Transcripts for Days 1-10

Day 01 – 10 -  The Way of the Wise - An Introduction in Pastoral Care Conversations 

There are 4 Video Transcripts 

Video Transcript: Welcome To Ministry Care Conversations

Hi, I'm Henry Reyenga, and I want to welcome you to ministry care conversations. I wish I had this class when I graduated from seminary almost three decades ago, because I find that this class is often those popular types of topics that you find in real time very helpful, but aren't necessarily covered at a seminary. So this class deals with these subjects that people live out in real time. So I picked authors, I linked to YouTube videos, for instance, where these authors are sharing the best of their insights, you can find out about their books even buy their books, after you if you're interested in learning more and going deeper than what even this class goes. These authors are well recognized in the Christian community in real life, pastoral care issues, people like Dr. Kevin Leman, Dr. Martin Gungor, Gary Chapman, and others. What about the content? The content addresses some of the areas that people struggle with in life. And sometimes these areas are very controversial. Marriage, sex, porn addiction is very rapid. And we'll go deeper into some of those issues, parental issues, parenting issues, authority issues, relationship issues, and much more. Who should take this class? Well, if you're ministering to people, and you're not aware of some of the discussions that have been raised, and some of the authors that have raised these discussions, this is a great class for you to take. It would be very helpful if you're in women's ministry to take this class because many of these topics, address women in how they parent in some of the issues that may give insights, chaplains, local chaplains, youth pastors, but I would say pastors in general ministers, those in Christian Leadership, this class will really help you understand how to bring tools to those that you are leading.

 

Now in this class, we use TED Talks. Ordinarily, we don't use TED Talks, general talks are not something that we ordinarily use in ministry. But on the porn addiction section, I wanted you to go deeper into this problem even beyond the moral and spiritual response. There have been much research on this topic, I want you to be aware of it. You may not agree with everything, but it will help you understand more the dynamics of addiction. And this is referring to really all addictions, they have that same type of dopamine in the brain response, and some people have addictive personalities. And that, you know, there's issues related to this, connected to the brain that I believe would be very important for you to see and understand. There of course, there will be controversy in this class because there's various approaches to parenting like gentle parenting versus authoritarian parenting. Dr. Kevin layman, espouses authoritative parenting, you'll you'll find out about some of these terms in this class. Of course, the sex issues always bring discussion, because that's such a area that's brought so much hurt recently in the world. They'll be birth or discussions and many other topics as well. What I'm asking you to do is to enjoy the class, see it for your personal life. Look at how you might be helped by some of the topics in the class. And as you are helped, you can help others understand that this is not the answer, man class, this isn't like, okay, now here are all the answers. Just listen to this class. And you've got the answers. And a lot of ways this is a class that raises questions, give some insights, you in your own journey will process these insights. And, but what I like about these authors, and what I like about this class, is that these authors are taking a stand in I believe, as a pastor leader, you're gonna need to take stands as a Christian leader, as a woman's leader, as you become ordained, some of you who are ordained, you need to take a stand. Not that you're the answer man, but that you actually have convictions and opinions. And these are informed opinions based upon some of the insights that have been shared in the Christian culture. So I congratulate you for this class. And I hope and pray that God blesses you through this journey. And I'm also thinking to that personally, I'm hoping that as you take this class, maybe some of your own struggles you will find answers to some of your own hurts you will find healing for and I pray that God will bless you richly as well as the others that you will impact.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Video Transcript: The Way of the Wise by Dr. Kevin Leman

 

Hey, hi everybody. Oh, you know, I love your church, I got to tell you that and you're breaking ground, you know, breaking ground tells me something, you guys get it. You put your money where your mouth is, okay? You love the Lord through your giving you give yourself all these people, these singers, you know, a lot of the rest of them all took off. But you know, the time that these guys put in, in ministry, okay. And I love your pastor, I love your pastor's heart. He's a baby in the family, by the way, his youngest twin, and some of that gentle, easy going, you get to hear him every week. And that's what makes him who he is. And he and I and pastor Jason went out drinking last night, we had a great time. We closed down a couple bars and have some fellowship, have some fellowship, but he's never gonna invite me back. But I enjoy the spirit of God's people. And you know, the Lemans are givers. I told pastor last night at dinner, I still don't have a savings account. I don't think he believed me. But it's true. We believe in something called natural tithing. And if you see a need and if you ever see someone use that term natural tithing, they stole it from me because I invented it. But you see a need in someone's life, you can meet that need, you know, there's nothing greater than doing God's work, you know, in helping people and, and you guys are moving in the right direction. I just want to encourage you a couple things about our ministry, we do a cruise once a year. If you are a fun person, we'd love you to come with us on our cruise or get on the Caribbean.

 

We go in February, I think it's February 16, or something like that next year, we go for a week. If you're a fun person, we'd love to have you join us. If you're not a fun person, we'd prefer you to stay home. And I'm on Facebook, if you want to go to Dr. Kevin Leman, there's a page there you have to have like me or something and then we can talk. But I've got 20 some 1000 people on there. I do all my own Facebook and all that. But that's part of our ministry to try to practically help people all around the world. I talk to people from the Czech Republic and Thailand and you name it. Every day. I try to keep up with it. It keeps me busy. Many times in hotel rooms I'll find myself on my computer answering people's questions from around the world. Our seminar, a couple things about that. Tonight, we're going to talk about women. You know, women are weird. I've been married for 45 years in a row. And you'll learn a few things about marriage. And I'm married to Mrs. Orpington. I call her Mrs. upington because she's the classy one of the two of us. He likes restaurants that have four forks and five forks. And I grew up in Buffalo, New York. And I'm a one forker. In fact, I passed one of the fine dining establishments on my way over to church this morning, the Waffle House. That's one of my places I hang out in. And we're going to talk tonight about God being the original humorist. When he said this one, and the two shall become one, easier said than done, because women are so, weird.

 

They speak a language that most of us as men just don't understand. Most of us as men have the mentality. Hey, honey, just tell me what you want me to do. And I'll do it. But trust me, that's not good enough for a woman. She wants you to know how she's feeling. Without her having to tell you how she's feeling. It's a catch 22 gentlemen, I'm telling you, but maybe you're single. You're single show up tonight. Okay, I have some words for you singles. And I encourage you parents to bring your teenagers to this thing. Okay. There's nothing I'm going to say your teenagers can profit from. There's very little training for teenagers today about men and women and how different we are okay. Trust me. I've written lots of books on the subject. By the way, I have five kids. We have kids about every age possible. The oldest must have read the birth order book pastor because she's the principal of the school. An English teacher by trade. She knows dangling participle is, and we had babies at about every age possible. We had a little surprise you know those surprises come along at age 42, and 44 I was 44. My wife Sarah, I mean Sandy, was 42. And then we had a little shocker. At 48 you can close your mouth. No, ma'am. I saw that. Good news about having a baby at 48. No labor. No labor.

