Transcript: Sexual Intimacy Part 3

Video Transcript: Sexual Intimacy Part 03

Welcome to the class on sexual intimacy part three. We'll be talking today about what a man needs and what a woman needs. And certainly, there will be excerpts from the Song of Songs, which is a wonderful description of intimacy and oneness in the Bible. I'd like to start though, with talking about how a man is visually specific and genetically focused with mental imagery. You can't have held seen how your husband is prone to noticing parts of the female anatomy. Research has shown that both men and women are aroused by visual stimulation, but they are in different roles. Let's give a couple of examples. A woman and I've had this happen, I driving my kids to school, I noticed a man who was jogging. And you could tell that he was in very good shape, he had a very nice physique. And he was certainly physically active. And that's what I noticed. And then I drove by, and we're thinking about making sure I was getting to school. And if I had the lunch packs for the kids, now, if a man sees a female jogger, there have been times my men will tell me that they'll immediately look in their rearview mirror, they might even have a tendency to drive off the road. And I'm talking about a very pretty in shape female jogger. And he will be drawn to looking at aspects that are genetically correct. Much more specific and obvious in pursuit of physical, sexual cues, also what a man needs, he needs to feel that his wife will respond to him sexually. Your husband wants you to desire him. Why? 

Because sexual intimacy affirms his masculinity. And I say this because of the many, many couple sessions that I've had. And this comes from the absolute voices of my men. Because that's how God created them, it is important to understand that sex that only needs a physical need in your husband. But then it also meets an emotional need. I was thinking again, about a little story. And this was a couple who had been struggling for some time with their sexual intimacy. And a lot of it in part was because the woman had sexual abuse issues in her past, she really struggled with feeling secure with her body or even allowing her husband to look at her body. Now, she started to commit to working on this. And as I had talked about earlier, she committed to doing some counseling and working in therapy. And there came a point that she wanted to do something as a gift to her husband, and to show him that she wanted to be with him sexually. So she actually went around the house and she found some of those bowls. You know, the times that you put on presence, and they got the sticky part of the bat. And she send her husband a text and she said when you get home, I want you to come right to the bedroom, I have to show you something. And she went in the bedroom and she uncloth herself. And she took those bowls, and she put them on parts of her body expecially her private areas, and she wanted to be a present for her husband, and to let him know that she was desiring him. When he walked into that bedroom, he was so shocked. And he was so happy. She said she'd never seen such a big smile on his face. And of course, he came over to her. And he with permission, he asked if he could start to remove some of the bows. But unbeknownst to either one of them, they weren't very removable. The actual glue on the back, started to stick and what they ended up doing is laughing and laughing and laughing and having just a wonderful time that led to intimacy. And definitely, there was a sense inside of her husband that she wanted to respond to him. Also, let the wife see this is another issue the man needs that she respects and references her husband that she notices him, regards him, honor him, prefers him, venerates him, and esteem him. And that she defers to him, praise him and loves and admires him. There is a book called rocking the rolls. And in their book, there was a quote, my wife wants to hear me say I love you. I say it often because I know it means so much to her. But the phrase for this man that has comparable value to me from her is that I love you but I'm proud of you. Respect and admiration are special ingredients to a husband's happiness. That is absolutely absolutely essential. I want you to know that.

If a husband can feel that a wife can respond to him sexually, and then he also feels that he is respected. That's a very happy husband. I know that there was a time that I was aware of a husband that was getting extremely frustrated, because in his mind, he had continued to reach out to his wife to try to pursue her to initiate that they could have some closeness and he continued to feel rejected, or dismissed. So what he did is he wrote his wife a letter, and he actually admitted, some of these issues might be a little bit exaggerated, but I thought it was noteworthy to say, because these issues do come up. And it absolutely impedes what a man needs in terms of the sexual intimacy and closeness in a relationship. Here was his letter to my dear wife. During the past year, I've tried to make love to you 365 times, I have succeeded only 36 times. This is an average of once every 10 days. The following is a list. Why I did not succeed more often. It will wake the children 17 times. It's too late. 45 times, is too early 23 times, pretending to be asleep 18 times, headache 23 times, backache nine times, toothache four times, two full 12 times, giggles two times, baby's crying 15 times, companies in the next room eight times, windows are open and neighbors might hear nine times, have to go to the bathroom 12 times, I've gained too much weight don't touch my cellulite six times, I am to hot 15 times, on to cold seven times, there's a good movie and 15 times, I am not in the mood eighty nine times. 

