Transcript: Thriving Children

Video Transcript – Unit 04 - Thriving Children (David Feddes)

What does it take for children to thrive? The Bible is really quite clear and quite simple in saying what it takes for children to

thrive in order to have thriving children, you need children to honor and obey their parents, and thriving children have parents

who are worth honoring and obeying. So the children need to honor and obey and the parents need to be worthy of it. And

you'll have children who thrive. That's the basic outline of how the Bible teaches that children thrive. Colossians three verses

20 and 21 says children obey your parents and everything for this pleases the Lord or literally is pleasing in the Lord.

Because Colossians at this point is explaining what life in the Lord is like. And in these verses, it's talking about what family

life is like, in the Lord, when Jesus is in you, and you are in him. So children obey, and fathers do not provoke your children,

less they become discouraged. Ephesians expands a bit on that Ephesians six verse one says, children obey your parents in

the Lord for this is right. And then it quotes from the 10 commandments, Honor your father and mother. This is the first

commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Fathers do not provoke

your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

So you see, the instructions have two sides, the children are addressed, and the parents are addressed. And one mistake

that we can tend to make in reading the Bible is to listen to what God is saying to the other person. And so we parents will

often quote to our children that they have to obey, and we should, that's fine. But we also need to hear what God says to us

that we are not to drive our children crazy or provoke them, but to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord

and be people who are worth honoring and obeying. The Bible makes it very clear how important it is for children to listen to

their parents. And that's what I'd like to focus on. First, just the importance of children, listening to parents, listen my son to

your father's instruction, and do not forsake your mother's teaching. Listen to both mom and dad, my son, do not forget my

teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. It's kind of

an echo from the commandment that it may go well with you and that you may live long. Very same idea here in Proverbs

three. The eye that mocks the father, that scorns obedience to a mother will be picked out by the Ravens of the valley will be

eaten by the vultures. Now who gets eaten by vultures, dead people, that's whose eyes get picked out by the scavengers by

the buzzards in the short version of this is listen to your parents or your dead meat. That's very literally what it's saying. If you

don't listen to Mom and Dad, you're dead meat. You're buzzard bait. And so it's a pretty strong verse. But this vulture versus

one for kids to take to heart if I want to thrive, I need to listen to mom and dad. Now the Bible gives us examples of how not

to deal with things as a father, and as children.

The sons of Eli says the Bible were worthless man, they did not know the Lord. And part of the reason is that they had a

weak father, who did not strongly and firmly direct them in God's ways and then restrain them whenever they stray from

God's ways. And the other problem was, they just didn't listen to their dad. They would not listen to the voice of their father,

for it was the will of the Lord to put them to death. Eli did tell them my son, I hear you're doing some bad stuff. By this time

they were grown. And they were stealing from the offerings to the Lord. And they were sleeping with women at the entrance

to God's tabernacle, and doing all sorts of terrible stuff. And when Eli said you guys got to cut it out. That's bad. They wouldn't

listen. And on the other hand, God said that he would punish Eli's house forever for the iniquity that Eli knew because his

sons were blaspheming God, and He did not restrain them. Now, whenever things go wrong in someone's life, it's possible

that it is the fault of the Father. He didn't restrain them. He didn't direct them properly. But there's often two sides of the coin.

The father may have given good guidance, but they just wouldn't listen and he didn't insist on it firmly enough. But either you

don't listen as a child, or you didn't restrain as an adult, the we need to be aware of both sides. Now if you're a child, you

might have a father like Eli, who is not perfect or who didn't have strong enough discipline. And you might think that it's all his

fault if you're not turning out, right.

