Reading: Financial Stewardship for the Godly Marriage

FINANCIAL STEWARDSHIP FOR THE GODLY MARRIAGE

By Kristine Koetje-Balder

Financial Stewardship in Marriage

Why is money so often at the heart of relationship conflict? Because spouses frequently approach financial matters differently--sometimes extremely differently. In many cases, one spouse is a saver, while the other spouse is a spender. Or it might be that one partner is a risk-taker, while the other is a security-seeker. Other times, one person will get exceedingly stressed about mounting debt, while his or her partner shrugs it off as no big deal. (Palmer)

Financial Stewardship in Marriage

Money can be a great source of joy and delight or it can be a great source of pain for every individual and couple. It can provide a sense of excitement about the future or trepidation and dread. It can provide peace of mind or high blood pressure. It can foster unity and intimacy or division and discord. It is my hope that this class can help you and your spouse experience the joy that comes from addressing personal stewardship issues in a positive, productive way.

Financial Stewardship in Marriage

BIBLICAL FACT: The Bible reveals a clear division of responsibilities in the handling of money.  Simply put, God has certain responsibilities and has given others to us. Much of the frustration in our finances comes from not realizing which responsibilities are ours and which are not. The Lord's responsibility is that He owns all our stuff!  He created and owns everything. Psalm 24:1 says, "The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it.”  

Financial Stewardship in Marriage

What then are our responsibilities? The word in the Bible that best describes our role is "steward.” Now, a steward is simply a manager of someone else's stuff. We are to be the managers of whatever the Lord gives us. And I Corinthians 4:2 tells us: "It is required in stewards that one be found faithful.”

Financial Stewardship in Marriage

God wants us to be faithful regardless of how much we have. In fact, Jesus said, "He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much” (Luke 16:10)  If you are faithful in small financial matters, God knows that He can trust you with more resources. Your job is to simply make a genuine effort, no matter how small it may appear, and then leave the results to God.  The Lord says in Proverbs 21:5, "The plan of the diligent lead to profit.” (Dayton)

Financial Stewardship in Marriage

God intended for money to be a blessing to us and others: "Give, and it will be given to you” (Luke 6:38).  In fact, the Bible says that the problem isn't money, it's the love of money that is "a root of all kinds of evil” (I Timothy 6:10).   (Cloud and Townsend)

GIVING AND HISTORY OF TITHING 

In case you have never heard of tithing, one of the first instances, where tithing is mentioned in the Bible, is in Genesis where Abraham gives a tithe to Melchizedek the priest. Genesis 14:18-20: Then Melchizedek king of Salem brought out bread and wine. He was a priest of God Most High, and he blessed Abram, saying, "Blessed be Abram by God Most High, Creator of heaven and earth.  And blessed be God Most High, who delivered your enemies into your hand.”  Then Abram gave him a tenth of everything.

GIVING AND HISTORY OF TITHING 

Another instance is when Jacob, grandson of Abraham, vowed a tithe to the Lord after he had a dream and wrestled with the angel. Genesis 28:22, "And this stone, which I have set for a pillar, shall be God's house: and of all that thou shalt give me I will surely give the tenth unto thee.” (McFarland)

GIVING AND HISTORY OF TITHING 

Thus, in the Old Testament, giving a tithe---10 percent---was required. While the New Testament certainly does not reject the concept of the tithe, its emphasis is on the heart of the one who gives, calling for generous, even sacrificial giving. I Corinthians 13:3, "If I give all my possessions to feed the poor... but do have love, it profits me nothing.” It is hard to imagine anything more admirable than giving to the poor. But if we do it without love, it is of not benefit to us. (Dayton)

GIVING AND HISTORY OF TITHING 

Let's get back to some statistics about finances within marriage. Dr. William Fleeson, professor of psychology at Wake Forest University wrote an article entitled, "Marriage and Money Most Closely Linked to Quality of Life.” Dr. Fleeson analyzed national survey data to determine Americans' overall quality of life and assess the reasons people experience satisfaction or dissatisfaction, contentment or discontentment. The number one reason people enjoy high quality of life is a happy marriage. The second rated reason is financial stability. (Other factors lower on the list include good health, child rearing, fulfilling work, and a gratifying sex life.) Clearly, marriage and money are vital to our sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. (Palmer)

CREDIT CARD STRESS 

The average household with an unpaid balance on credit cards is $9,300.00. The credit card companies make a ton of money charging high interest. They also know that people spend one/third (1/3) more when they are using credit cards rather than cash.   Please snowball the plastic. In addition to making the minimum payments on all credit cards, focus on paying off the smallest balance first. Then, after the smallest credit card balance is paid off, apply that payment as extra to the next smallest one. 

