Reading: Ninth Principle - Forgiveness

NINTH PRINCIPLE - FORGIVENESS
By Kristine Koetje-Balder

Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a foundational final step in terms of conflict resolution. This is a step that has many facets and many layers. Please refer to the below Bible verses to assist you:

Ephesians 4:32 - "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Matthew 6:14-15  "For if you forgave others their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.”

THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS
http://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/90097/simple-steps-to-forgive-others-and-yourself

Let's look at seven easy steps that spell out the word "forgive.”

F - FACE THE FACTS 
Own up to the reality that you need to forgive another person or yourself. If you don't accept that you are stuck in bitter, unforgiving quicksand, you'll never get out of your rut to live a fulfilling and enriching life. 

O- OUST THE ANGER BY DEPENDING ON GOD
Even if you feel that the other person's offenses are real and your anger is justified, you should resolve to shed your resentment and bitterness.  Fortunately, we can depend on God to gain the strength needed to forgive.  Keep me from unnecessary anger.  If I am mad at my spouse, pray for the grace to forgive them.  (Ephesians 4:32)

R - REMEMBER THE OFFENSE
Forgiveness is not forgetting. Recall the harms that have been inflicted. This is not to wallow or stew but to be thorough and to release.  Please take out some paper and recount the harms that have been inflicted and then state, "I fully and freely forgive________  (person's name) for__________ (what the person did) and I do this because I have been forgiven by my Lord.  "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any one of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”  Colossians 3:13

Your list may be long, but always make sure to "fully and freely forgive.” Now read this list out loud several times.  Then take a match to it and burn it at the sink.   The tangible experience of watching the list burn will be very freeing.

G - GIVE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT
Realize that, in most instances, the person who harmed you was probably being selfish or self-involved but was not out to hurt you. But if he or she had underlying unkind thoughts, then shower that person with compassion, kindness, and empathy. Looking at these transgressors - or even yourself - with this kind of understanding can help to release you.

I - IMAGINE WHAT FORGIVENESS FEELS LIKE
Now visualize yourself free with forgiveness.  This can be another simple prayer and would be said out loud, "I fully and freely forgive __________ (person's name) and I am now released.  The Lord's presence and comfort will be felt and reign supreme between ___________ (person's name) and me. Thank you Jesus.”

V - VALUE THE EXPERIENCE
Realize that forgiveness of others or yourself can be powerful and effective - perhaps as important as eating nourishing foods, exercising, and peace of mind. Acknowledge that letting go of your acrimony, animosity, and antagonism can transform and improve your life.

"TO FORGIVE IS TO SET A PRISONER FREE, AND REALIZE THE PRISONER WAS YOU.”

E - EMBRACE FORGIVENESS
Approaching another to apologize completes your seven step process and helps you to achieve a joyous, merciful frame of mind.  If the person is no longer on this earth, imagine yourself humbly asking forgiveness and the other person pardoning you. Remember that forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling.

Forgiveness!