Reading: Eighth Principle - Prayer with Right Attitude

EIGHTH PRINCIPLE - PRAYER WITH RIGHT ATTITUDE
By Kristine Koetje-Balder
Prayer
Please know that the Lord God wants to send protection to your marriage, and this protection could be with specific intervention by God's army. Please reference the following Bible verses to assist you:
Philippians 4:6-7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Prayer
Psalm 91: "Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.' Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
If you say, 'The Lord is my refuge,' and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. 'Because he loves me,' says the Lord, 'I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.'”

Prayer
With the battle plan in place and the knowledge of the protection given, a couple can now proceed to bring constructive and life giving interactions even within conflict.

Crystal McDowell writes about 10 marriage rules to use for conflict; please refer to the website for further detail:  http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/10-christian-marriage-rules-for-handling-conflict/

Rule #1: BE OPEN
"There is no one righteous, not even one.” (Romans 3:10).
During times of conflict, it's tempting to be close-minded, believing that you are always right. Be open to the idea of negotiation and working together on a solution rather than being obstinately committed to having your own way.  Openness allows the Holy Spirit to work on both hearts towards an agreement.

Rule #2: BE SELFLESS
"An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgment starts quarrels.” (Proverbs 18:1).
Most conflicts begin with couples seeking to get their own way. The most selfless act comes out of a willingness to actively listen to your spouse's concerns without the worry of losing an argument. Practice at least one selfless act for your husband or wife every day to help you continue to do so in conflict.

Rule #3: BE FORGIVING
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32).
Marital conflict is the perfect breeding ground for fault finding. No one knows you better than your spouse - the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. Choosing forgiveness rather than allowing bitterness to take root will bring blessed longevity to your marriage and keep intense conflicts to a minimum.

Rule #4: BE LOVING
"Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”  (1 John 3:18).
Love is never more evident than when you show it in action during a conflict.  The agape (unconditional) love of God revealed through you can penetrate through the worst disagreements.  Showing love disarms an unrepentant and stubborn heart to submit to God's conviction.

Rule #5: BE WISE
"By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established.” (Proverbs 24:3)
Wisdom is the application of knowledge from the Word of God. When husbands and wives seek God's wisdom in a conflict, there's renewed hope for restoration. The Lord generously pours out what needs to be said and what needs to remain unspoken.

Rule #6: BE GENTLE
"Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.”  (Philippians 4:5).
Harsh words and attitudes build up anger on both sides (Proverbs 15:1).  Gentleness demonstrated in posture and language makes your spouse feel safe.  Safety brings out openness, honesty, and transparency because there is not fear of retribution.

Rule #7: BE HONEST
"An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” (Proverbs 24:26).
Sometimes sharing truth is difficult because it may stir up conflict or anger. However, truth spoken in love can bring the healing necessary for a relationship to grow deeper. The Holy Spirit will always prompt you towards giving an honest answer.

Rule #8: BE TRANSPARENT
"Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” (Hebrews 4:13). 
Be careful of hidden agendas. No one likes the feeling of being manipulated in a disagreement.  Stay sensitive to the Holy Spirit and He will reveal your true heart motive during a conflict. Your transparency gives evidence of Godly character because you have nothing to hide.

Rule #9: BE BRIEF
"Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues” (Proverbs 10:19)  Talking endlessly without giving your partner an opportunity to communicate fuels frustration in conflict.  Be mindful of sticking to the main issue rather than diverting to unimportant irritations.  Self control is integral for couples to share their concerns equally. 

Rule #10: BE HUMBLE
"Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interest of the others.” (Philippians 2:3-4). Your spouse is the easiest target for misplaced anger and frustration. When you humbly allow your spouse's best interest to take first place, there's grace from God to work things out. A humble husband or wife reveals the true nature of a reborn spirit during times of controversy.

Prayer Assistance
Please reference 2 different prayers (PDF files) in this class section that you may choose in session to use for marriage counseling.