 

She sneeze and, oh what a beautiful daughter. One sneeze and you're there. She's a great kid. She's 20 years old, a sophomore. She goes to college over in Los Angeles, California. She won an $80,000 scholarship out the door. One of the things we're going to talk about Monday night is why it's important to hold your kid back in school. Pay attention, why it's important to hold your kid back in school. For 30 some years I've been talking about holding kids back in school. And I love it when people say did you hold on to your son or daughter. Yes, we did. The one that won $80,000 out the door. When you make the kind of income that I make, okay. Your kids don't get scholarships. She got a scholarship. Flat out talent, okay. And all the Leman kids, by the way are givers take a look around. We're going to talk about kids tomorrow night and go out to a mall just go up to a mall I dare you. Go to a mall and sit there for 10 minutes. Okay. And you'll know in 10 minutes why some mothers eat their young. Man, I'm old enough to remember when kids used to obey their parents remember those days? Now, now parents away their kids, everything is inverted. Or you would think that we would understand each other as men and women. I'm here to tell you we don't the average marriage in America last seven years. And that includes Christians, the Christians are no better than the heathens. So who's kidding Who? So do men really understand what this woman is all about? I'm telling you, they're weird. If you want to be a good husband, you got to understand who you're leading. You know, they're just different. And then man, I mean, my goodness, I wrote a book called having a husband by Friday. And it's not a cash for clunkers program. We're not talking about trading in your husband, okay, let's get that straight.

 

But in that book, I try to teach women what else men are all about. We're going to talk about that tonight. important stuff, and kids need to understand this stuff. And then you walk down a flower strewn aisle. How many people got married, when you walk down the flowers strewn aisle? Two? Well, about six, where you get the six from? Will you marry your inlaws. Reap the benefit of the good teaching the one on at home or you pay for it. So we're going to talk tonight about a practical way of becoming one in Christ Jesus, in your marriage, and there's nothing better than that. You get what I call the intimate connection. And so many couples I mean, most couples who get divorced need not get divorced. You know, again, we're no better than the heathen. So who's kidding who, but you can invite the heathens tonight. In fact if you are a heathen here this morning, you're welcome to be here. Nobody's gonna beat you over the head this morning. Do anything. Okay? Just sit there and be heathen like. If I read some scripture, just forget about it, skip over, think about something else if you want. Nobody beats anybody over the head. I learned a long time ago. It's God's Holy Spirit. It moves in people's lives. Okay. But anyway, our and then tomorrow morning, we'll do the thing with mommies. And if some men want to show up, you can show up no big deal. Okay. It's for moms who want to listen and know what I'm telling the moms fine. Let me show you how, how this is how women juggle. You know women juggle like this. Five oranges at a time. Okay, they're multitaskers I call them Velcro women. Everybody wants a piece of them. Let me show you how a man juggles. Most of us as men do one thing at a time. When I'm on the road in a rental car looking for an address. I gotta turn the radio off to look for an address. You tell me why. Anyway, our topic this morning. I'm not much of a preacher. I'm a psychologist, someone once said, if you took all the psychologists that were in the world, you'd laid them and on and around the entire globe, it'd be a pretty good idea just to leave them there. I've written 40, some books, the latest is the way of the wise. That's what we're going to talk about this morning. And as a kid growing up in Buffalo, New York, my mom wrote in my very first Bible, Proverbs three, one through six. In fact it was funny, I found an old Bible that I put away in 1987. And inside it to my dear son, Kevin, love you, Mom, Proverbs three, one through six.

 

Well, we each have a story. Everybody in this room has a story who has come to Christ. Let me tell you mine quickly. The publisher said, Leman, this book must have been in your heart because I wrote it in 57 days, from beginning to end, which is pretty quick. Most books that I do take at least six months, getting better as I get older, at writing books, I just signed for five more, so I don't die between now and that fifth book. There's more kindling coming your way. But I dedicated this book, to all who question God and wonder where they fit in life's grid. And then I said, I think that covers just about all of us. Well wonder where we fit on God's grid. And each of us are different. The Scripture tells us, he knows the number of hairs in her head. Some of you have made it easier for the Lord to figure that out. But you know, he takes care of the birds of the field doesn't He. Every time I go to Walmart, I buy this thistle seed. Thistle seed tried to say that, and all those little yellow birds that come to my bird feeder. And every time I do that, I figure you know, somehow I'm helping the Lord. Because I take care of those birds of the field. We take care of the birds of the field, he certainly got to take care of us who claim to have him Lord of our life. And that's what's exciting to see. And that's what my ministry is all about. We've got these video series, by the way, the thing is starts Wednesday night where he says Kevin is going to be with us on DVD, go to those things. You're going to like those. They're there. They've got good entertainment value. They're not boring. They're fun, and they're great outreach to bring people into the church. Okay. Again, you mentioned I do the view and all the morning shows I was Good morning America's family psychologists back in the days of John London and Charlie Gibson days, and so many good mornings I had there at ABC. And my whole thing has been, you know, as a Christian. Yeah, I like to come and speak to Christians. But you know what the real joy is talking to the heathens, in seeing the light go on, and seeing people come to know who Christ really is in their life. So that's what my mission is all about. But these words, let me share these words with you right off the bat. From Proverbs chapter three. And some of this scripture, by the way, is very familiar. Some of it's not the front part isn't as familiar as the back part is but here it is. Do not forget my teaching a keep my commandments in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart, then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding and always acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Now humor me for a second point yourself. Just point yourself. Where are we pointing at our heart? And see, that's the message that King Solomon who is the who is the smartest king of them all.

 

He says, Son, do not forget my teachings. Okay? When I grew up in Buffalo, New York, I was the youngest of three kids, had a sister who is perfect and still is to this day. She's a pastor, a children's pastor. She can dropped to her knees and talked to an ankle biker even at her age. Okay. Perfectionistic which newspaper under the cuckoo clock which I'll never understand that I had a brother who was the quarterback of the football team and voted best looking in his class all those stupid things I used to do years ago in high schools and there was me. Baby of the family graduated fourth in my class in high school. Unfortunately I was fourth in the bottom and not fourth and the top, had three guys beneath me were in wood shop. They made the same bookcase year in and year out. One of my vivid memories as a kid was sitting in a reading group, remember reading group when you were in first grade, they sit you in these little chairs and sit in a circle. And in our school when I grew up in politically incorrect America, they didn't care. They didn't care. You know, I mean, they wopped you number one. I mean, they'd panel, you know, they, you know, the, I remember having a pointer. Teachers used to have pointers on teacher broken right over my shoulder. Ouch. You know, I'd contrast that today with how kids are brought up a little differently for sure. But one of my vivid memories is sitting in that little group, and we had the red birds, the blue birds, the yellow birds, you know, I was a coral. We knew who we were, you know, we were the also rans, you know, but one of my vivid memories is sitting next to this girl, you remember those three inch jars of white paste that were part and parcel to your elementary school education.

 

One of my vivid memories of sitting next to this girl named was Barbara. And she took her index finger, and she got a good job of a paste and she ate it. She's looking at me like, he should be eating this stuff, too. And I remember thinking, I remember thinking, God is my judge a six year old kid. I know I don't belong in his group. But God bless the school system. They have this wonderful way of finding, you know, the crows of society. And once a crow, always a crow, and through social promotion, they just pushed me aside. As a senior in high school, I was taking consumers mathematics. That's Nancy went to the store to buy four cantaloupes. She had $1 with her came home with 50 cents change. How much were the tangelos? That's final exam question. I'd like to tell you, I passed that course. But I didn't. I drove that teacher out of the classroom. She never came back. But I searched for her as an adult have to hunt her down to apologize, because I was brutal with that teacher just brutal. I got thrown out of Cub Scouts. What do you do to get through it? I have thrown out a fourth grader. Okay, I mean, I have thrown out of college. Here's the irony. I was dean of students at the University of Arizona a school of 35,000 students for 10 years of my life. So something happened.

