Reading: Fourth Principle - Attack the Problem and Not the Person

By Kristine Koetje-Balder
FOURTH PRINCIPLE - ATTACK THE PROBLEM AND NOT THE PERSON

Labels
Being labeled "stupid” or "slob” or saying things like, "I don't want to be around you anymore” or even things like "you always...." or "you never....” are attacks on the person or their character (as well as lies!)  
This does nothing to solve the conflict, but rather will intensify the conflict with whom God has called us to walk in unity. 
Example:  Wife calling husband stupid over not finding some paper work.

Frustration
When agitation occurs please know that there could be the risk to attack the person and use inflammatory words.   Ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do you want your partner to understand you better?
2. Do you want to feel closer to your partner?
3. Do you want an apology?
4. Do you want to punish your partner by making them feel guilty, shameful, or hurt?

Note - if frustration and attack happens, such as with question number 4, it will be very difficult to achieve the hopes of questions 1 and 2.  Thus, being able to reflect and ask these questions could change the way that the problem is handled and also the words that are chosen to be spoken to the partner.