Reading: Gender Differences part 2

MALE/FEMALE DIFFERENCES OR SIMILARITIES

By Kristine Koetje-Balder

GENDER DIFFERENCES/SIMILARITIES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

A 2005 analysis of 46 meta-analyses that were conducted during the last two decades of the 20^th century underscores that men and women can be basically alike 78 percent of the time, but 22 percent of the time they are not the same.  Psychologist Janet Shibley Hyde, Ph.D. of the University of Wisconsin in Madison conducted this study. This research was helpful in the hope that this data could be useful to alleviate any misunderstandings and correct unequal treatment. 

GENDER DIFFERENCES/SIMILARITIES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

In September of 2005 a press release came out on her research issued by the American Psychological Association (APA), she said, "the claims of (gender differences) can hurt women's opportunities in the workplace, dissuade couples from trying to resolve conflict and communication problems and cause unnecessary obstacles that hurt children and adolescents' self-esteem.” Thus this study was a strong focus on the similarities. 

However, the differences, which may be statistically less, are still going to be addressed in this class because these differences do create an impact on marriage relationships.

GENDER DIFFERENCES/SIMILARITIES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

In the brain, there is a section that connects the left and the right hemispheres. It's a bundle of nerves (the technical name is corpus callosum), and there are about 40 percent more of these nerve bundles in girls than in boys. This means those women are able to use both sides of the brain at the same time, whereas men have to switch from one side of the brain to the other, depending upon what they need.  

This extra connective tissue in girls is a reason why they develop language skills earlier than boys and will use many more words than the young males of our species. A woman's brain has been developed to express and verbalize. This is why throughout adulthood she wants to talk about it.  

GENDER DIFFERENCES/SIMILARITIES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

A man's brain is geared to develop spatial skills.  This is why throughout his life he wants to do something about it. That's why a woman is usually quicker to talk about her feelings, while a man wants to act quickly to do something about it.

Women can tune into everything going on around them. A wife may handle five hectic activities at one time while her husband is reading a magazine, totally oblivious to the various problems going on right under his nose. She can juggle more items but can be distracted more easily as well.

GENDER DIFFERENCES/SIMILARITIES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

The husband can focus on one task more effectively but can lose sight of other aspects. He has to stop one activity in order to attend to another.  

Women have a greater ability to be more perceptive than men about people. Women have a greater ability to pick up feelings and sense the difference between what people say and what they mean. Women's intuition has a physical base. 

GENDER DIFFERENCES/SIMILARITIES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

This can drive men crazy. There are numerous stories about couples who have gone out socially and the wife says to her husband, "I think there's a problem or something is going on.” Her husband responds with, "How do you know? What are the facts?' And she says, "I don't have any facts. I just sense it.” He says, "You don't know what you are talking about.”  But a week later, when he finds out she was right, he's amazed and even more puzzled or perhaps more convinced.

GENDER DIFFERENCES/SIMILARITIES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

A man's brain is a problem-solving brain. He is wired to have delayed reactions. When an emotional event occurs, he is not yet ready to express his feelings. He needs to move over to the left side of his brain and collect the words that will express his feelings. That's what stops many men from expressing emotions: they are somewhat vocabulary deficient. A man has to think about his feelings before he can share them.

GENDER DIFFERENCES/SIMILARITIES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

A woman can feel, talk, and think at the same time.  When a woman is upset, what does she do first?  She talks about it.  And as she talks she is able to think about what she's saying and feeling.  The end result is that she figures it out, usually by herself.  She begins with feelings and then moves to talking and then to thinking.  

A woman's brain has a larger hippocampus.  This section is the memory center and it has neural pathways to the brain's emotive centers.  The woman's hippocampus has more neural pathways also.  This may be why women have better memories than men, especially as it relates to emotional events. (Wright)

GENDER DIFFERENCES/SIMILARITIES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Men like to take more risks than women. When it comes to decision making, men were perceived to be faster on the draw...and were more apt to take risks....Men also 'pay too much attention to the competition,' and are more short-term oriented.

Women like consensus more than men. If you consider that life for the average female is a web of interconnected relationships and issues, it makes sense that relationships and decisions would be interconnected. It simply means that she will consider the broad impact of her decisions, and she will want the decision to benefit as many of the important people in her life as possible.  

GENDER DIFFERENCES/SIMILARITIES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

PARENTHOOD - When women have children their world expands. Each child gains a place in her heart, and there seems to be no end to the number of children that she can love and care for.  And because she connects her life together relationally, each new child enhances her life and intensifies her motivation. As a result, she is more motivated to achieve and more satisfied with her career as a mom than prior to motherhood. 