 

Let's see. I had a mom who prayed for me every day in my life. Every day of my life. So many mornings, I'd come down there'd be my mom sitting her favorite chair, Bible open, and her hung head over in prayer. Okay, she prayed for me every day in my life. If there's one thing I didn't want to do in life, it was become a Christian. I avoided Christianity every possible moment. Okay. And what happened to me was, life has this way of sort of catching up to you. In April, my senior year, I went to my guidance counselor's office. First time I had met the gentleman by the way, a little Italian guy about this big and I said Mr. Messino, I'd like to go on to college honor University. He pulled on his glasses. He looked at me said Leman with your grades and your record in his school. I couldn't get you admitted reform school. And that was the other conversation. I remember walking away thinking that guy's a counselor. But you know, at LSAT scores at the zero percentile. In other words, 100% of the people who took the test nationally did better than me. I remember taking that test at the University of Buffalo and I thought it was so cool. they'd let you smoke in the classroom. Fast Welcome my sale on cigarettes. I started smoking cigarettes past the age seven, used to take my father's lucky strikes his cigarette butts that he'd leave without a couple long butts in there. That was great. And anyway, so I'm smoking cigarettes at the University of Buffalo taking my LSAT answered some questions I thought I knew and then blew it off and decided to go home watch football game. Well, that's how you get zero percentile on your LSAT. So I was a kid that was clearly going nowhere in life. Okay. apply to colleges you never heard of finally got in one on probation 12 unit load. They said if you don't do the 12 unit C average or better, you're gone. Well, fear took over my life. I cranked out a C minus average. I was a ballplayer I was a baseball player actually is pretty good baseball player at the New York Yankee organization out of high school offered me a lot of money for a contract, but I couldn't get that kind of money together. So that never happened. But anyway, I went back to the school in Chicago and then I got thrown out of school for ripping off the conscience Fund, which was just sort of a prank was sort of a joke but the dean of students didn't think was not funny. So I get heaved out of school my parents had moved to Tuson. To get out of Buffalo, New York's weather. I became a janitor. Now I wanted an executive level position. Okay. Like most young people, you know, why would I want to be a janitor, but there's only job I had. So for a year and a half, I was a janitor. And we all have this appointment. This anointed time in our life when we come to faith, and God always uses people, ordinary people to do what? Extraordinary things. And I'm telling you what God is my judge. I'm walking through the hospital one day, and this chick walked by five foot nine, dark hair. I mean, gorgeous, knocked down, gorgeous. And I'm going Whoa. That is a woman, and she said hi to me, okay. And I went, Oh, hi. I followed her. My eyes are always on a hallway. Man. That is a woman. The very next day. I'm in the men's room. I'm swabbing down the men's room with my mop. And who should walk in the men's room but my wife to be I had a barrel and doorway to tell people not come in.

 

She came right in. And she's helping this little old guy go potty. And I thought to myself, Oh, oh, oh, that's her. Say something. Say something. Oh, you do want to the fair with me? So first thing I said to my wife. Would you like to the world fair with me? Well, the World's Fair was a New York City. This is Tuson, Arizona. So she says she's the smarter one of the two of us and always has been. She said what? I don't know. And I said, well, how about lunch then? So we went we went to McDonald's and I listen, we split a 20 cent cheeseburger and a 10 cent coke. By the way, how you're old enough to remember the 15 cent burger, the old enough to remember that. Yeah, you're gonna die soon. As a long time ago, folks. But anyway, I'm falling in love with this chick. I mean, I, you know, talk about falling in love. I just, I mean, head over heels in love with this chick I couldn't wait to the next morning. I was a fast pitch pitcher in baseball. I took it to a baseball game on our first date that night. And we spent all this time together. Now. Is this what you got to know about me? I was a punk. Okay. I had a chip front, not a chip, but a hole had worn through the cap tooth I have on my front tooth. So I had a hole a dark hole right in the middle of my tooth. I was a looker in a janitors uniform with a cross broom and a mop. Okay. 20 years old, she was 18. And we started dating and it was it was marvelous. It was just wonderful. Four months into the relationship. I smoke cigarettes as a punk. And four months into the relationship, she pops the question and she says just out of the blue. She said, Would you like to go to church with me? And I thought Holy cow. She's one of them.

 

I couldn't believe it. There's one thing I didn't want to do is go to church. So what do you say gentlemen, to this chick? You're falling in love with, you say I love to go to church? I was lying through my teeth. There was not one part of me that wanted to go to church. Okay. So I go to I go to church with her. She goes First Baptist Church. Rules, rules. That's all I heard are the rules. If there's one thing, you know, I remember thinking no chick is worth this. And and then that she wanted me to come back at night. You already been there in the morning. You didn't do it, right. I mean, I don't get it. So I go back at night, and this pastor now is all of a sudden he's talking. He's talking gospel he talking the guy who knows who Jesus Christ is in his head. They didn't know who he wasn't his heart. Say my mother. God love her. She dragged me to church. I knew I was Bible stories. They just didn't mean anything to me. There was nothing from here to here. Now, what King Solomon says is what? keep my commandments, were? In your heart, see they weren't my heart. So that night, despite my protests, I remember thinking, this is getting a little too uncomfortable for me and a beads of sweat. You talked about being under conviction of God's Holy Spirit, man. I was convicted and then some. And everything had happened that night was supernatural. Because I walked out of that church, feeling clean for the first time in my life. And God literally changed my life. He gave me motivation to go back to school, okay? A school is not my forte, okay? And because the Leman's were poor, poor Irish Catholics, if anybody cares. I went back with this new motivation that God gave me had to work full time as a janitor went to school full time, and got on the Dean's list the very first semester.

 

And this sort of funny after that semester, I got a letter from the dean that come see that this is so stupid. And I walked in the dean's office, I found the right building walk in there. And the first thing I said to the lady there, I said, I didn't do nothing. And she said, What is your name, young man? I said, Kevin Leman, she says, Oh, you've won University scholarship honors. And I said, say what? And she explained that what does that mean? She said, Well, we're gonna pay for your education. If you just keep your grades up, we'll pay for education. Wow. Poor, bad track record academically, God got ahold of my life. And what does God do? He transforms lives. I went to college 13 years at a guy once I was in the army, you know, trying to pass the physical and all that and the guy that got master sargent is almost your schooling you had? I said, Are you talking about how many years you've been in school? From kindergarten on up? I said, 25. The guy looked at me said, You must have been pretty smarter, awfully stupid? Take your choice. But anyway. See, that's what God does. He changes. He changes our lives. And he makes us a new. And that's what's so much fun about this writing his little book. And I think that's why it just flowed, chapter one words that pack awalla. Well, there's people in my life who gave me some words along the way. One of them was an old gray haired school teacher, who is somewhere between estrogen and death, who pulled me aside in April of my senior year and said. Hey, Leman, when are you going to stop playing the game? And I said to her, what game was that teach? Which was pretty smart mouth in 1960. I would point out, what game is that teach? And she said, the game that you're the best at being the worst? She said, I know your brother. I know your sister. I know your family. Do you ever think that maybe you could use these skills that you have for something positive? As a first time a teacher ever said to me, I had skills. Let's see I have personal skills. I wish I had time to tell you about talking my way into Disney World. Those tickets are 180 bucks a piece. I talked my way into let's count them together. Nine free tickets, 180 bucks apiece. That's a skill. Your pastor has that same skill. He's a youngest in his family. youngest children, their family could sell dead rats for a living and do well.