FOUR BASIC AREAS FOR PRE-MARITAL DISCUSSION REGARDING FINANCES

1. Give complete disclosure of your finances.  You should be fully transparent with your financial situation. Make this commitment to each other---no secrets about money! When you are honest--even if there is bad news to deal with--it builds trust with your future spouse. Your fiancé will respect and appreciate your integrity. Remember, ignorance about your financial circumstances is definitely not bliss.

FOUR BASIC AREAS FOR PRE-MARITAL DISCUSSION REGARDING FINANCES

2. Talk through your financial goals, values, and expectations. Get to know each other. Learn each other's financial personalities, values, and attitudes. What is it that you want to accomplish in your economic lives as an individual and as a couple?  What things are most important to you regarding finances?

FOUR BASIC AREAS FOR PRE-MARITAL DISCUSSION REGARDING FINANCES

3. Develop a spending plan together. It is a very helpful exercise to develop an estimated spending plan together. Obviously, it won't be completely accurate because you will have to make an educated guess at many items, but you will learn a great deal about each other.

4. Learn God's way of handling money. Some of these principles have already been addressed in terms of God's view of your money. (Dayton)

TEN WAYS TO IMPROVE FINANCIAL INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE 

(Practical guidelines for any marriage and after tying the knot).

1. Pray for wisdom and guidance. Pray that God would allow you to put the marriage above any individual concerns. Ask God to guide you in how He wants the funds earned, used, and distributed. Request a double portion of humility so you can be prepared to accept God's guidance. Plead with God to give you the necessary strength to release control of your money and give God control.

TEN WAYS TO IMPROVE FINANCIAL INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE 

2. Be partners. From now on we are in this financial situation together. We have an equal responsibility and an equal opportunity.

3. Define goals. Write them down. Goal setting is a form of practical dreaming--and who does not like to dream about what the future could be? This goal setting is not just about finances, but it is about all things in life. Goal setting is where a husband and wife look at each other and say, "Where do we want to be in 5 years? In 10 years? In 15 years?” Husband and wife then look at the financial implications of those goals they have jointly set. If a husband and a wife have separate goals, it will be nearly impossible to have financial intimacy in marriage.

TEN WAYS TO IMPROVE FINANCIAL INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE

4. Combine it. Since there is a union between husband and wife it is important that couples combine bank accounts and all other financial items. It is possible to function financially with separate bank accounts; however, what do you seek for your marriage? A thriving marriage with intimacy on all levels involves combining financial resources.

TEN WAYS TO IMPROVE FINANCIAL INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE

5. Distribute responsibilities: Money management takes time, energy, knowledge, and wisdom. One of the most common complaints is the burden of so many responsibilities and commitments. Here are a few suggestions:

    a.  Take out a blank piece of paper (or open a Word document on your computer) and list all of the jobs related to personal finances. This list might include things like balancing the checkbook, transferring funds, paying bills, researching retirement options, making investment decisions...

TEN WAYS TO IMPROVE FINANCIAL INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE

5. Distribute responsibilities: (cont'd)  

    b.  Make a copy of that list. Both spouses should write one of the following phrases by each task: (a) I enjoy doing that (b) I am willing to do that (c) Blahh. Please don't make me do that.

    c. Compare your lists. Assign responsibilities first according to the task you each enjoy.

     Next, assign responsibilities by rotating every other task in the "willing to do that” list.  

     Finally, if both of you are "blahh” for the same task, consider (a) outsourcing it if possible, (b) splitting the responsibility 50/50, or (c) assigning the task to one partner and the other will assume another household responsibility that you both rate as 'blahh.'

