Notes: Specialized Parenting Skills
Notes: Specialized Parenting Skills
Steve Elzinga
Dealing with Special Parenting Issues
1. Single-Parent Issues
The Challenge:
One parent doing what two often struggle to do
Ecclesiastes 4:8-9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Dealing with a Death of a parent:
Cover up feelings
Unfocused anger
Time stamped - Some children have a hard time ‘growing’ beyond the age at which the loss occured.
Attachment disorder - avoiding getting attached
Rebellion - the remaining parent may be seen as the weak link after the loss of the supporting partner.
Dealing with a Divorce:
Blame Game
Pawn Syndrome
Distrust
Attachment disorder
Rebellion
What to do:
Never assume everything is ok
Talk and listen, even when there doesn’t seem to be a problem.
Get help before it is needed
Get other adults into your child’s life
Make use of the church family
Blended Families challenges
The Challenge:
Up to four parents trying to do what was designed for two.
Blended families
Shared families with different discipline systems, income levels, values, religions beliefs, political viewpoints, etc.
Step-parents
Step-siblings
Feuds between ex’s
Money issues
What to do:
Communication
Keep the peace
Treat all kids like they were your own
Do normal good parenting
Adopted Children Challenges
Attachment issues - using being adopted as an excuse.
Ready-made excuse for any parent-child conflict.
“I’m not your real father, but I’m the father that’s here.”
Attachment issues
Genetic issues
Birth-parent issues - the parent or the child may want to connect
Sibling issues - tension between siblings, whci can also happen between biological siblings
What to do:
Communication
Be consistent with all your children (discipline, encouragement, opportuniites offered, support)
Get help from church and other adoptees. You’re not the only one going through these issues.
By the way, we are all adopted
Ephesians 1:5 God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.
Grown Children Challenges
In-laws
Distance
Leaving the faith
Grandchildren
Money
Psalm 71:17 Since my youth, God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
18 Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, my God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
your mighty acts to all who are to come.
Psalm 78:5 He decreed statutes for Jacob
and established the law in Israel,
which he commanded our ancestors
to teach their children,
6 so the next generation would know them,
even the children yet to be born,
and they in turn would tell their children.
7 Then they would put their trust in God
and would not forget his deeds
but would keep his commands.
Children with health challenges
Drugs and alcohol,
Anorexia
Anxiety
Depression
ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder
Mental capacity
What to do
Get help - don’t do this on your own.
Special needs are needs.
Don’t be embarrassed