Well try this one on for size, Hophni and Phineas, those wicked sons weren't the only ones who grew up under Eli. Samuel,

the boy had Eli as his main father figure, the boy Samuel ministered to the Lord in the presence of Eli, the priest. And the

Bible says this young man Samuel continued to grow both in stature and in favor with the Lord. And also with man. He's

somebody who's growing up under Eli. And despite Eli's flaws, Samuel is a man who's a boy who's listening to Eli and

growing in favor with God and man, Samuel didn't yet know the Lord. And the word of the Lord had not yet been revealed to

him. But you may remember the story where Samuel here's the voice calling Samuel, and he goes over to Eli. And Eli says,

No, it wasn't me. I wasn't calling and that happens three times. And then the third time, Eli perceived that the Lord was calling

the young man. So despite Eli's faults, he helped Samuel to recognize God's voice. And it may well be that a child has

parents who are very imperfect. But if that child will listen to God's word, and take what he can, from what's good in his

parents, God will use that to bless him. So Eli was to blame.

But his wicked sons were also to blame for their wickedness. And we each are responsible for the Lord, in how we deal with

these things. Now, why obey parents? Well, first of all, Ephesians says, obey your parents. This is pleasing in the Lord.

Colossians says that to your picturing how God the Son, Jesus Christ, obey is God the Father, remember, it says, You're

pleasing in the Lord, or what's fitting in the Lord, and in the Lord. You're living with the Christ life in you, and you're portraying

something about God. And God, the son obeys God the Father. And so one reason to obey our fathers is to picture how

Jesus Christ obeys his father, and the picture that when we obey our earthly father, we want to obey our Heavenly Father to.

Another reason obey parents, it's right. You're keeping one of God's 10 commandments, when in doubt, do the right thing. Do

what God says, it's a very good reason to do something, or when some parents will say, why should you do that? Because I

say so. Well, sometimes God says, you do that because I say so. It's right. It's one of my commandments. Not the only

reason God gives, you know, it's pleasing in the Lord. And there are other reasons he gives well, but a biggie is, it's right, I

command it. Oh, here's another great reason that it may go well with you. If you're a child, it's very, very likely that your

parents want what's best for you. There may be some bad and terrible parents out there. But for the most part, parents want

what's best for their kids. And obeying them, helps you to thrive materially helps you to thrive relationally it helps you to thrive

spiritually, if you're paying attention to godly Christian parents.

So we listen to mom and dad, because it's good for us. Now, that's not always something that kids have an easy time

accepting that dad knows best. I remember my 10th birthday, man did it feel good to turn 10, I had arrived at mature

manhood. And I thought on that particular day, it was time to move up in the world. I had a chore that summer to bring grain

out to a bull on the ranch that we lived on. And every day, I would carry grain out to that bull and dump it in his feed pan and

he would eat it. And everyday I had to ride a pony to do that. But well, ponies are for little kids. Horses are for men. And at the

age of 10. It was time for me to ride the horse or so I thought I told my dad I thought it was time that I should take the horse

out to feed the bull. Well, that says no Dave, you're not big enough to ride the horse yet you better stick with the pony frosty

for a little longer. Well, after dad had gone off, I decided I knew better than he did. So I went out and I caught the horse. And I

managed to get the bridle on the horse. I managed to get the big saddle the man saddle on the horse and strap the cinch and

hopped on and I was off I carrying that bag of grain tied to the saddle. And I felt good riding high, literally riding high on that

horse. And I got out to the pasture and decided to speed things up a little bit and went from a trot to canter to a gallop and

man that felt good to be galloping along on that horse. And then I discovered something that was a problem. I was in a man's

saddle but I was a boy and my legs were too short to reach the stirrups so the stirrups are just flapping back and forth against

the sides of that horse.