 

Let's see words. The words you choose to use. That's why I don't want you guys to stay away tonight. I want you to be there tonight. I'm telling you, God can be can work a miracle in your life. lives can change. I always tell people these events are life changers. That's why I do them. It's fun to be a part of watching people's lives change before your eyes. And I've chapters in this book though some of the titles are sort of entertaining. I think one of them is Jesus and God, Jesus and God. That's all they talk about is Jesus and God. I tell a story about my friend Chuck Swindoll, who visited a seventh grade boys science school class, he said to the boys, boys what's green and says ribbit? Nobody said a word. Come on boys what's green and says ribbit and finally 1/7 grader ponied up and said. Well, I think that's a frog, but I'll say it's Jesus. That's, see, this is a kid that didn't have the connection between the head and the heart. We were in church therefore the answer is Jesus. No, it's the interest frog. Jesus isn't green and doesn't say ribbit. He's God in the flesh. Of course, there's the heathens who believe that years ago, billions of years ago, amino acids got gathered together in space. And from those amino acids getting together in space, we got ant eaters, beetles, foxes, bears, centipedes, and us. Now, if you're one of those people, you got more faith in Kevin Leman. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth, it's all about God. You know, God's a tough concept to get your head around sometimes because God had no beginning. No beginning. look around this room, everything in this room had a beginning.

 

God has always been. And sometimes we just don't connect those dots. You know, in Psalm 22, King David writes the exact words that Jesus spoke on the cross. But check this out heathen 1000 years before Jesus said them, 700 years before he was born, it was prophesized that he would be born. We find in God's Holy Word that years before it happened, it says that Jesus would come on a young colt. This is God is God who He says He is. He is. I have a friend who shared with me he's got a PhD in atmospheric physics. He said, Kevin, you know, the Earth's axis is 23 and a half degrees. If you move the earth, just one degree this way, we'd fry life could not exist with one degree change. The other way we'd freeze to death. So did God do a pretty good job of hanging this earth, which is moving as we speak, I saw the moon come over the mountain in our backyard the other night, Tuson's of a very beautiful place, by the way. And I stopped as we were coming down a hill. I said, Oh, he looked the moon's coming up. We just stood there and there's no traffic behind us, let's put the car in park and watch come over. I said, Wow, moonlight, there's an old song moonlight becomes you? You know, it's really an old song. You got to be near death. Remember that one? But you know that moon light, I said, honey, look at that. Look how God put everything in place. You know, if you look at the heavens, you're just in awe of who God is. And many times we make God too small in our lives. Is he capable of helping us every day? Yes. I got a chapter in a book called Jesus ain't the big bad wolf. Where I say, you know, friends, God gave you a brain use it. I tell him a story. The three little pigs. The first little porker you know that story, the three little pigs the first little porker, he builds his house on a straw. He ended up pork tenderloin for the big bad wolf. In the second little porker, he put a little mud in there as well. And he ended up with just a pork chop or two. Okay, that third little pig built his house out of bricks. Now again, as much as I tried to avoid but my mother brought me up. I'm old enough to remember by the way. In church they used to, they used to sing what they call hymns.

 

And one of the little kid songs he used to sing in Sunday School is the wise man built his house upon the rock. Be a smart Christian, don't be a dumb Christian. And speaking of dumb, I can find 12 dumber people and all God's word than the disciples. Those guys were flat out stupid. Do you realize they walked in talk with Jesus they saw him perform miracles before their very eyes. In John two we have recorded the first miracle at Cana in Galilee where Jesus changes the water in the wine down there at the end, I think it's verse 11, or so, it says and the disciples believe that he really was the Messiah. Wow. In John 14, talk about stupid. Jesus gathers the disciples together. And again, the sands of time are moving quickly. Jesus knows he's got to get on that cross. And by the way, do you want to get on that cross? No. The human part of Jesus didn't want to get on that cross. And when by the way, when he got on the cross, they mocked him out. They said, Hey, if you're the Who do you say you are? You're the king of the Jews. Once you get yourself off that cross, big boy. You know what Jesus could have done to his mockers? It would have been ashes with just a simple thought. But he couldn't do that. Why? Because he had to fulfill God's will. And so again, he gets together he says, hey fellas, listen, this is Important eyes up here, Peter, put your fork down. Listen, I'm gonna go and I'm going to prepare a place for you.

 

He says, He says, uh, you know where I'm going. I love this scripture, because it really shows how stupid these guys are. Okay? Thomas gets up first of all, and he I love Thomas because he reminds me of me, dumb as mud some days. And he says, Lord, we're foggiest idea where you're going. We don't know what you're talking about. And then Philip gets in the act. And Philip says, Yeah, yeah. Good point, Tom. Yeah, show us the Father. And then we'll know. And Jesus says the Philip. Philip, after all this time up with me. You don't know who I am. If you've seen me, you've seen the Father ever feel like you fell short folks. You didn't measure up you're not good enough. That little voice inside sort of chews up that little guilty thing. And by the way, you women. So many women in this room, you're driven by guilt, guilt as the propellant for most of the lousy decisions you will make in life. You're set free with Jesus Christ, you depend upon him. Guilt is Satan's way of putting it in place. You're bigger than that you have a power within you. Okay? You have the power of Almighty God in you. What an awesome pot that is. That's why we worship him this morning. That's where we raise our hands and praise and sing those songs. By the way we should band could be a little louder. St Paul calls himself wretched. He says, you know, in Romans seven, he says, I tell myself and I can do these things. I do these things. Who does that sound like? And by the way, if he's wretched. Watch pastor Wayne. St. Paul's wretched. School and churches are named after St Paul, wow. It's amazing to me. We just sit back one of my favorite scriptures. Just be still, and know that I am God.

