Transcript: Anger Management part 3

Video Transcript: Anger Management Part 03

Welcome, and this is lesson number three of the anger presentation. I wanted to provide an inventory since we've been talking about anger in this class. And this is something that you actually could give to your couple. It is a inventory that has been taken from the anger workbook and formulated by Les Carter, and Friedman, who is a psychiatrist. It is very helpful. And I will take you through each of these slides, please feel free to read on your own and encourage that your couples could both take this assessment. And as they do so learn more about how they see themselves in terms of how they express anger or if they do have an anger issue. Now once they are completed with the inventory, now go back to the inventory and have the number of statements checked in terms of how many were indicative of the things that you felt in terms of anger. If 10 items or more are checked, then it is probably more constant than you might like, if 15 or more are checked, and you can probably recount many disappointments and irritations. This indicates that this person is vulnerable to the extreme ill effects of anger, rage and explosions or to guilt, bitterness and resentment. But please don't give up. Anger can be managed, if some of the principles that we have been speaking about in this class are applied. And if you are interested in gaining a broader perspective of yourself, ask a close friend or family member to complete the inventory as well. I know that will take more courage, but it definitely would say that there was a proactive statement, and then have them answer the questions about you as they experienced relationship with you. Let's talk today more about dealing with anger towards your spouse. And I'm going to be going through six steps that are very much going to be helpful in terms of anger issues with your spouse. 

Step one. Acknowledge the reality of anger. Whether your anger is legitimate definitive anger or distorted anger. Do not condemn yourself for experiencing anger, recognize and admit it. Remember that the anger itself is not sinful. 

Step Two. Agree to acknowledge your anger to each other express clearly your feeling of anger, when it arises, do not make your spouse guess based on your behavior. Both you and your spouse deserve to know when the other is angry, and what he or she is angry about. When I talk about being specific, one of the things I'm thinking about of how little things often can get us to be so upset. There was a woman and she was heading out to work one morning, and she ended up looking in the bedroom seen her husband and she said, honey, don't forget to take the garbage out this morning. I need you to do that. Well, once you drove to the driveway that night, the garbage was still in the garage. So she came in the house and she was ready just to go to town. And she said I cannot believe that. I very specifically asked for the garbage to be taken out. And he said honey, I didn't even hear you I was still asleep. Now, when I talked about being clear with the issues that might bother you, it is too often make sure that the spouse heard the words that you asked, make sure that it was expressed very clearly make sure that they truly did hear you. Otherwise it just again becomes something that is irritation, and can carry on and cause a lot of bitterness. 

Step three, agree that verbal or physical exposures against the other person are not appropriate responses to anger. Either kind of explosion will only make things worse.

Step Four. Agree to seek an explanation before passing judgment. Remember that your first impression is always tentative. At times it will be faulty, it is easy to misinterpret the words and actions of one spouse will seek your mate's perspective. He or she may supply some missing information that could change your understanding. Case in point. I had a couple and her husband or the man was notorious for coming home late or often not texting his wife or not giving her a call. And this was one of those these evening when she was waiting for him. There was supper that was on the table and she could feel herself just getting more and more angry as the minutes tick away. And her husband did not arrive at home. All of a sudden about 45 minutes to an hour. I think it was he pushes through the door. He says I'm home. I'm home. I'm ready to eat. Well, she was not quite as jolly with him, and in fact was ready to have all guns blaring to talk about this time issue, he immediately pulled out of his pocket. It was a business card with the local police name on this card. And she said, why do you have that card? He went on to tell her that while he was out, he had run a couple of errands and he was in a local department store, thought he could get it done before his time to be home. And as he walked out to the parking lot to get into his car, the car next to him, he heard a child crying. And he looked and there was a mother with a toddler in a car seat. Really, really angry and actually striking that child numerous times in the face. He ended up getting into his car, using his cell phone calling the police department. And of course, I asked him if he would be willing to stay until they got there and could assess the situation and make a report of which he did. And in all of that pursuit of things. He definitely was late in coming home. Now, I'm not saying that's always the case. But that was definitely a very good reason that he was late for that particular evening with his wife. 

