Reading: House To House - Chapter 5 Spiritual Parenting

Chapter 5

 Spiritual Parenting

Some Christians do not really grow to their full potential in God because they never had a spiritual father or mother to help them grow up spiritually. Jesus invested the three years of His earthly ministry in the lives of twelve men. It was key to the success of His ministry--fathering His spiritual children.

As I travel, I find a desperate need for spiritual fathers and mothers. I meet men of God who are used mightily of the Lord in the nations. They have a tremendous anointing as they minister to thousands. But when I talk to them in private, they express their need for a spiritual father. I have felt the same need in my own life on various occasions.

New Christians desperately need spiritual fathers and mothers. True spiritual leaders are willing to be spiritual parents to young Christians. One of the pastors who serves a local congregation at a DOVE church in Pennsylvania told me that when he received Christ in his mid-20s, a 77-year-old man from his local church took him under his wing and discipled him. It made all the difference for this future pastor's spiritual maturity.

All of us are called to be spiritual parents to someone--maybe a "pre-Christian.” Small groups and house churches are a part of God's plan to establish spiritual fathers and mothers for the harvest of new believers who are going to be birthed into the Kingdom of God.

New parents seldom feel equipped. They learn by doing. It was scary for us when our first child was born. It may be scary for you to take the step of faith to become a spiritual parent to someone the Lord brings into your life, but it is a step of obedience that will bring eternal benefits.

Emily, a single girl from a DOVE church and only a baby Christian herself, explained what God had done in her life to Debbie, a young mother. When Debbie accepted Jesus, Emily took her along to her cell group. Cell members introduced Debbie to Jean, a mature Christian willing to spend extra time with Debbie explaining Scriptures, encouraging her, and simply being a friend. When Debbie's Jewish parents disowned her for becoming a Christian, Jean and the cell group helped her through those early difficult months. Over the next year or two, Jean discipled Debbie, rejoicing with her as God brought her victoriously through spiritual and physical crises. Debbie's spiritual journey started when a young Christian took a step of faith and shared Jesus, and then God provided a more mature Christian (a spiritual mother) to invest time in Debbie's life to help her along the way.

Training and Releasing People

At DOVE, "spiritual parenting” is a very important philosophy in releasing each believer in ministry.1 Local church leadership is trained and encouraged to delegate authority and responsibility for ministry to the believers within the small groups and house churches. As elders empower small group and house church leaders to freely serve God's people by giving them responsibility and authority, the Lord releases every believer to be a minister.

We encourage leaders to take the risk of empowering and releasing small group and house church leaders to minister to others by performing water baptisms, serving communion, praying for the sick, giving premarital and post-marital counseling, discipling new believers, reaching out in evangelism, and providing missions opportunities.

A major aspect of small group and house church ministry is preparing and training future spiritual fathers and mothers. I will never forget the experience of having our first baby. I had faithfully attended prenatal classes with LaVerne, where I learned how to coach. But when the contractions started, reality hit me. We were going to have a baby! I just didn't feel like I was ready; I was too young. We had never done this before. I felt like telling LaVerne, "Couldn't you just put it on hold for a few months until we are ready for this?” But waiting was not an option. She was ready to give birth, and our brand-new baby girl was born.

It really felt strange being a "papa.” We had never been down this road before. But somehow, with the faithful advice of trusted family and friends, it all worked out. That was many years ago.

When this "baby” girl got married, we gave her away. She had gone from being a baby, to a teenager, to an adult. And now, she is a parent and is preparing the next generation.

When it comes to spiritual parenting, many potential spiritual parents go through the same emotions and fears. "How could God ever use me to be a spiritual parent? What if I can't do it properly? Am I really ready for this?” But as they are encouraged to take a step of faith and obedience, they begin to experience the joy of becoming a spiritual father or mother. They have the satisfaction of training and releasing others for eternity.

Only a dysfunctional parent will try to hang on to his children and use them to fulfill his own vision. Healthy parents expect their children to leave their home to start their own families. Healthy spiritual parents must think the same way. This generation of Christian leaders are called to "give away” many of the believers in their churches to start their own spiritual families--new small groups and new house churches and new congregations.

According to the Bible, there are three different types of people in our churches: spiritual children, young men, and fathers. First John 2:12-13 tells us, "I write to you, dear children, because your sins have been forgiven on account of His name. I write to you, fathers, because you have known him who is from the beginning. I write to you, young men [and women], because you have overcome the evil one.” Let's look at these three types of people and how they can be prepared and trained to become spiritual parents within small groups and house churches.