 

God is who he said he is. Take his word for what it says. I am with you when? Always,  I'm always with you. What do you fear? What do you fear? If I'm on your side? You feel no one. But I'll tell you we need a child like faith. I'm talking my little granddaughter and little Adeline, she's seven years old. She just lost a tooth. We were babysitting. So Chrissy and Dennis could have an evening out without the enemy in tow. And I was tucking her in and and I swear I said her prayers with her and tucked her in and she 17 adorable little granddaughter couldn't ask her but her granddaughter. And she looked up at me and she said grampy what is the tooth fairy look like? I will think about. You know what she said? She said. thank you grandpy, night grandpy. Goodnight sweat heart, love you. Love you to grandpy. That's childlike faith. God said it, I believe it. See God is a jealous God, folks. He want to throw him a bone. He wants the whole enchilada. You want to all of you. I've got a chapter in the book. Lord, I'm yours all 96%. We laugh but that's who we are. Lord, I'll take care of the 401k in our finances, you just take care of the rest of stuff. God doesn't make deals. We're the ones that want to make deals. I think it's the book of James that you want to be closer to God, you got to move toward God. You know what I'm saying? God doesn't move. He's right there. This is free for the taking. We need to move toward him. If we want to really enjoy that deep fellowship with Him. We've got a chapter in the book called attention Walmart shoppers, Jesus left the building. Why take on cheap Christians? You know, when Jesus turned water into wine and John two it wasn't ripple, or strawberry hill or whatever they sell at the convenience store. It was top shelf stuff. In fact, the guy said you're different from most. This is the best. Well, God gave us the very best when he gave us the perfect one. So you and I are, you know, destined for failure on our own we fail every day, we fail. But with him, his grace is sufficient to cover our failure. So, you know, if you want to really be a witness for Almighty God, make sure you're not the perfect Christian. Okay. perfectionism, is slow suicide. And so many people struggle with perfection. I've written books on it. And the cheap Christian thing, one of my favorite stories. And this book is, comes from the butterball turkey people, they put our 800 number out there, if you have problems, you know, cooking a turkey, they'll help you out. Lady calls in I don't make these things up and says, I got a turkey has been frozen for nine years.

 

I want to know about safe to eat. Check with a supervisor on that. She goes back and says, well, it is frozen for nine years at safe to eat, but just between you and me. I wouldn't eat it. You're the woman said on the other end, she said, You know what? I think I'll donate it to the church. See, the way I've read God's word is he wants it off the top. He wants you when I first of all, let's be clear about that. But in terms of our tithing, and one of the reasons why I know I'm, I'm preaching to the choir here, you guys are breaking ground that says so much about the leadership of your church. But it says so much about the faithfulness of each of you, who is sacrificially given the things the Lord. And that's just it's fun to be a part of told pastor, we were out drinking last night. I said, I said you know, I don't have a savings account. Never had a savings account. Don't want a savings account. We believe in natural tithing, you can move you can meet someone's need. My best friend in life is he has very little money in his cars were literally falling apart. I when I bought them two cars. I shipped one in from Florida, I've shipped one from Arizona. This is a guy that doesn't like to be beholden to anybody. But you know, is there a great joy in giving? Sure there is. And God bless you for it. And I'd continue. I'm just challenging you guys to continue to do what you're doing here. And let's see if we can make a difference in this community. As we bring people into fellowship with Christ. You know, if you see a turtle on a fence post, you know, we one thing he didn't get there by himself. And everybody in this room, who's come to faith, I got news for you as someone came to faith before you. Somebody impacted your life. And my mother, God loved my mother. She believed in me anyway.

 

She lived to be 95 years of age, by the way, so she saw a few things her son did in life. It was fun because my high school This is funny even this I can never say without cracking a smile or two. my highschool brought me back to put me on their Wall of Fame. Wall of Fame, New York Times bestselling author, you know, get on every TV show, has seen Oprah's fat binds. I'll get an email from that one. But we were we were driving up. We were driving up there was about an hour and a half trip up from where my mom lived in New York State up to my high school. And we had the most marvelous conversation between a mom and a son. And by the way, there's a book out there called what a difference a mom makes in her son's life that you mommies who have sons. I don't care how old your son is. You will love that book. There's a little chapter in there called planning your toddler's wedding. And it really hits mommies. What do you mean planning my toddlers wedding? Well, ladies, you represent all of womanhood to your little son. And my mom and I had a great relationship. Always had a great relationship. And we're driving up and I said to her, I said, mom, we fought a few people then we? She said, oh honey, I am so proud of you. I couldn't be more proud of you as a mom. I said mom remember the night that cops brought me home? And she says is only a mother could say she, oh yes, I do. But you were such a good boy. I got thrown out of the fourth grade on top of that. And I said remember the time I got caught driving golf cart toward cars on the New York State Thruway? Oh, yes, I do. But you are such a good boy. And all I could think of was Romans 8:39 which says nothing separates you from the love of Christ. And sometimes it's hard for us to get us through our mortal brains, that he loves us despite our stupidity, despite our dumb nature sometimes, despite the sin in our life, see, when we ask for forgiveness, this sins like pizza pastor, we're gonna have, you know, pizza with the pastor thing, which I think is a cool idea. But you know, sometimes you have a pizza on a Saturday night, seven o'clock. And sin is like a pizza. Because four hours later, 11 o'clock, you can still taste the pizza, and so on is was sin. And when you confess your sin, it's like it never happened in God's eyes. The problem is, we sometimes still taste it. And that's the problem with sin. You take sin in marriage, you know, so have you gone through affairs, you know, so have you been able to patch that up? Tough thing to do? We're going to talk about those kinds of things tonight, by the way, as we look at marriage. I love what John Wooden had to say. John Wooden was a former basketball coach. I'm out of time?

 

Well, we got seven more pages of notes. John Wooden was a coach at UCLA won many national titles and basketball but when he was a Christian, he loved God with all of his heart. He is a remarkable man. He was a good friend of Lude Olson, who's a friend of mine who's a Hall of Fame basketball coach. And John never told his team to go out and win. This is incredible. I know a lot of coaches. I know a lot of people in the NFL, I'm telling you, the coaches are there a whole nother breed. They live a different lifestyle, the most of us, they got fire in the belly from 4am on and they got to win baby is one guy told me a coach in the NBA told me once he said, I put my feet on the floor in the morning, Kevin and I tell myself, I gotta win, baby, I gotta win. That's the mentality of most coaches. This guy never tells us team to win. He says go out and play the game or play the game of basketball the way it should be played. And I tell people, you play life the way the game of life should be played. And you always win. No, sometimes you lose, sometimes you're defeated. It's part of life part of rearing kids. We're going to talk about that our seminar, you know, parents today, trying to restrain myself. Stupid, I mean, everybody, everybody gets a trophy. You talked to anybody in life who is successful that tell you the failure was a part of their life, just like Kevin Leman had failure in his life. But I came to Christ Jesus in my life did a 180 and with God, all things are possible. You know, those, you know that one thing you never shared with anybody in your life? That one thing that's even sad for you to even think about? Am I suggesting you come down here and tell the whole church about it? No. I'm telling you, you need to confess that Almighty God. He is able and just to what forgive us of our sin. The little scripture over tucked away and Song of Solomon chapter two verse 15, it says the Little Foxes are ruining your vineyard. And sometimes it's those little things in life that just eat away at us. So you today probably need to make that recommitment. Just say Lord, listen, Leman's talking my language. And I've got too much in my head not enough of my heart.

