Reading: The Habits of Relationship with God

The Habits of Relationship with God

Talking to God: Prayer

Talking to God is what Christians call prayer. Prayer can happen via our thoughts and our verbal words. Prayer can happen as we worship God with others. Prayer is simply communicating with God. The Bible talks a great deal about prayer; many Scripture passages are written-out prayers to God. Most of the Psalms are prayers to God, which became the songs of the Hebrew people. Prayer is more than a mere practice. Prayer is communicating with our God who hears us.

The pattern of repeated prayer is encouraged in the Bible. Colossians 4:2 states:

Have you ever experienced an answered prayer? Maybe you experienced something beyond your ability to cope. You cried out to the Lord. He gave you the strength to deal with that day or that crisis. Maybe you prayed for direction. You were very confused as to what to do. You said, “Help me God!” and he did…big time. Maybe you received a “no” to one of your prayers, only later to find out that God saw something you did not see at that time. The fact is that when someone prays to God, God hears that prayer.

From the earliest pages of Scripture, we see the role of prayer in the life of a believer:

The book of Psalms is really a book of prayers. In that book we see some of the most passionate examples of prayer modeled. Many passages in Psalms encourage prayer:

If a believer cries out to the Lord, his or her very words will be heard. God will be involved in your future. God is not some Santa Claus in the sky; when we ask something of God in prayer, we get three types of answers. Those answers will be “yes,” “no,” or “wait.” These are very similar to the answers children get when they ask their earthly father or mother a question.

Prayer often takes on the form of worship. We may cry out to the Lord in praise and adoration in a worship setting.

Prayer engages your heart and mind to express your praise, confessions, requests, and intercessions to God. Prayers can be written down; they can be thought, verbalized, memorized; they can be sung or cried out. You don’t have to be a prayer expert to pray. The key thing is that you talk to God.

 

Listening to God: Bible Reading

Listening to God happens primarily through reading and meditating on God’s Word. The Bible not only is the number-one bestselling book of all time; it is the infallible, inerrant Word that God speaks to humans.

God may choose to speak to us in many ways in our familiar walk: through the counsel of a friend, through a Christian book or song, through the beauty of his creation. He has spoken to people directly and indirectly in many ways throughout history. But in each case, we should be careful to check what we are hearing against the teachings of the Word of God. The Bible says that Satan masquerades as an angel of light. In an intentional walk—the habitual, day-in and day-out pattern of listening to God—we use the Bible as a consistent, reliable source of hearing God’s message for us.

Sometimes it might seem like a Bible passage does not have much to say to us. We might get the itch for a more directly applicable counseling session or theological book. But in the Old Testament book of Isaiah, God promises that exposure to his words will bring life:

The Bible does not always comfort us; sometimes it lays us bare and gives us correction that our best friend or our Christian magazine might never confront us with:

Listening to God can happen whenever you open your Bible during daily devotions, couple's devotions, or family devotions. The pattern of listening to his voice can happen at a Bible study or in hearing a sermon. God speaks through his Word, and you and I grow in our relationship as we open our hearts and listen to what God is telling us. Ephesians 6:17b tells us to take “the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” (NIV). A vital relationship with God will be a relationship that is full of the Word of God!

 

Repeatedly: Creating a Habit

A talking-and-listening pattern has to occur repeatedly if relationships are to deepen. Walking with God is no different. We need to walk with God over and over again. The Bible calls on us to seek the Lord while he is near:

There is an incredible story in the Bible of a man named Enoch. This man walked with the Lord so closely that one day the Lord took him off this earth. Genesis 5:24 says:

Enoch is mentioned again in the New Testament book of Hebrews:

Walking with God repeatedly is a challenging endeavor in our modern world. We have to be intentional about actually doing it, or most times it will not happen.

If Christianity is going to spread spontaneously, talking and listening repeatedly to God must be front and center once again. Either we are connected to God or we are not. If you and I really have a spiritual dream that we want to see come true, it is going to take finding a way to walk with God and not just struggle as so many Christians are currently doing.

Talking and listening repeatedly to God is not just a devotional pattern. Talking and listening repeatedly to God is the timeless path that every believer walks. It is the path where life transformation occurs. It is the path where you grow closer to God and his power is displayed more and more in your life. This is the path where the wind of the Holy Spirit blows on us as we talk and listen to God repeatedly.

