Reading: The Cry For Spiritual Fathers and Mothers: Chapter 1 Wanted: Spiritual Fathers and Mothers

The Cry for

Spiritual Fathers and Mothers

by Larry Kreider

(c) 2000 by DOVE International

Contents

Foreword

Introduction

1.Wanted: Spiritual Fathers and Mothers

Why we need them so desperately

2.Young Bull Elephants

Reclaiming spiritual family connections

3.It's Time To Grow Up

How spiritual children become parents

4.Understanding What It Takes to Be a Father

What does a spiritual parent look like?

5.Spiritual Mothering

God's nurturing, mother's heart

6.You Can't Give What You Don't Have

Spiritual fathers and mothers must be secure in the Father's love

7.Hindrances to Spiritual Fathering

What keeps us from experiencing authentic relationships?

8.Can These Burned Stones Live?

God places discouraged fathers and mothers

back on His wall of service

9.Collect Your Inheritance!

Leave a legacy of spiritual children

10.Let's Get Practical

Principles to help you build relationships

11.How Does It Really Work?

The "how to's” of spiritual fathering and mothering

12.Different Kinds of Fathers

How spiritual fathers and mothers are trained from the ground up

13.Fathering Your Fields

Spiritual fathers and mothers have a distinct sphere of influence

14. Fathers Teach Their Sons to Make Decisions

Decision-making principles for spiritual parents to impart

15.The Best is Yet to Come

God is raising up exceptional spiritual fathers and mothers

For those called to church leadership

Appendix A Fathering Your Fields

Appendix B Fathers Teach Their Sons to Make Decisions

Foreword

The Cry for Spiritual Fathers and Mothers addresses many of the leadership issues pastors face in discipling church members and raising up emerging leaders, and does so from a firm foundation of biblical truth. What we don't need is another book on spiritual leadership filled with anecdotes but void of scriptural principle. This book avoids that temptation. Larry combines encouraging, down to earth, helpful illustrations in every chapter, and he does this with plenty of scriptural references. This book allows us to know what Larry believes and why he believes it.

Chapter Two on reclaiming spiritual families is worth the price of the book. Larry reminds us that churches are only as effective as the relational ties the church members have with each other. And then he goes on to demonstrate how to build that kind of church.

Chapter Four, "Understanding What It Takes to Be a Father” will set the standard for leadership in your church or ministry. By taking staff members and small group leaders through an in-depth study of this chapter, a leader will save himself many heartaches. It helps build a common framework for what people can expect from their leaders, what leaders should expect from one another, and how to raise up father-leaders. This chapter, and the one on hindrances to spiritual fathering, will help define how leadership works and what to do when leaders fail for your church or ministry.

While affirming the need for spiritual fathers and mothers, Larry avoids the excesses of spiritual control and top-down church life. He believes, and demonstrates repeatedly, that when the "believer-priests” are mobilized to use their gifts, a struggling local church is transformed into a New Testament local-church.

After thirty-two years of missions work, I was looking for a book like this one to recommend to the church I now pastor. Our church is becoming a cell church with a passion to reach our city and the nations of the earth. I am committed to helping our church do five things well:inspire all those we touch to love Jesus passionately; celebrate community and love one another in outward focused small groups; equip and mobilize each person in our church for gift-based ministry; share the gospel as market place missionaries with our friends and
neighbors; spread His glory to the nations as we plant churches among the least evangelized peoples of the earth.

As a pastor with a vision for our people to be involved in effective, small group ministry, I want them to catch Larry Kreider's vision for spiritual fathering and mothering. As Larry has so effectively communicated in his book, spiritual parenting is something every person can do. When the saints believe this, and when we as leaders are focused with single-minded determination to see it become a reality, it will happen. Then God will have a people for Himself that reflects His glory.

A book that helps us know how to go about raising up spiritual fathers and mothers, while warning us of the pitfalls and dangers along the way, is invaluable. I devoured Larry's book in one reading, and now I want to go back and digest it so I can pass on to others what I have learned. I hope you will do the same.

--Floyd McClung

April, 2000

Kansas City, Missouri

Introduction

ust as the prophet Malachi cried out that Elijah would come to "turn the hearts of the fathers to their children” there is a cry ring-ing out for spiritual fathers and mothers today. People are longing for spiritual relationships that are connected, fulfilling and real.