Step Five. How about to agree to seek a resolution with more information from your spouse, and a fuller perspective, you are ready to find a solution satisfactory to both of you. resolving the angry feelings may require that you will be talking to the person about confession repentance, or it may even require confession asking forgiveness on your part of the wrongdoing is by you, Whatever the cause, work toward reconciliation between the two of you. Again, a case in point. This started as an argument right in session, the couple had thought they had resolved it. But sometimes just speaking about it again in the session brings up the issues. This was a man who had very much a mindset of having things be just so and he wanted his wife to park a certain way in the garage. And when he drove into the garage, he wanted to have enough room that their car doors did not hit each other. He came home one particular evening, and her car was almost to the center of the garage. Not only that, but one of her car doors was left open. So he couldn't even get into the garage. He was infuriated. Because he had talked to her. How could she do this again, he actually felt that was disrespectful. So he walked into the house very briskly, slammed the door, started to yell at her and use some words that were very belittling. And all of a sudden, he started to gain his senses, and started to smell this wonderful aroma. It was roast beef, which was his favorite meal. And he could tell that the meal was progressing. Everything was on the stove and and he looked at the table. And it was beautifully set. And there was nice China and his wife looked at him now with tears coming down her eyes and out of her eyes and said, I'm sorry, but today is our anniversary. And I really wanted to make a special and I was in a hurry. And I didn't shut the car door. He was really quiet with some confession in that moment. And realize that again, he needed to seek some resolution. What he did is he walked back out in the garage. He actually then closed the car door on his wife's car he walked back in. And he started over and told her he was glad to be home and he was really looking forward to spending their anniversary together. I think why it became a little bit of an issue in our sessions is because other things started to come into that discussion that had seemed disrespectful. So I again, brought them back to the conflict resolution fundamentals, which was to keep one thing on the table. And I asked them again to make sure they could keep with the resolution that they had found with that issue. 

Step number six agree to affirm your love for each other. After the anger is resolved verbally declare your love for one another. I know that can be very, very difficult. Sometimes it could be just to look at each other and maybe say that special word some of my couples have endearment that they call each other hunbun or baby cakes. Just be able to say those words at the end of a time that has been tense brings the heart back to more peace. You know, having an angry spouse doesn't mean you have to be angry yourself. If one of us can work on or one of the spouse can work on staying grounded and not being in anger, that can be very, very helpful.

We're going to look at a couple of ways to help. Whether it be the wife helping the husband or the husband, helping the wife, how about be his friend, as a wife not his mother, he does not need a mother he needs a friend to retreat him insist on being treated by him as an equal. He needs a friend who will gladly share life's responsibilities with him but not live his life for him. He needs to be encouraged as problem solving, but not solve all of his problems for him as the wife, if you find yourself playing the mothering role, he will never fully deal with the causes and crisis of things that might create the anger. The scared little boy inside will whine and fuss until the wife makes it better in that martyr role. You can transition from other different his life by lovingly placing in this hands those responsibilities and problems that he should deal with. There was a case in point I had a couple and the wife had had quite a tumultuous background, she was an adopted family. And that's her biological father, she had never known that her adopted father ended up passing away from cancer. And she was not close to her. Stepbrother or her adopted half brother, I guess I would say. And with all of those issues, she had a ton of male identification that was not healthy. So when she got married to her husband, she wanted to make sure that things were perfect. And then that way, she became very much a mother to him, she would make all of their appointments, she would always choose the meal, she would choose the time for them to go to the grocery store, she would choose the television show that they were going to watch. And she noticed that he started to get very bitter, he ended up not wanting to talk as much he showed a lot more irritation. And what came from all of that is he said, I need to be able to have some say in my life. And she said, absolutely. And that became a focus in our session understanding where her pain was that and why she was mothering. And what she didn't realize she was doing. And the first event that came from some of that healing was a couple of weekends that the husband planned all by himself, and they went marvelous.