GENDER DIFFERENCES/SIMILARITIES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

PARENTHOOD - Men are not so fortunate. Each child brings a new box to dad, and kids are boxes that dad cannot ignore. Whether his children are easy or difficult, each dad must pay attention to his kids. His career requires significant focus, and he knows that each child should get the intensity of focus from him. He gets frustrated because he can't keep that many boxes open at once. He wears down like a battery that is in constant use. A wise wife will help her husband find time to recharge.

GENDER DIFFERENCES/SIMILARITIES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Because men love to succeed, they drink up compliments the way babies devour milk. The cousin to compliments is flirting. When a woman flirts with a man, the box he happens to be in that moment ignites with enthusiasm. The wife may think that this is a game, but the husband knows that the way to a man's heart is not food, it is flirting. Food fills his stomach, but a compliment from the woman he loves fills his soul with confidence.  

GENDER DIFFERENCES/SIMILARITIES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

A husband often can immediately assume the problem-solving role, and this is a great trait when the couple is looking for a logical answer to a problem, but how about when the argument is not logical? A wife will often have emotions built up that are being released in an argument simply for the reason to release emotional energy, and there is no answer because there is no real problem.  Often, the wife needs to talk because there are more emotions running through her than she can control. If the husband will listen calmly, she will release the emotions and reconnect to the stability of her life. If he does not listen calmly but works hard to finish the conversation with questions such as, "What is the bottom line? Is there a point to this conversation?” the emotional energy will very likely turn into an argument.

HUSBANDS AND WIVES HELPING EACH OTHER IN THE MIDST OF THESE DIFFERENCES:

Men do not get energized by constantly processing life. In fact, it drains them of energy.  They get ready for the next challenge by disappearing into a stress-free box for a period of time. How can a wife recognize a husband's stress-free box? Men's easy boxes are usually shaped like boxes. A newspaper, a television screen, a computer, a basketball or football court are all shaped like a box - and even a bed is, of course, shaped like a box!  

HUSBANDS AND WIVES HELPING EACH OTHER IN THE MIDST OF THESE DIFFERENCES:

So, when it is your husband's turn to talk, the wife needs to practice staying in the box that the husband opens. When he brings up an issue for discussion, he actually intends to talk about that issue. So, when he says, "We need to talk about our finances,” he most likely wants to have a financial discussion. The wife may immediately recognize all the issues that are related to the one he brought up.  It is as if the wife can see every box that is touching the box he has opened. As a wife, you need to let the husband stay in the box long enough to discover his feelings. Please be patient. (Farrel)

HUSBANDS AND WIVES HELPING EACH OTHER IN THE MIDST OF THESE DIFFERENCES:

Deliberately encourage your husband to spend time in easy boxes. The husband needs some time to get involved in mindless activity when stress hits your home. If you give him permission to go and are generally glad that he has the opportunity, he will go without guilt and will be drawn toward you in the midst of the stress. 

Deliberately help your wife talk things out. The following approaches can help your wife talk through the anxiety of her current circumstances and bring her back to the woman that you married.

HUSBANDS AND WIVES HELPING EACH OTHER IN THE MIDST OF THESE DIFFERENCES:

Offer to listen. Say, "It seems like you are pretty upset. Tell me what's going on in your mind.”

Touch her. Gently pick up her hand, stroke her arm, and wrap your arms around her. Start with a small amount of touch and if it calms her, give more. You can say to her, "Honey, it'll be okay,” and just hold your wife with your arms wrapped around her.

Offer help. "Honey, what can I do to help?” "You want to take a minute and brainstorm to see what would help?” "Let's pitch in and help mom.”  These are all welcome phrases to a stressed-out woman.

Own up to it. If you are the problem because you broke a promise or dropped the ball on a responsibility, saying I'm sorry does help - especially when accompanied by the top three-----and flowers! (And maybe a gift certificate).

HUSBANDS AND WIVES HELPING EACH OTHER IN THE MIDST OF THESE DIFFERENCES

Men need to receive trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement. Men are motivated when they feel needed. A man's deepest fear is that he is not good enough or not competent enough, though he may never express it.

HUSBANDS AND WIVES HELPING EACH OTHER IN THE MIDST OF THESE DIFFERENCES

Women need to receive caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance. Women are motivated when they feel special or cherished.