Transcript: Sacred Ceremonies and Prayers of Forgiving

As a minister of over three decades, I have observed that bitterness, the lack of forgiveness, has destroyed lives, relationships, marriages, families, friends, church conflicts. One would think that the Savior and the Lord of Christianity, and that is, Christ came to the earth to forgive us would be enough of a model to have Christians be the most forgiving people on earth. I might say, I think we are. But I also believe it is difficult to actually forgive someone there are reasons that people hold on to bitterness. I've also observed in the last three decades, that lack of forgiveness, and bitterness hurts the person who holds on to the offense. I've observed something else. I have observed people who would say, I forgave her, but they really didn't, because their actions instead looked and were executed in such a way that they did not forgive her or him. I've noticed that what helps is the role of a minister. People can say they forgive, but when there's a forgiveness ceremony that an ordained minister does, it makes a big difference. Does it always work? Know the human heart is not that simple; to do some formula or do some even ceremony is no guarantee. But I have noticed that people who allow a formal process into a forgiving heart those people that I have observed, the power of the Holy Spirit, what I've observed, is that in so many cases, they do actually forgive that person. I can tell so many stories, some of the stories that I have seen from Christian Leaders Institute, that when forgiveness of an abusive father or mother or cousin or friend or someone that hurt them very deeply when that forgiveness occurred, it's often at that time, the calling into ministry also occurred. today, we're going to talk about the officiant role in bringing forgiveness to people. officiating forgiveness acts. Now one thing is clear is that the role of the minister in forgiveness is in the Bible. John 20:22, with that he breathed on them and said, received the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone, his sins, they are forgiven. If you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven. What I find interesting about that is what does a leader, a Christian leader, an apostle, a disciple have anything to do? Whether there is going to be forgiveness, in some ways that feels random. 

But another way it speaks to how weak humans are, and how much ministers are needed. That we actually can be part of this is so strongly stated—that sins won't be forgiven if we won't forgive them. Now, that's hard to understand. What I'm illustrating is the fact that somehow ministers are involved in this very powerful process. There's no doubt about it. The sermon on the mount is a place where Jesus says in Luke 6:37-38 do not judge or you will be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven, give and it will be given to you a good measure pressed down, shaken together and running over will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. In 1983, my wife and I were married, and the minister, Marvin Highbar picked that passage for our wedding. When he first picked it out of sort of like, what does that have to do with marriage? What about love path and same thing, and I trusted them to pick the passage he wanted, if we asked him to do so, pick that one. I would say that that is one of the most important encouragement for a marriage relationship, and I can look back, and I can see that forgive, and you will be forgiven, don't condemn. 

Don't live in a marriage and a Godship situation. Give and there will be given to you with the measure of you use the lead measure to you. In some ways, Christianity, founded by giving of God's only Son, and his giving his life its founding speaks to all of us. we as ministers want to be always encouraging, and helping people take that next step in being forgiving people. The very Lord's Prayer says in Luke 11, verse four, forgive us our sins, as we also forgive everyone who sins against us. I reflect on the fact that faith and forgiveness connect. Mark 11:23-25. I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, go throw yourself into the sea, and does not doubt in his heart, but believe that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you've received it, and it will be yours. When you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone forgive him. your Father in heaven may forgive your sins. This is a faith passage, say to that mountain, fall into the sea and it will and then part in this very passages and Jesus said how faith of a mustard seeds enough to do amazing things. 

We often focus on that faith side. But we never see clearly that if we have bitterness, if we don't forgive our brothers, it is like a safe douser just waters, the fire of faith out. In I've seen that as a minister, where you see somebody who's just ready to launch, but there's some bitter relationship that they do not deal with. I feel like the church throughout 2000 years addressed this in different ways. I believe that when the early church had like informal and formalized confession, it was about keeping people away from bitterness and learning how to forgive. Today, in a lot of ways, we're missing out on the minister’s role in helping people forgive. This role can't be underestimated. God is serious about forgiveness. In Matthew 18:23, therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. You can read for yourself this whole story about how this servant was unforgiving. As the story ends, in Matthew 18:33 since you have had mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had on you, in angers, Master turn them over the jailer to be tortured until he should pay back all he owed. Then verse 35, this is how my Heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart. 

This is perilous. Forgiveness is core to someone's happiness. In a lot of times that forgiveness is being blocked. It didn't need your role to help someone take that next step. I'll tell you, if you take that role, you will change lives. Colossians 3:13, bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against each other. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. As an officiant, you not only officiate things like weddings and funerals. But an officiant can officiate a formal forgiveness process. I have done that. When you do, it will change people's lives. 1 John 1:9, if we forgive our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. it all starts, that we are forgiven people. Christ modeled it. Luke 23:33, when they came to a place called the skull, there they crucified Him, along with the other criminals, one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing. They divided up His cloths and cast lots. 