How about appreciate him, don't make him. As a wife if you become a wellspring of appreciation for the work that he does and the living he provides, you will lift some of the pressure from his life, find ways to say I appreciate that you work hard at your job and that you hang in there even when it's frustrating and tough. I couldn't love you more, even if you own the whole company. That would be an example, I think of a book that I've often referenced. And it is by John Eldridge called Wild at Heart. And this book talks about the heart and the soul of a man and it's helped me to understand the men that I work with. And it says that men have three things that they very much keep at the forefront and is central to the personality of who they are. They want to have a princess to pursue. They want to be able to provide for their family, and they very much have a need for adventure. Now, with those three things in mind, if a wife gives a compliment, it incorporates that she appreciates when she's pursued. she appreciates how her husband wants to provide for them. And she knows he will have a sense of adventure. He will be much more peaceful. And again, affirm him. Don't criticize him find ways to compliment him for the character qualities he displays and exercises in his job or with a family and definitely as your husband. They certainly piggyback each other don't they. How about give him space. Don't crowd him. pushing your man to solve his anger may cause him to make some cursory changes to get you off his back. pressure from you isn't likely to produce a lasting solution. When you sit back and give God room to work. The changes may be significant and enduring. Show him that you're concerned about him and that you love him. Let him know that you're available to listen to him and talk and pray. Then back off to pray. Trust God to work for your man's good in the situation of this anger. When I think about giving space. 

I had a very tangible but I don't think there's a so much about anger but these are a couple examples in my marriage. Often if we are in a we, meaning my husband and I, are in a event where there's tons of people, I think that I get a little bit nervous, and I'll end up always pushing more towards him. And even if it means pushing him towards the wall, he used to get really mad, and he'd be irritated with me. And then one day he looked at me, and he said, This often happens when there's a lot of people around. So I'm starting to think that this is about feeling maybe overwhelmed or insecure. I said, absolutely. And the closer I would get to my husband, the more secure I would feel. Well, with that being understood, that's not an issue anymore. I'm not crowding him as much. And even if I do a little he understands. But let me give you another example, about how God came into the issue of anger in a conversation with my husband and I, we had had a argument, and it had gotten pretty intense. And I think we both felt that we were very much right in our perceptions, and weren't budging a bit. I actually went to bed that night. And when I was thinking more about that argument, I had even more ammunition that I was going to bring back about why I was right. And as I was preparing to walk back out, because he hadn't come to bed yet. I could hear the Holy Spirit prompt me and say, no, I want you to pray about this. I want you to surrender this. I want to help take care of this. Because actually I would have been pushing, I would have been pushing for more change. And what I perceived were these changes needed to help this anger. So my human spirit was struggling, but I went to bed that night, and I went to prayer. And I asked the Lord to help us. I asked the Lord to intervene in this situation where the anger and argument was at. Well, in the morning, I woke up and I went out to the kitchen table. My husband was already at the table having some breakfast. And when I approached him, he said to me, I need to tell you about a dream I had last night. And I said absolutely. What was the dream about? He said, I was visiting, and it was the Lord that showed up and came and spoke to my heart and said, you need to apologize to your wife.

