Reading: Spiritual Oneness Part 3

Spiritual Oneness: Part 3

By Kristine Koetje-Balder

PRAYING FOR YOUR HUSBAND

PRAY WITHOUT EXPECTING INSTANT RESULTS - God is always at work. As the Psalmist wrote, "He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep” (Psalm 121:3-4). God does not work according to our timetables. Pray faithfully and forever for your husband. That is your commitment of love. First Corinthians 13 tells us that "love suffers long....(and) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things” (verses 4 and 7).

PRAYING FOR YOUR HUSBAND

PRAY EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE IT  - When you are discouraged or frustrated with what is or is not happening in your marriage, pray! God knows your heart, your dreams and desires, and your sorrows. Begin your time in prayer telling your heavenly Father all about what is and what is not happening in your marriage. God is, has been, and always will be faithful and good, never wrong in what He is doing.

PRAYING FOR YOUR HUSBAND

PRAY EXPECTING TO DO BATTLE - Satan and his evil adversaries are at war with those under God's loving authority. The evil realm is constantly attacking God's people, and certainly the very holy sacrament of marriage.   It is vital that you see yourself as a soldier doing battle when you pray for your beloved husband.

PRAYING FOR YOUR HUSBAND

PRAY KNOWING THE HOLY SPIRIT IS INTERCEDING AS WELL - Sometimes, we as wives don't know how to pray for our husbands.  Romans 8:26 says, "The Spirit....helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groaning's which cannot be uttered.” Jesus is interceding at the right hand of the Father, and the Spirit is involved as well.  The whole Trinity is joining you in prayers for your husband!

PRAYING FOR YOUR HUSBAND

PRAY LEAVING THE RESULTS TO GOD - God tells His people to pray without ceasing (I Thessalonians 5:17). And do you do as He asks and pray? The real comfort in praying for your husband is leaving your requests in God's lap.  Then, Philippians 4:6 states "let your requests be made known to God.” And afterward? You experience "the peace of God” (verse 7). (George)

WHAT IF YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT A CHRISTIAN?

You can ask God to plant within your husband's heart a desire to grow in the knowledge of God because that growth will make your husband a Godly man and a better spiritual leader for you and any children that you have. To pray for this is not self-serving. It is God's will for husbands to lead those in the home in a Godly way (your dear husband just does not have that education yet). (I Corinthians 11:3; and 1 Timothy 3:5) 

WHAT IF YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT A CHRISTIAN? 

Pray for a spiritual mentor to take your husband under his wing. This also is a request that is biblical and pleases God. Paul had his Timothy to nurture and train. Joshua had his Moses to watch and learn from. Barnabas took his nephew John Mark and taught him everything he knew about serving God. God wants your husband to be mentored, and to one day mentor others.  (George)

YOUR PRAYERS HAVE POWER 

 Your prayers for your marriage have power, even when you are the only one praying. That's because the two of you are one in the eyes of God, and what one does affects the other - either good or for bad. The good news is that God will still bless your life, even if your spouse has to go through some things until he (she) gets it. When you pray, God can rescue you from any situation - even your spouse's mistakes or sins. You can even be rescued from any negative aspect of your marriage while God works through your prayers to restore it. (Omartian)

THREE WAYS TO HELP YOUR HUSBAND BE THE SPIRITUAL LEADER IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Partner with Him. You can partner with your husband, first of all, by understanding the pressure he is under as the appointed spiritual head of his home. Men hate to feel that they have let their wife down or disappointed their wife if she was counting on them. If he is blowing it in your eyes, he probably already knows it, and therefore, even feels worse about himself. Ask the Lord to show you the best way to partner with him and encourage him in the areas of his strength of being a leader in your marriage. Partner with him by believing in him as a leader.

THREE WAYS TO HELP YOUR HUSBAND BE THE SPIRITUAL LEADER IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Pray for him as you release him of your expectations. You may have a husband who is leading, just not in the way you have envisioned that he would lead. To lead in his home does not mean that he has to lead in family devotions every night. He may be leading in how he disciplines himself and others, what he discusses with his children when you are not around, or what he decides at work that benefits his family.  Be gracious to your husband when it comes to meeting your expectations as a leader. He is not to be dismissed from that responsibility (only God can do that), but pray for him continually and be supportive.

THREE WAYS TO HELP YOUR HUSBAND BE THE SPIRITUAL LEADER IN YOUR MARRIAGE 

Praise him - continually. The man in him will want to continue doing what he feels he is doing well. Yes, there may be times he does not lead effectively. But find something you can praise.   His initiative. His courage in taking a step. His desire to do what was best. As he steps out and leads, he needs to know you are supporting him and the two of you are a team.

https://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/knowing-when-to-back-off-so-your-husband-can-lead.html

OTHER PRACTICES VERY IMPORTANT FOR SPIRITUAL ONENESS

WORSHIP TOGETHER: However, many couples find that their personalities and backgrounds make it difficult for them to worship together.   That is where the idea of discipline in worship comes into play. If worship is going to be something we do together as a couple, and if this means we have to get beyond our own comfort zones, then it will take practice. And perhaps the best place to practice is with each other.

