Reading: Where Conflict Starts - Slides

Restoring Relationships
Transforming Justice

Lecture 10

Underground Fires and the Power of Offense

Where Conflicts Begin

We live in a culture that thrives on conflict.

Where Conflicts Begin

We live in a culture that thrives on conflict.

It might seem that conflict begins when someone perceives that an offense has occurred.

Where Conflicts Begin

We live in a culture that thrives on conflict.

It might seem that conflict begins when someone perceives that an offense has occurred.

Once a perceived offense occurs, blame and fault are assigned and the wheels of retributive justice begin to turn.

Where Conflicts Begin

But the Bible tells a different story about where conflicts begin.

Where Conflicts Begin

But the Bible tells a different story about where conflicts begin.

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? James 4:1

Conflict begins just like the Mt. Vision Wildfire – underground – in the desires of our heart.

Where Conflicts Begin

When our desires are not met, we fight to get what we want.

Where Conflicts Begin

When our desires are not met, we fight to get what we want.

Remember our definition of conflict from Lecture 1?

Conflict is a disagreement through which the parties involved perceive a threat to their needs, interests, or concerns.

Where Conflicts Begin

Think about one of your conflict stories when you wronged someone. Can you identify a point in time in that conflict when you felt that your needs, interests, or concerns were threatened?

Where Conflicts Begin

Think about one of your conflict stories when someone wronged you. Can you identify a point in time in that conflict when you can now see how their needs, interests, or concerns were threatened?

Where Conflicts Begin

Conflict begins internally, in the desires of our hearts and minds.

Where Conflicts Begin

Conflict begins internally, in the desires of our hearts and minds.

These desires manifest in our words and actions.

But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. Matthew 15:18-19

Where Conflicts Begin

However, just because a perceived wrong occurs doesn’t mean a conflict wildfire will ignite.

Where Conflicts Begin

However, just because a perceived wrong occurs doesn’t mean a conflict wildfire will ignite.

There is a place in responding to a perceived wrongdoing that we can address the perception without igniting a conflict.

Where Conflict Begins

What sparks the wildfire of conflict is when someone takes offense.

Where Conflict Begins

What sparks the wildfire of conflict is when someone takes offense.

Offense is the most powerful dynamic in a conflict wildfire.

Dynamics of Offense

We choose to take offense. No one can make us take offense.

Dynamics of Offense

We choose to take offense. No one can make us take offense.

When we take offense, we elevate our self-interest, then we judge, and then we justify our righteous position.

Dynamics of Offense

The culture embraces and exalts offense.

Dynamics of Offense

The culture embraces and exalts offended people.

Offended individuals and groups are given license to disparage and disrespect perceived offenders.

Dynamics of Offense

Offended people create shallow wildfire stories.

Dynamics of Offense

Offended people create shallow wildfire stories.

Offended people label their offenders, just like a retributive justice system labels offenders.

Dynamics of Offense

Offended people create shallow wildfire stories.

Offended people label their offenders, just like a retributive justice system labels offenders.

Offended people feel justified in labeling offenders because they are convinced that they are right – and sometimes they are.

Dynamics of Offense

It is impossible to redeem your conflict stories without understanding the role offense plays in the conflict wildfire.

Curious Questions

In your conflict story, who did you offend?

Are they still offended?

Who offended you?

Are you still offended?

Lecture 10

Conflict begins underground, in our heart’s desires. 

We express our desires through our words and actions. 

When our desires or needs are threatened, the fires of conflict begin to smolder in our heart. 

Conflict ignites when someone takes offense. 

Lecture 10

Offense is the most powerful dynamic of the conflict wildfire. 

We choose to take offense. 

Offense occurs when we elevate our self-interest, judge the offender, and then justify the righteousness of our judgment. 

When we are offended, we focus on our desired outcome because we are convinced that we have a right to do so.