Spiritual Babies

There are many spiritual babies (new Christians) in the church today, with few spiritual fathers and mothers available to disciple them. But the larger problem seems to be the many spiritual babies who have never grown up, many of them unaware they are still infants. Their spiritual chronological age may be 20, 30, 40, or 50 years old, but they remain on "the milk.” They make a fuss when they don't get their own way, complain about not being fed, and have not yet taken spiritual responsibility to train the next generation.

Spiritual Young Men and Women

Spiritual young men and women, according to the Bible, have the Word of God abiding in them and have overcome the wicked one. They have learned to feed on the Word for themselves in order to overcome the devil. But they have not yet become spiritual fathers or mothers.

When I was a child, I thought my father knew everything. When I became an adolescent, I felt there were a few things he didn't know. By the time I was in my mid-teens, in my youthful arrogance, I just figured my father was still living in the stone ages. But when I became a father, I was amazed at how much my father had learned during the past few years! The truth was, in my becoming a father, my perspective changed. In the same way, having spiritual children also changes our perspective.

One of the greatest catalysts to maturity as a Christian is to become a spiritual father or mother. Many of the problems that surface in churches today are the product of: (1) spiritual young men and women who are full of the Word of God but have not had the experience of becoming spiritual parents, and (2) church leaders who have not released and encouraged the spiritual young men and women within their church to have their own spiritual children.

Spiritual Fathers and Mothers

So how does a young man or woman become a spiritual parent? He or she could quote the entire Book of Leviticus from memory and still not be a spiritual parent. Let's review what Paul said to the Corinthian church in First Corinthians 4:15-16.

Even though you have ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. Therefore I urge you to imitate me.

The only way for a young man or woman to become a spiritual parent is to have children. We can have children either by adoption (becoming spiritual parents to those who already are believers but need to be discipled) or by natural birth (becoming spiritual parents to those we have personally led to Christ) and committing ourselves to helping them grow. The small group setting provides an ideal opportunity for everyone to experience a spiritual family and eventually become a spiritual parent themselves. The purpose of small group and house church multiplication is to see new spiritual parents take responsibility for a new spiritual family (a new small group or house church).

In the early 1970s, when LaVerne and I, with a team of young people, began to develop Paul-Timothy relationships with new Christians, I would meet with a few young men each week for Bible study, prayer, and to try to answer their questions about life. LaVerne did the same with young women. Watching them grow from spiritual babies, to young men and women, to spiritual parents has brought great joy to our lives. It has also caused great growth in our personal spiritual lives.

There is a tremendous need for spiritual parents in the church today. I can still hear the desperation in the voice of a dynamic young leader in New Zealand who opened his heart to me a few years ago. "I need a father. Where are the spiritual fathers today?” Jesus took twelve men and became a spiritual father to them for three and a half years. He knew that Christianity was caught more than taught. He ministered to the multitudes, but most of His time was spent with these few men. His disciples changed the world. By our Lord's example, we can do the same.

You Can Be a Spiritual Parent!

Perhaps you feel you have already tried to be a spiritual parent, but you feel you have failed. Trust God for grace to start again. Mother Teresa once said, "God does not demand that I be successful. God demands that I be faithful. When facing God, results are not important. Faithfulness is what is important.”²

Maybe you never had a spiritual father or mother. You can give someone else something you never had by being his or her spiritual parent. You do not need to be perfect, just faithful and obedient. If you and I wait until we think we are ready to be the perfect parent, it will never happen. And remember, you may be a spiritual parent to someone for a short season of time or for many years; this is up to the Lord, not us.

Are you expecting the believers in your church, small group, or house church to become spiritual fathers or mothers? If not, you need to change your way of thinking. Many will become small group leaders, fulfilling their roles as spiritual parents in the coming days. And many small group leaders, currently experiencing "on-the-job training,” will become future house church leaders, elders, church planters, and apostolic leaders. Remember, we train them to give them away!

Small group and house church leaders are called by the Lord to become spiritual parents to believers in small groups. Elders and pastors become spiritual parents to small-group leaders. Apostolic leaders become spiritual parents to elders and pastors. The Lord is restoring spiritual parenting to His Church today.

In the next chapter, we will discuss the importance of fitting into the Body of Christ and how God places us within spiritual families for just the right fit!

Questions for Practical Application

1.In your own words, explain how a spiritual father or mother can invest in someone's life.

2.Do you presently have a spiritual parent? Have you had a spiritual parent in the past? Explain.

3.Are you a spiritual parent to another person? Explain.

Chapter 5

1. For more on spiritual parenting, read the books:

The Cry for Spiritual Mothers and Fathers by Larry Kreider (Ventura, CA: Regal, 2014).

Authentic Spiritual Mentoring by Larry Kreider (Ventura, CA: Regal, 2007).

2. Mother Teresa: In My Own Words, compiled by Jose Luis Gonzalez-Balado (New York: Random House, 1996), 40.