My dear wife, that's 329 times during the 36 times, so wife I did succeed, the activity was not entirely satisfactorily due to the following gum was being chewed the whole time, TV was on, you said hurry up and get this over with, you fell asleep, you never moved I thought you were dead. Honey, it's no wonder I'm so irritable. You're loving husband. Now, is that not some honesty there? I mean, this dear fella, he did say he was exaggerating a bit. But was that ever places for our therapy to talk about? It brought us into a whole new discussion. So again, let the wife sees that she can show her husband that she desires him sexually and that she also is going to be giving respect, being able to say that she's proud of him can be so very, very helpful as well. He will feel respected. How about support? A wife words and actions communicate to her husband, either I support you, or I compete with you. I had a little bit of a conversation here that I thought was noteworthy. It comes from Dr. Laura schlessinger in her book, the proper care and feeding of husbands. Now I will say that Dr. Laura, she is very forthright. I have a little bit more of a tendency to talk and dialogue and be a little bit more nurturing. But I still want the couple to hear my point. Dr. Laura, we'll get right to the point. But this is an example about is this truly about supporting, or is this something else? This is a conversation where a wife came to Dr. Laura. And she was upset because she wanted to have another cat and they already had a couple of cats. And her husband did not want to have another cat. So Dr. Laura says what? He doesn't have the right to his position? Oh, yes, of course he does. It's just that I don't see any good reason to not have another cat. Dr. Laura, a good reason is that he doesn't want to live with multiple animals. Why isn't that a good enough reason? And then the collar the woman? Can't I keep pushing him to specify his reasons. I just want to know why he feels that way.

That there are no you don't. You are not really interested in understand his position. You want to know his arguments so you can shoot them down. So you can have another cat. You don't want to understand you want to manipulate. And then the color, yes, I guess so. Not all my clients would answer quite in such agreement. But this is for case in point. But I really want this other cat, Dr. Laura, obviously you want that cat more than you want to show your husband respect and provide support to him. I think what I'm trying to say here is that when I get into issues with my couples and I can feel like it's a fighting ring, and they are in their corners and it could definitely be about sexuality because there could be that duty sex or she's my wife, and she should be having sex with me. I want to understand is this a way to support and or I would say that the wife when she's saying, I'm not going to have sex with him. And this has got to happen first. I'm always looking for having more health supportive ways to have these conversations. So it won't seem like that they are just digging their heels in and staying in their corners, because they're never going to get in the ring. And they're never going to be able to have a connection. How about what else a man needs a firm his identity in verse 10. And this is in the Song of Songs. She begins to lay out what is special about her husband, she begins, my beloved is white and ruddy chief among 10,000. The man who you are married to is unique. He was made by God, whose work is uniformly wonderful, in the eyes of his wife, every man should be special, and was cheering for him. And for him his intelligence. She says his head is like the finest goal his lacks are wavy, and black is a raven. Solomon was unique and special. 

