Reading: The Cry For Spiritual Fathers and Mothers: Chapter 3 It’s Time to Grow Up

C h a p t e r3

It's Time to Grow Up

How spiritual children become parents

ccording to the Bible, we go through life in stages--as little chil-
dren, young men, and fathers. At each point in our journey, we
function in a particular way and have distinct tasks to perform. John addresses all three spiritual stages in I John 2:12-14:

I write to you, little children, because your sins are forgiven you for His name's sake.I write to you, fathers, because you have known Him who is from the beginning. I write to you, young men, because you have overcome the wicked one. I write to you, little children, because you have known the Father. I have written to you, fathers, because you have known Him who is from the beginning. I have written to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the wicked one.

Coming to a place of fatherhood is the cry of God's heart. International speaker, teacher and spiritual father, Alan Vincent from San Antonio, Texas, has this to say about these verses in I John: "The cry of the apostle John was not only for strong men who knew the Word of God and could overcome the evil one, but for fathers who really knew God and who would come forth to father the church. If men as a whole became strong fathers according to the biblical pattern--in home, church, and society--then most of our social problems would disappear and Satan's kingdom would be severely curtailed. Fatherhood is the foundation on which God has chosen to build the whole structure of society.”

Since fatherhood is so crucial to God's divine order, He established a natural training ground consisting of "growth stages.” We grow to fatherhood as we progress through each of these stages. Only then do we receive the heart and revelation of a father.

Our stages as babies in Christ, young men and women, and spiritual fathers and mothers have nothing to do with our chronological age but everything to do with how we eventually progress on to spiritual maturity. Children are expected to grow up. Only then can they become fathers and mothers.

If we fail to take the next steps to become spiritual parents, we remain spiritual babies--spiritually immature and lacking parenting skills. It is sad, but it is this scenario which is often the very case in the church. Many times there is no provision for believers to develop within our church systems. Sometimes people simply do not want to take the responsibility to parent.

Nevertheless, with the restoration of New Testament Christianity, as people meet together in small groups, God is providing an ideal setting to develop spiritual parents. Each person is given the opportunity to "do the work of ministry” and connect in vital relationships with each other. Through modeling and impartation, spiritual reproduction happens naturally.

Reproduced in a small group setting

Yasuko came as a Japanese exchange student to attend a university near Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. Her host family, who served in a cell group in our church, accepted her as one of the family and included her in all family activities, including a cell group that met in their community. Although her Buddhist parents had warned her to remain true to her Buddhist upbringing, Yasuko was overwhelmed by the love and acceptance showered on her by these Christians.

Just two days before Christmas, her host family found her crying. When asked why she was crying, she explained, "I am so happy. I am going to give you a Christmas gift,” said Yasuko. "I want to tell you that today I gave my life to Jesus!” Her host family and cell group rejoiced! For the remaining few months she had in America, they discipled her and became spiritual parents to this young believer.

Yasuko returned to her homeland and is now on fire for Jesus! Today she serves as a youth pastor in Japan. She is a spiritual mother to others as she continues to receive spiritual parenting from her spiritual mom and dad in Pennsylvania, via email!

God's intention is to bring believers to the place of spiritual fatherhood, after going through spiritual childhood and young adulthood. Paul, the apostle, made it his concern to properly instruct everyone so they could be grounded in the faith: "...teaching every man in all wisdom, that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus” (Colossians 1:28).

The Lord's call has not changed. Like Paul, eventually everyone, after being equipped, can become a spiritual parent. Meanwhile, we have to progress through the stages of growth. Let's look at each of these stages and use them as gauges as to where we are in our spiritual maturity and how we can get to the place of becoming spiritual fathers and mothers ourselves.

Spiritual children

Natural babies are wonderful! They bring new life to a family. Parents don't mind when babies mess in their diapers because that's what babies do. Although their fussing and crying may interfere with parents' schedules, dad and mom are happy to take care of their child because he is little and defenseless and needs help. Caring parents would never deny a child their attention. Children are self-centered: they do not know any better, yet we gladly supply their needs. Babies are quick to laugh and cry, expressing their needs immediately and freely. They express simple feelings and thoughts and opinions, and we love them for it.

Spiritual babies in the body of Christ are wonderful, too! According to I John 2:12, they are children whose sins are forgiven. This forgiveness of sin puts them in fellowship with God and other believers. Spiritual children are alive to what they can receive from their Savior. They freely ask the Father when they have a need. Did you ever notice how new believers can pray prayers that seem to be theologically unsound, yet God answers almost every prayer a new believer prays? The Father is quick to take care of these little ones.

A new believer's focus is forgiveness of sins, getting to heaven and getting to know the Father. Like natural babies, they know their Father, although it is not necessarily a thorough knowledge of God. A new believer will often act like a natural child with the marks of immaturity, including instability and gullibility. They will need constant assurance and care. They often do the unexpected because they are still learning what it means to follow Jesus. Spiritual parents are happy to spend extra time with spiritual children in order to guide them in the right direction.

