Reading: Spiritual Oneness Part 2

Spiritual Oneness
Part 2

By Kristine Koetje-Balder

PRAYING TOGETHER AND WHY SO DIFFICULT?

A DIFFERENCE IN EXPECTATIONS: A spouse might like to pray at a certain time of day, and this routine is predictable - the prayer time can be timed by the clock. The other spouse may like to pray while in the shower, or when they exercise, or on the drive to work. After some attempts to coordinate times to pray together, both spouses begin to back away from the subject because, to them, what the other spouse wants just does not seem "natural” or spiritual enough.

PRAYING TOGETHER AND WHY SO DIFFICULT?

PRAYER IS VERY DISARMING: It can be much simpler to say, "I'll pray for you,” as opposed to saying, "Let's pray together right now about this.” If at the end of a conversation with your spouse, there is an offer to pray then and there, immediate involvement is happening. The spouse is offering much more of himself or herself to his or her spouse when inviting this personal conversation to be heard.  This is, in a way, putting one's spirituality on display, and that's not easy, even for marriage partners.

PRAYING TOGETHER AND WHY SO DIFFICULT?

PRAYING EXPOSES THE QUALITY OF OUR RELATIONSHIP: Praying exposes, among other things, the level of intimacy in a relationship. If the spouse says, "Let's pray about this,” there is a degree of comfort and ease in the relationship. But if the spouse is uncomfortable saying it, the spouse is revealing an area of the relationship that is not well developed yet. Avoiding the issue of praying together can also avoid whatever discomfort is within the marriage relationship.  

PRAYING TOGETHER AND WHY SO DIFFICULT?

PRAYER IS SPIRITUAL WARFARE: To pray together is not just a simple activity we add to our day; it is a specific action against spiritual forces -and the enemy will resist us. Prayer is one of the primary weapons available to us as we enter the battle for our marriages. So, as you work to pray together, realize that some of the difficulty you experience is due to this invisible spiritual battle. (Stoop)

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY AND THE HURDLES OF A MAN'S HEAD

So many men carry the burden of not quite cutting it in the spiritual intimacy within marriage. The spiritual opposition does not want the man to step more intentionally into the role of priest of the family.

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY AND THE HURDLES OF A MAN'S HEAD

INTIMIDATION: The truth is, many men recognize that their wives are walking more diligently and intentionally with the Lord than they are. It intimidates them to think that they would have much to add to what she needs. God has blessed many men with God-fearing wives, and please thank God for this reality.  God wants to use your wife's walk with Him to motivate spiritual passion. (Ingrassia)

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY AND THE HURDLES OF A MAN'S HEAD

SPIRITUAL LEADERSHIP - A man does not have to be more biblically astute than his wife. It does not mean that the man has to impart spiritual information and insights to her. Spiritually leading your wife is not information-centric; it is relationship-centric. It involves walking in a relationship of three: husband, wife, and God. It is about who you are as her partner in life and your commitment to be yoked together with her - and with Jesus Christ.  

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY AND THE HURDLES OF A MAN'S HEAD

FEAR - ANOTHER OBSTACLE: Fear can condemn the husband because of the knowledge of being a sinner, and obviously the wife knows this status too. Given this reality, the husband might be thinking that the wife will think badly of him if he tries to come off as a spiritual man. Thus, he avoids getting too close to the wife. The possible condemnation and shame fuel the fear, so the husband blows the whistle and disqualifies himself. Or sometimes fear can create general irritability or move us away from our spouse.

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY AND THE HURDLES OF A MAN'S HEAD

NO - NOT ONE IS PERFECT: The answers, motivations, and healings that we need can flow from the Word of God as the husband prays through the truths and principles of scripture.  The most powerful relational union that God intends on earth is husband and wife. No other relationship is characterized by such intimate and personal terms as "one flesh.” Stepping into this union more intentionally and regularly will open the anointing of God in ways you may not have imagined. If not stepped into, as a Christian man, you will lose access to the most powerful resource you have as a married man.  

