Reading: Mom with Son Kernels

Mom with Son Kernels
Henry Reyenga

Source: Leman, Dr. Kevin (2012-09-01). What a Difference a Mom Makes: The Indelible Imprint a Mom Leaves on Her Son's Life. Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

What Can You Do?
Brainstorm what steps you need to take to be the parent you want to be.
Stick to “the plan.”
Remember, it’s all about connecting with your child. And nobody else can take your place.
(Kindle Locations 896-898).

Teaching Balance
There’s a place for letting boys be boys, and there’s a time when they need to be gentlemen. Teach your son to know the difference, and he’ll be way ahead of the game when it comes to pursuing that girl he has his eye on. Teach your child that kindness matters greatly. Your son should be taught the golden rule: do unto others as you would have others do unto you. And that rule should be followed in your home by all members of the family. If you want a son who will give to the poor and others in need, model that in your home. (Kindle Locations 503-507).

Addressing Sexuality
Above all, teach your son to treat his own sexuality with care and to treat his date with the same care and respect. The question to solidify in his mind is: If Mom was watching me, would I be comfortable with my actions? Hormones run wild, and they can run wilder if there’s no check on them. Teach your son the importance of keeping his penis in his pants and keeping his roving hands to himself. Dating is meant for two people to get to know each other, to see if a future relationship is possible. But that relationship is short-circuited as soon as sex enters the picture. These days, so many young people aren’t virgins when they get married. If you teach your son the wisdom of waiting until his wedding night to share himself sexually with his bride, your son will be a prize catch indeed.
(Kindle Locations 525-531).

Help Him Be Responsible
So treat your son as part of the family. After all, he lives in a home, not a hotel, so he should pitch in to help. The more tasks he does, the more confident he gets in doing them. As a result, his competence level increases, and he can do more and more on his own. Never do anything for your children that they can do for themselves. By giving your son age-appropriate responsibility, you are helping him get ready to move out into the adult world as a healthy, functioning member of society.
(Kindle Locations 605-609).

Help Him Be Confortable with Failure
So, Mom, give your son the freedom to fail while he’s still in the nest. How you handle his failures is so much more important than how you handle his victories. It’s easy to be critical, to pick at flaws, to harp continually on mistakes he’s made. But think of it this way: If your words were directed at yourself, how would you feel? Shamed? Embarrassed? Or would the gentleness of your words and actions make you say, “You know, you’re right. I shouldn’t have done that. That was stupid. So thanks for pointing me on the right path. I’ll do better next time. Will you help me?” (Kindle Locations 637-641).

How Were Your Treated?
Think about how did your dad treat you? Do you have any unresolved issues as a result? Are there ways in which your son reminds you of your father, or of things that annoy you about your husband, your ex, or the man who fathered your son? In what way do these feelings influence the way you treat your son? How did your mom treat you? Was it similar to how your dad treated you, or the exact opposite? How did her treatment make you feel? Do you have any unresolved issues as a result? Use a two-column list in a journal (or talk with a trusted friend) to help you separate your feelings about your father from your feelings about your son.
(Kindle Locations 696-701).

Your Relationship with Your Father
Your relationship with your dad has everything to do with the way you think of and treat your husband (if you’re married), men in general, and your son in particular. Any frustrations you experienced with your dad can be passed on to your son through you just because your son is a male.
(Kindle Locations 702-704).

Authoritarian Parents
see their child as “little,” and themselves as bigger and better.
allow no freedom for individuality in their child or for anything to happen beyond their control.
make all decisions for the child.
use reward and punishment to control their child.
(Kindle Locations 725-728)

Permissive Parents…
believe and act like their child is the center of the universe.
rob their child of self-respect by doing things for him that he should do for himself.
are inconsistent yo-yos, based on their child’s demands.
make their child’s life Easy Street.
(Kindle Locations 769-772).

Authoritative Parents
are loving and consistent in their discipline.
present age-appropriate choices.
let every family member have their say.
hold their child accountable for his actions.
let reality be the teacher.
(Kindle Locations 840-843).

What Does Your Firstborn Need?
To know his place in the family (and in your heart) is secure.
That he doesn’t have to do everything— or do it right.
That it’s okay to fail.
(Kindle Locations 1137-1139).

What Does Your Middleborn Need?
To know that he has an important place in the family and that what he thinks and feels matters.
To be encouraged in his areas of specific strength.
To develop a good core group of friends since they’ll be a key part of his life.
(Kindle Locations 1152-1155).

What Does Your Lastborn Need?
To know that life isn’t a continual party— that he has to pull his own weight in the family. Fun is a good thing, but sometimes you have to get the job done too.
To realize that not everyone will think he’s cute or that what he does is cute.
To learn how to think through situations and see the consequences before he acts.
To realize that manipulating others will only go so far . . . before his brothers will pound lumps on him.
(Kindle Locations 1189-1192).

What You Can Do
Treat each child as an individual. Make time to spend time with each child— just you and him.
Avoid comparing one child with another.
Make sure each child pulls his own weight in the family.
(Kindle Locations 1202-1205).

The 3 Things That Matter Most in Your Son’s Life
Attitude
Behavior
Character
How is your son doing? Is he the kind of person you’d want to hire if you were a potential supervisor someday? If not, what needs to change?
(Kindle Locations 1255-1257).

Discipline Your Son
1. Don’t let your son push your buttons
2. Say it once.
3. Turn your back.
4. Walk away.
5. It works every time.
(Kindle Locations 1452-1455)

Follow Through
If you say that something is going to happen, make it happen. No wishy-washiness. No “I’m too tired to follow through.” Your son’s got your number, and if you don’t follow through on what you said you’d do, he’ll test you to see how far he can push you. If you say, “You have to finish your science project for the fair before you can play Xbox,” don’t back down. The science project gets done first. If your son sneaks behind your back and plays Xbox anyway, he loses his Xbox privileges for that night and the next week. (Kindle Locations 1461-1465).