OTHER PRACTICES VERY IMPORTANT FOR SPIRITUAL ONENESS

DEFINITION OF THE WORD WORSHIP: Worship comes out of the old English word "weorthscipe".  This word meant that someone ascribed "worth” to the object of their "weorthscipe”, or worship. In our context as Christians, worship is the act, or actions, whereby we ascribe great worth to God. This is especially clear in the passage in Revelation where the twenty-four elders say, "O Lord, you are worthy....” It is seen again in Revelation 5, where John hears "the singing of millions of angels surrounding the throne and the Living Beings and the Elders: "The Lamb is worthy.” (Loudly they say it!) "The Lamb who was slain. He is worthy to receive the power, and the riches, and the wisdom, and the strength, and the honor and the glory, and the blessing.” (verses 11-12)

OTHER PRACTICES VERY IMPORTANT FOR SPIRITUAL ONENESS

CORPORATE WORSHIP: Regardless of which service or church you are going to attend, before going to worship, take some time to pray together, asking God to meet you as a couple in a fresh, new way. Ask Him to prepare your hearts together for what He wants you to experience together. Then plan to arrive at the service 5 to 10 minutes early. Spend some time reading the scripture passage that will be read in the service. When you leave the service, avoid the tendency to talk about what you liked or did not like about the service. Rather, focus on what God was showing you and your conversation with God.  

OTHER PRACTICES VERY IMPORTANT FOR SPIRITUAL ONENESS

SCRIPTURE TO SUPPORT CORPORATE WORSHIP:  Colossians 3:16 "Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing, psalms, and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” Hebrews 10:25 "Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near.”

OTHER PRACTICES VERY IMPORTANT FOR SPIRITUAL ONENESS

WORSHIP WITH JUST THE TWO OF YOU: "Talk with each other about the Lord, quoting Psalms and singing sacred songs, and making music in our hearts to the Lord” (Eph. 5:19). This could be listening to praise music and then picking a particular phrase to comment and talk about in terms of the importance to you. (Stoop)

OTHER PRACTICES VERY IMPORTANT FOR SPIRITUAL ONENESS

COMBINE WORSHIP WITH PRAYER, MEDITATION, AND STUDY: An example could be a biblical definition of love. Please recite the following and place your husband's or wife's name in the blank spaces:  

LORD, let my love for ____________be patient and kind. Help me not to be envious or boastful or proud in our relationship. Help me never dishonor ______________ or be self-seeking. Protect me from being easily angered toward __________________ and let me refuse to keep a record of _________________ wrongs.  Don't let me delight in evil, but instead rejoice with the truth. Let me always protect and trust __________________.  May I always have hope for our relationship and never fail (I Corinthians 13:4-8a)  ((Stonecroft Ministries)

God understands the challenge of living out His definition of Love and Worship. Ask Him for help in specific areas. He wants your marriage to succeed in this even more than you do. Make a copy of this personalized prayer together and keep it with you and commit to saying out loud to each other at least once or twice a week.

OTHER PRACTICES VERY IMPORTANT FOR SPIRITUAL ONENESS

SABBATH: Develop a rhythm of setting apart one twenty-four hour period each week. Most of us work a five-day week but need another day for doing the activities of life that are "work” for us.  That might include paying bills, fixing the car, or working on the house. Take some time to reflect on the four characteristics of biblical Sabbaths - stop, rest, delight, and contemplate. What will it mean to stop and rest rather than use this as one more day to "get things done”? What might the Lord show you regarding your marriage? (Scazzero)

OTHER PRACTICES VERY IMPORTANT FOR SPIRITUAL ONENESS

CONFESSION TO ONE ANOTHER: Why it is necessary and how does it work? One of the definitions Webster gives for "confess” is "to own or admit as true.” This comes closest to what is meant by the Greek word translated "confess,” which literally means "my words are in agreement with what is,”  The two things - the words and what the words are connected to - are the same thing. If I am confessing to being rude, then my words will be in agreement with my rude behavior.

OTHER PRACTICES VERY IMPORTANT FOR SPIRITUAL ONENESS

DISCIPLINE OF CONFESSION: In the early church, the principle was described in James 5:16, which says, "Admit your faults to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” In the early fellowship, people confessed to one another. Over time, confession became more formal. Eventually, this role was given to those in leadership, and priests became the ones to whom people confessed their faults. Because of the finished work of Christ, no other mediator is now necessary. (I Timothy 2:15, "For there is only one God and one Mediator who can reconcile God and humanity - the man Jesus Christ.”

OTHER PRACTICES VERY IMPORTANT FOR SPIRITUAL ONENESS

DISCIPLINE OF CONFESSION (cont'd): Confession is not obsolete. It is important to find the balance, knowing that we can come directly into God's presence and "confess our sins to Him, for He can be depended on to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong” (I John 1:9).  But we are to confess our sins to "one another and pray for each other so that we may be healed” (James 5:16).

