Transcript: Ninth Principle – Forgiveness

Video Transcript: Ninth Principle – Forgiveness

Today we're going to be talking about the ninth principle in terms of conflict resolution. And this principle is forgiveness, which is a very important aspect of conflict resolution, forgiveness as a foundational final step in terms of conflict resolution. This is a step that has many facets in many layers. Please refer to the below Bible verses with this to Ephesians 4:32. To Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you, Matthew, 6:14 and 15. For if you forgive others, their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses. 

Now, we're going to be looking at seven easy steps that spell out the word forgive. And I do this because it's easier to remember. So let's go with step number 

F - face the facts. own up to the reality that you need to forgive another person or yourself. If you don't accept that, you will be stuck in feeling bitter, unforgiving, like quicksand. And you'll never get out of your rut, to live a fulfilling and enriching life. 

O - Out the anger by depending on God. Even if you feel that the other person's offenses are real, and your anger is justified, you should resolve to shed your resentment and bitterness. Fortunately, we can depend on God to gain the strength needed to forgive, keep me from my unnecessary anger, oh, Lord, and if I'm mad at my spouse praise for the grace to forgive them. How about 

R - remembering the offense. Forgiveness is not forgetting. We call the harms that have been inflicted, but not now this is not to wallow or stew but to be thorough and to release, I often will say, let's do an exercise right now. And I would do this right in session, please take out some paper and we take out the arms that have been inflicted and then state I fully and freely forgive, put that person's name there for and then write down whatever the offenses were. And I do this because I have been forgiven by my Lord. Now this is based on Colossians 3:13. Bear with each other and forgive one another. If any of you has a grievance against someone, forgive as a Lord forgave you. Now, in doing this exercise, does this mean that this will happen, and it's a one time event. Sometimes, I will be talking about this for a few sessions before we can actually do this exercise. Sometimes the list may be long, but always make sure to fully and freely forgive. Maybe to read it out loud several times and take a match eventually and burn it at the think I'll go out into our kitchen and burn it with them. Again, it might not happen the first time that you're bringing this awareness of the client. But eventually, if this can be done, there's something so freeing about seeing that just destroyed and going up in smoke. I also have used a shredder, sometimes I'll go out into the main office area. And there's a place in the file room that I can go in with the client just locked the door and there's a shredder in there. And we'll shred this, again further release. How about 

G - give the benefit of the doubt are realize that in most instances, the person who harmed you was probably being selfish or self involved, but was not out to hurt you. But if he or she had underlying unkind thoughts, then shower that person with compassion, kindness and empathy. Looking at these transgressors or even yourself with this kind of understanding, can help to release and release you. 

I - imagine what forgiveness feels like. Now visualize yourself free with forgiveness. This can be another simple prayer and would be said out loud, I freely and forgive. Put the person's name there and I am now released. The Lord's presence and comfort will be felt and reigned supreme between me and this person saying and Thank You, Jesus. I have these little handouts typed up ahead of time because of I'm getting into conflict resolution with my couples. I will absolutely be using these exercises. 

V - Value the experience. Realize that forgiveness of others or yourself can be powerful and effective. Perhaps as important as eating nourishing foods, exercising and peace of mind. acknowledge that letting go of your acrimony and animosity and antagonism can transform and improve your life. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize that the prisoner was you. 

E - Embrace forgiveness. Approaching another to apologize completes your seven step process and helps you to achieve a joyous, merciful frame of mind. If the person is no longer on this earth. Imagine yourself humbly asking forgiveness and the other person pardoning you. Remember that forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. I wanted to read this prayer. Before I read this prayer, I wanted to be able to read a little story. And this is a book from Adam Hamilton. And the book is called forgiveness, finding peace or letting go. But this is an example of a time when forgiveness could have been there in such a way to destroy a family to destroy a marriage, but it ended up being much different. And when I read about this, it comes as an example that Adam Hamilton used in his book. Iin 1994, Americans reginal and Margaret green were vacationing with their children in the southern Italian region of Calabria. As they were driving down the highway robbers approach their car, thinking that belonged to a local jeweler, they shot into the car multiple times striking seven year old Nicholas who was sitting in the backseat, Nicholas was taken to the hospital and later died. By Italians in the area was stricken with grief and shame for the death of this little innocent boy. What made the green story most remarkable was the fact that before their son was taken off life support, they donated his organs and save the lives of seven Italians, their gifts, and expression of mercy in the face of a horrible crime, deeply moved by Italian people. It was a profoundly beautiful picture of the Imago Dei, we were meant to embody both the President and the Prime Minister of Italy upon hearing of the green gift, called personally upon the family, the nation was so moved by the story that organ donations increased fourfold in response 1,000s of lives were saved. Now with that forgiveness, for that horrible act against her innocent son, there was amazing things that transpired. Now, if forgiveness had not taken place, not only would there have been bitterness, and probably to the country for the rest of their lives of Italy, but also it could have destroyed their marriage, because this was such a huge loss in terms of their marriage and as mama and papa. But instead, forgiveness became a part of this story. And that was were I brought for the end. And I wanted to share this prayer because having the ability to have specific words to say, on behalf of asking for forgiveness can be so powerful to our Lord, and for having resolution to any conflict that might be taking place in the marriage. 

Lord, have mercy upon me, forgive me for the ways I have given offense to you, whether it's thought word or deed, or by things I have done or left undone, even as I asked for your mercy helped me be merciful to those who wronged me, helped me to let go of the need for retribution to extend gracefully freely to others. And finally, Lord convict me of the ways I've wounded others, and helped me seek reconciliation with them, not tomorrow or next week, but today. So that they and I may be free. Lord, have mercy upon me and in Jesus name, amen. And with the prayer and forgiveness, this couple is no longer in conflict. They are excited, they are happy and they are free. Thank you, for learning and being willing to give forgiveness in your marriage.