I said, really? And he said yes. And he specifically apologized about the event that we were arguing about the night before, I was moved to tears. It was an amazing experience. And I don't think that would have happened if I would have been the one to say, what needed to be done with the anger the Lord Jesus intervene. How about give him time, don't rush him. Change says that plays take place overnight, it may take your husband weeks, months or years to fully heal from the causes and results of the anger in his life. And please look for the little places that the healing is happening. Because if it is taking more time, it's easy to look at the big picture and feel that nothing is changing. Look for those little tiny seeds that are being planted to show change. How about holding him responsible? Don't be codependent. If your husband's anger gets him into trouble in any way you are not responsible to cover for him or take the rap for him. Doing so only allows the problem to continue, it never stops the problem. Only when we allow someone to face the consequences of their behavior will change start to happen. Now, again, a case in point, I had a couple that both were quite intense with their expressions. Also a lot of times with their communication. And they were going to be going on a trip out of state to a conference that they were both very much looking forward to. There were a couple of things that happened at that conference that we ended up dealing with in session. That were extremely difficult. Evidently, they were on route to one of the speakers at the conference. And while they were in route in the car, a conversation came up that they did not have agreement on, and immediately the husband got even more angry and felt that the wife, not only did not understand him or agree with him, but with disrespecting him. Those are three areas that can really feed anger. Then there was quietness, and it was a cold quietness. And then as they arrived at where this conference was going to be, they ended up going into the auditorium. And all of a sudden before they sat down, he looked at her and told her he was sick to death of her that she was nothing but a swore at her, and then continued to be extremely angry. In fact, people were looking at this couple around them, remember of anger gets as strong and we go to a amigdala hijack, a person often does not monitor anymore what they're saying. And he said, I am not even going to sit with you at this conference. And off, he went. Well, this was one day before the end of the conference. And the wife wasn't even sure what was going to happen. They ended up going into that cold as ice type of venue, didn't talk anymore, didn't talk all the way home, and ended up bringing it up in session. And we ended up processing it a bit. Well, about two weeks after all of that happened. The wife had processed with me in an individual session, there had still been no reconciliation. In fact, they were just avoiding talking about that. So she ended up going to a restaurant with her husband, and with prayer, and was being grounded, and was being very clear, she asked him, and she expressed to him that there were some things that were needed in their relationship. In terms of thinking about the future, one of the things that she said is, there will be no more calling each other names or swear words. And then she said, and there will be this very strong commitment to attend church together each Sunday, because that wasn't happening regularly. And the last one, she said is, there will be definitely a monitoring on how much alcohol is consumed. Because the husband had drank a couple of drinks before this meeting. And then she said to him, if these things are not understood, then things will have to change.

Interestingly enough, he was very quiet. And that evening, he asked her what that meant, it almost made him quite anxious that things are going to change. And she said, I've talked to the Lord about this, I've prayed about this. I don't know what that would be. But I know if it happens again, the Lord will show me where I need to go and what decisions to be made. Interestingly enough, those things didn't happen again, those words were not set again, there was the commitment to go to church regularly and drinking, reduced, and a greatly amount of time and a great amount of time that the drinking reduced. So that was quite interesting when that was responsibility was given. I will say that, when I'm helping someone have a confrontation, I will often ask for these four ideas. And these are not written down in your notes. So I'm just going to comment on some of these ideas. Write down the main points that you want to say, if it's too hard to talk to the person because sometimes you might feel that the spouse is intimidating. Consider using emails, letters, text or even a journal. Sometimes that can be helpful. Write down every word you want to say and even practice it. You could even look in the mirror and practice it. And then as you're practicing, that makes sure that you pray, because the Lord will help you be able to have boldness if you're asking for responsibility. Now, when things like this happen, the last thing that the spouse wants to do is to be close, and that would include the husband. But I'm going to recommend give to him don't withhold from him. If your husband is in the process of dealing with expressions of anger that have been hurtful to you in some way you might want to say, boy, once you get your act together, then I'll start being the wife I should be. Or you might feel like asking him to move on until he has a better control of his temper. Now there are a few occasions when a temporary separation may be necessary, especially if the anger is endangering you were the children. But you could probably be much more helpful to your man by staying with him. Love, forgiveness and acceptance are qualities to be given freely, not to be held hostage for ransom. He needs your friendship, not your judgment. God will use your openness, kindness and willingness to go the second mile to aid his healing. 