 

And, I know you don't make deals. One of my favorite chapters in the book is your the potter on the clay. But I do have a few suggestions. In that, just like us, we got a few suggestions for God. And that's Mark. I'm telling you, we're dumb as mud. All of us and we need him. We need his grace daily to do what we need to do on this earth. So anyway, is God who He says He is? Absolutely. His is word, something you can count on? Every day, every day in your life. The key is to get it in here. Okay? And is what he promises you. If you'll take these things and you hide them in your heart. I'll help make your pass, notice it's straight. People don't just go down one path in life. Not in today's society. many paths. People move around, very mobile. It's going to direct your path. He's with you. To the end of age. He is God. He is who He says He is. And he'll Bless you. He'll encourage you you cannot fail you cannot fail. If God's on your side. That's a great promise. Pastor, come talk with us we are out of time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Video Transcript: The Way of the Wise, Part 1

 

I would like to welcome you to pastoral care conversations. My name is Henry Reyenga. And I'll be leading you through this whole class. And I'm excited about this class. I'm excited about this class for three reasons. First of all, so much of pastoral care is about conversations. It's about talking to those that God has placed in your life. It's about taking interest in people's lives. It's about helping them come to a awareness, an aha moment where biblical directed insights, as well as personal experience, connect together. Another reason I'm excited about this class is because I would like you to meet Dr. Kevin Leman. I met Dr. Kevin Leman, several years ago, my wife, Pam and I were at a conference and he was giving some insights at the conference. And we connected and he's easy to connect to. He's fun. He's interesting. But what I like about Dr. Kevin Leman is he has written over 40 books about various relationship topics. And a lot of his insights go deep, and they go wide in terms of the whole raising of questions, and even giving some answers. Now, here's something else that I like about Dr. Kevin Leman, is that a Kevin Leman relates to most people. Now, the third reason I like this is because when you're going to talk to people, you're looking for teachable moments. And these various books and insights from Dr. Kevin Leman, just breathe a lot of teachable moments where all of a sudden, I'm like this, but I'm not quite like that. And I must say, as we're going through this entire class, understand that the these are not silver bullets that every firstborn is like this, not every second born is like this, every last born is like this are only child or not every thing that Dr. Leman says applies across the board to everyone. But what you'll find as we go through this class, is many of the things do and when you're helping people sort of make sense out of their experience, and grow with the Lord. A lot of times these insights sort of say, yeah, I'm like that, and I've been helped take the next level in my Christian growth.

 

Dr. Kevin Leman wrote a book called the way of the wise. And this is the first book that I'm basically going to feature in terms of just surveying insights. And this is what I'm going to do with many of his books throughout this class, where I'm going to survey many of the insights, we also will have the opportunity in this class to link to some YouTube videos that Dr. Leman has on the web, where you can see Dr. layman yourself and see sort of what a fun and teachable and teaching man Dr. Leman really is. But in this class, in this conversations for pastoral care, pastoral care conversations, I'm just interested in raising a lot of topics to make you in a sense, people smart in pastoral care. So as you are relating to people, you're helping them converse, you're helping them to get insights, you're helping them to see what applies to them. You know, in our pastoral care, class and marriage, we talked about genograms, and how that works. And in a lot of ways, this class will help you raise a lot of the questions that go into genograms. What are you doing, as a pastor or a leader, what you're doing is you're looking for teachable moments. And Dr. Leman talks about that right away. He quotes proverbs three verse 1a, do not forget my teachings. My teaching, the proverb says, who believed in you, write a note to that person to say, thank you for making a difference in my life, everyone can use a little encouragement, what have you done to provide teachable moments? In a lot of ways, it is all about encouragement, as we go through this book, you're going to see that encouragement, culture coming through. And maybe it's for you as a pastor, finding a way to see how you can encourage write a note how you can first of all, write a note to those who have made encouragement to you, as a pastor, what was your journey? So you start reflecting upon your past and seeing where were those moments when I was teachable? And who did God raise up to give me great encouragement. You know, a lot of times people who encouraged us they have no idea that they encouraged us. So Part of being a pastor is to be that person who will do for others what happened to you in your journey. So first of all being in the way of the wise to look for teachable moments, help people to care deeply. The heart informs the way you respond and react after Kevin Leman says, the way you treat others, the way you view yourself and God, you can sound spiritual, be able to recite the 10 commandments.

 

Know the four spiritual laws at nauseam and appear successful in areas every area of life. But if your heart isn't focused on the big picture of what really matters, all the words you say won't mean squat. You know, you'll notice with Kevin Leman, he uses often sort of American slang and, and we're going to enjoy that throughout this class. You will, you won't treat others the way God would want you to treat them. You won't love as Christ commands you to love. So when it comes to pastoral care, and it comes to human relationships, understand, first of all, it is about the heart. And that sort of helps you understand in a lot of ways that pastoral care is not this counseling of the brain. That is the essence of pastoral care. It truly is the heart. And in this class, we're going to be dealing with those helping people to care deeply in their relationships, help others to connect their heart in their head. But sometimes your head will tell you one thing in your heart another. The epiphany comes, when you take the information, you know, and transfer it from your head to your heart, you can say all the right things. But if you don't live out what you believe you're an empty aluminum can, cling down the street. So often in our world today, people's heart and head is very disconnected. They don't know what they believe. Even in the church, you'll find people who their heart is not necessarily connected to their head when it comes to their faith. So they live in their own resources, and they try to figure it all out with their mind. But something is so empty, help people see God has gracious, and that it will address their stress. Back up to the big bad wolf for a moment.

 

You know, Dr. Kevin Leman, and I'm just going to tell his story. And then come to this particular quote, Dr. Kevin Leman talks about the three pigs in the Big Bad Wolf and heat in in the story, it's a child's story. The wolf finally blows the house down. And in in the story, there is a true enemy of these three little pigs. And that one pig and the other pig and the other pig, there's three pigs, they finally go to the brick house, where their safety. Now, now back to the big, bad wolf for a moment. Isn't that the way some of us think of God as the big bad wolf in the sky, who's going to huff and puff and blow our house in, the judgmental guy who's ready to hammer us for the for the least infraction of the rules? Who never wants us to have any fun? Who is always stack in the odds against us? It is never for us. Do you ever think of the way? Do you ever think that the way you view God has everything to do with the way you view life, including the kind of stress you live under? What Dr. Kevin Leman says and this is really one of the essence of pastoral care conversations, is help people see who God really is. Help them break out of this understanding that God is waiting to zap them. Now is there judgment? Is there justice, in terms of our sin? Do we need a Savior? Yes. And that's the power of the gospel. That's the power of the cross, that all of our sins are placed on the cross, that we cannot respond differently out of intense gratitude. That morality itself does not define us. Gratitude defines us that we don't have to live under this burden of moral perfectionism to please God, no. If we give our lives our heart in, in rest, in the redemption that Christ gave, we can start live different lives. And yes, they're going to be moral. And yes, they're going to be wonderful, born out living or live trying to please the big bad wolf in the sky as Dr. Kevin Leman sees. So as a pastor, that's our goal is to help people see God for who God really is, and why God loves us so much that He would give his only son I tell you, a lot of people live with stress. You know, yesterday, my daughter had some of her friends over. And she goes to a local high school.

 

And they had an intense conversation of spiritual things yesterday, and it was really interesting. And one of them. Natalie is not a believer, but is clearly stated that she is an atheist. And before they started this conversation, I was talking with these girls. And I asked them well, so what do you guys all fear in life? And it was interesting. This one who has rejected God says, I fear the future, I fear everything. Now those who had somewhat concepts of God had lessened stress. And I still was amazed at how that stress was so much connected. Now is her fewer the future directly related to her rejection of God? Again, in the pastoral care conversations, that's not for us to judge. But as we talk about these things, we can put these things on the table. Because here's what I know. If your future is bleak, and you have no hope. How can you not be stressed out? You are if you're in conflict with God, that would be stress. In effect in effects of stress, wellness expert Lizabeth Kuhn says, excessive untreated stress can actually kill you. When you're stressed, your body produces the hormone cortisol, which is designed to get your rear in gear as part of the fight or flight mechanism. However, this hormone is meant to be released occasionally in small doses, when stress causes it to be secreted for long periods of time. That's what stress does. But can you picture the spirit now stressed out because that spirit is in conflict with the God who made you?