Well, you know what a horse thinks when stirrups or something's kicking it in the sides. That message means go faster. And

so that horse went faster and faster and faster and my feet couldn't reach those stirrups, and they just flopped harder and

harder. Meanwhile, being age 10. And being kind of scrawny, I didn't have the strength in my arms to pull that horse back and

slow it down. And she had the bit in her teeth and was just running dead out as fast as she could. And I had no idea how to

stop her or slow her down. So I finally just pulled on the reins and got her to turn in one direction and headed her toward a

swamp with a bunch of bumps and mud in and I thought that might slow her down. Well, it slowed her down. All right, she hit

that swamp going full speed, and promptly tripped over some of those humps and flipped and threw me over her head, and I

landed in the mud. And then the horse rolled over on my legs and leaped up and headed for home. Well, I slowly picked

myself up out of the mud, and I was kind of sore, but nothing was broken. And I stumbled on home. And when I got there, I

was a little worried about what my dad was going to do to me, but he actually didn't do anything. Because while he was too

busy laughing. Now, looking back years later, I can say, you know, that was kind of funny. But when it happened, you know,

listening to my dad could have saved me a lot of trouble not listening to him literally could have killed me, I could have broken

my neck flying over that horse's head, or having that large animal roll on me. But the Lord spared me, despite my

disobedience. That's an important reason, though, to obey parents, because they know what's best for you, and you obey

them so that it will go well with you. Now, there's another reason why you obey your parents.

Because if you're a kid, you're always going to be shaped by some adult, or by some group of adults. It's just a question of

which adults? Do you want to be shaped by the ones who love you the most? And who know you're the best? Or do you want

to shape be shaped by those others because many kids think that they're doing what they want to do, or what kids their own

age want to do. And they don't realize that what kids their own age want to do in terms of the programs they watch. And the

music they listen to is almost entirely determined by adults in boardrooms, a bunch of fat 50 and 60 year olds calculating

what they can pedal on kids and make money from. And so if sex and violence sells, those adults are going to be selling that

if they want to market, booze and drugs. For every kid who's got a buddy trying to push drugs or liquor on him, there's some

adult somewhere getting rich off the deal. And it's just that way, in all areas of life, you're gonna have adults with the power in

your life, whether you understand it or not. MTV, I'll just take that long lasting music channel, for example, those who started

it said it was the best researched channel in history. Adults just spent their time figuring out how to hook and manipulate kids

and make money off of them. So when you're a kid, you got your choice, is your life's gonna be run by those adults who don't

care anything about you and just want to get rich off for you. And they don't mind if they mess up your life in the bargain. Are

you gonna listen to those parents who love you more than anybody else on earth does and who know you better than

anybody else on earth does? Those are some of the main reasons for obey and parents. Now, parents aren't perfect. kids

aren't either sometimes they think they are. But what if a kid were perfect? Even then a perfect son would still submit to

imperfect parents look at Jesus. Jesus was at the temple, his parents misunderstood him. They lost track of him for a few

days while he was in the temple, conversing with the great experts in the law of God. And when they finally found them, his

mom scolded him. Well, Jesus said to them, Why were you looking for me? Didn't you know that I must be in my father's

house. And they did not understand the saying that he spoke to them. That sentence could kind of summarize a lot of parent

relations with kids who are coming of age, they did not understand the saying that he spoke to them.

But in this case, of course, they're not understanding their son who is also the very Son of God. And Jesus went down with

them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart. And

Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man, here is the perfect kid. But his parents

misunderstand him and he did have a truly high mission. He wasn't getting into trouble and was misunderstood because of

that. He was misunderstood because he was following his Father in heaven in such a wonderful way. And yet, he submitted

to them, and in his submission to them, he grew just as Samuel had grown in stature and in favor with God and man. Now,

thriving children honor and obey their parents. The flip side is that thriving children has parents who are worth honoring and

obeying Don't needlessly provoke their kids, but bring them up in God's glad, joyous way. And I want to spend the rest of this

time talking about what it takes to be parents who don't provoke your kids, but to help them to thrive. I want you to notice that

both Colossians three, verse 21, and Ephesians, six, verse four, tell children, to obey their parents and to honor father and

mother. And yet, the fathers in particular, are the focus of the command to bring up the children and not provoke them. So the

children are told to obey parents. But then the command instead of just saying, parents do this in relation to your children, it

says, fathers, why would it focus on fathers and not so much on mothers? Because the children are told to obey both father

and mother? Why would it focus on fathers? Well, first of all, the father has the main responsibility for his children. And he is

the first one to answer to the Lord, for the well being, and the upbringing of his children. The mother has a very important role

as well, and others, the pastor, and if the children go to a school, teachers and others have an influence, and they'll have

things to answer for, but the person with the main responsibility for answering to the Lord for children will be the father on the

Judgement Day, the first person who asked who the God asks about your children is not going to be their mother, it's not

going to be their pastor, it's not going to be their youth group leader, it's not going to be their teachers, it is going to be the

father.