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY AND THE HURDLES OF A MAN'S HEAD

TREATING WIFE WITH RESPECT AND NOT POSSESSION: I Peter 3:7, "You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” Thus the Apostle Peter warns the husband that it is possible to live toward his wife in such a way that the husband's prayers become futile and unprofitable.

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY AND THE HURDLES OF A MAN'S HEAD

HISTORICAL SIGNIFICANCE: Throughout history, and even in some places today, many cultures and religions degrade women and regard them as inferior to men. They are treated as servants and as instruments to gratify men's passions. Christianity, though, confronts the injustice in such treatment and elevates women as co-heirs of the grace, hope, and promises of the Lord Jesus Christ. Wives are to be treated with respect, kindness, esteem, love, and honor. Peter speaks in this verse about the wife being "weaker” and contrasts to the physical strength of a man because, generally speaking, wives are more tender, delicate, and fragile of structure. On the other hand, a woman is the one who was assigned by God to give birth, and this does require great physical stamina. (Ingrassia)

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY AND THE HURDLES OF A MAN'S HEAD

ENEMY DESTROYS: When the enemy convinces you that you are disqualified from praying with your wife, he tricks you into stepping away from one of the most powerful resources you have in your life: one-flesh, spiritual intimacy. With this subtle scheme, he steals, kills, and destroys vast fruitfulness from your life and marriage. The devil can be disarmed, husband, when you fight with the Word of God.  (Ingrassia)

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY AND THE HURDLES OF A MAN'S HEAD

WHAT IF A WIFE DOES NOT WANT PRAYER? If your wife is resistant, there may be a host of complex issues creating this condition in her heart. A husband needs to seriously consider any responsibility he may bear because of the wife's condition. Husband, pray and ask God to show you. Even better, ask God for the boldness and right opportunity to ask your wife how you may have wounded her.  (Ingrassia)

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY AND THE HURDLE OF A WOMAN'S HEAD

PUTDOWNS - Women in our society do feel much freer to put men down and are quite intolerant of the reverse. It almost seems politically correct to demean men at any time and in almost any fashion. The media tells us that men only think about sex, football, and food and that they are incapable of taking care of themselves. A Christian woman must repent of the tendency to believe these lies and work towards building mature relationships with her husband.

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY AND THE HURDLE OF A WOMAN'S HEAD

DISRESPECT - There is disrespect given because a man does not think, feel, or act like a woman. A wife may talk about how clueless her husband is and helpless and forgetful. Yes, it is true that men and woman do not always see or do things the same way, but that is no excuse for putting the husband down.  

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY AND THE HURDLE OF A WOMAN'S HEAD

WOMAN'S HURT - Women must also pay attention to how we often turn our hurt, frustration, and confusion about the difficulties in our relationships with men into excuses for anger, bitterness, wrath, sarcasm, and cynicism. Instead of being able to confront and let go of the hurts of the past, we too often cower and wrap ourselves in cloaks of woundedness that become our identity markers, and we lose ourselves in them. Women with these characteristics often find themselves alone because a man cannot bear the weight of their negativity.  (Reese)

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY AND THE HURDLE OF A WOMAN'S HEAD

WOMAN'S WEARINESS FOR LACK OF HUSBAND'S SPIRITUAL COVERING - Many wives will utter prayers with complete frustration as they grow weary in waiting for their husbands to provide spiritual covering and leadership. Do these words sound familiar, "I am normally the one who initiates or suggests that we pray together. "  "I feel like I am begging him to do something that he should be doing already!” "How long do I have to wait?” "After all, isn't that part of being the head of our home?” "I am beginning to resent him, and I confess I am also mad at you, God.”

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY AND THE HURDLE OF A WOMAN'S HEAD

GET OUT BETWEEN YOUR HUSBAND AND GOD: After Adam and Eve disobeyed God's prohibition of eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, God meted out a two-fold consequence to Eve, as recorded in Genesis 3:16: (1) pain in childbearing and (2) desire for her husband. We can easily understand the first consequence, but the second one can be a bit confusing. Many Christian scholars interpret this to mean that the "desire for your husband” was not of a sexual, physical nature, but was a desire for authority - for ruling over him! So women can have a curse with the proclivity to seek dominion over their husbands.  

