Transcript: Marriage Rescued from the Brink of Disaster with a Firm Foundation in Jesus Christ

Video Transcript: Marriage Rescue from the Brink of Divorce with a Firm Foundation in Jesus Christ

Welcome to the third class, in terms of marriage, rescued from divorce and almost being undone. This is how we are going to be learning about when the marriage is on the brink of disaster with a firm foundation in Jesus Christ and how that can change that desolation. When it feels like divorce is approaching. I'm going to be starting with more talk about building trust and broken trust. And in the last class of this particular lesson, that's what we talked about also is trust. It not only broken trust can lead to divorce, but rebuilding trust is going to be huge, to be able to restore marriages. Oh, dear folks, submit to God both of you. God has to be the center of the marriage. God needs to heal you. But he can't if you don't let him in. If there was a spouse who committed an offense, then this spouse needs healing for the underlying causes of betrayal, the other spouse needs healing from the effects of the betrayal. Get into your prayer closets and seek God ask him to heal you. The sand may brush off the salt may wash clean, the tears may fade, but the memories will last forever. Now, two things. Sometimes it's the memories of the trauma, or the betrayal, or the unfaithfulness. And they do keep a very negative imprint. So my recommendation, we have to create new memories. And I want these memories to be as tangible as possible. It is important to avoid doing things and going places with a lot of downtime, like a long vacation or dinners out. 

Don't put yourself in a position where you just stare at each other and need to force a conversation. Chances are you probably don't have many positive things to say at this point. It's important to lighten the load, not add to it, go to a museum, go to a lighthearted maybe comedy movie, and go to an event where you can still be together. But it doesn't have to have forced conversation. How about creating new memories can include a pack that there will be a photo album, or you will fill this album with pictures of new events, new places, and new times. Pictures can be taken of your children God's nature and beautiful scenery, or opportunities of serving others, perhaps it could be to join a Sunday school class and teach this. Why I mentioned putting some type of a memory album together or maybe putting it into a folder on the computer, because the mind and the heart. And the pictures are already stored in terms of the memories that were very assaultive to the relationship. I love it when my couples have something tangible, that they can go to whether it's scrolling through the pictures on the computer, or maybe in a photo album. And when they go to their space. See, this is new memories. This is beyond the brink of disaster. Be mindful of who you spend your time with also to rebuild broken trust, watch out for friends and family that stir up the pot. They may judge your husband or wife and treat him or her unkindly, they may decide that divorce is the best option. All advice is not good advice. If someone does offer advice you wish to take make sure it lines up with a word of God and will benefit your marriage.

Trust the Holy Spirit to be your guide and to help you evaluate the counsel of others. Nurture positive relationships that lift up and edify your marriage and avoid the ones that add drama, or try to tear it down. One couple that had an experience where the wife was not close to the parents, and they were very unsupportive of the relationship. And the children that this man and wife had. The parents did not spend much time with the children and showed much favoritism to assembling and their children. Well, the man in protection to his wife could be quite hard line with those parents didn't like to be around them. Sometimes he would even say some abrasive things. Well, not only was he in that way trying to support his wife, or perhaps protector, he actually had that propensity in the marriage relationship as well. He could be abrasive. He could be a verbally assaultive. It led to the brink of divorce. And the minute that that wife had reached that point, she ended up separating, she started to talk to her parents, and they pretty much were like get out of that relationship. You don't want to be with him anymore. And it took everything in terms of my commitment to marriage, to even keep her with even one little pinky in the marriage. Because basically she was going to her side of the family and often they're very protective of whoever is blood to them. And they didn't have hardly any respect for that husband. But there have been issues that they had brought into that relationship as well and issues that the husband did. But I was finally able to speak some objective information into both that husband and wife that neither one of their families could have done because they would have a propensity to only take the side of whoever their child was. So please be mindful of that. Decide on three action items you need your spouse to commit to doing. I asked for this because it's more tangible. And it gives again, more definition that trust is being rebuilt. Get honest and suggest three physical things that will help to rebuild trust. If one spouse had an affair with someone at work, he or she may agree to come home, right after work and that attend after hours functions that's very tangible. If a spouse has an issue with money, he or she may need to agree to submit to a budget for accountability very tangible. While these action items may not entirely eliminate the distress, it will help cushon the worry of suspicion and get the marriage on the way to regain trust. I think earlier I talked about infidelity, her way to be tangible. 

Oh my goodness, make everything assessable internet passwords, cell phone, it could be phone log, it could be phone numbers, it would be emails, it could be even timeframe. I've even had husbands or wives who wanted to be that accountable, even show GPS and where they had been. And mileage, there's nothing to hide. That is a very there shouldn't be that is that is a very much an action step to bring about the rebuilding of broken trust. How about holding hands and praise. Prayer immediately invites the presence of God into your relationship and shows unity in the spiritual, emotional, physical ways. The posture is one of complete surrender to God. Together, you invite the power of God to invade this situation that you cannot count for on your own. Now, don't rehash defence though it may be impossible to forget as you draw closer to God and work with your spouse and rebuilding trust and memory of the offense will have decreasing power. Now there is only the exception to this, and I talked about it at the last classes the triggers. Now if it's not a trigger, I really once we have gotten past the offense and are in the places of healing. I am less likely to encourage a couple or want to have those discussions anymore, especially as God has brought more calm and a balm to the heart. But if a trigger comes occasionally it will have to be revisited but definitely to get to the place to heal, and perhaps even more of closure with that issue. So focus on the Lord more than what has been done to you. Forgiveness is essential. When you wholeheartedly forgive your spouse for having an affair you model the grace Jesus offers when you extend mercy and don't beat your husband over the head with a past failure. 