The father has the main responsibility before God for how his children are brought up. And that's why fathers are mentioned

here, and addressed here and dealing with children. But there's a second reason, I believe, and that is that the father also

has the greatest power to provoke, and discourage children. Moms overall tend to be just a bit more nurturing. Yeah, moms

can drive their kids crazy to moms could be unreasonable and harsh, and all of that, but there's an even greater likelihood

that a father will be insensitive, and maybe more bullying, or more mean, in his dealings with his children. That was

particularly true of the culture that was being addressed at the time Colossians and Ephesians, were written. Roman fathers

had what was called The Rite of Patria Potestas, the absolute power, the power of life and death, over wife and children, you

could literally kill a child and not be prosecuted for it, because you were the Father, and you had absolute power. Well, that is

not God's way. And so God speaks to the Apostle Paul and says, fathers Don't provoke your children to anger, don't provoke

them, or they'll become discouraged don't cause them to lose heart. So two reasons at least we're focusing on fathers

especially. One is that the father does have the primary responsibility, and the wife then has, the mother has secondary

responsibility, teamed up with the Father, for the well being of the children. And then secondly, Dad may have just more of a

likelihood than the mom of being too brutal or too harsh. The Bible calls us to discipline children if we're parents. Proverbs

speaks of it frequently, I'll just mention a few verses folly is bound up in the heart of a child. But the rod of discipline drives it

far from him. Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him, is diligent to discipline him. It's not an act of

hatred, but of love. to discipline your child, it's often easier to just kind of let them go or give them their way. But if you love

your child, you'll discipline do not withhold discipline from a child. If you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike it

with the rod, you will save his soul from sheol from going down to the pit. Remember, Eli, he had no discipline, his sons went

down to the pit, they died, they were struck down in battle as God's punishment, and we're lost.

So if you love kids, you want them to sense that sin hurts, that wrongdoing leads to trouble and you do that with control

discipline, so they get just a little taste of pain so that they don't end up with the unlimited on ending pain of the pit, and of

death. Loving discipline is vital. But we need to understand too that when you hear that verse, If you strike with a rod, he will

not die. Some of us know children who are terribly abused by their parents. Oh, what damage it does when a child is

mistreated dreadfully by their parents when the discipline gets way out of hand. And so we need to understand what's the

difference between healthy discipline and unhealthy discipline? Well, let's look at a passage In the book of Isaiah, where God

has just been talking about his discipline of the people of Israel. Now all of a sudden he seems to go off topic for a moment

he starts talking about farming. He says does he plows for sowing plow continually? Does he continually open and Harrow

his ground? You know, the a farmer doesn't just plow plow plow plow plow, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, plow, plow, dig, dig,

dig. No, the only reason you plow is to prepare the ground for planting. So when he has leveled the surface, does he not

scattered dill or so Kuhlman, or put wheat in rows and barley in its proper place. So there is a place for plowing but it's

limited, you do it only for a time in order to plant the good stuff. Now, God says when he is doing his discipline, he's not just

going to be plowing Israel unendingly he's punishing there briefly. And then he's going to make good stuff happen and apply

that to parenting. If your only goal is to make sure nothing bad happens with your child, to try to dig up all the bad stuff in

them, and to prevent them from doing bad things. And to be a disciplinarian who always punishes what's wrong, but never

plants or encourages or builds up, all you're gonna end up with is an empty thing of dirt at best. One of the best ways by the

way of preventing too many weeds from growing in a field is to have a lot of good plants growing there. So a smart farmer

doesn't plow and get rid of the bad stuff. discipline has its place, but then you plant and you water and you fertilize and you

get that good stuff to grow.