This is so core, so absolutely core. what you'll see is that people who avoid this issue, they will become the instigators of trouble. Luke 17:1 before Jesus said to His disciples, things that cause people to sin are bound to come. But woe to that person through whom they come, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck, than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. watch yourself. If your brother sins rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, I repent, forgive him. I bring this up now. Because as an officiant, the teaching is clear. We are ministers who bring the message and the reality of forgiveness to people. But let's talk about me and you and us, the leaders. In some ways, I feel like these passages are coming to us one after another. But I believe, and I have seen, that some of the ministers over the years, two can strive with the lack of forgiveness. Some of you have seen this, like churches that the devil gets in and creates division and conflict and bitterness occurs. then instead of this love and ability to forgive, instead, bitterness occurs in churches. 

Have you been to churches, where you've seen the bitterness and the bitterness is of course, tearing the church and tearing the ministers just cutting people in half? I want to talk now about restorative justice. Sin happens and hurt occurs and there have been people have done their time. I also believe that, as believers, forgiveness is a community act. If someone has hurt others and had to serve time prison for it, we as ministers want to welcome people back if they've had a repentant heart, and they've come back into the community, 2 Corinthians 2:6, the punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. The reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient and everything. Are we a community that knows how to forgive? In general, it would be said about us that whenever I hang around Christians, they are forgiving. Now some people go: well, what happens when people take advantage of you? That's a boundary issue. 

If someone is taking advantage of you, and then throws at you, “Forgive me; you better do that,” with an attitude of manipulation. That's not what Jesus was talking about, as we read a little bit earlier, that somebody comes again and again, and ask for forgiveness. Yes, that's our attitude. But if somebody is using it as a tool to cause trouble, we do forgive them, but we don't allow them to trample over the boundary. I understand I'm talking that if a criminal who then goes to jail, who serves his or her time, and come to the Lord, and come back, and we welcome it and forgive them, but then when they get back, they return to their evil ways and steal and hurt. by all means, we call the police, and they go back to jail. But our attitude is not to be he lives in glass houses, my dad used to say to me, should not throw stones. Our attitude is second Corinthians 2:10. If you forgive anyone, I will also forgive him in what I have forgiven if there was anything to forgive, I have forgiven in the sight of Christ, for your sake. It's really about removing bitterness, bitterness from our very communities. as an officiant, we are those who find ways to pray. A lot of ways when officiant gets involved in something, a minister gets involved with something, he brings ceremony everywhere, a prayer is a ceremony when we notice ministry is needed. We want people to lose the better routes. 

Hebrews 12:15, see to it that no one misses the grace of God that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. The fact is, the Bible is clear about bitterness in the James 3:13-16, who is wise understanding among you, let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in a humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition, your heart. Do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such wisdom does not come down from heaven, but his earthly and spiritual is of the devil. For where you find envy and selfish ambition. There you find disorder and every evil practice. I think it's clear that bitterness is a gateway to sin, captivity. In the story of Simon, the sorcerer, when he's confronted, the apostles say in Acts 8:22, repent of this wickedness and pray to the Lord, perhaps he will forgive you in half for having such a thought in your heart. For I see that you are full of bitterness, and captive to sin. Let's reflect on your family, my family and somebody you know some mean work relationships. Let's reflect on our own lives. I've seen it. I've experienced it. Where the captivity of sin is, the bitterness, the envy is something that can come so close for all of us. it really is, you know, I believe in one of the most amazing things about being a minister, is that we're studying the Word of the very word we're studying, it affects us. Is there someone in your life that you need to forgive? 

Do you know someone whose life is being hijacked and bankrupt because they have bitterness and they’re not bringing forgiveness? I believe this is one of the most amazing things of being a minister and officiant. We can actually help people get to that spot, help, unburden souls. We get to be part of what it says in Ephesians 4:30-32 into that grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling, slander, on with every form of malice, be kind and compassion to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you. what's your role? What's my role? What can we do? We can ask people who are coming to us, and they're talking about how someone hurt them in Listen! Be very careful, listen, the knots in them. when I've done that, I found it is very effective. I'd say, you know, as a minister and ordained minister, would you like me to officiate forgiveness ceremony for you? They say, I've never heard of that! it's simple. First of all, I'll share with you some Bible passages about forgiveness. you probably know them, and they might even make you feel guilty. 