Like natural babies, spiritual babies may be self-centered, selfish and irresponsible. But spiritual parents know that eventually, they will grow up. In time, they will follow a mature pattern of living as they grow into a loving relationship with Jesus Christ. Spiritual parents expect them to learn the early lessons of Christian faith and move on to new horizons. A growing person is one who constantly reaches out for maturity in personhood and personality.

But what happens when spiritual babies do not grow up? When men and women still have childish emotions, toddler angers and adolescent behaviors well into their adult years, psychologists call it "arrested development.” They have simply stopped growing emotionally and are stuck in an immature stage in life. This dimension of childishness quickly loses its appeal if it does not pass with time. A childish adult is not attractive. Neither is a believer who has not grown up spiritually.

In other words, not only new believers are spiritual babies in the church today. OlderChristians who lack spiritual maturity are "adults in age” but "babies in spiritual growth.” They may be 20, 30, 40 or 50 years of age, Christian believers for years, and have never spiritually matured. They live self-centered life-styles, complaining and fussing andthrowing temper-tantrums whenthings do not go their way.Some do not accept the fact that God loves them for who they are. Others may wallow in self-pity when they fail. Still others may live under an immense cloud of guilt and condemnation.

A pastor friend of mine lamented, "I have, at times, felt like I needed to walk down the aisles of our church building each Sunday to give everyone their spiritual bottles. And what really bothered me, was I felt I had to part the whiskers of some of the spiritual babies in our church to give them their spiritual bottles!”

Spiritual babies need to be spoon-fed but young men and women have learned to feed themselves as they meditate on the Word of God daily. It is time to grow up! Many spiritual children in our churches today desperately need to grow up and become spiritual young men and women and eventually become spiritual parents themselves.

Spiritual young men and women

The enthusiasm and idealism of youth is a potent force. Young adults are often able to see the simple truth of a complicated matter and are able to work tirelessly for a good cause. Fearless and strong, they bring zeal to the body of Christ. Spiritual young men and women no longer have to be spoon-fed. According to I John 2:14, the Word of God abides in them and they have learned to feed on the Word to overcome the wicked one.

When they are confused, they do not wallow in indecision but speak the Word of God to their existence. "For God is not the author of confusion but of peace...” they say, quoting I Corinthians 14:33, and trust that God will intervene for them.

They don't need to run to others in the church to care for them like babies because they have learned how to apply the Word to their own lives. When the devil tempts them, they know what to do to overcome him. They use the Word of God effectively and powerfully!

Paul gives this advice to Timothy, his young friend and spiritual son: "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity” (I Timothy 4:12 NIV). We need to do everything we can to encourage those who are young. We need to allow them to begin to develop their ministries while they are young. They are strong in the Word and Spirit. They have learned to use the strength of spiritual discipline, of prayer and the study of the Word. They are alive to what they can do for Jesus--how they are strong and able to defeat the enemy.

On the other hand, the temptations of youth may be a trap for those who have not yet developed a strong sense of right and wrong. II Timothy 2:22 tells young people to: "Run from anything that gives you the evil thoughts that young men often have...” (TLB). Youth are cautioned to run from their youthful passions that might lead to scandal.

A young man or woman may have attained a certain level of spiritual maturity, but they are not yet spiritual parents. They sometimes can become arrogant and dogmatic. After returning from the latest seminar or after reading a recent book, they sometimes think they have all of the answers. They need to be tempered by parenthood. They need to become fathers and mothers to experience its joys and disciplines.

When I was eight years old, I thought my daddy knew everything. When I turned thirteen, I thought, "There are a couple of things this man doesn't know!” When I got to sixteen years of age, there were times I thought, "My father is prehistoric!” Then in my early twenties I got married, and a few years later we had our first child. I was shocked at what my father had learned in the last couple of years! You know what happened--I was the one who had changed! I had matured and realized my dad knew much more than I thought he did when I was sixteen. Parenthood had tempered me. Today I find my father to be one of the wisest men I know.

Spiritual fathers and mothers

Just how do spiritual young men and women grow up to become spiritual fathers and mothers? There is only one way--to have children! You could memorize the entire book of Leviticus and repeat it backwards but your knowledge and expertise would not make you a spiritual father. Spiritual parents become parents by having spiritual children; it is as simple as that!

You can become a spiritual parent either by adoption (fathering someone who is already a believer but needs to be mentored) or by natural birth (fathering someone you have personally led to Christ).

Onesimus was a natural spiritual son to Paul while Timothy was a spiritual son to Paul by adoption.Paul led Onesimus to Christ while in prison. "I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, whom I have begotten while in my chains” (Philemon 10). Paul met Timothy while in Lystra after Timothy had come to Christ earlier due to the influence of his mother and grandmother (Acts 16:1-3).Paul treated both "adopted son Timothy” and "natural son Onesimus” like spiritual sons and was committed to helping them mature spiritually.