When it does come time for discipline, or God compares it in this case in Isaiah to harvesting, he says dill that's one kind of

thing you'd harvest is not thrashed with a threshing sledge. Nor is a cartwheel, a really heavy big thing rolled over Kuhlman.

But Dale is beating out the stick and come in with a rod is a big deal. Who cares how they used to harvest grain back then,

well, these were light grains and you did not use heavy stone wheels to crush in order to separate it from the chaff. And you

didn't use a huge sledge, you just used a little switch and tap the little bit and what you needed would come out and then you

had what you wanted. And God say his discipline to is not going to be brutal or fatal, but his discipline is going to accomplish

its purpose, and then he's going to quit. Now when it comes to parenting. There may be a place for a little switch, there may

be a place for something that stings, but never for something that harms that crushes that damages that smashes. If you

want to get chaff out of your children's life with the rod then it's going to be a rod that is used wisely and not brutally. There's a

huge difference between godly correction and ungodly cruelty. We are called to discipline and godly discipline is fair, you

don't give more punishment than the deed deserves. It's done in love. And it's limited. There are been some child rearing

experts who say that you should spank a child until it cries if I won't cry, you just keep on spank until they do.

No, discipline is limited. They may cry on the first smack on a little spanking. Others might not be you don't just keep on

turning up the heat until there's pain because that would be damaging. That'd be bullying. That'd be inflicting bodily injury, a

huge difference between abuse and restrained, godly discipline. There's a time to scold kids, they need to be rebuilt, they

need to be corrected, but it should be done privately Not in front of all kinds of other people to shame them not in front of their

neighborhood friends to make them look stupid or to grind them down. Sometimes kids do need a good sound scolding. But

then keep it that way. Don't let it become screaming and screaming as when you're raging, when you're exploding. When

you're venting when you're not doing it so much for their good as you are just pouring out your own fury. And you might be

insulting them, you might be publicly humiliating them. Some children who have not suffered physical abuse have suffered

verbal abuse by the fits of rage and the screaming and the degrading ways that their parents have spoken of them and

insulted them. Another aspect of guiding a child is to direct to teach, by your words by your example. And this is very

valuable. But there's a big difference between directing and dominating. Some parents again, you know, who may be a little

bit more conservative and I can have some sympathy for that. Feel the need to control their children very rigidly and forced

children all to fit the same mold, some child rearing model, say, Oh, you got to get your children on a schedule. You feed

them only according to their your schedule, even when they're babies and make them learn to be what you want them to be.

And that's what really helped them as they grow up. But not all kids are made the same, and this idea that we're going to

have rigid control of our children at all times couldn't be a big mistake, something that is damaging to them, we need to find

out how God has made them and help that to develop, not just squeeze them into a certain way of doing things. As we bring

up our children without provoking them without driving them crazy, without discouraging them, and in deterring them, we

need to punish acts of direct disobedience or defiance, not just goofy stunts or careless feel. Sometimes the kids are goofing

off and something happens and something breaks and you're mad, because what broke was valuable, but they weren't trying

to do anything bad.

Or they knocked their milk over on the table with their elbow, that's a pain in the neck. When your kids spill a glass of milk,

you got to clean it up, and it's a mess. And you can get really mad at them. But that's really not something to be punished

because they weren't sinning and they weren't defying you it was just something careless. And you might be the one that

knocks over the milk tomorrow. Now, spanking is more appropriate when kids are fairly young, and they respond best to a

quick physical consequence. But there may be cases as kids grow up where spanking is just not appropriate anymore. And

there may be some parents for whom spanking is not the appropriate way that they should discipline their kids. If you're a

parent who grew up under abusive parents, it might be wise for you not to spank. But to find other forms of discipline for your

kids. This is especially true, if you find yourself hitting too hard or screaming too loud, then you need to say I need forms of

discipline where I can control myself and spanking doesn't seem to be one of them. Sometimes people with family history

have a very hard time with that. And then it's best to just avoid forms that easily turn into abuse for you. Unfairness doesn't

always mean treating all kids the same.