Now, how about husband seven ways to love, honor and cherish your wife and when these are in place? There is not room for anger and frustration at the degree that can cause problems. How about being sensitive to her needs, if you asked your wife what she needs and then listens carefully She will reveal her needs to you, then ask God to help you meet as many of those needs as you can. I remember hearing a pastor one time and he was talking about marriages. And he said, husbands if you want to know how your marriage is doing, ask your wife. I thought that's quite interesting, especially because God created the wife to be a helpmate to her husband's. Also husbands, let your actions as well as your words, show her respect. They'll sit in front of the television while she washes the dishes, pick up after the kids or help get them to bed, and then maybe help with the laundry. She's more than a mommy, or a maid or a cook, and a nurse is your partner. Besides, if Jesus could wash feet, you can wash dishes. There was a little help booklet that I would give to my clients. And it was on what a husband could do with the first 15 or 20 minutes when he walked in the house, especially if it was a stay at home wife. And of course, a husband is tired, he probably wants to sit down he wants to grab a beverage he might want to turn on the TV. However, the research said that if the husband would take the first maybe 15 to 30 minutes and help the wife when he first got home, it sets the tone for the whole evening. She feels appreciated, the evening would run more smoother. And that's letting your actions as well as your words show respect. That actually came from a book called intimacy written by John Gray. And he was the man that wrote men are from Mars and women are from Venus. 

So very scollard author, how about pay attention to her when she talks to you put down the paper, mute the television, look her in the eyes and respond and more than monosyllable be considerate and use gentlemen time was with your wife. You can deeply wound her spirit with harsh and discounting words when angry is bad enough when this is done in private, but it's devastating when done in public. Remember, a wounded heart finds it hard to give love. And a wounded heart will be at risk to get very angry as well. I was sitting at the desk one evening at my counseling office. And I was doing some paperwork and a couple came out and was rescheduling with one of the office secretarial gals. The first person that approach to reschedule was the wife. And she had pulled out her calendar and she was looking for their next appointment and communicating that to the secretary. I think the husband was in the restroom. And when he came up to the desk, he looked at the secretary and he said, what did she give you for our next appointment time schedule on our calendar. And the secretary said something and he replied, oh don't pay any attention to that, she can't keep track of our schedule. I'm going to schedule our next appointment. I looked at that wife's face. And I could see her just swallow. And I even saw what seemed to be some tears come to her eyes. I was thinking that I was hoping the therapist that they were working with was dealing with some of these issues. Because they were not gentle and kind words at all. Words do hurt, death and life are in the power of the tongue. And this is in Proverbs. Isn't that true? I mean, look at that. Other visual, we might think that our words are not hurting, but they can cause so much destruction. And we can't take them back once they're out.

How about seven ways to love, honor and cherish your wife, we're still doing this. Number five, accept her feelings. You may not understand them, but you must respect them as real and genuine. Never tell her you should not feel that way honey. When you say things like that you're telling her that you think her feelings are unimportant or stupid. And that is not helpful. I usually recommend a discussion exercise called rapaport. And this is from the John Gottman Institute. And he is the research psychologists that I often reference. Again, you can look up or Google at "rapaport" and what this means is that there is a speaker and a listener. And when the listener starts to let the speaker know that they've heard what they've said they will answer two questions either something that they can agree with, or something that they understand. In doing so. Our spouse will not feel that we are dismissing certainly our wives or that they are stupid. Accept her as she is without comparing her to others. When you criticize you are saying I don't like the way you are, be different or I won't love you. On the other hand, if you show her that you love and accept her just the way she is, she may change simply because she feels free to do so. Regardless, you must allow her to be all she can be. Not all you want her to be, and feeling loved and accepted by the husband brings such peace and not feeling accepted or judged, especially in how she feels about her appearance. That is a breeding ground for anger. Be faithful and loyal living up to her trust, unfaithfulness is the ultimate dishonor to your wife. Before God commit yourself to being a faithful husband, be faithful in your thoughts and actions. And when you honor your wife, you honor your marriage. Do you see your wife as valuable, precious and worthy of honor and respect? Remember, you promised. 