But you know, he didn't literally have a head of gold. What this is very likely in analogy for is that he had incredible wisdom. Now, please make your husband feel smart at all costs, avoid any remarks that make him feel ignorant or foolish. This happens sometimes in marriage, and it does terrible damage, whether it is the husband or wife that offers the disparaging words, because remember, sometimes the man might not be book smart, but can be smart in many other ways. And truly, if there is enough of these put downs, there is emotional fallout. I've had men that will tell me, they don't want to have sexual intimacy with their wife because they have feel so put down. And I think there's often a sense that men will just have sex no matter what, men have a heart and they get hurt. And when enough hurt starts to come, they'll close down as well. And I think this last sentence about a man being able to be very smart, and it could be in other ways and book smart I think about my husband. He is the business manager at our counseling agency, Compassionate Christian counseling, and my husband is incredible with technology, with computers. With software, he is incredible with anything with his hands, he can rebuild motors, he can fix any appliance, he can make wood and do woodworking projects. I've never seen him not be able to do something with his hand and I affirm him for that. It is such a gift in my life. Because I am incredibly hampered, I can hardly change a light bulb. And he knows that I do very much give him respect for his role at the business and what he does. How about his firm has individuality, a wife should point out the things that set her husband apart. No people are exactly alike. Your husband is truly unique in certain ways. The attitude to someone we're married to is that we should have them be the favorite conversation in the world. That's what it was like for her. Now I realized that's not always the case. These are top level goals. They can't always be attained but there are top level goals. How about his eyes are brilliant and winsome. This is in Songs of Songs 5:12 His eyes are like dove by the rivers of waters wash with mild and fitly set, her pitchers the dark eyes with Solomon eyes surrounded by the whites of his eyes. If eyes reveal the state of health, Solomon was healthy and a vigorous man. We remember that Solomon in turn describes her as having dove eyes. The two must have fully met each other's glance is quite often a sign of a couple that communicates well. Again, a little bit of a personal experience.

When I first met my husband, we were introduced by some friends and my friend showed me a picture of my husband. And he in the picture had a pair of sunglasses on. Now I like the rest of the picture. But I couldn't see his eyes because he had sunglasses on. Well, I did give permission to my friend and for my husband to contact me and we started having some conversations by email and by phone. And when it came the time to meet we met at a restaurant. It was a local Applebee's, which is all around the United States. And as he came and entered the door at that restaurant, he took his sunglasses off and I saw the most incredible blue eyes. And the minute I saw those eyes, it was a whole other level because there's something about the eyes or a window to the soul and it was amazing and that began our courtship and our dating. But the eyes had so much, so much to be a part of that process. How about be his companion and complement? Song of the Song 5:16? Yes, she is altogether lovely, as we have seen, then she adds, This is my beloved. And this is my friend oh daughters of Jerusalem. Add to the litany of pillars and rods of gold and beds of spices. And these two things keep on coming out that sound and was her lover and her friend. He was her companion and compliment as she was for him. You know dear ones who are married couples who are not friends. What they have in common after years of marriage is as a house, a bedroom and a last name. Now, they might not be divorce, but each of them would rather spend time with several other people than their spouse. 

Sex is wonderful. But it's not more wonderful than the ability to walk through life with a best friend, sharing everything with that person enjoying the simple pleasure of being together, you know, one of the highest rates for divorce and marriages is that 20 years. And you might think, why is that happening? Well, often, the children are now grown, they're either leaving the house for jobs or leaving the house for college. And it's what we call it empty nest. And the couple no longer has as much in common. So again, I say, let's pay attention to Song of Songs 5:16, that there is a need to continue to develop that relationship with friendship and with depth and with sexual intimacy. And that can take us for many, many, many years, until death do we part? Now, how about what a wife needs from her husband, I'm also going to be taking excerpts from the Song of Solomon. But I'm going to be related in a couple of other ideas first. This is a quote, I wish we could hug without him grabbing me. One wife related how she and her female friends at work were laughing, but with some frustrated amusement about their husbands hands. They're like homing devices. And the only place that does homing devices go is to bus and boobs. Now this irritating male habit is certainly not consistent with the idea of making love with clothes. Now, my dear followers, I'm not saying this always happens. But I do hear wives talk about this quite a bit. And they'll say to me, why doesn't my husband realized that I have other parts on my body, like to hold my hand or to kiss my neck, or to put his arm around me? When I hear this, I will often talk to my couple to have some specific awareness. I know that the husband does like to just randomly come up, because that's his woman. And if he wants to be able to stay to his woman that she says woman, he usually will attach a private part. So I say to the wife, if you know in your mind, that your husband does this with no other woman, and is just with you. I mean, how would you feel if you thought he was going to touch another woman in that place on her body, and most wives will say I would be devastated. I said absolutely. So think of it that way. The next time he wants to have a squeeze or comes up for a touch. But then I say to my man, please know that there are times that your wife and many times wants to be touched on other areas of her body, not just focused on the breasts, buttocks or genitals. And then I'll ask for an exercise. I'll say husbands, how about if you ask your wife, this could be in the evening after the kids are in bed. Or if you don't have the kids at home again, after you've had your supper. 