In the book, "Praying Together” by Sam and Vicki Ingrassia, Vicki had a Damascus Road experience with the above block.  She believes that God spoke these words to her, "When I created Eve, I put Adam to sleep. When I am finished fashioning you, Vicki, I will wake Sam up!” (Ingrassia)

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY AND THE HURDLE OF A WOMAN'S HEAD

PRAY AND SURRENDER: A Godly wife no longer has to pray that her husband will "get it” and relieve her of her misery. Instead, a Godly wife, while praying will be on her knees, out of the way, giving God permission to fashion the husband as God sees fit. The Godly wife will let God work in her and let God decide when He will wake up her husband. (Ingrassia)

Let's look at the Apostle Peter's words, "Wives, fit in with your husbands 'plans' for them if they refuse to listen when you talk to them about the Lord, they will be won by your respectful, pure behavior. Your Godly lives will speak to them better than any words.” (I Peter 3:1-2)

PUTTING GOD AT THE HEAD OF THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP

The marriage relationship creates the opportunity for us to be reminded of our need for God when we become disillusioned by the inability to receive all the love we need and desire from fellow humans. This inescapable disillusionment can lead to anguish in any marriage. Instead of realizing that our true needs can be ultimately met only in and by God, some people keep on trying to find their fulfillment solely in their spouse.

Interestingly, it is still a stunning and scriptural fact that soon after creating Adam, God declared, "It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18) - even though God delighted in His relationship with man. Clearly, God created us with a need to enjoy each other besides just Himself, but God must be at the center of our hearts. (Thomas)

PRAYING FOR YOUR WIFE

FOUR SPECIFIC PRAYERS TO PRAY OVER YOUR WIFE

PROTECT HER JOY - Thank you, Father, for the gift of my wife. You are the giver of all good and perfect blessings, and I am amazed how you show your love through her. Please help me to cherish such an amazing gift. (James 1:17)

Each day, circumstances and frustrations can easily steal the joy from_________.  Please keep her from letting these challenges turn her focus from You, the author of her faith. Give her the joy that Jesus had as He accomplished the Father's will on earth. May she consider each struggle as a reason to find hope in you. (Hebrews 12:2=3; James 1:2-3)

When she feels tired, Lord, renew her strength. Surround her with friends who love You and will bear her burdens. Give her reason to feel refreshed by their encouragement. (Isaiah 4);31; Galatians 6:2; Philemon 1:7)

May she know that the joy of the Lord is the source of her strength.  Protect her from growing tired of doing what You've called her to do each day.  (Nehemiah 8:10; Galatians 6:9)

FOUR SPECIFIC PRAYERS TO PRAY OVER YOUR WIFE

GIVE HER A GROWING NEED FOR GOD HER FATHER - I confess that I sometimes think of myself as being the one who takes care of _____.  Forgive me for taking to myself what truly belongs to You. Her help comes from You. If she depends on me, I know I'll disappoint her. But you never fail, and You make her like a garden that always has enough water. You're always faithful, always enough. Help her to know that You are all she needs. (Psalm 121:2; Lamentations 3:22; Isaiah 58:11; John 14:8-9) 

If she is tempted to take comfort in anything else, may she instead realize how the power of Your Holy Spirit allows her to overflow with hope and peace. Nothing on this earth compares to the greatness of knowing You. (Romans 15:13; Philippians 3:8)

FOUR SPECIFIC PRAYERS TO PRAY OVER YOUR WIFE

SHIELD HER FROM SPIRITUAL ATTACK - When the enemy attacks her, let her faith in You protect her so that she may stand her ground. Bring your Word to her mind so that she may turn aside his assaults and fight the good fight. Help her to remember that You give us the victory through Christ. (Ephesians 6:10-18; 1 Timothy 6:12; 1 Corinthians 15:57).