 

The Windy Path

There is much debate over how a person is drawn into a relationship with God. We know it is by grace through faith. It is a gift of God. How is it that this gift of relationship is taken to heart by some and not by others? Some theologians will argue election. Some will argue free will. While I believe that somehow God picked me as his child, I am not some robot programmed to be saved. There is an element of mystery, kind of like “the way of a man with a maiden” (Proverbs 30:19 NIV). I agree with that old hymn, I Know Not Why God’s Wondrous Grace, which says, “I know not why God’s wondrous grace to me he hath made known, nor why, unworthy, Christ in love redeemed me for his own.” The chorus of the song quotes 2 Timothy 1:12b:

Here is an interesting question: How does God’s grace of a relationship get to us? Which person of the Trinity quickens our heart to establish and grow into a relationship with God? The Bible teaches that the Holy Spirit comes upon believers to connect them with God in a relationship. Notice this example of the apostle Peter preaching while the Holy Spirit was poured out:

We notice in Scripture that God’s grace somehow gets to us through the work of the Holy Spirit. I love the example of that found in John. John 3:16 is one of the most famous gospel passages. Jesus is talking to Nicodemus at night about the subject of being born again in a spiritual sense. Most of us have heard:

It is interesting to note a few comments Jesus gives to Nicodemus earlier in the conversation. These comments illustrate some of the mystery of a relationship with God:

What can be concluded about someone who comes to God? How do you continue to grow spiritually? You and I need to find the spiritually windy path and stay there.

Let’s say a person who had never felt wind asked me to bring him to a place where there was wind. Since I live near the shores of Lake Michigan, maybe I would bring him there. There are places that do not get wind that much, and there are places that do get more wind. If you stay in the house, you may feel just a draft. Can I guarantee that wind will happen at my house? No. But each of us knows more or less where we are apt to find wind and where we are not.

That is how it is with a relationship with God. There are places that are windy, so to speak, and places that are still. While God can change a heart anywhere, God ordinarily does not blow his wind in wicked places. On the other hand, there are places or life practices that let you “feel” lots of wind. And those windy places are usually associated with the Bible and with prayer. I’ll give you some examples:

• A person who reads the Bible and prays on a daily basis has placed himself or herself in a windy place with God.
• A couple who reads the Bible together and prays together will be refreshed by God’s breeze.
• A family that pauses every day to read the Bible and pray will be inviting the wind of the Spirit.
• A group of like-minded believers gathering in a setting where God’s Word is read and prayers are spoken will bathe in God’s warm airstream.
• A group of worshipers who open the Word together, who corporately pray and praise God together are at a place where mighty wind often blows.
• When Christian leaders or pastors get together and open the Word of God and pray for the work of the kingdom, strongholds of the evil one are blown down.
• When someone who does not know God dares to read the Bible and dares to talk to God with a repentant heart, the separation of sin and Satan are toppled over with a hurricane from the Holy Spirit.

What do all these examples have in common? They all involve God’s Word and prayer. A relationship with God is a mystery, to be sure, but we can more or less determine where the wind of the Spirit is likely to be blowing. We cannot guarantee to catch the wind, but we know that if we stick around long enough we are likely to feel it. It is our choice to stay where we are or to pursue a path where God’s power will be blowing.

It is important to keep in mind the pursuit of God’s Spirit; without it, talking and listening to God repeatedly can easily become routine and dull or an empty exercise in which we take pride. The Pharisees read the Scripture a lot and they prayed a lot. But they were competitors of God. They practiced their faith, but their heart had little actual love for God. They had a form of godliness but denied its power. While hypocrisy and pride are possibilities even today, it’s no excuse to avoid the practices of Bible reading and prayer. There is just no way to have a vital relationship without talking and listening to God repeatedly. The fact is that God’s Word does not return empty if your heart is open to receive it. The fact is that God hears your prayers as you learn to depend on him as your source of life. A vital walk with God is a very important part of your discipleship. Jesus spent time with his disciples and taught them to be his instruments to spread the gospel. When you spend time with God and walk with him, you are being “discipled” to be his instruments to spread Christianity all over this world.