I know what the need for a spiritual father feels like. I served as a pastor for fifteen years in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, USA. During this time, we experienced tremendous blessings from the Lord. Our church of twenty-five people grew to more than 2,300 believers within ten years. It all looked great on the surface. Yet deep in my heart, I was longing for a spiritual father--someone I could just sit down with and talk to, someone with whom I could be entirely open and honest concerning the questions that I had and the problems I was facing.

Joshua had Moses, Elisha had Elijah, Ruth had Naomi, and Timothy had Paul. I felt like I had no one. I knew that if God's people were to prosper spiritually, my generation had to endeavor to pour what we had into the next generation by imparting to them our "fatherhood.” At the same time, we had to trust God to provide spiritual fathers and mothers for us.

Today, I am a blessed man. As I have taken a step of faith to become a spiritual father to others, the Lord has brought spiritual fathers into my life. The Cry For Spiritual Fathers and Mothers comes out of what I have learned personally during my own pilgrimage in spiritual parenting and from what I have learned from others I have come to respect as spiritual fathers and mothers.

This is a book telling how the heart of a spiritual parent can be turned to their spiritual children. It is a book for those in the "here and now” who want to look with satisfaction at the future--envisioning their spiritual posterity stretched out into infinity.

This is not another book on discipleship. Discipleship most often implies two people getting together for a structured, "precept upon precept” method of helping a young Christian become a well-disciplined soldier of Christ. These kinds of relationships certainly are needed and are wonderful vehicles to train believers, but discipleship does not quite encompass the scope of spiritual fathering and mothering.

Spiritual fathering and mothering is perhaps best expressed through the term mentoring. Mentoring communicates the key ideas of the process of spiritual fathering and mothering because it has an intention of servanthood to develop and encourage people as they walk the path of becoming spiritual fathers and mothers themselves.

If, at places throughout the book, I use the term spiritual father without referring to mothers, I do so to make the text easier to read. Spiritual fathering is not gender-specific. Women are not excluded from wider mentoring roles in the body of Christ.There is a desperate need for spiritual mothers in the church of Jesus Christ today.

My prayer is that you may discover how the heart of fathers and mothers can be turned to their children and be challenged, refreshed and changed by the Holy Spirit as you prayerfully read through the pages of this book.

--Larry Kreider

International Director

DOVE Christian Fellowship Int'l

Lititz, Pennsylvania

C h a p t e r 1

Wanted: Spiritual
Fathers and Mothers

Why we need them so desperately

was traveling with a well-known evangelist in the nation of New
Zealand and had just experienced listening to his powerful preach-
ing a few hours before. It was electrifying! As we sat in the back of a van driving down a scenic New Zealand road between meetings, he said something that I will never forget. He turned to me with a tired, almost wistful quality in his voice and said, "Larry, you know what I really need? I need a father.”

I admit, I was temporarily speechless. Here was a powerfully anointed leader, highly successful as an evangelist, whose greatest need was for someone who cared deeply and could interact with him and help sort out nagging questions when he ran into problems. He was longing for a spiritual father from whom he could receive an imprint--a seasoned older man to encourage him and give him positive feedback.

A new Christian stopped by our house one day, depressed and discouraged. "Larry and LaVerne,” she said to my wife and me, "I know the Lord has changed my life, but there is so much I don't understand. I'm not sure if I'll make it. Our pastor uses 'thousand dollar words,' and I just can't decipher what they mean.” Then she admitted the true cry of her heart, "I really need someone to help me understand the things I'm taught. I need a spiritual mom to help me grow up spiritually.”

An elderly pastor was ready to retire and hand the baton over to the younger leadership. He nearly wept as he confided in me that he felt dishonored by the leaders he had trained to take his place. He admitted that he somehow missed the mark when it came to training and raising his spiritual sons. They did not honor him as a spiritual father.

Encounters like these, with spiritual sons and daughters who yearn for spiritual moms and dads, and spiritual fathers who tried unsuccessfully to pass on a legacy of spiritual fatherhood to the next generation, paint a clear picture of a present day reality in the church. God has created us with a need to feel connected in relationships but a painful lack of nurturing, support and interaction has created a void between the generations.

As I travel throughout the world, training leaders and potential leaders week after week, I see a consistent and desperate need for spiritual fathers and mothers to be in vital relationships with spiritual children. Whether they are new believers, Christians for many years, or pastors, the need is still the same. Deep down inside, many are longing for spiritual fathers and mothers.

More and more believers are awakening to the need. Currently, in our county in Pennsylvania, there is a powerful move of God among young people. It started when a few youth got serious about reaching their peers for Christ. The Bible study they started now has more than 1,000 kids attending every Tuesday night. One of the young leaders told me why he felt the Lord chose our area for a move of God: "We had spiritual fathers here who were ready and willing to serve and encourage us.”