The author John Eldridge that I spoke about before that writes the book Wild at Heart. He gave an example a mayor where he and his wife were attending a party. And he very much was aware of the faithfulness that he had committed to give his wife and to not ever dishonor her, as he was visiting at this party was there was some other fellows at the party and his wife was visiting with on the other ladies at the party, which is often the case when there are couples at parties. He was drawn to the door, and there was a woman that walked into the door that was coming to the party. And she was gorgeous. He found himself immediately doing a look at that woman in a way where he looks from the top of her head and went right down her body. And then he took his eyes, he looked over to where his wife was at. And she was looking at him, was very much aware that he had just taken in every part of that woman's body by his eyes. He said he immediately went over to his wife. And he said to her, I was caught off guard. And I just want you to know, I continue to work on this and to bring honor to you. She accepted it immediately. She did not give shame back to him. Because he was willing to talk about that. And in that moment do reconciliation. Now remember, God has perspective regarding anger in your marriage. Anger has been given to us by God as the way to say that's not right, and that matters. And our broken world. You will have many good reasons to be angry, but because we are part of the broken world, we express our anger at times in the wrong way. We might blow up we get irritated, we gossip we complain. We hold grudges, we get even we becoming bitter, cynical and hostile when we become angry. Are we not taking God's place in judging others and perhaps even judging God? God is right in the world. When James four talks about anger, it goes on to discuss why it's wrong to judge and criticize others. There is only one law giver and judge. He was able to save and to destroy but who are you to judge your neighbor? That gives us perspective?

Think about when you get angry also, aren't you insisting my will be done my kingdom come and when things don't go your way? Don't you judge those including God who are not doing what you want as if you were a god? You aren't. But when you are angry, you often act as if you were acting as if you are God has pride in this the beating heart of what it means to be a sinner. This insight into anger is hugely freeing and very sobering. Anger going wrong testifies to pride. When you see yourself as a sinner. Instead of focusing on how everyone around you is wrong, then God's grace and mercy is available to you. God's mercy is for those who honestly confess their sins to him and ask for the grace to change. That's how James work continues. God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble, humility and anger cannot walk together. When my husband listened through that dream to what the Holy Spirit was leading. He actually was then in humility and not in pride. Anger is merciless, anger, sees, punishes and gets rid of all offenders but God has chosen to be merciful to wrongdoers, including someone like you who struggles with taking God's place in the world. That's in Ephesians so when you honestly confess your sins to God and ask Him to forgive you for Jesus sake, you will receive forgiveness and the gift of God's Spirit. The Spirit will give you the power to express your anger natural way, by God's way. 

With a gift of the Spirit, what matters to God will matter to you. being filled with the Spirit means that everything about you will start to resemble God. Instead of responding with sinful anger to unimportant things, you will start to see your life from God's perspective. And you'll care about those things that relatively before might have seemed unimportant. God's anger constructively engages What is wrong in a way that is patient, merciful, forgiving and honest, are sinful anger causes hurt, destruction, alienation. Godly anger becomes an instrument in God's hands to make this bad world better. And make marriages that set the standard for God's oneness in our lives, as his children. Remember that scripting could definitely play into this. Because if we become angry at our spouse, and we start to script, perhaps it could be some of the things I mentioned earlier. I can't believe you didn't take out that garbage. Here it comes again, and he's angry. And now he slammed the door, and he's yelling, that would be a way to script that is going to definitely increase anger from a wife to her husband. There is the ability to do proactive scripting. But this is my husband, he works hard every day and provides for us. This is my husband, he usually does take out the garbage. This is my husband that often comes home. And the first thing that he does, is to tell me hello, and to hug me and give me a kiss. Now that's a different way to script it, and helps your brain more that oneness in our relationship. These are eight principles that you could certainly copy off. And I often use this as a handout to show concepts that are demonstrated. And this is an a book by the potter Ephron couple Mr. And Mrs. Potter Ephron, and it is called the 11 styles of anger, and how to understand those 11 styles. And I did references book in the first couple classes of this anger class, let's read those, they are flexible, using more than one anchor style to deal with difficult situations. They treat anger as a normal part of life. They use anger as a signal that there are problems that they need to address. They take action when necessary, but only after they've carefully thought through this situation. And again, this often is needed if something is a trigger. A wife recently picked up her husband's cell phones and found a text down there that has sexual innuendo. And she was extremely upset. And she was ready. When she saw him that night she was going to make an issue of this. So she gave some thought she gave some prayer. When he walked into the house, she had written down on a piece of paper what she had found on his phone and handed it to her. He immediately looked at and smiled and started to laugh, but not in a demeaning way. 