Every child is different. Sometimes, a kid needs only a mild rebuke, and they are very penitent and sorry, other children need

a pretty firm hand and a pretty strong punishment before they realize how serious the wrongs that they did was. And so we

shouldn't just say every kid is the same, I'm going to treat them all the same. Now you shouldn't play favorites, that's for sure.

But each child is different. And you need to be seeking what is best for that child, not just okay, I am going to be exactly the

same in my dealings with all people. Be consistent, this is another way to avoid grieving your children. Make sure the

punishment fits the crime. Make sure the children know what to expect if they do something wrong. Your consequences have

to consistently fit the offense and not vary with a parent's mood. Hey, I'm a dad. I know sometimes my kids are bad. It is so

cute. It is so funny. And I have to stifle my giggles and keep myself from laughing. And be stern and punish them because I

know they were doing something wrong, and they were being disobedient. Now, there's a danger. Where if the kids are cute,

while they're being bad, or if I happen to be in a good mood while they're being bad, they get away with it, and maybe even

get kind of a good feeling if they made dad laugh.

But they might do the very same thing when I'm in a bad mood and get nailed to the wall for it. That's provoking your kids.

They need to know that the punishment is based on their behavior, not what mood I happen to be in. Another aspect of being

consistent is that we walk the talk, our lives must be consistent with the kind of life that we're demanding of our children.

parents must consistently do what they order their children to do and avoid what they tell their children to avoid. If you don't

want your children to smoke, you better try to kick smoking. If you don't want your kids getting drunk, you better not get

drunk. If you don't want your kids being ornery and obnoxious. You better not be ornery and obnoxious. If you want your kids

to honor authority, then you need to honor authority, you need to speak well of the elders of your church, you need to speak

well of the government or when you criticize at least convey that you still respect those who hold those positions. Because if

you want your children to honor your authority, then you had better be honoring the authority of those who are over you. So

make sure in various areas of life that you're walking the talk. Another part of consistency is that father and mother are to be

consistent with each other. If dad says no, then mom should say no to if mom says No, dad should say no to some kids know

which parent is the softer touch. And so if one says no, they'll run off to the other one and ask. I've got a lot of experience in

this with eight kids. And so oftentimes when my kids come and ask me if they can do something, I'll say well, did you ask

mom? And sometimes they'll say, well, she said to ask you, but other times they'll just have to say yeah, I asked her and she

said no. And then my obvious clear answer right away as well. Then no means no. So It's very important inconsistency that

kids realize their parents are united. And that's helpful for the growth and stability of children. As a parent who doesn't want to

grieve your kids be understanding. He who answers before listening, that's his folly into shame. Before you jump on a kid

before He punished, at least hear that kid's side of the story. Punishment may still be due at the end of that, but at least be

willing to listen, you may find out there's more to it than you thought. If two kids are are into it in a quarrel or something, make

sure you hear both sides of it. The first presenters case seems right, until another comes forward, and questions him. So

hear both sides of the story. you're grieving your children if you're just kind of a punishment machine, who never listens to

anybody. A man of knowledge uses words with restraint. And a man of understanding is even tempered. So when you

communicate with your kids, seek to keep your temper level, and your words calm. And to deal with them in an

understanding manner a fool gives full vent to his anger. But a wise man keeps himself under control.

One of the worst ways to provoke your kids to wrath is to have lots of explosions of wrath yourself and be out of control

yourself. So be understanding be compassionate as a father shows compassion to his children. So the Lord shows

compassion to those who fear him, for he knows our frame, he remembers that we are dust, compassion and understanding

go together. He knows our frame, he knows what we're made of. He knows our weaknesses, and he treats us accordingly.