When spiritual fathers pour what the Lord has given them into spiritual sons and daughters, the resulting relationships will produce children who respect and honor their parents and are prepared to become spiritual parents for the next generation.

People need "anchoring”

All humanity begs for authentic relationships, both in the church and in the world. Too often, a fractured family life has cheated people out of the real relationships that give people security. That is why we see a growing trend in today's society to reclaim spiritual roots and family.

America's number one talk show host, Oprah Winfrey, daily invites people to share their stories of redemption and rediscovery of spiritual values and relationships that help them connect in a disconnected world. Parents want their children to seek spiritual guidance and find protection in successful relationships so they do not have to face an increasingly hostile world alone.

I was amazed recently to read an airline magazine article telling of a secular futurist's predictions of trends in American society. Apparently, Faith Popcorn and her consulting company, New York City-based BrainReserve, provide advice about future consumer trends--how subtle social and demographic changes can create opportunities for product changes that anticipate consumer demand. BrainReserve has a talent bank of 5,000 people globally who are experts in just about everything imaginable. Ms. Popcorn has been remarkably accurate in her predictions and trends (among them the failure of "New Coke” and the popularity of sport utility vehicles).

Ms. Popcorn has recently coined the word "anchoring” for the next trend in society she sees emerging. Here's what she has to say:"It's a spiritual thing. The trend is clear. You see it in movies--The Prince of Egypt, City of Angels, The Apostle. And in books: Chicken Soup for the Soul, Conversations with God, Talking to Heaven.”

She believes people are scared--school-yard violence, technological advances leading to a lack of privacy, pornography at the click of a computer mouse, senseless crime--all of this "makes society hungry and desperate for guidance and moral authority.”¹I have to agree with her. People are looking for direction in today's world. They are searching for spiritual answers more than ever before. And they want real relationships where they can feel connected and safe.

God will turn the hearts of fathers to children

God's intention is to raise up spiritual parents who are willing to nurture spiritual children and help them grow up in their Christian lives. This is a fulfillment of the Lord's promise in the last days to "turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers...” (Malachi 4:6).

The Lord wants to restore harmony among fathers and their children, both naturally and spiritually, so fathers can freely impart their inheritance to the next generation. He wants spiritual fathers and mothers to take up the mantle to train their children so they no longer flounder in the sea of life. Children need to have the kind of parents in their lives providing the character they need, telling them they are valuable, that they are gifts from God. Parents need to put expectation into children's hearts so that they believe in themselves.

With the old and the young working together, a mighty and ongoing spiritual legacy will multiply and endure. Imparting spiritual fatherhood fills the void and closes the gap of broken relationships between the old and the young.

Too often, in today's church, a Christian believer is encouraged to participate in church services, Bible studies, para-church organizations or evangelistic ministry in order to bolster his faith and "grow strong in the Lord.” The theory is that the more teaching from God's Word and interaction with believers, the more spiritually mature he will become. As important as these involvements may be, such a faulty supposition leads to inhaling message after message, book after book, tape after tape, seminar after seminar in order to fill a void for real relationship.

A believer becomes fat spiritually and fails to interpret what he is learning so he can pass it on to others. He does not know how to meaningfully and sacrificially impart his life to others because he has never been properly fathered. Without a role model, he remains a spiritual infant, needing to be spoon-fed by his pastor or other Christian worker.

"You do not have many fathers”

Paul, the apostle, warned the Corinthian church not to overlook the need to make lasting spiritual investments in others' lives as spiritual fathers. "For though you might have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet you do not have many fathers; for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel” (I Corinthians 4:15).

The Greek word for instructor in this verse refers to one who is responsible for the supervision of children until they reach adulthood. It seems Paul was challenging the Corinthian church that they had many baby-sitters or schoolteachers in their spiritual lives, but he was the only one who "fathered” them into that life. As a concerned father, Paul had their best interests at heart.

Since the time Paul had brought them to faith in Christ, many instructors had subsequently taught God's Word to the Corinthians. They heard these instructors, faithfully attended church services, but became "puffed up” (verse 18) in their knowledge of the gospel. They were proud of what they knew, but they were immature as believers because they lacked true fathers to give them an identity and proper training and nurturing. This created a dilemma. They did not have spiritual fathers who were willing to pass on a legacy to their spiritual children.

