Transcript: Second Principle - Stay in the Here and Now with One Issue at a Time

Video Transcript: Second Principle – Stay in the Here and Now with one Issue at a Time

Welcome again and this is the second principle regarding conflict resolution. It is seen in the here and now and also keeping one issue at a time. This is very important because today's problems are enough to deal with. The Bible is very specific about this Matthew 6:34 states therefore, do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Also Ephesians, 4:31 and 32 states get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice, be kind and compassionate to one another. forgiving each other just as Christ in God forgave you. And that is so important, because in this forgiveness, this brings the ability to not go to a grudge, state, and grudges keep us in the past and do not allow us to be in the present. Now, based on pass resentmentcy affected person's ability to see the reality of the current situation will be impaired. grudges create bitter roots and do not allow positive fruit of the Spirit, while most grudge holders do not understand is it there is much strain that a grudge puts on themselves both mentally and emotionally and absolutely then on the relationship within grudges being so emotionally tied in nature, a person can be stuck and unable to move forward with conflict resolution. 

I'll give an example, I was working with a couple, and anytime the wife would do something that the husband felt she was dismissing him, or that she was ignoring him, or that she was not paying attention, he would get enraged. And it seemed to be very much more intense and with more explosive, emotional issues than it needed to be. And at that point, I thought, Hmm, I wonder if there's a grudge involved because this could have a deeper root, a very much deeper with resentment. So upon more history and physical. This man with much emotion told about a time as a little boy, he was about five years old. He had come home from school, it had been a really hard day at school, he had gotten something stolen out of his lunch pail, he had been made fun of by some of the other kids in this class. And all he wanted to do was get home and talk to his mother and have a hug from his mother and have a snack. When he got to the door. His mother was having coffee with a neighbor. And she told him he couldn't come in. And he kept on knocking on the door and yelling for his mother to let him in. She started to get mad. And what she did was she pulled on the shade, she locked the door and would not let her son come in. The next thing she heard was a thump. And she ran to the door and locked he had passed out because he had held his breath. And he did come to and she immediately then went to get him and brought him in the house. But she was upset. And what that did is it spoke to him that absolutely his needs or his emotions were not important. 

And he had felt very much abandoned, ignored and dismissed. And it wasn't until we got in touch with that memory. And the grudge he still held that we were able to get through some of the issues that was coming up in conflict between him and his wife. Because the issues that were there in the present between he and his wife, where he had felt abandoned, dismissed, and perhaps it wasn't even actually what the wife was trying to do. But the hook up with the grudge definitely brought more anger and that had to be resolved and prayed about before they could get through those conflict type of experiences. 

Now must keep one issue on the discussion table at a time. This will eliminate the grounding effect which is most often experienced by men. And that's because women can be so much more verbal, we can have up to 40 words for every one word of a man. And when women are bringing up more than one issue at a time. I have watched my men almost I can see them get super tired and super bored. And it's almost like they can't handle any more conversation. Now if I can help that coupled with the conflict keep to one issue. And remember one thing that is much more helpful to resolve conflict. This is because the brain of a man and the brain of a woman functions differently in terms of these emotions. And again, that is the bulk of what I would like you to know in the second principle. Thank you