Spiritual fathers and mothers are mature believers who have grown and matured in their Christian walk; they are called fathers according to I John 2:13: "I write to you, fathers, because you have known Him who is from the beginning....”This implies a profound and thorough knowledge of Jesus through knowing His Word. It also implies a deep sense of acquaintance with Him, by having a passion for Jesus.Mature Christians are awake to their calling to be like Jesus--to be a father like God's Son. They understand what it takes to be a spiritual parent and are willing to become one.

Susan, a young mother, and new believer, joined one of her church's small groups expecting to learn biblical values and be encouraged by the time she spent with fellow Christians.But something much greater happened. Liz, an older woman in the group, asked Susan if she wanted to spend time together one-on-one for extra encouragement and accountability. Of course Susan was thrilled. She expected she would listen as Liz taught her all she needed to know about living a victorious Christian life. Liz was such a spiritual giant in Susan's eyes. Not only did she know God's Word, she was the most compassionate woman Susan had ever met!

Susan's first surprise was that Liz was so low-key when they met together. She didn't lecture her or act super-spiritual. It was soon apparent that Liz really loved her, as a mother loves her daughter. Bit by bit, Susan opened up her heart to Liz. Liz was easy to talk to because she was transparent in sharing about her own struggles in her marriage, job, and family. She taught Susan how to rely on scripture for answers and prayed with her about everything.

Liz generously and selflessly poured out her life, and Susan blossomed spiritually. A new Christian was brought to maturity because she had a Christ-like role model. It happened easily and naturally within a family-type setting of a small group (spiritual family) where she experienced the love and patience of a spiritual parent. Now Susan has taken the step to become a spiritual parent herself, as she has seen by Liz' modeling.

Again, becoming a spiritual parent has nothing to do with chronological age. After working with a team to plant a new church in 1980, within the first few years it became evident that the youth of our church had a call from God to spiritual parenting. Brian Sauder, a young adult, who then served as our youth pastor, very wisely began to train key youth leaders to become spiritual parents and lead youth cell groups. When our daughter Katrina was fifteen, she served as an assistant cell leader. It was amazing to see her grow spiritually during this season of her life as she experienced becoming a spiritual parent to younger teens in her cell group.

You are eventually called to be a father

Parents today know it is not easy to raise children. Primed by racks of bestselling child-care manuals, parents are still uneasy. Just as many natural parents are unsure of their parenting skills, many potential spiritual parents feel the same. They simply do not feel ready!

I will never forget the experience of being a father for the first time. LaVerne, and I had never been down that road before.I faithfully attended prenatal classes where I learned how to coach. After about three sessions, the nurse told us she would see us at the hospital. It was scary. When the contractions started, reality hit me, and I hit the panic button.

We were going to have a baby!(Well, okay, LaVerne was, but I was on the team.)I wasn't ready!I was too young!I wasn't experienced!I wanted to tell LaVerne, "Couldn't you just put it on hold for a few months until we are ready for this?”That was not an option.It was time, and she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. And somehow, by the grace of God, we learned that becoming new parents was not so bad. Our parents and friends were available for advice, and amazingly enough, the baby did not break!

One of the greatest catalysts to maturity as a Christian is to become a spiritual parent. Even if prospective spiritual parents do not feel ready to become parents, as they take a step of faith, and draw on the help and advice of their own spiritual mom and dad, they will find great success and fulfillment.It challenges and even changes our perspectives.We overcome spiritual pride and are stretched in all directions of growth. This is how the Lord planned it, so we can grow in maturity in Christ.

Parenting is God's idea

I was captivated by author Henri J. M. Nouwen's description of his journey to spiritual fatherhood in his book The Return of the Prodigal Son. In it, he tells of his fascination with Rembrandt's painting of the prodigal son in his father's arms as the elder son looks on. "Am I the elder son or the prodigal in that picture?” he agonized over the years as he searched for spiritual fulfillment. One day, a friend looked at him and spoke some powerful words:

"Whether you are the younger son or the elder son, you have to realize that you are called to become the father. You have been looking for friends all your life; you have been craving for affection as long as I've known you; you have been interested in thousands of things; you have been begging for attention, appreciation, and affirmation left and right. The time has come to claim your true vocation--to be a father who can welcome his children home without asking them any questions and without wanting anything from them in return.” ¹

Like the father of the prodigal son, a spiritual father gives himself joyfully to his son because he loves him. Equipped with this affirmation and love, a son can claim his sonship and grow up and become a healthy father himself.

Are you a spiritual baby, a spiritual young man or woman, or a spiritual father or mother? God's call on all our lives is for us to eventually become spiritual parents. There will be no greater joy than to see our spiritual children walking in truth (II John 4).

What will a spiritual father really look like? In the chapter that follows, we are going to take a snapshot of a loving, spiritual father and learn what it takes to be one.

Notes

¹ Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Return of the Prodigal Son, (Broadway, New York: Doubleday, 1992), p. 22.