TEN WAYS TO IMPROVE FINANCIAL INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE

6. Budget jointly and meet regularly: When you have defined goals you now have a broad or general direction that you would like to follow in your lives.  Now your job is to apply those long term goals to the short term - this month's budget. The budget represents the small goals you meet along the way to achieving your ultimate goals. Once the budget is set it is important that you track your progress.

TEN WAYS TO IMPROVE FINANCIAL INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE

7. Work at removing financial pressure: Too many money discussions in marriage happen in high-stress situations. You need to take away the pressure that every financial decision could break you. This must be done by paying off debt and saving for emergencies. Once you have taken care of those financial pressures, you will find that all your financial discussions are suddenly much easier because now there is space to breathe and even room for error.

TEN WAYS TO IMPROVE FINANCIAL INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE

8. Agree on some guiding principles: Here are some examples of guidelines you might have: We will give at least 10% of our income to our local church or other charities. We will save 10% of every paycheck towards retirement. We will buy things with cash and not borrow. The point is when you set your goals some decisions only need to be made once and then you budget according to these guidelines.

TEN WAYS TO IMPROVE FINANCIAL INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE

9. Seek outside help: Sometimes a third party can be an invaluable resource. Couples who find themselves at an impasse often just need someone to help them hear what the other spouse is saying. When communication has failed, find a church pastor or counselor who can guide you back on track.

TEN WAYS TO IMPROVE FINANCIAL INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE

10. Put the needs of your spouse above your own.  Often our financial discussions are a sign of our immaturity and our carnal self.  We hunger and lust for things. We desire those things even above the welfare of our marriage. Give up the insignificant things of life so that you can gain the greater reward of a unified marriage.  Philippians 2:4, "Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others.” (http://www.biblemoneymatters.com/ten-ways-to-improve-financial-intimacy-in-marriage)

Financial Stewardship in Marriage

Being partners is very important and a key ingredient for accountability. Success for financial stewardship is viewing your marriage relationship as a TEAM. Teamwork is the key, not only to marital happiness but also to financial success. Let's break down the components of accountability into four easy to remember parts.

Financial Stewardship in Marriage

TELL THE TRUTH - A marriage has so much to gain if both partners can rest assured that every message they send each other is honest and true. When husbands and wives lie to each other or withhold the entire truth, their trust will erode and their partnership will crumble.

Financial Stewardship in Marriage

ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER - Every person on earth responds better to the carrot than to the stick. It's hard to imagine anyone being nagged, badgered, and belittled into changing. If you want to see your spouse improve in a particular area, offer lots of encouragement, and affirmation. As the apostle Paul said, "Speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you'll all be together in this” (I Thess. 5:11). Hope is what keeps people moving forward, and encouragement is what gives people hope.

Financial Stewardship in Marriage

AGREE ON ACTION STEPS - Both you and your spouse must consent to a plan of action to keep your financial situation and your relationship moving forward. Identify specific assignments and roles for each person, utilizing the strengths offered by both. (In the Ten Ways for Financial Intimacy this is called "defining roles”).

Financial Stewardship in Marriage

MEET CONSISTENTLY - Accountability won't happen if there is no regular communication. If one spouse has a history of letting things fall through the cracks, it would be helpful to meet at least once a week. It may take only five minutes to discuss spending decisions, budget updates, and tasks that need to be accomplished (once the budget is set in place). Consistent check in times will assure both spouses that they are fulfilling their assignments.  (Palmer)

Financial Stewardship in Marriage

HELPFUL RESOURCES: Make sure you take advantage of a free credit report every year. Once a year everyone in America can get a free credit report from each of the three credit bureaus - Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion.  You can request one and your spouse can request one also. Just log into www.annualcreditreport.com and get it immediately or you can call 1-877-322-8228 and receive within 15 days.

Financial Stewardship in Marriage

HELPFUL RESOURCES: Also, you can opt out of telemarketing calls and credit card offers by mail. Log on to the website of the National Do Not Call Registry at www.ftc.gov/donotcall to stop telemarketers or phone 1-888-382-1222. To stop junk mail, call 1-(888)-5OPT-OUT. You'll be glad you took that simple step.