Sit down in the living room. And hard when you sit on the couch, let your wife just sit between your legs and just think back up against and then take a brush and brush her hair. And just brush her hair say for 10 or 15 minutes. She will love that. And that will be a warm nurturing gesture. And that will be understanding from both of you. And it's definitely what why's your wife needs time to talk. Kevin Lehmann, he's an author and host of a popular radio program and an author says that he has yet to meet a man who after a long day at work will say well I what I really need right now is a long 45 minute talk with my wife, men often don't want to have those long talks. In fact, if I'm helping with communication with my couples out often say the wife please be brief and specific with your husband. But again, because this is what a wife needs. If a husband wants to get her heart and have the ability to have the best intimacy possible. Please listen to to her, communicate with her have regular verbal communication, she will feel loved and emotionally safe. I want to give you an example about this. A number of years ago, my husband and I attended a weekend to remember. And that's the marriage conference that is with the Dennis Rainey Association. And there was a couple that was one of the speakers. And one of the examples that they gave is a particular day where the morning started with breakfast. And as the husband and wife were sitting at the table, the wife restore, and she touched her husband's hand, and she just held her hand as she was talking a little bit. And then she took her foot underneath the table, and she kind of was touching his foot with her foot. And when they got ready for them to go to work, she asked her husband for a hug. And he immediately took her in his arms and they had a nice kiss before they went off to work. and her husband were thinking about that all day while he was at work. 

Well then when he got home that night, they ended up sitting down for dinner. And it was almost the same thing. She took his hand again and, and they were talking and she took her knee and she moved up close to him. And they ended up having a little bit of dessert together at the table, edible dessert that is. And then it came time for the kids to go to bed and they gotten crawled into their bed. And the husband was thinking after all of those nonverbals throughout the day, that this was going to be a night where there was going to be some intimacy. And he was very much looking forward to having someone with his wife. So he reached out, he pulled her into his arms. He took his hand, and he kept his hand over her breast. And she took his hand and she took it off her breast and she lifted at her side and she goes What are you doing? He goes, I want to make love to you. He goes you know we kiss today we held hands at the table, you touched my foot. She said well, I know what I need to talk first. And he just stopped because the last thing he was thinking about was talking. But if he now could allow her to have some talk time, all of those nonverbals that took place during the day would then lead to sexual intimacy. And both of the ways that they have needs would be met and it would be received. Your wife also needs praise in verse 10, who is she who looks for us as the morning fair as the moon clear as the sun awesome is an army with banner Solomon is giving his wife compliments and saying that she is more beautiful than any other woman in the proceeding versus as well. A woman wants to feel that her husband finds her desirable above all others. And that is so very true. And she'll remember the words that you bring to her. Please know it can be a text. It can be a note, one of my husband leave notes on the mirror in their bathroom, that he finds her beautiful, he finds his wife desirable. He loves her. She'll often tell me about those notes and she thinks about them all day long. Understand the power of praise to a wife husband understands that when his wife feels insecure about her body, she might not be able to make love with her husband. Now it could be issues that she's just harboring and he might even not even see her that way. Maybe it's an issues from her past. But if she hears that her husband finds her beautiful in every area of her body, or there are things about her body that he finds very pleasing, shall remember that and it will help her to be able to give of herself during sexual intimacy with abandon. hear his statements. 