But he went on to explain that he had been in a sexual harassment conference that was at their work, it was part of an in service. And there was some clarification needed about some of the principles they were talking about. And that was a text, regardless of that clarification, that answered the issue immediately. How about number five, they express their anger in moderation without losing control. Their goal is to solve problems, not just express their feelings. They state their anger clearly in ways that others can understand. so that others can respond appropriately to their wants and needs. And finally, they let go of their anger rather than hang on to it once the problem is over. My wonderful mentor for that last one was my father, he often would tell us kids, I'm going to let you know right now that this has made me angry. And we're going to address this and now this is going to happen. And then once it was taken care of he would say to us, I got that off my chest. It has been now resolved or dealt with I still love you. And we are going to move on and we don't have to talk about it again. And we never did. It was amazing. Now in closing to this class, I wanted to offer a couple of prayers and again, please feel free to make copies of these allow them to be handouts or attach them to some of your couples by email prior to release anger. This is a simple short one. 

Please help me to dwell on the good Lord Jesus and the positive in my life. I know that it is you who examine our hearts, search the inner depths of my heart and expose anything that is not a view so I can be set free of it, Lord, where I have directed anger towards others. Others in my life are held anger inside of me. I confess that as sin and asked you to forgive me and take all the anger away, heal any wounds that I have inflicted through my words and actions in others and myself, helped me to speak sweet words in healing for I know that pleases you, and bring your restoration to every situation where it is needed. And this is more a prayer, when it has been very difficult and a person is more at risk, to express and releasing anger in an unhealthy way. 

Thank you, Lord, that You will redeem my soul and peace from the battle that is against me. I believe that you the God of peace will crush the enemy under my feet helped me to live righteously because I know there's a connection between obedience to your ways and peace, helped me to depart from thoughts of anger, and also depression helped me to seek peace and actively pursue it. Thank you, that you will take away all anger in me and keep me in perfect peace. Because my mind is fixed on you, Father, in Jesus name I pray. Amen. 

And then the last prayer, this is again, when there is unhealthy anger. And I think I dwell on these prayers a little bit more, because so many folks that have these more intense anger issues, and we talked about those as being more explosive anger issues, want to be free. So how about this, I want to confess that I have allowed this wrong to consume me, I have become obsessed with my anger, my hurt, my disappointment, in my frustration. I've had a bitter spirit toward my spouse, sometimes towards you oh God for allowing this to happen. I want to confess that this is wrong. And I want to thank you that Christ paid my penalty. I want to accept your forgiveness for my wrong attitudes. I pray that your spirit will fill my heart and mind and help me to think your thoughts and to do only those things that will be helpful in my situation. I don't want my life to be ruined because I want the other person because of what the other person has done to me and I know that his natural desire, guide me today as I read your word. As I seek the right kind of Christian fans as I look for Christian books that will help me as I see to put my life back in your hands. I want to follow you. I want to accomplish your purposes. Let this be a day of new beginnings for me, in the name of Christ, my savior and my Lord. And those are a few of my work cited. Thank you for attending and taking this anger class.