 

That is what many people are facing today? In many times, the self inflicted spiritual wounds, have everything to do with every relationship, help people, let God be God, introduce them to God. But then when you introduce them to God, help them see that God wants the best for them. Could it be that we're trying too hard to control our life circumstances, that we're doing too much, because we're not comfortable with who we are, and are striving to be someone we're not? might we be creating stress by our poor choices, and driving need to be in charge, there are some who strongly believe we can become so addicted to adrenaline, the kind our body produces due to busy schedules, that we want to need to stay on the conveyor belt of life. What's happening here is that many people holding on to things to take them these things into their own hands and control their destiny. Instead of letting God be God, they're in control. pastoral care conversations is about learning how to see the beauty of how God has created us in the biblical guidelines, and then have the rest, that God is God. God can fight the battles, we are faithful, we can be part of something special he is doing, but we don't have to take everything into our hands. It says in Romans that he works all things out for good for those who love Him, Romans 8:28. So in the way of the wise is to ask ourselves, and to help people see certain stress priorities. He talks about this when I surveyed women asking them, what are the major stresses in your life, list them an order? The responses were clear, without a doubt the top six ones, husband, household chores, finances and work. Now isn't that like woman to put relationships first survey men and you'll get different responses, with relationships often in the back seat. So this class is very important because what you're going to find out is you're going to find out many, many ways where people are taking on into their own control things they will not do well at controlling relationships are extremely unpredictable. So in this class, we're going to deal with these principles and priorities. Some people will get more insights on how to be at peace with your own life in those in your life. What we're really talking about is as a pastor or leader to model giving control to God. The struggle is all about relinquishing control.

 

We all have insecurities we want to hang on to our natural inclination is to not let them go. not let go of the control of our lives. God, we say, I know you are the potter, I am the clay. But I do have a few suggestions for you. Instead of just say, Lord, You are the potter, and I'm comfortable with what you're doing to change me to change me and to be more like Christ. Help people learn to step out of their comfort zone, few people are taking the leap off the board, the majority of the people are sitting at the side of the pool, or, or just treading water. That's why American Idol and other reality shows are such a draw. People don't like the life they're living. So they need to live their life through someone else's experience in waiting to see which person is the next to get booted off the show is the highlight of the week. For many people life is temporal, it won't last. But shouldn't that idea, kick us into full gear rather than sideline us? In what area? Do you want to make a difference? Then why aren't you doing it? One thing pastors and Christian leaders can be about is the catalyzer, for people to take that next step into relational health, to help people explore things that they were not exploring, to help people through encouragement and hope. You know, last night, I go back to that conversation with my daughter and my daughter's friends last night.

 

Since I put in this class together, I just brought up a couple of the topics, few conversations, and went around the room, it all took like 5 - 10 minutes. And then my wife and I went out to another meeting. And it was interesting, they talked all night about all kinds of subject, subjects, including God. Because the conversations of those girls were catalyzed, to talk about things that they normally don't talk about, they got out of their comfort zone. Help people get balance in both rest in interpretation of reality, you know, now what do I mean by that? In Dr. Leman is one to say, hey, look, I help people, be at rest with the Lord at rest with who they are. But on top of that, help them, and then to improve that peace in that rest, by starting to interpret reality around the way things are, and how they can be improved. Rather than interpret reality around just sitting watching American Idol or watching programs on TV, and have both rest in that, where they don't have to feel like oh, no, I'm under the critical lie. No, it's fun. It's fun to ask who you are and how you can change and, and help them to love, the sanctification process of the heart and the relationships of life. In many times, we just need to be still. Psalm 23, verse two, He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters. Part of this is just learning how to let God how to just be still with God, and have these conversations with a spiritually grounded center. In Christ, we're sorry, you can look at these things, and as a pastor, these conversations will happen again and again and again. So I want to welcome you to pastoral care conversations. You are not going to agree with everything. Dr. Kevin Leman says he's he is quite a popular in the Christian world. Psychologist and counselor, family counselor, he has a long career of helping people. And again, I'm convinced that not everything he says you will totally agree with. And many in the psychological community may not agree with everything when he talks about birth order, or there could be a lot of things that they would not agree with. But I look at it this way.

 

His conversations he brings up, get people talking. If you get people talking, the answer is given to them by the Holy Spirit one. Two, it's self awareness is a powerful, you know, answer to make changes. The love of conversations, people talking, he also talks in a very, I would call pastoral care smart way that no matter who you are, it's positive. There's something you want to see the positive side, even if you're someone who is is a little bit like maybe like to structural. He'll say, you know, there's something wrong About being somebody who is tax on the to structural side, you know, you know, one of the things that he's going to talk about or he has, I've heard him say, now I happen to be a last born and I am a true last born and kind of fun loving in many ways. And sometimes I'm not looking at the details the way maybe someone else should. Okay, so let's say you're in a plane. And you're wondering who the pilot is? Well, they study this most pilots are firstborns. Isn't that interesting? Well, generally, firstborns are very detailed and very structured. Many times, now again, there could be an exception for you. There's all sorts of exceptions. And that's part of the conversation. So if you're an exception, if you're a firstborn, that looks as he described, just like a last born, hey, that's a conversation. And he's going to talk about some of those variables. But here's my point in this whole thing. So now, would you want me to be your pilot if we were on an airplane?

 

Because I would probably sit in the seat and I look at the knobs and I don't know, they seem everything seems in shape. I yeah, let's just fly this plane, have some fun. Really, you wouldn't want me to fly that airplane. Because that's not where my strengths are, that that's not where I sort of feel. My greatest competencies are, and I'm not comfortable. In fact, I would not even be comfortable sitting in that pilot's seat. Because I know who I am. And that's part of these conversations of helping people know who they are. Now, here's my one concern that I want to share with you. as having these conversations, don't become the answer, man, or woman. Don't start thinking that you are now a licensed counselor, that you now have it all figured out. These are all about insights and prayer, in the opening scripture, and fun. Maybe I'm not a pilot to fly your plane. But I'm fun in relationships. And whether you're a firstborn, or a last born or a middle born or any born or whether you're this or that these types of personalities, we all can have fun in the conversations. And that's really what this class is about. Now, you'd say, Well, why is this a Bible school, Bible College seminary style class? Well, because in ministry, you are going to face these issues. And it is great in this class to be guided by somebody like Dr. Kevin Leman, where his training, as well as his personality and his conversations, help us have conversations as we do genograms as we meet with people as we gain insights for our own family. What you'll find by the end of this class, I'm sure is that you will be blessed. You will learn things you've never learned about human relationships, you will learn things about yourself, you'll be more effective in helping people be like Christ, you will be more effective in helping people have more fun that is, I'm defining that as letting go of all the control. To have more of life is beautiful. And we're going to live that life to the fullest glorifying God, even in the warfare of serving Christ in spiritual warfare. But we're still going to find that Shalom, that peace in all of our relationships. So I am so glad you're here. This is going to be I believe, a class that will spawn many great pastoral care conversations.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Video Transcript: The Way of the Wise, Part 2