And if I know a husband could make these statements he will be meeting needs of his wife that will pave the way towards wonderful sexual intimacy. I will defend my wife against the lies that might assault her mind. I will affirm her beauty. I will speak words that soothe her insecurities and release the passions within her. How about proverbs 15:4 the tongue that brings healing as a tree of life. But a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. As a husband, your words can give life to your wife because they have power. I'm sure some of you are familiar with the five love languages by the book by Gary Chapman. Often my wives have a love language of verbal affirmation. And verbal affirmation is a love language, where they'll hear every word that is said to them, and they'll remember every word that was said, especially if it crushed them. And that is so harmful to the marriage and definitely to intimacy I had one couple that recently had returned from a trip to Florida. And there was an issue that came up at the beginning of their trips. And there was some things that said into that trip that weren't as healthy. They had been very busy lives and their practice and in their work and with her children, and they were exhausted, this was going to be a getaway for a few days just for them. 

When they arrived at the motel, the husband always liked to put the TV on, and the wife liked to have the TV off. And there have been times that cause arguments in the past when they had had getaways, or they'd been away from home. When when the husband walked into the motel room, he immediately turned the TV on and flopped on the bed, and fell asleep because he was exhausted. Well, the wife was willing to acknowledge that she ended up leaving the room and walked around the premises and went to the pool area and walk down by they were by the ocean and on the beach there, she was gone for a couple hours. But in her mind, she was saying to herself, when I get back to the room, I'm going to talk to my husband, about some parameters with a TV as we're going to have a few days. And then we can both feel that this is a time away that we can experience and have a life giving connection with. So she walked into the room. Her husband was stirring and waking up and it was getting to be supper time. And she brought up the issue about the TV, he became enraged. He felt that she was being disrespectful, because he had needed the TV to sleep. And she tried to acknowledge that I think he probably was still just extremely tired. He ended up calling her the B word. I don't think I have to sell it B as in boy, but it was not boy, he called her that word. And said you're acting like a ... now she was crushed. His tongue had the power to crush her spirits. And you know what they said to me, after they got back. They never made loved once in vacation. They were gone, I think it was four or five days. Because they ended up they did things together, which I was thankful for. And they went out to dinner, but they never made love because he felt that she had been disrespectful. And she felt very dismissed and misunderstood, especially when that word was used. We ended up having to process that in session and we did a start over in session. But unfortunately, they weren't able to do a reconciliation. And then that's what happened. Because look at positive words could encourage her to be a godly wife. positive words, build her up emotionally and spiritually, positive words provided her with a sense of well being, positive words affirm and heal her. Also praise her wife publicly. How about Song of Songs again, return return or Shulamite return return that we may look upon you. Solomon is telling his friends that he misses his wife and wants her back. And a couple examples here, a husband receives a phone call from his wife, and she says I love you. Now she's waiting.

Now she's waiting. He never says the words out loud. He can only say dido. You know why? He later explains that there were people around and he did not want them to hear that he was saying I love you out loud to his wife, in a kind of reminded me of the old idea and the John Wayne movies, you're going to be a tough guy. And you're going to be in the real world and you don't show emotions. You know what? That kind of emotional facade is never shown in the Song of Solomon, not by male nor female. And you know, I had this experience actually, right in my office setting. And it was out at the front desk. It was a couple that I was working with. And the wife ended up coming out to schedule with with the clerical staff for their next appointment and the husband was in the restroom. And she got out her calendar and she was making the appointment and got it all set. And just before they were done with that setting up that appointment, the husband walked out and he goes, did you make an appointment for us with my wife and I and the secretary clerical person said yes. Oh, you got to run that by me, she always messes up our appointments. I know when I have to make our appointments. Now I watched that wife, you should have seen her face. I mean, it just it was like a look of of great hurt and embarrassment. 