Paul modeled spiritual fathering

That's why Paul says in verse 17 that he is going to send Timothy to the Corinthian church because he would"remind you of my way of life in Christ Jesus.” As a spiritual father, Paul faithfully trained Timothy. Now Timothy was ready to impart his spiritual fatherhood to the Corinthian church. Christian believers need to see spiritual fathering modeled so they can be equipped to pass on a legacy to the next generation of believers.

To find their way out of this dilemma, Paul reminds the Corinthian church of the truth of fatherhood. He trained Timothy, his beloved and trustworthy spiritual son, and now Timothy was coming to train them. Paul trusted Timothy to help the wayward Corinthian church because Paul had trained him like a son. With this example, they would soon be producing their own spiritual sons and daughters. This kind of mentoring relationship of training and equipping sons and daughters was a spiritual investment that could continue to multiply.

Paul knew that in order for the church to grow spiritually, each believer must be in vital relationships with others who had gone down this spiritual road before; otherwise they would be content to do what the "instructors” told them to do rather than learning how to hear from God themselves as they received mentoring from a loving spiritual father.

The struggle for identity

As God's people, we need help to grow up. It is very difficult to do it by ourselves, just as natural infants cannot thrive if left on their own. Babies need the care and nurture of parents just as believers need the practical input from loving fathers who delight in their children reaching their full potential in Christ.

It was the lack of mature leadership in the Corinthian church that stunted the believers' spiritual growth. Unequipped to grow up spiritually, they struggled to find their identity. They did not know who they were in the Lord.

When believers lack spiritual fathers or mothers to model God's fatherhood, they often struggle, feeling spiritually alone and without an identity. Because they did not have their identity in Christ, the Corinthians sought it through their favorite leader: "'I am of Paul,' and another, 'I am of Apollos...'” (I Corinthians 3:4). Paul chides the Corinthian church for its lack of maturity making it plain that, while people have a role to play, it is clearly only God who is the source of any good thing, and it is only Him whom they should ultimately follow. Deficient of true spiritual fathers to model fatherhood, the Corinthian church had become a system that produced programs and teachers, but they were not producing sons and daughters.

What they really needed were spiritual fathers and mothers to pay close attention to them so they could be nudged toward maturity. They needed spiritual parents to sow into their lives, expecting them eventually to become spiritual parents themselves. The goal was to create a spiritual harvest that would continue to multiply. An investment like this pays off great dividends!

A spiritual investment

Wouldn't it be great if someone saw your potential in Christ and decided to invest in your life? What do you think would happen if more Christians made themselves available in spiritual fathering relationships?

My friend Don Finto, who served as the senior pastor of Belmont Church in Nashville, Tennessee for many years, has a great passion to father younger men in ministry. I recently discovered this interesting bit of information about his relationship with one of his more famous "spiritual sons,” the singer and musician, Michael W. Smith:

For the last 20 years--starting before Smith cut any records--Finto has laughed, cried, worshiped, prayed and traveled together with Smith in a father-son type of relationship.

"I could write a book about Finto,” Smith says. "He's my daddy in the Lord. I don't think I'd be where I am today if it hadn't been for Don.”

Finto now serves as a pastor to pastors. "I am an encourager,” Finto admits. "I can often see more in people than they can see in themselves, and I want to call it forth in the name of the Lord.”

The effect of his ministry gift on Smith has been profound. "I've saved all my letters from him, all the little note cards,” Smith says. "He has encouraged me in so many ways--my self-confidence and who I am in the Lord--pulling stuff out of me that nobody ever was able to pull out.” ²

We need to see many more scenarios like this become commonplace so that spiritual fathering can be restored. The potential for spiritual fathering is truly enormous.

Geese fly in a "V” formation because the aerodynamics of the "V” enable the geese to fly over seventy percent further than if they fly alone. As each bird flaps its wings, an updraft is created for the bird behind it. When the bird in front gets tired, he moves back in the formation. Geese go a lot further when they work together. That is the point of a spiritual fathering relationship--we can go a lot further spiritually if we work together in family-like units to reach the world.

Understanding the differences between generations

With the peaceful working together of inter-generational families, a blessing is passed on from one generation to the next. When the hearts of the children and the fathers are turned toward each other rather than against each other, we create an environment that allows individuals and teams to give their best. This working relationship is a challenge for today's mix of generations. It does not just happen.