You have conquered and disarmed the spiritual powers, and everything is in complete submission to you. Because of the cross, _______ is a new creation, and nothing can separate her from Your amazing, unfailing love (Colossians 2:15; 1 Peter 3:22; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Romans 8:38-39)  The enemy is defeated. You have crushed his head. (Genesis 3:15)

FOUR SPECIFIC PRAYERS TO PRAY OVER YOUR WIFE

BUILD HER LOVE - Father, You loved us first ---so much that You sent Your Son to take our place.  How incredible it is to think that while we were sinners, Christ died for us.  Nothing we do could ever compare to the riches of Your grace.  (1 John 4:19; John 3:16; Romans 5:8; Ephesians 2:7)

Help________to grow first in her love for You.  May she be increasingly in awe of Your power, beauty, and grace.  May she know more each day about the depth and width of Your love and respond with increasing love of her own.  (Psalm 27:4; Ephesians 3:18)

FOUR SPECIFIC PRAYERS TO PRAY OVER YOUR WIFE

BUILD HER LOVE (cont'd) - Help her to love me through all my failures while I learn to love her as Christ loves the church. May we see each other as You see us, and may we enjoy fulfilling each other's desires in our marriage.  (Ephesians 5:25, 1 Corinthians 7: 2-4)

Please give her a growing love for others in all that she does. Show her how to be Christ's ambassador in the world and to be a woman defined by love so that others may glorify You. Because of that love, may she share the gospel with everyone. (2 Corinthians 5:20; Matthew 5:16; 1 Thessalonians 2:8) http://www.biblestudytools.com/bible-study/explore-the-bible/4-prayers-every-husband-needs-to-pray-over-his-wife.

FOUR WAYS TO LEAD YOUR WIFE AS HER GODLY HUSBAND

LEAD WITH LOVE: The leadership of the Godly husband is marked by love (Ephesians 5:25).   A wife will be aware of the deficits within her husband; however, she should not have a reason to doubt the husband's love, the husband's love for the children, nor the unique commitment of the husband to serve the wife with a very unique role. A husband must be willing to forsake his own desires, his own comfort, his own rights in order to express love for his wife.  

FOUR WAYS TO LEAD YOUR WIFE AS HER GODLY HUSBAND

LEAD WITH GENTLENESS: The Godly husband leads his wife with meekness and gentleness.  A Godly man will be aware of his own sin and own failings. The Godly husband will lead his wife gently, helping her to be aware of her own struggles and weaknesses. Again, the 1 Peter 3:7 verse in another translation, "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

FOUR WAYS TO LEAD YOUR WIFE AS HER GODLY HUSBAND

LEAD WITH DIGNITY: The Godly husband does not mock or belittle his wife. A Godly husband will not lead through scorn, sarcasm, anger, or punishment. Lead the wife with special delight and dignity. Lead the wife with an awareness that the husband is a servant first, a leader second. The Godly husband will do nothing to puff himself up, but everything to show his wife that she is esteemed higher than himself.

FOUR WAYS TO LEAD YOUR WIFE AS HER GODLY HUSBAND

LEAD WITH CONFIDENCE: This is a particular challenge today, of course, at a time when culture has conditioned men to think that they have no business being leaders over their wives. But the Godly husband listens to Scripture above the world and leads His wife, confident that God calls him to do just this. A Godly husband will lead his wife with humble confidence, even when the husband is called upon to make difficult or unpopular decisions. Lead with confidence that God is willing and able to bless you for your obedience.   http://challlies.com/christian_living/leadership-in-the-home-a-godly-man-leads

HUSBANDS, YOU ARE SOLEMNLY CHARGED TO PRAY FOR YOUR WIFE 

Please never neglect the joy and privilege of interceding for your wife. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22) and "a prudent wife is from the Lord” (Proverbs 19:14). God has shown marvelous favor to you, therefore pray for her with all your might while you live. Show Christ to her and to the fallen world in this way. Whatever you do for her, do not fail or forget to do the best thing. She is a gift too wonderful for you to care for alone; Sovereign Grace must guard, guide, and govern her heart and life.