Reading: Devotional

January 5

^{∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞}

Male and Female

Genesis 1:27; 2:18–24

But from the beginning of creation, “God made them male and female.” “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast

to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

Mark 10:6-8a (ESV)

The way Genesis 2 tells the story, the only thing that bothered Adam in Paradise was his loneliness. When he talked, there was no one who could understand or communicate with him. He could train a dog to help manage the sheep, but there was no one who had his own intelligence and who could help him with his oversight and development tasks in God’s good world.

That’s when God created Eve as Adam’s partner, someone suit-able to work with him to manage God’s world. Man and woman were essentially equal before God, with shared authority. They both realized their accountability to God and their call to work together under him.

In Eve, Adam found what he had not been able to find anywhere else, a partner in work and play. We see this by Adam’s response to God’s gift. He said, “This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.” In other words: “She is as dear and important to me as is my own life.” And Scripture implies that Eve had similar sentiments. You might call these the first wedding vows.

It was a good partnership in the beginning, characterized by communication, cooperation, and commitment. Jesus pointed the Pharisees back to this original harmony as God’s norm (Matthew 19:8–9). Divorce, he told them, was an accommodation to hard hearts. He continued, “It was not this way from the beginning.”

God made us male and female, responsible to and for each other, meant to be in loving partnership not only with each other, but above all to our Creator who gave us life and put us together for service to him.

January 6

^{∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞}

Marriage Essentials—Communication

Genesis 2:18–25

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved,

compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience.

Colossians 3:12 (ESV)

Adam and Eve recognized that they were uniquely suited to be together. Each could understand and be understood by the other, able to communicate in a way that they could do with none of the other creatures that God had given them to care for. They probably had some puzzling moments with each other; after all, men and women are neither physically nor emotionally identical. But any mystery was a delight rather than a problem.

Their communication was not simply the ability to pass information back and forth; it was also their ability and willingness to do that with love and respect. In the beginning there was nothing to hinder this communication, no guilt or shame, and no selfishness, insecurity, or distrust. Still today, at the best of times, marriage partners experience something of that loving and respectful communication.

It wasn’t long, however, until problems showed up—problems that began in Adam and Eve’s lack of communication with their Creator. The unexpressed doubts about his perfect goodness led to disobedience and, then, to feelings of distrust and anger for each other.

Ever since then, how quickly good communication in marriage is hindered by misunderstandings, distrust, anger, and competition. In such a context, spouses stop listening to each other. And what communication occurs is characterized by frustration and anger rather than love. Such talk actually makes things worse instead of better. If you are married or in a relationship, make it your goal to communicate in the ways for which you were created. And don’t fail to keep in touch with your Creator, without whom all communication leads to misery.

January 7

^{∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞}

Marriage Essentials—Cooperation

Genesis 2:18–25

Whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

Matthew 20:26b–28 (ESV)

Besides good communication, another marriage essential is that the exercise of authority needs to be cooperative rather than competitive. Eve was created to be Adam’s partner, someone suitable to work with him to manage God’s world. Their equality didn’t mean they looked the same or that they had exactly the same duties in the relationship. Perhaps one was better at something than the other. They weren’t identical but they were equal, joined together in service to God.

That doesn’t sound quite like the war between the sexes, does it? In our experience, women and men, wives and husbands often fight for power. Married people can make it miserable for each other by their attempts to assert authority over each other. Such power plays started after Adam and Eve messed up their relationship with God by their disobedience. Then they started blaming each other. Adam said, “Her fault.” And Eve said, “The serpent’s fault.”

God described to Eve the way things would be from then on: “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” Vying for power, that’s the result of sin. It’s not the kind of partnership God has in mind for men and women. He still urges another way: the practice of mutual love and cooperation rather than competition and control.

There is wide agreement about the difficulty of obeying the Scriptural admonition to “love your neighbor as yourself.” But it may be that the most difficult neighbor to love consistently is a spouse, if only because the more time we spend with people, the more we see their faults. But marriage can school us in the art and practice of love.

January 8

^{∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞}

Marriage Essentials—Commitment

Genesis 2:18–25

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord):

the wife should not separate from her husband…

and the husband should not divorce his wife.