But you know what, don't worry about that. Let the Holy Spirit totally have the Holy Spirit's away with you. then what I've done is I've shared the passage when they said, Yes, I'm interested. this is very important, if they're not interested, I promise you that I am interested. they might say, well just pray for me. But some people say, it is killing the joy in my life, snatching it away. Can you help me? Some of those passages that I just read to you, you can read that person. then after you read them say, well, there we do have a forgiveness ceremony that I can lose this person one on one. this is totally confidential. Confidential? Yes, totally confidential. What's that like? what I'm going to do is leave you in a prayer, in very specifically, the things that you are harboring against somebody else. We are going to bring into the cross of Jesus Christ in a formal way with ordained officiant. It's a little service, personalized for you. We will open the Word of God. At the end of this, we will give our burdens will unburden ourselves. A lot of times I get this objection, or this comment: we're just going to let someone let someone off the hook. 

They need justice, and then you can share. it is God's job to avenge, not ours. then we might even point out a few things from our observation or our reading. I'll point out that, you know, I've just seen it. That bitterness hurts you way more than it will hurt the person that you're bitter against. It's like a slow poison, and you die from that poison. sometimes, you'll see people who are like, you know, I'm dying. I'll then say as a minister, I like to do a special prayer with you after we read some passages, and we pray, and then have a simple prayer. It doesn't have to be this long and drawn-out prayer. It's just, you know, and I'm going to talk about some of these formalized prayers in another session, but I will finish this, and we'll come back to it as well. what I have done in the scene, the Holy Spirit, I say, so sort of enact this right now. let's pray. what I'll do is I will pray for you right now. Maybe you have a bitterness. we'll pretend you have no bitterness; just pretend you do. you're the person that I'm praying with. I'll call you. I'll call you, Jane. Jane, would you like to take this bitterness in this hurt? To bring this to the Lord, and forgive Susan? Yes, Pastor. Yes, Minister. Okay, then, you know, there are some passages that just get our heart ready, that we know is best for us to do it. then I would have been really great to read some of those passages. Then, after that, say, well, let's pray. It'll be something like this. you can even have your own style. Lord, Jane here is bringing before you a desire to forgive someone. she's had a really hard time doing it. this is what she wants. Jane is going to repeat this prayer after me with a willing spirit. Jane, repeat this afternoon. Dear God, Dear God, I come to you because I am seeking to forgive Susan, I come to you because I'm seeking to forgive Susan. She has gossiped about me. She has gone out of her way to make my life miserable. She has gossiped about she's gone out of her way to make my life miserable. Lord, all I can simply do is obey you, and forgive her. I can let go. All I can do is simply obey You and forgive her. Please help me, give me the power of the Holy Spirit to do this. Please help me Give me the power of the Holy Spirit to do this. I submit to you, I submit to you, in Jesus’ name, in Jesus’ name, Amen. 

Now, it's fascinating. I went into like, a remembrance of real time remembrance in a next session. It's a lot shorter, the simple prayer, but that's how many times that as a minister, I officiated something like that. there are all varieties. If, if someone is in a relationship, and they come in there was I've had this to where there's been the sense, the person asked for forgiveness. the person in your ministry did not want her getting in, even though the person asked for forgiveness, in the you know, there you secure in the Bible, if your brother comes to you and ask forgiveness, forgive them. there's a lot of different ways this works out. I'm trying to make the point today is have a formal process that then just make it out of the page. as ordained minister or licensed minister. Just the very act of doing this creates a new playing field for the possibility of someone forgiving someone else. as an officiant, again, you're just not doing weddings, but you know, that's something you can do as an officiant. But an officiant is also making official an act and here is the very act of forgiveness. 

 I would love to have you email me some of you who have actually boldly tried this and report to me. Now, sometimes it takes a little while and so far, but as an officiant, go for it. Now, one little warning here after you have that formal time, let it rest. Don't go next week asking, have you forgiven Susan? Bad idea. Just let it go. you may want to at the end of that prayer, say, do you mind if I check back with you? Two weeks, three weeks, six months or whatever. But I would ask for permission before you in an unsolicited way, just call up. Jane, Jane, how's it going? Do you forgive Susan? when you do call up in the future, what I've learned is, it's more like, hey, Jane, just checking with you anything to pray for today. if Jane wants to talk about you know, I need your prayers for this forgiveness thing. Jane will say it. Did I call him Hey, Jane, I'm here to pray for this forgiveness thing? I hope it's going well for you. That solemn encounter that ministerial ceremony there, was something between God and her and you are the Lord servant to bring this about. those are just a few of the things that we have learned in amounts us have I learned is that ministers have learned this for generations and generations. But as an officiant, you get to be part of an amazing forgiveness process. Praise the Lord, Amen.