You model the love Jesus came to give when you will allow God to heal you from your wife betrayal. Instead of wallowing in bitterness, you model the work of the Holy Spirit. Forgiveness is essential. God commands us to forgive How can marriages rebuild broken trust or get away from the brink of divorce without forgiveness? Forgive your brother his sins rebuke him and if he repents forgive him. If your brother sins rebuke him, and if he repents forgive him, if he sins against you seven times in a day and seven times comes to back to you and says, I repent, forgive him. When you choose not to forgive yourself or others you deny the power of the cross. When you deny the power of the cross, you deny the resurrection. When you do that you deny the faith, you flat out, deny Jesus Christ. Forgiveness is not always easy at times. It's even painful than the wounds that we suffered. It feels like more of a heartache to forgive the one that inflicted it and yet there is no peace without forgiveness. I can assure you if you're willing to forgive and help that be a statement to get from the brink of divorce, and have trust be restored. So Lord will help you, and it will be freedom. Forgiveness, if you refuse bitterness will eat away at your faith and rob you of the power, promises and blessings that could be yours with faith in Jesus Christ. You will not heal or move forward in your life or in your marriage, you'll remain stuck. How about the same unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person dies. What if the worst rages on and there is only temporary relief? The feeling will be that forgiveness was given and working. But the second that the thought come about your spouse the offense or the mistake. Emotions will interrupt all over again. Bitterness will flood the soul. 

There's so many things that we can do to safeguard because our thoughts That time will create a trigger. And we can say, I know where we're at right now. I believe in the commitment that we are making in this moment. We have regained a sense of covenant, and bitterness and unforgiveness. I will not let you take a stronghold in my mind. Have you ever felt this way? Do you battle with unforgiveness? Are you struggling to forgive your spouse for the affair? Are you clinging to words that were said and cannot quiet your mind? Are you holding on to a grudge that happened in the marriage even if it was years ago? Their soul, you do not understand forgiveness. You do not understand in your heart, the work of the Cross accomplished by Jesus Christ, you are trying to forgive with your head and your human efforts. But this must come through your heart through the Holy Spirit. Forgiveness can never be accomplished through you. It is not your work. It is the work of Jesus. We were in our small group the other night, my husband and I. And they were talking it wasn't a forgiveness. Example and marriage but it was so powerful of the Holy Spirit. It was about Cory Tendal. And Cory was a survivor in the Nazi labor camps back in when the Hitler regime and it was horrible the things that she saw, she's now passed on. But her sister and her father were killed in that concentration camp. And Cory had to can imagine the pain. And she remembered things in that camp one time she was stripped. And she was naked, and had to walk past some guards and she was humiliated. And she remembered one of the guards and their piercing evil eyes. Well, after Cory had those years were behind her she dedicated her life to talking about those times and forgiveness. One particular event that she was attending, unbeknownst to her, one of the guards that had been that concentration camp walked up to her. She said she felt it in her heart. Her heart wanted to close. And she had no human intent to give any forgiveness. And he walked up to Cory and he said that he had received forgiveness and now he had an opportunity to ask for forgiveness from one of his victims. And the minute that she opened her mouth, the Holy Spirit brought words, I do forgive you. She didn't even know where they'd come from. They were just there. 

And then he was set free, and she was set free. That can happen in your marriage. Please let God bring that miracle, so that you will not have to be on the brink of divorce. If you really want to love you must learn how to forgive. And the Lord God will teach you and will instruct you and will give you the capacity to forgive. Forgiveness is not a feeling you will usually never feel like forgiving someone who has harmed or hurt or betrayed you. Forgiveness is not magic, everything does not suddenly become okay simply because you forgive, you have to step into the process of healing and rebuilding trust. Forgiveness is not a part of that minimizes the severity and consequences of the offense. Since forgiveness is not always reunion, it takes one person to forgive and two persons to be reunited. Forgiveness will lead to reunion if both the husband and wife are extending forgiveness, forgiveness as freedom as the release, forgiveness as the power that separates you from festering anger, rage and resentment. Forgiveness is a requirement for God's forgiveness of you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your father will not forgive your sins. Forgiveness is the operational system that cleanses the heart. Forgiveness is your entrance into healing and wholeness. Forgiveness is a choice too much as a state if there is not forgiveness. When trust and forgiveness are returning to a marriage that was on the brink of disaster, love will be carried out for character. Most couples wants the love but lack the proper character which is what Galatians five speaks about. It is the fruit of the Spirit love joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. These characteristics make us capable of love. And they also transform the marriage into the image of God. These are the traits that will endure. You will need love when the romance runs off. I remember walking into a nursing home to see a good friend I've had a stroke. And there was an elderly couple in fact she could no longer even hold her head up she had like a spinal issue that brought curvature of the spine. And he had these huge thick glasses, and they sat in their wheelchairs holding hands. And you could just feel the love between them. That is well past when the romance wears off, and it showed a couple that got through issues that did not get to the brink of divorce, and they were able to have their elder years, together. You will enjoy when difficulties arise or life seems dull and and satisfying. You will need to hold your peace when you have misunderstandings. You will need patience when you want to lash out in anger. You will need gentleness and goodness when the harshness of life arises. When I think of gentleness or patience, you know the stop, drop and roll when you're having fire training and fire drills. How about stop, drop and pray. You will need faithfulness when you want to call it quits and you will need self control to overcome temptation. These characteristics protect and sustain marriage. The understand that the worldview of love is distorted and destructive love is the most misunderstood misused and improperly pursued thing in this world. Love this sense of not enough.