1 Corinthians 7:10–11 (ESV)

God gave Eve and Adam to each other to be permanent companions and partners in managing his world. Jesus confirmed the permanence of marriage: “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matt. 19:6).

Jesus did allow for the possibility of marriage breakup because of the disorder and sin in our world, but he clearly wanted people to make their marriages work.

If that is to happen today, those who marry must commit themselves to follow through on what they promise in the ceremony. Commitment is not just an ability to live with pain and a dogged determination to stay together. It is rather a determination to do what it takes to make marriage work as God intends it to work. It is a determination to be faithful, to be kind and loving under stress, not to take advantage of the other’s weaknesses, and in cases of failure of any of these, to be forgiving.

A commitment to marriage is a commitment to keep communicating and cooperating in loving and respectful ways. A certain amount of competition or control games are inevitable in any marriage between two sinful people. But commitment means that they watch for these and reject them when they appear. Marriage partners neither seek to control each other nor submit to unhealthy control, remembering that they are to encourage each other in answering God’s call to wholehearted service.

Marriage at its very best is a little taste of how good it will be to be with God in heaven. The communication, cooperation and commitment it requires help us see what God has planned for everyone who loves him and serves as his agent in his world.

August 26

^{∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞}

Finding a Marriage Partner

Proverbs 5:15–23

A man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

Matthew 19:5b–6 (ESV)

If biblical wisdom is important for choosing friends—and it is—then it is doubly so in marriage. God has ordained marriage to be permanent; the one flesh bond is meant to last until death. The pain at the loss or betrayal of friendships is multiplied in the dissolution of marriage. It is critical not to enter into marriage too quickly or for the wrong reasons.

As with friendship, men and women seeking a marriage partner should evaluate their potential mate according to the standards put forward by God in his word. Besides the aforementioned deadly sins and contrasting virtues, Proverbs advises women to pay particular attention to a man’s patience (Prov. 19:11), willingness to learn (Prov. 19:25, 12:15), interest in listening as opposed to talking (Prov. 18:2), and faithfulness (Prov. 5:8). Proverbs also advises men on what to look for: a woman’s discretion (Prov. 11:22), true demeanor (Prov. 21:19), and inner nobility as compared to outer charm (Prov. 31:29–30). Actually, both women and men might be evaluated by the same standards, and above all, by their fear of the Lord (Prov. 1:7, 19:23).

Once married, men and women must be wise about nurturing and protecting their commitment, both for mutual benefit and to please the Lord (Prov. 5:21). Just don’t count your own satisfaction of greater worth than God’s word and honor. As much as you must value the satisfaction of your marriage partner, don’t even count that of greater worth than God’s glory. For the former is served by the latter. When, for God’s sake and with Christ’s help, you nurture and protect your marriage as God intends, then you’ll find happiness in marriage and be sanctified in preparation for eternity. 

August 27

^{∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞}

When Sex is Good

Song of Solomon 8:5–7

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife

of your youth…be intoxicated always in her love.

Proverbs 5:18–19 (ESV)

Manicheanism was a third-century heresy that viewed the physical (the body in particular) as evil, and salvation as a way of escape from the prison-like nature of earthly existence. It also considered spi­rituality to be more concerned with thoughts and emotions than with physical existence and desires. The Mani-cheans thus thought of sex as something shameful—to be endured rather than enjoyed. They read the Song of Solomon as an allegory about spiritual love and not as the celebration of sexual love in the context of lifelong, heterosexual marriage.

However, the love described in this book is physical and strong enough to break a person if it is not expressed appropriately. Hence the refrain we hear throughout the book, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” This is why God insists that sex belongs only in marriage, which begins in a public ceremony where two people vow to maintain a lifelong commitment to one another—body and soul. To have sex without that commitment is selfish. It often raises false hopes and undermines the development of genuine intimacy and stable relationships.

Those who sleep with someone to whom they aren’t married need to ask what prevents them saying with the rest of their life what they say with their body. True love won’t tolerate a halfway commitment because it is as strong as death. The truth of this is apparent in the negative effects—promiscuity, pornography, and family breakdown, etc.—that result from the refusal to treat love as it deserves. Men and women are made to delight in and enjoy each other. Sex is good, healthy, and wholesome in the context of a marriage commitment between a man and a woman, especially if they’ve joined together in a mutual commitment to the Lord.