Now that is not a return or return or Shulamite that we may look upon you. A wife needs her husband to be proud of her to not put her down and definitely not in public. You know, a sure sign of a man's strength and how gently he loves his wife. How about Ephesians 5:20 and 29, so husbands also to love their own wives as their on bodies, he will loves his own wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it just as Christ also does the church. The Greek word for cherish Valpo has important nuences not easily translated into English, it literally means to keep warm or to soften by heat. This word is used again in First Thessalonians 2:7, but we proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children. The word delpo is used here on the tender care that a nursing mother has for her children. And that's the same word for the tenderness a wife needs from her husband. And that is extremely, extremely helpful. Many, many years ago, I was doing some work at a nursing home, I worked as a licensed practical nurse before I became in the area of counseling. And there was an older couple that actually the woman was a resident at the nursing home and she had a diagnosis of Alzheimer's, and her husband would come to visit her almost daily. Many times when I would walk into the room, he would be just holding her. Sometimes her head would be on his shoulder. Sometimes it was laying on his lap. But the one that I really remember is it was just before she passed away, she had spiked a really high temps. He was with her pretty much around the clock. And every time I walked in, he was doing things like a washcloth, taking and wiping off the beads of sweat on her face, he would take and just pat her hand, he would take a straw and hold it to her mouth. I thought to myself, we all need that type of tenderness. And we all hope that our spouse will be that type of person, and will show that to us every step of our marriage. And even in those times when it might be the moment that they're saying goodbye to us. Another meaning of the Hebrew word delbo is to be of service and do live like this, man, absolutely. It is used of God superintending care. As in you scrutinize my path and my line down. And they're intimately acquainted with all of my ways Psalm 139:3, thus, God is intimately acquainted with everything about us. 

If a man would be willing to be of service to his wife, he will intimately know what she would desire, and how he can touch her heart. And in return, she will open up as a flower to him and want to be with her husband in every aspect of their relationship, including sexual intimacy. I like to give you a couple of ideas. And these are examples of men that knew about delpo and to be of service. And they're absolutely precious. The first one, let's call this man's name, Jeremy. He is helping his wife by absolutely being of help. He remembers a time that Vicki his wife, they had made love. And they were just laying in each other's arms and one of the kids woke up, started screaming from a nightmare. And immediately she jumped out of bed and she was gone. He told his wife Vicki to ignore the interruptions, but there was no way she could continue to be held in his arms and lay there with her husband with that child crying so she left. He grunted with disgust and frustration as she got out of bed to care for their little one. One night, It hit him, and in his mind, he said, Jeremy, why did you assume that this was always her problem and her duty. The next time one of the kids interrupts please tell Vicki to stay in bed, and that you'll take care of it. And then go to the child and attend to what is needed, and then go back to your wife. And he found out when he got back into bed, she wanted to desperately get into his arms. And there ended up being some more physical intimacy, because she actually did something to help his wife and she interpreted that as very much being cared for and also caring for the dear children. 

How about this one affection? Oh, this is the wife and the husband is saying that he got a call from the wife from work. And she told him that she accidentally backed over the trash can and then to a concrete fence in the driveway denting their car. The man's first thought was great, our insurance premiums now are going to go through the roof. And definitely through the roof. I stuffed the thought he said in muttered ahead half hearted. Okay, Honey, I'm glad you weren't hurt. I felt badly that I sounded so insincere. So I thought about how should I handle this on my way home from what my wife might need, and in terms of being a service, so that night, he pulled his wife into his arms and he said, honey, I'm so sorry, your day, started out so badly. Let's end it right. Then he offered to do what spoke love to her. And that was a half hour foot massage. And believe me, I don't have to say where things went after that. Because definitely, it went to areas of paradise. Let's give the last one in this is listening can be a service to a wife, this man, he'd been away for 10 days on a business trip. As he walked through the door, he could smell the aroma of lasagna. He had already agreed though, in his mind, and has spoken about this to his wife if they were going to have dessert in bed. He wanted to have to take place as soon as dinner got done, and he'd been thinking about it all day. But after dinner, his wife broke into tears. And she told him that their cat toffee had passed away that day. And she had had gone to the vet and had to have the little cat put to sleep. He had never been much of a fond person of cat. Even though they've had that cat for many years. Instead of saying something more callous, or saying, come on, it's time to get to bed. He listened to her. She went on for what seemed like an hour. Finally the tears and the words stoped. And then she looked at her husband and she said thanks for loving me. Let's go to bed now. Again, delbo. Okay, how about wife these romance? For a woman, sex is not an event. It's an environment. It's not an act. It's an atmosphere. Romance creates the atmosphere for intoxicating sex. How about the classic story to gift of the magie.