Recently I read a review of the book Generations at Work, which gives a profile of today's generational personalities. I am including it here because I believe it can help us in understanding the context that gave rise to each generation's values and ideas. Knowing the whole picture helps us to embrace each other as we relate in spiritual fathering relationships in the church:

The Veterans (born 1922-1943) value the dedication and sacrifice they witnessed during WWII, and the hard work, conformity and respect for authority that permeated corporate culture in the '50s. The Boomers (1943-1960), on the other hand, grew up questioning authority and believing that "anything is possible.” They're passionate workaholics, optimistic, team oriented and interested in personal growth and involvement. The Gen Xers (1960-1980) were latchkey children (their boomer parents were at work all the time), and while they became self-reliant out of necessity, they also developed a good deal of cynicism. They are determined to live more balanced lives than their elders--"It's just a job” is their motto. Still, they like solving problems and getting things done, as long as they can do things their way. The Nexters (1980-2000), on the cusp of entering the workforce, identify most with the Veterans--loyal, hardworking and respectful of authority.³

Today's world and church is filled with a blend of generations that must learn how to work together. Understanding the values and needs of each generation helps us to understand each other.

Multigenerational situations within the family and church are bound to generate conflicts. Tensions can be lessened when each spiritual father and son, and spiritual mother and daughter, determines to use his or her strengths to help each other's weaknesses.

Every believer, young and old, is important and useful in God's kingdom. Spiritual fathering relationships provide a powerful avenue of involvement for everyone. This great mix of generations needs to learn to understand each other, accept each other and forgive each other as they work toward building healthy relationships.

Let's not lose the harvest

We live in exciting days in the history of the church. I believe we are on the verge of a great end-time harvest. Just as God magnetically drew the animals to Noah's ark, He is drawing multitudes of people to Himself in these last days. Statistics show us that the ratio of people being saved today compared to twenty years ago is escalating.Clearly, the wind of the Holy Spirit is sweeping our world in an unprecedented manner.

In the next years as we race toward the last chapter in history, we need to prepare for hundreds of thousands of souls coming into the kingdom of God in our communities. A great harvest is promised, and it is sure to come (Revelation 7:9). We must continue to prepare and be ready to care for the harvest when it pours in.

I grew up on a farm. I know that various crops are ready to be harvested at different times of the year. We had to be alert, with our barns and equipment ready, so we could harvest our crops at just the right time to reap a good harvest. Jesus, Himself, tells us to be constantly alert and ready. "Do you not say, 'There are still four months and then comes the harvest'? Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes and look at the fields, for they are already white for harvest!” (John 4:35).

Down through the ages, the Lord has continually drawn people to Himself as many souls were harvested into His kingdom. Sometimes, however, a large portion of the harvest was lost because Christians were not alert and ready.

It seems to me that one such huge harvest for which the church was not prepared occurred in the late 1960's to mid 1970's. It was called the "Jesus People Movement.” This movement began when a number of believers in Christ entered the hippie counterculture community and shared the gospel of Jesus Christ with them, resulting in a massive number of conversions to Christianity among young people. By early 1971, there were Jesus People coffeehouses, communes and other types of establishments in every state and province across the United States and Canada.

But much of the church was unprepared for this radical new breed of Christians. The tension between the Jesus People and the established churches was a source of irritation for the Jesus People who saw the church as slow-moving and steeped in tradition and legalism. The church often could not understand these kids with long hair and sandals. Although some churches and Christian communities did welcome these new converts with open arms and disciple them, many new believers fell by the wayside and were disillusioned.

Calling all spiritual fathers and mothers

If the church had been prepared and had more understanding of these young people during this huge revival, I believe the harvest could have been much greater. In my opinion, there were simply not enough spiritual fathers and mothers willing to put their arms around these "Jesus freaks” and nurture them as babes in Christ until they could stand on their own. May we not make the same mistake in this generation! The Lord is calling for thousands of spiritual fathers and mothers to be willing to prepare now for the coming harvest.

The devil, from the time of Adam on, has fought the truth of spiritual parenting because it is a story of the restoration of relationships with God and with man. All hell comes against this powerful truth because Satan knows that if any generation really believes in and practices the principle of spiritual fathering--the kingdom of God will burst forth in power unlike any time in history.

We need to pray for all spiritual fathers and mothers to stand up and be counted. When they do, God's people will discover their identities and fulfill their purpose in the kingdom of God. Join me as we learn how spiritual families can be restored so that fathers and sons, and mothers and daughters can live in connected, joyous, and fruitful relationships with each other.

Notes

¹ Robert Deitz, "Faith in the Future,” Southwest Airlines Spirit, October 1999, p.26.

² "The Man Behind Michael,” Charisma Magazine, April 2000.

³Amy Robinson, "Closing the Generation Gap,” Continental, November 1999, p.74.