People will say they are no longer in love and they want a divorce. That is a superficial understanding of a commitment principle. It cannot sustain a relationship for a lifetime. God's kind of love is enough. That is something that has to be the goal so that marriage can be restored God's love is rooted and grounded in faith. It anchored itself in deeply and commitment in a stronger than feelings it seeks and desires to fulfill the purpose of marriage. This kind of love can only be fulfilled through the plan design and direction of God. When God in love is achieved, the feelings of love will be there. Here we have First Corinthians 13 Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy it does not boast it is not proud, it is not rude. It is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love never fails. We should all have that memorized in our brain. Every time we look at our spouse and feel like we can't go on or the marriage is at the brink of divorce. God will resonate these words and then show us how to get to these principles. Here's the translation from the message Bible. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others and for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have love doesn't strut. Love doesn't have a swelled head. Love doesn't force itself on others. Love isn't always me first. Love doesn't fly off the handle. Love doesn't keep score of the sin of others and doesn't rebel when others grovel. It doesn't take pleasure in the flowering of truth. It puts up with anything it trust God always it always looks for the best. That never looked back but keeps going to the end. Yay, God's love. 

First Corinthians 13 four through seven. Now I'm going to share for the end of this course some specific scriptures to pray to save your marriage, and dear ones, if there's not the ability for both of you to pray together, whoever is willing to start saying these prayers, pray it with urgency, with fervency, and with anointing. God's word will not return void. Pray according to John 14:26 that the Helper, the Holy Spirit whom the Father has send in Jesus name, will teach your spouse all things and bring to their remembrance that the Lord has said. Pray going to John 16, eight through 14 that the Holy Spirit will convict your spouse concerning sin and righteousness and judgment. Pray that the Holy Spirit The Spirit of Truth, will guide your spouse and all truth that there will be no deception, that your spouse will be able to see the marriage and you as their husband and wife through the eyes of the Holy Spirit. Pray according to Ephesians 1:17 to 19, that the God of the Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to your spouse a spirit of wisdom and a revelation in the knowledge of Him. Pray that the eyes of their heart may be enlightened, so that they may know what is the hope of his calling, what are the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints and what is the surpassing greatness of his power toward those who believe, a marriage in oneness, founded in him and with covenant till death do you part. And according to Ephesians 3:14 to 20 I bow my knees before the Father from whom every family in heaven and earth derive the same that he would grant my spouse according to the riches of His glory to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in their hearts or faith, and that they, being rooted and grounded in love may be able to comprehend with all the saints which is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that they may be filled up to awfulness of God and give the glory to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us.

Folks, go and do the anointing. You could choose a baseball cap, you could choose your wife's purse, you could choose the seat in the car that they fit in, you could choose the seat that they sit in on the table, sit in that place, touch that purse, touch that cap, say these words and claim it for your spouse. How about Psalm 32 eight, the Lord says I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go, I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Do not look at your own hurt. Do not look at your own pictures in your mind. Do not look at the past, go to the Lord. Because Satan wants this marriage to go down. The Lord Jesus wants this marriage to be saved. Here are more scriptures, you can put your husband and wife name into each one of these. Take witness to what you believe. The Lord wants to have happen in your marriage, put their name there, say it if you need to a couple times a week, maybe a couple of times a day, you speak authority, because you are going to provide that covering to your spouse. That could be saying you're at the brink of divorce. Now, if both of you are at the brink of divorce, you may have to have someone else say these prayers over you. And that is just fine. I have done that for my couples and I will continue to do so. Malachi two, 14 through 16, for the Lord the God of Israel says I hate divorce and marital separation and him or her who covers his garment his wife or husband with violence. I hate it. Therefore people watch upon your spirit that may be controlled by my spirit that you do not treacherously and face roughly with your marriage mate. Be encouraged by Joshua one nine, in which the Lord says have I not commanded you, be strong and courageous, do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Philippians one six reminds us that we can be confident of this very thing that he who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus and he has begun a good work in your marriage. You are no longer separate. If he has begone a good work in you. You are one in this marriage, and the Lord God will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Go in peace and know that this marriage is worth fighting for and God will help you return from the brink of divorce, Amen.