school, you will not be driving the car. It’s an open-and-shut case. As a parent, I’m not going to risk what your dad and I have financially by putting our car keys in the hands of someone who’s not responsible. It’s a huge responsibility to get behind the wheel of a car. Do we have to have a conversation about texting, or do you even need to hear what I’m going to tell you? Do we have to talk about not having five kids in the car with you, or do you already know that? I think we can discuss the rest later, but you get my drift.”
(Kindle Locations 1839-1844)

The Teenage World
Be Aware of the World Your Son Lives in Every Day: Read the newspaper, check out online stories, and be aware of things that happen at your child’s school. In other words, tune in to your son’s world. It’s not the same world you grew up in— it’s far more dangerous and growing more so every day. The most important thing is to tune in to your son’s heart. He needs to know you care about him and his world. You may not like the beat of the music he’s listening to, but listen to the lyrics. Use phrases like “Tell me more about that” to prompt conversation. Don’t ever, ever interrogate him. That’ll only shut him down. But show interest in what he’s interested in, like building an eight-foot jet or playing Call of Duty 3 (even if you don’t have a clue about computer games), and he’ll respond.
(Kindle Locations 1859-1865)

The Teenage World
Keep an Eye on His Behavior: Hormone changes will cause wild mood swings, so expect moodiness. Expect your son to just grunt if you ask about his day and to disappear into his room until dinner. But if you notice your son spending all his time on the computer and jumping or looking nervous when you come in the room, you better check the computer’s history. Also, if your son starts not caring about how he looks or not eating, remember that those aren’t typical teenage behaviors. Be aware that some teens can sink into depression and may need your help or some professional help digging themselves out.
(Kindle Locations 1868-1873)

The Teenage World
Set the Boundaries and Stick to Them: Family meetings, in which all members have a say in family outings, rules, and guidelines, are critical during this time. If you decide that your son has to be home by 10 p.m. on a Friday night and he blows it, he loses his privilege to go out for a while. Without boundaries, there is chaos, and you’ll all experience the fallout.
(Kindle Locations 1881-1884)

The Teenage World
Look for the Rewards: Catch your teen doing something wonderful. Slip him a commercial. “I loved seeing you help the librarian dig her car out of the snow. That was really kind of you. You didn’t have to stop, yet you did.” Remember that your little-boy-turned-big-boy wants your approval the most.
Kindle Locations 1885-1888)

The Teenage World
Driving the car is a privilege that your son will have once he gets his license. However, you hold the aces. That privilege is based on his being a respectful member of your family. If he chooses not to be, then he loses his family privilege of driving the car. Again, it’s reality discipline: “B doesn’t happen until A is completed.” Withhold the car keys from him once and it’ll tick him off. He might go into a tirade. If he does, walk away into a different room, car keys in hand. Ignore him. When he sees you’re not relenting, he’ll try his best to change his tune. “Oh, come on, Mom. You know I didn’t mean that.”
(Kindle Locations 1903-1908)

Get Your Son’s Focus Off Himself
The teen years are very self-centered years where your son will be thinking intensely about himself. How do I fit in at school? With my friends? Do I look lame to girls? His mind is littered with thoughts of “me, me, me.” He’s constantly comparing himself to other males to see if he’s good enough and also competing to see if he can get the girl. In these years of “me,” why not do something others-centered together as a family activity to help get your son’s perspective off himself and onto those who aren’t as fortunate as he is?
(Kindle Locations 1934-1939)

Get Your Son’s Focus Off Himself
The Single-Parent Thrive Plan: Get back to the basics: take care of yourself and get some sleep.
Be honest about what happened to get you where you are. How can things change if you don’t know why they happened in the first place?
Evaluate your priorities and write them down.
Be ruthless about cutting your schedule to what’s really doable. But I also want to be clear about something else. You’re your son’s mom.
(Kindle Locations 2496-2501).

Ways to Win Your Boy’s Heart
Let him be a boy— noisy, competitive, risk-taking.
Share his excitement when he learns something new.
Treat his heart with tender, loving care. (Remember, he’s a softie underneath.)
 Let him conquer whatever it is he wants to conquer.
(Kindle Locations 2906-2909)

What You Can Do
Don’t expect perfection. Nobody’s perfect, and you and your son will both make your share of mistakes.
Use your words wisely.
Focus on connection, not activities or stuff. Love him unconditionally.
(Kindle Locations 2949-2951)

The Top 10 Countdown to Being an Awesome Mom
10. Remember, he’s a boy, not a girl.
9. I know he’s adorable, but he needs to be held accountable.
8. Don’t always pay attention to how he looks; pay more attention to his heart.
 7. How you handle his failures is more important than how you handle his victories.
(Kindle Locations 3028-3032)
6. No two children in a family should be treated the same, because they’re not the same— including your boy.
5. Remember that your boy will only stay weird for about 15 years.
4. He’s the wavy line— all over the place. You need to be the consistent one.
3. Start with the end in mind. Who do you want your son to be?
2. You don’t get to relive moments. Make every day count.

1. Many have tried and no one's succeeded - you can't do it all. But what you do will make a lasting difference in the life of your son. 

(Kindle Locations 3033-3037).
The Top 10 Countdown to Being an Awesome Mom
Many have tried, and no one’s succeeded— you can’t do it all. But what you do will make a lasting difference in the life of your son.
(Kindle Locations 3038-3039).