Thinking Reproducibility

I’ll never forget eavesdropping once at a restaurant. I had just completed two days of seminars on reproducible evangelism and discipleship. I was eating breakfast with my brother John when a man and a woman were seated at the table next to us. The man was very loud, and I could hear everything they said. The conversation went something like this:

“Sandy, glad you agreed to be taught what it means to be a Christian,” said Bob.

“Thank you, I don’t know much about Christianity, but I now believe in Jesus and I want to be a Christian,” Sandy confessed.

I decided to completely eavesdrop on this conversation. I told my brother quietly, “Let’s listen and hear how Bob will be able to reproduce Christianity to Sandy.” What we heard was a complicated depiction of Christianity. Bob began by explaining that now that Sandy was a Christian she would need to be aware of many important things. Bob started with the rapture. He talked about different theories of the second coming of Christ. He then told her how she should believe.

Next Bob talked about his quiet time. He mentioned that he gets up at 4:00 a.m. and studies the Bible for an hour. Then he meditates and prays for another hour. She was going to have to learn to do this now that she was a Christian. He continued his description of Christianity for the next hour. He used the word “if” often. When asked about movies and drinking, he went on a long and detailed criticism of everything that comes out of Hollywood. He then went on to say that people who smoke and drink have serious spiritual problems.

I noticed her reaction to his presentation. At first her countenance was bright and interested. She asked a few questions. Bob over-answered her questions. Soon she stopped asking questions. Her arms crossed, and her face no longer looked interested in Bob’s lengthy explanations. He concluded his meeting by saying, “If you want to be a fruitful Christian, you’ll need to know these kinds of things. I am willing to meet with you every week to disciple you.” At this point, the conversation came to an abrupt halt. Sandy put some cash on the table to pay for the meal. Bob refused to let her pay. “Put that money back in your purse,” he said. Bob asked Sandy when they wanted to meet again. Sandy said wearily, “Bob, thank you for meeting with me; if I am interested to hear more, I’ll call you.” She quickly rose to her feet and exited. Bob paid the bill and left.

For his part, Bob was just trying to reproduce Christianity as he knew it. He was spiritually reached and nurtured at a specific church with specific spiritual emphases. And the dynamic of his walk was shaped by that background. When he tried to reproduce his faith, he was trying to share too many levels of spiritual content.

Christianity as a whole has many facets to it. As a movement, Christianity has 2,000 years of history and doctrines. Some of these doctrines have been debated for generations. Does anybody really know how many angels can balance on a pin? Christianity has various denominations, each of them with their own doctrinal peculiarities. Christianity is a cultural way of life for a lot of people. For many, the sum total of Christianity is the church they are attending right now. There are a variety of styles of approaching God used by the various Christian churches; different churches have different emphases. In other words, different churches have different understandings of what a windy path looks like.

Some churches believe that knowledge is the key emphasis, that the most windy place of all is the knowledge path. I understand this one because I was raised in a conservative Christian Reformed home. Even though my dad was a mechanic and my mom was a factory worker, we talked about fine points of doctrine in our home. When I became a young adult and was ready to publicly profess my faith, I appeared before the elders of my local church. My elders were very concerned about what I knew. Yes, they were interested in my profession of Jesus as my Savior and Lord, but they wanted to make sure I knew what atonement meant. They asked me questions about topics like sanctification and justification. Did I know the Reformation understanding of the doctrine of T.U.L.I.P. (which I will not even try to define for you now)? The leaders in our church felt that the windiest place, the place where the Holy Spirit reaches us most powerfully, is a mind that retains proper spiritual knowledge.

Other churches will claim that commitment is the windiest path. In churches like this, the worship service is often set up as an event that prompts a commitment to Christ. The message and music aim at convicting the heart and spurring on repentance. The evangelist Billy Graham’s service is a good example of this: There is music, there are testimonies, there is the message, and the conclusion is the altar call. Commitment is the climate of the event. For many churches, this is their windiest path.