Dela the wife sacrificially cuts her beautiful long hair in order to buy Jim her husband, a gold chain for his watch for Christmas. Meanwhile, he has sold his watch to buy combs for her hair. What they did was impractical, yet their actions demonstrate what it means to be a servant lover. And even though Dela no longer needed the combs, and Jim no longer needed the gold chain, we have no trouble imagining how loved each of themselves. Now, romance is incredibly, incredibly important for a wife. And if I'm speaking now, and as the husbands I want to give you an example of what is not romance. Okay, let's call this man Omar. Omar arrives home from work. He nods briefly to the wife and then the kids and ask if there's anything in the mail, and then lets his mind be stimulated by blankly staring at the six o'clock news. He says to his children don't make any noise. Daddy is trying to watch television. at exactly the right time. His wife tiptoes into the den and says dinner's ready, my dear. Elmer gets very upset when his dinner isn't ready in time and he doesn't like to be interrupted from this sporting events. He shares the latest moves in the office games and she describes struggles with her part time jobs and the children's misbehaviors but it's almost like he doesn't even hear her. Wow. exciting evening, Elmer burps his way through dinner, and then leaves us white to clean up the kitchen, diaper the baby do the laundry that's in the house and write an email to his parents. She falls asleep totally exhausted about 10pm. In the meantime, Elmer dozes off in front of Tuesday night at the movies. Suddenly at 1 am Elmer jolted awake by blaring commercial, he turns off the television set dances roman toga puts on a crown of ivy leave crashes into the bedroom and shoots let the games begin. Elmer wants play time before he goes night, and of course his wife supposed to be aroused and excited. Being very considerate. Elmar may even give her 60 seconds before favoring her with his let's get down to business virility. Elmer just can't understand why his wife isn't passionately responding to his every initiative. Now that is not romance. For talking about that. I think we can understand that that's not romance. You know, another thing what a wife needs from her husband is the greatest thing a man can do for a woman is to lead her closer to God then himself to provide, to protect, and to lead her spiritually. You know, just going to bed at night and having some time whether you sit in the bed and hold hands, or perhaps put a couple of pillows down on the floor and kneel. And even my couples, I will say you can do this quietly. You don't even have to say the words out loud, but being able to have some time spiritually together, and if the husband would lead in that pursuit. 

So many of my wives say that they start to feel so protected, they feel so comforted. And they feel sexually attracted to their husband as well. Now, we know without a shadow of a doubt, by what this lesson has been teaching that men and women do have intimacy needs. And that has been established. Let's just do a brief overview of just 10 things that again, will help both men and women continue, as I just said, to have time to talk to God. If your heart is not right, God will show you what might be standing in the way for your enhanced sexual intimacy, and then pray to him about it. scheduled time on your calendars. Remember how I talked about the man who came up with the monthly ideas? That's a wonderful way to make sure that you're intentional about these needs for intimacy. How about interviewing an older couple, I remember when we were a young couple in our marriage, and we had met an older couple through our church. We were in our 20s. And they were in their 60s, and they came up with some of the best ideas for things that we could do. I was amazed. But they said we have been loving each other and with wonderful sexual intimacy for years. Why should we not share this with you? It definitely was a wonderful place of education and learning for us as a younger couple. How about brainstorming with couples your age, ask them to share creative things they have done to create more time for romance and intimacy. How fasting from the television for one week. Also hire a babysitter to take your kids, maybe just for a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon. But you don't have to go anywhere. You could just stay in bed, arrange for kids swap sometimes if there's not relatives around, and it would could be just from five to eight in the evening, there could be a lot of wonderful things that could take place in your privacy of your home, especially if the kids aren't there. And then we'll schedule a motel date. And you know what does not have to be overnight. Actually, if you were at a motel for five to 11 pm, and then still came home to bring the babysitter home. It could still be cheaper than dinner in the movie. And actually a lot more fun. Bring a picnic to the motel. And again, I have to close I think I've said this now three times with spiritual devotion. Use devotions have this intimacy, bring it into every part of your relationship. And it will lead to a time of loving one another. Whether it's in the shower or between the sheets there will be increased intimacy with increased spiritual connection. Thank you