OTHER PRACTICES VERY IMPORTANT FOR SPIRITUAL ONENESS

CONFESSING OUR SINS TO OUR SPOUSE: Confession is clearly a discipline because it is not easy as a husband and a wife to confess your faults to each other. The reasons are many. No one knows us better than our spouse - and no one knows better the things we are in denial about. We can deceive ourselves, but seldom can we deceive the one with whom we live.   

LISTEN: When your spouse is "confessing” to you, active listening is the key. This may sound obvious, even simplistic, but it is always where confession must begin. While most people think that good communication requires learning how to talk, the real key is learning how to listen.

OTHER PRACTICES VERY IMPORTANT FOR SPIRITUAL ONENESS

BE QUIET: Stay with your husband or wife physically, don't leave the room to use the bathroom for example. Touch your spouse, even as you are quiet and thinking. Touch will let your spouse know that you are still present and involved. Please do not talk too soon (allow at least no less than 5 or 10 minutes) before any response. For men, more specifically, try to not jump in and "be helpful” but rather continue to be quiet and continue to listen.

OTHER PRACTICES VERY IMPORTANT FOR SPIRITUAL ONENESS

DON'T PRY: One sure way to close down confession is to try to force the other person to go beyond what he or she wants to say. To pry may be heard by asking too many questions or by saying things that begin with, "you only feel that way because...” Let your spouse determine how much will be shared and where he or she wants to stop. Please pray that your spouse will sense your concern and your interest in what is being said.   

KEEP CONFIDENCES: Remember that what your spouse shares with you are now private. The "your” plural is referring to only you and your mate. An important part of trust is knowing that when you share with each other, it never goes beyond the other unless you both agree to share it with someone else.

SPECIFICS TO BEGIN CONFESSION:

Pick a time and day each week for this spiritual practice.

Start with sharing some of your childhood and adolescent memories, specifically some of the "sins done to you.”

Then you can talk about the "here-and-now” issues. Confession is verbally agreeing with what is going on in your life currently. Confession in marriage may include the offenses that have been wrongly committed against your spouse.

HOW CONFESSION CAN MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE BETTER

The discipline of confession leads to a renewed sense of freedom. All of us struggle to make peace in our own hearts. Confession is a way to stop this internal struggle. When we can agree with God about ourselves and admit our faults, our struggles, and our fears to our partner, we can begin to relax.  

HOW CONFESSION CAN MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE BETTER

Confession helps us to avoid sin. In a very real sense, whatever is unconfessed in our lives still owns us. The things that are hidden have control over us. Proverbs 28:13 says, "A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance.” In this Proverb, there is a connection between confessing and forsaking. 

HOW CONFESSION CAN MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE BETTER

Confession can bring us closer and not only to each other but to God. Often, when we confess something to the other person, it can lead to a meaningful time of prayer together. Thus, the discipline of confession enriches the discipline of prayer and vice versa.

Confession helps us grow. If you think of confession as bringing something out of darkness into light, the analogy with growth can be very obvious. Very little grows in darkness. Nearly everything in life requires light for growth. What is true in the natural world is just as true in the spiritual realm.

HOW CONFESSION CAN MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE BETTER

Confession leads to confession. Often the ability to confess to your spouse can lead the spouse to confession in a similar fashion. Confession can lead to mutual self-disclosure and that leads to a greater sense of intimacy with each other within the marriage.  (Stoop)

Confession will pave the way to forgiveness if the offense or sin was committed against the spouse. This is especially helpful when the couple is at an impasse and hearts are hardened. Forgiveness is very necessary (as learned in the forgiveness sessions). However, reconciliation is optional and may not always happen.  However, in marriage, forgiveness should always move toward reconciliation. (Stoop)

FORGIVENESS IN MARRIAGE 

Even in the most intimate and spiritually connected marriages, forgiveness will still be necessary. For two completely different human beings to live together in harmony, there are bound to be disappointments, misunderstandings, and hurts. The husband and wife must continually be "bearing with one another, and forgiving one another.” (Colossians 3:13)  

When Jesus was asked by His disciples if we need to forgive others as many as seven times, He said that seventy times seven was more like it (Matthew 18:21-22).  Please do the math - that's 490 times. The point is that a husband and wife will need to forgive as often as is necessary, and the Lord will bring the ability to do so. (Omartian)

CLOSING PRAYER:

Father, we thank you for our marriage! We honor the truth that You have ordained that we be together, for we know that two are, indeed, better than one. There is good return as we labor in life together; we can help one another in times of failure because, clearly, we all stumble at times.  We praise You for the warmth of being together in oneness with You and for the strength we have together with You to defend our marriage and family against the assaults of this world. We acknowledge this great truth that "a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” You, God, are our Father, Savior, and Lord, and we are blessed that Your very life weaves our marriage together into an increasingly strong and durable cord. AMEN.