He doesn't treat us accordingly, according to who we aren't. But according to who we are. And parents, we need to know our

children's frame, be alert to your child's maturity level, your child's limits and abilities, their moods, their tiredness, the

challenges, they face, the fears that they feel. I know that in some cases, it's not appropriate to give your children the long

sermons and lectures, but rather to really understand where there are take a little kid for, for instance, a child around 8:30 in

the evening is getting really cranky, and really ornery and sad. And you haul out your Bible and read to the child, do

everything without arguing and complaining that you may become blameless and pure children of God and a wicked and

perverse generation. Now, that's a great verse in the Bible, and we should take it to heart and children may in some

occasions need to hear that. But to tell a kid, a young child at 8:30 at night that they need to shape up because God says no

complaining, hey, you may just want to put them to bed, let them sleep, and you'll find they're in a better mood The next

morning, you need to be sensitive to moods, because some of it is just their physical frailty know their frame. Or if you have a

teenager, they may come across as just having no respect for you, not wanting to give you the time of day. And maybe that's

how they feel. But before you just jump all over them, find out what's driving it, it may be that they're facing some challenges

in their life right now.

It may be that their hormones are just changing and that their moods are a lot less stable than they used to be. I'm not

making excuses for sin. I'm just saying we need to know our children's frame, and deal with them as they are. And

sometimes kids are struggling with questions and they can't necessarily put it into words unless you really take the time to

listen. So don't take all difficult or obnoxious behavior as a sign that all is lost. And these kids are awful. The main calling by

the way of a Christian parent, is to display God's grace and love to children, to show them compassion, to show them

forgiveness. And as part of that, admit your own need of grace. You're far from perfect, I'm far from perfect. And then we need

to treat our children with grace. And very often we need to apologize to them and say, I was wrong to blow up you like that I

misunderstood. I haven't done what I should have. Or there may be other ways we've wronged them by not bringing them up

in the ways the Lord by reading the Bible with them every day, or paying attention to their studies and helping them where

they struggle. And we need to say I was wrong. I owe you better than that. And admit our own need for grace and then

extend to them. Grace as well. We need to be teachable ourselves. Do you see a man who's wiser than those in his own

eyes.

There's more hope for a fool than for him. And I know it all parent is a grief to his children. Just be somebody who's a little

more humble and willing to admit when you're wrong and also seek the advice of others who are veteran parents, and who

can help you don't just be wise in your own eyes he would trust himself as a fall. For you walks in wisdom is kept safe. The

fear of the Lord teaches the man wisdom and humility comes before honor if you live before the Lord In a meek and humble

spirit, and before your children with a readiness to say, I'm sorry, when you're wrong, that is itself going to be making your

children humbler and more teachable, because that spirit in you is going to rub off on them and be involved in their lives.

Ephesians six, verse four says, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, don't just kind of let things happen.

aimlessly, you've got discipline and instruction, teaching them daily, what a privilege it is, as a father, to open the Word of God

with my family every day, to read that word with them, to sing God's praises with them, to pray with them, or to help them to

begin to pray with the family. And my kids will often take turns praying with the family to bring them up and, and to do that in

an engaged way every day and not just at the time of personal devotions. But throughout the day, you shall teach the

commands of God diligently to your children, and she'll talk of them when you sit in your house. When you walk. By the way,

when you lie down, when you rise up, the way to lead children to the Lord isn't just by hauling them to church, or even by

having daily devotions with them at home, though those are important, but also just by your lifestyle and your constant

conversation, to show that you love them, and that you want them to know God and be godly. The apostle Paul says we dealt

with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting, and urging you to live lives worthy of God.