Other churches will desire to create an experience. When people “feel” the closeness of God in a worship experience, they feel the wind. Often Pentecostal churches have this emphasis. Often mega-churches have similar approaches. They design their worship service for a relevant experience. The topics are about practical issues like parenting and marriage. The worshipers are often asked to just sit back and enjoy the experience.

Other churches center on liturgy—repeated, predictable patterns that are practiced at every service. Catholic or Anglican churches are good examples of liturgical churches. As you weekly walk through the prayers and a message that often conforms to the church year, you connect with history, with spiritual rhythm, with other churches in your denomination. Liturgy is a stable, grounding force that develops meaning as the habits are practiced over an entire lifetime.

Of course, these categories are an oversimplification; the boundaries between these camps are not as rigid as the descriptions may suggest. It is too simplistic to say that liturgical churches are not interested in knowledge. Or that commitment churches are not interested in experience. Knowledge, commitment, experience, and liturgy find their way into every church or denominational path. Some churches have power combinations of two or more of these values. I am illustrating that there are a lot of complicating factors in reproducing Christianity. Liturgy in itself is not relationship with God. Knowledge in itself is not relationship with God. Commitment in itself is not relationship with God. Experience in itself is not relationship with God. They are all important ingredients but a relationship cannot be reduced to one of these ingredients.

These four words—knowledge, commitment, experience, and liturgy—are relational factors. They are all key ingredients of a relationship. These factors are important in human relationships too. I needed to “know” a lot about my wife Pam, and she needed to know a lot about me. We needed the liturgy of dating/courtship, going through the time-honored traditions of going on dates, buying flowers, etc. We experienced all the feelings of love and tenderness and connection together as we grew in relationship. Eventually we made a commitment to marry each other. There is no way to take out any one of those elements and still have our relationship work. Reducing Christianity to learning doctrine, praying the sinner’s prayer, feeling the Holy Spirit, or attending church will just not work. It is a relationship—a relationship fed by the simple practice of talking and listening repeatedly.

Let’s return to our friends Bob and Sandy. Bob was trying to reproduce Christianity as he knew it. Christianity was very complicated to him. I believe that Bob would have been hard pressed to simply express the heart of Christianity. He was unclear as to the essentials of Christianity.

Sandy was a new believer. I heard her say that she had just made a commitment to Christ at Bob’s church. She checked a box indicating that she wanted to know more about Christianity. Bob must have called her to set up an appointment. Sandy came into the meeting with a series of practical questions such as: How do I succeed at praying or reading the Bible? She had a few curiosity questions like: Are Christians allowed to see movies? What does the Bible say about drinking?

But Sandy left with a sense of heaviness. The conversation with Bob raised questions that she dared not ask. She was afraid that the answers would disqualify her as a Christian. She likely concluded that she had better take this Christian thing very slowly.

So what does a reproducible Christianity look like? Reproducible Christianity starts with a keen sense of what it is you are trying to reproduce. At the very heart of the matter, when you and I share Christianity, we are introducing someone else to a relationship with God. The kind of church you attend, the songs you sing, the type of study Bible you use, your views of smoking and drinking, what time you wake up for devotions— these are all secondary things that go along with Christianity but are not its core. We have to be very careful that we share something that starts a person toward a healthy spiritual future.

Reproducing a relationship is not so simple. A relationship is somewhat hard to quantify. I have given the gospel again and again to people. For some they just do not see it. For others they not only get it, but they want to take that next step in a walk with God. I can’t reproduce my many experiences, my trials and defeats. I can’t recreate apt words that have been spoken to me when I had big decisions to make. I can’t reproduce in someone else’s life the times when God showed up in mine just when I needed him.

There are, however, some things I can reproduce. I can reproduce relational patterns or habits that are simple and easy to maintain. These habits for a walk with God will include prayer (talking to God) and Bible reading (listening to God) repeatedly. It will involve talking and listening to God within the key connections of your life: your personal life, your marriage, your like-minded friends or small groups, your churches, your broader kingdom of God associations, and your evangelistic contacts. A walk with God within the context of your seven connections (discussed in the next reading) is key. Discipleship is the process of growing (sanctification) in a relationship with God and helping others to do the same. It starts in the home with "home discipleship" in Connections One,Two and Three (your personal life, marriage, and family) because that is where you have the greatest influence and greatest accountability.