Transcript: Forgiveness Session 1

Video Transcript: Forgiveness Session 1

Hello this is Christine Koetje-Balder and this is the class and entitled forgiveness. This is such an essential principle and certainly a scriptural mandate. As we look to marriages and allow for marriages to be healed. Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner. I immediately start to talk to my couples, about the bondage that unforgiveness can bring. And the prison that is felt in a keeps them very much in bondage in a relationship. How about looking at some biblical truths about forgiveness Colossians 3:12-15, therefore, as God's chosen people holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another. If any of you had the grievance against someone, forgive them as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts. Since as members of one body, you were called to peace and be thankful. You know, if everyone lived up to Paul's prescriptions, our marriages would be amazingly harmonious and blessed. And we would never even need forgiveness.

Things they should not do, and neglect to do things they should do. In marriage, normal problems occur because a couple never communicate perfectly resolved all disagreements harmoniously are achieved ideal emotional closeness. Marital relationships will be healthier if Christians both is understood that the forgiveness of sin is a rich blessing and the true gift that they can give to each other, often in the initial stages of relationship is the honeymoon stage. And there doesn't even seem to be a need for forgiveness. In fact, in my premarital sessions, my couples might say we've never had a fight. We've never had a disagreement. Now, with most relationships, that conflict stage will come and when that comes, forgiveness will be needed, because we are imperfect. And as much as we love our spouse, that is not a guarantee that we won't do things that will cause hurt. How about serious hurts, the most damaging wounds that marriages often suffer come within the context of what is supposed to be the safest place for one's heart, next to our relationship with God, and that is with our spouse. This is the tragic irony of being hurt by and hurting those who are loved most deeply. In fact, when we love the most deeply and it goes to that transparent place inside of us, we will have a tendency to bring hurt will let down our guard with our spouse will get home from a hard day at work, something will happen and we'll start to think about it and when we talk to our spouse will get upset. Now we might not do that with a friend. We might not do that with a work associate, but we will with our spouse, and then it becomes a serious hurt. 

How about this chain analogy? That's what it looks like. It is actually like feeling chained up. I'll have couples that come in. And this is certainly a premarital case. But for years they have held these resentments it may have started even before their marriage where no forgiveness came. And this is exactly what it feels like. offices against a process hurt we become bound to the offender by the bitterness, we harbor in our heart, that bitterness actually sustains effort we feel mere separation cannot break this bondage. Only forgiveness can. Some people will say to me, I just don't want to see that person anymore. Or if they want to think about walking away from their spouse, I'm not going to talk to them anymore. But that doesn't bring relief, the one who was offended, then give the offense the hurt the bitterness and the offended to God. That is more what needs to be done in his perfect will for that person. That change then will be released. Please I say to my couples how important that this is. Rather than being viewed as a one time occurrence apologizing and forgiving continuous throughout the life of a relationship or repairing damage that could lead to a permanent destruction. The litmus test for a healthy marriage is based on the capability and manifestation of repentance, apologies and forgiveness on a regular basis. 

I truly can say that one of my best teachers for forgiveness with my father and my earthly father who has now passed. He was an amazing man, very much loved. My mother loved his children. It was my brother and I and whenever something would bother him, he would say, okay, I got this off my chest, I needed to tell you, and I did not like this and I am now going to give forgiveness and we don't have to talk about it again. And it was amazing because I could feel that it was something that happened truly inside of him and it didn't get brought up again. My oldest daughter, who at times would go stay with my father and one time she brought a friend. And he had said to her a time frame that she needed to be in that evening because at the time she was 15. And she broke curfew a bit, and my dad was a man that went to bed quite early. So she was thinking with her and her girlfriend, that there would be no consequence for this. 

In fact, grandpa would be sleeping, and he wouldn't even realize that they came in past curfew. However, he felt upset because he knew he was responsible for his granddaughter and her friend that night. So she said, when she walked in the house, there was a small kitchen light on, and he was sitting there in his robe. And His hair was like, sticking up all over, because he just woke up and realized she wasn't home. And he said, my oldest daughter's name is Courtney. Courtney, I did talk about a curfew. And you have broken that curfew and my trust. And I need to let you know that I'm not happy about this, but I am willing to forgive you. I need you to tell Grandpa, what happened. And she said even before she started to talk, he was already talking about forgiveness. And basically, she had just been up at the top of the hill, but his house at the time, whatever bottom of the hill, and they were just talking. But the minute she explained, he said, I now can bring forgiveness. And honey, we don't need to talk about this anymore. But grandpa needed to tell you that it bothered me and I knew I would have to give you some forgiveness. That set a precedent for my daughter as well, and how she started to view forgiveness. And even though this was about a grandfather or my father, this is absolutely essential. It took me into understanding to do work with marriages and with my couples as well. When wrongs or sins are not healed by prompt apologies and forgiveness, a couple may drift apart, experience relationship deterioration and perhaps be in the danger of dissolution. So prompt is better. But I am going to talk a little bit soon about what happens if it doesn't happen. The forgiveness right away.