See that encouragement and comfort and in urging, you may have to rebuke or scold your children sometimes, but make

sure you praise and encourage more than you rebuke or scold, you may have to discipline and punish from time to time, but

make sure you reward and build up and to help more than you punish. And as part of this godliness, just look at what the fruit

of the Spirit is. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self

control. Hey, you could throw away just about every book on child rearing, if you had the fruit of the Spirit, flourishing in your

life, if your life is a life characterized by love, by cheerfulness and joy, by a sense of calm and peace and contentment, by

being patient, and kind and good, and faithful to your word, and gentle and keeping yourself under control, hey, if you are that

kind of person, and that kind of parent, it will delight your children and attract them and rub off on them. If godly fruit thrives in

you. Faith won't be forced on your children in a way that provokes them, they'll find it delicious.

If you're not marrying the fruit of the Spirit, then all your efforts and discipline and teaching are going to fall far short. Because

they'll come across as harsh and as provoking. But when the Spirit of Christ is bearing that fruit, what a joy and blessing it is

for kids. We all fall very far short in many respects. But then we need to be humbled before our children and before God. And

when God by His grace makes more of that fruit grow in us, the children are going to benefit from that godliness. Let me just

end by reminding you that parenthood ultimately pictures the fatherhood of God. Many children who struggle to trust God, to

love God. Many times their struggle comes because their human father has not portrayed God well at all, and has not

conveyed love and wisdom and understanding. How does God speak to his own son Jesus, he says, You are my beloved

son. With you I am well pleased. One of the central most important things that a parent can do for his children in picturing the

fatherhood of God is to say I love you and to show it and to treasure and be pleased and to delight in children. If children are

loved and delighted in by their parents. They are experiencing something that shows them the delight and love of God the

Father for his son, the father loves the son and shows him all that he himself is doing once again, the father's God, the

father's relationship to Jesus, the son is our cue as fathers, to display to our children, to love them, and help them understand

what we're doing.

Jesus teaches us to address God as our Father in heaven. And we fathers on earth must, with God's grace, do all we can to

be at least a dim reflection of God's fatherhood. Jesus said if you then you people who are evil, know how to give good gifts

to your children. How much more will your Father who is in heaven, give good gifts to those who asked him. So he's speaking

of the ultimate fatherhood of God. Even those of us who are evil, we know a little bit how to give good gifts to our children.

And may we do it and may our children from our imperfect fatherhood gain at least a hint and a picture of the perfect

fatherhood of God. The other side of that is that children's attitude to parents pictures, the attitude that should be taken

towards God, the Father and children are inevitably preaching something about the relationship of Jesus to the Father, just

as parents are inevitably preaching something about the relationship of the father to Jesus, and it may be true, or it may be a

big lie, saying that God the father hates Jesus or God the father doesn't want what's best for Jesus or conversely children's

saying that Jesus disobeyed the Father. But when we are living as God calls us to, then we're acting out and kind of drama or

parable form something about the relationship of God the Son to God the Father, Jesus said, I do nothing on my own

authority. But I speak just as the father taught me. And children should understand that they are reflecting a beautiful thing.

They're reflecting the submission and obedience of Jesus, to God the Father, when they submit to the authority of their

parents.

Jesus said, I do as the Father has commanded me so that the world may know that I love the Father. His obedience shows

his love, and what obedience, although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered. Jesus was perfect,

and we're not, and children aren't perfect. But Jesus was asked to obey something more stupendous than anything we will

ever be asked to obey. Jesus was asked to give up all the glory and power of heaven, and come to earth and be born in a

stable, Jesus was asked to bear all the sins of the world and all the wrath of God against those sins, and he obeyed. Now,

when the Bible says, when he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered doesn't mean he disobeyed before

that it just means that he was called upon to obey in a way that he had never been called upon before. He had always been

called upon to obey the father and do those delightful things. But he was also then asked to do a dreadful and hard thing by

the Father, and He did it. Our parents will never ask us to do anything as hard as God asked Jesus to do. And so as we're

called to at least reflect the sons obedience and everything lawful that our parents ask us to do, we must honor and obey

them. And that is what produces thriving children, children and parents who are caught up in this drama of fathers seeking to

reflect God the Father of children's seeking to reflect the obedience of Jesus the Son, and children thriving as they obey

father and mother, and as Father and Mother, are worthy of that obedience.