 

We're continuing our conversation with the way of the wise by Dr. Kevin Lehman has written this book and we're surveying that I'm going to add some comments about pastoral care along the way, we brought this plate. In the last presentation, we really talked about how you want someone to just allow God to lead in their life. What you're really trying to do is every single relationship, every conversation somehow has a God place, that as people engage in who they are personally, even what birth order they are, and who they marry, and maybe issues of sexuality or issues of parenting, that it's still about faith. It's helping people grow in their faith. It really is like God gave us this beautiful life that we live. So that if you're having trouble believing in God, you're not alone. Even the disciples who walked and talked with Jesus had trouble, they saw God's awesome power, close up in his son, but it was still hard to get their mortal minds around it. And I believe that's how it is in relationships, help us see the beauty of God and His creation, but also help us see the spiritual warfare, it helps us see that there's your sin in the world, the narrative of the Bible, that humanity fell into sin, and that needed a savior in the coming of Christ and the new life and the power of the Holy Spirit as the Holy Spirit was revealed. Apply in real life. So the pastor all of our life is an incredible parable for helping people to grow in faith, help people see that God wants us to act on our faith. Even some even hear someone say, if, if there's a God, why does he allow people to starve in Africa? I want to shoot back the question. Why do you allow it? You see, people use ordinary people to do extraordinary things in other's lives? And you can be part of that a small or large way? know, it's interesting how Dr. Kevin Lehman thinks about this. You know, he basically believes in what's called reality discipline, which we're going to talk about later on, where you don't need this heavy handed discipline with children. You don't need to be in, you know, a authoritarian in your raising children, but to you need to be authoritative. And we're going to see this in this class as he explains us. But a lot of times, that's what happens when when people look at God, they will give God some cheap shot. Well, if there's a guy, why is all people who starve in Africa? And in some ways, that may be a good question, but it then brings another question, well, why do you allow it?

 

See, in some ways humanity has the world that we have, because God said, this is your domain. This is the place I give you as a garden now with a fallen garden. So when we're helping people see faith, it's, it's all in relationship is about who we are. We model generosity. Each day is a gift. How can we spend that gift is how we spend that gift is up to us. Gifts and talents should never be used only for ourselves. I believe wholeheartedly in something that I call natural tithing. If you see a need in someone else's life, you can meet it or right then do it. If you can do it anonymously, all the better. For example, if a person needs a meal, and you have seven bucks in your pocket, and get by a Big Mac at McDonald's, complete with fries and a coke do so. You know, as we're modeling faith as we're good at helping people is generosity is a powerful entree into helping people to be someone who sees that every day is a gift. Is a conversation starter in itself. You know, I believe as pastors to and leaders, Christian leaders, when we're talking to people, I believe in this the immediate moments. So if you say to someone, oh, I'll pray for you. Do it right then. Just say, you know, what do you have a moment right now I'd like to pray right now, it's just say a short little prayer and then say, I will continue to pray for you and then then bring a communication later. How did that go? Remember, it's all about generosity, the same thing. I love what Dr. Lehman says here about, hey, if someone is hungry, just purchase them a hamburger now he's not saying just give money so someone can buy drugs or something like that.

 

He's just talking about relationships. The way the wise, is that generous pastoral leader help people see the realistic love picture. Really, it all comes down to we must choose the wave of love. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am nothing. You must be faithful to love. Those who love. Those who say love is a decision are right on the mark. It's easy to love with a person lovable. But the blessing is in loving that person even when he or she isn't lovable. If you commit to love your spouse remain faithful for a lifetime, then you have a bond that won't be broken by any hardship, threat or threats of divorce, love and faithfulness, mean thinking of the others needs first before your own. In this class, you will see that love is truly a choice. And when we pray for the power to love, through the power of the Holy Spirit, God helps us to love God helps us build on that commitment, that covenantal awareness, to love our spouse, to love our children to love our neighbor. And to see that it's there's something realistic about is not going to be easy. So we want all of the insights in these pastoral care conversations. We want to learn how to love better that just put on a funny level, that's the way they are, I'm just gonna love them good as opposed to No, love them and help them find that next positive step to glorify God. In the pastoral care, you'll kind of come up against us many times, people will fail, and they will feel terrible about failure. So one of the things that in these conversations we want is to help people process when things go wrong or things need improvement, help people process failure. So what is it? So what if you do fail? So what if people do laugh? Will the world end? Or will you get up tomorrow morning and brush your teeth like you always do? If you're trusting God with all your heart, you don't need to fear any earthly failure, because your position in heaven is secure. But could you fear? But could you fear have to do with more than now trusting God? Could it have to do with something with which I call the deception of perfection. And we're gonna talk about perfectionism in this class, we're going to talk about these things that sort of take away from that trusting God in real time.

 

But because as a pastor, your goal is to help people process failure and grow no matter what comes in their way. help people see balance in their relational roles. God's style, though, is not authoritarian. He doesn't get his way by scaring the be g bees out of you, grabbing you by the scruff of the neck. God also isn't permissive. He doesn't say, Oh, dear, did you mess up again, let me get you a band aid to fix you right up so you can go back out there on your own. No, God is a authoritative. He simply is the supreme authority and in all things, the ruler of heaven, and the ruler of Earth, the God before whom every knee will bow. authoritative is one who basically is a God. He is not wanting to zap you, nor is he permissive in a way that you get to do whatever you want to do, because they will kill you ultimately, he is our authority. And he's our loving authority. And you're going to find that whole premise of how God has set it up with us, is how we see the world with other human relationships. This will be an exciting class for that is you're going to see how theology and real life Connect. Help people relate to God via His word. Perhaps we should all get a healthy dose of fear by taking time to understand who God is. Our own perspective of him, tainted by our previous experiences with so called Godly people isn't enough. The only way to gain true understanding of him is by reading his words in the Bible. And by choosing to have a personal relationship with him. After all, you can't get to know anyone without learning about their background, who they are and what their mission is, can you?

 

What Dr. Lehman is saying here and this is what we believe a Christian Leaders institute that a walk with God, knowing who God is having healthy conversations with God, who he is and how he deals with us is foundational for all other human relationships. So, if we want to be pastors and leaders, Christian leaders, chaplains, it really comes how we relate to the God of the universe. It's helping people see the role of God in their relationships. So let me ask you, if God is really who He says He is, the creator of the entire universe and everything in it, then why are we acting like we can't? What? Like he can't help us with the problems we face?

 

Is it because we truly don't understand who God is? Or how much we mean to him? Or how much he wants the best for us. If the King of kings, the Lord of Lord loves you. But you put yourself down and say you're not good enough to have a relationship with Him? How much sense does that make Kevin Lehman says, aren't you putting down the very person he created, sent His Son Jesus to die for, and thinks, has inestimable value. He calls you, his child, his son, his daughter, you are his son or daughter, you are the son and daughter of the king of the universe. So that's really what these pastoral conversations are about. All roads lead to this, Rome, so to speak, and here's the Rome is that God loves those that are in our care. God loves the world He gave His only begotten Son. He is in time he is in relationships. The role of God is not just heaven down the road someday, but as everything to do with now. And what you will face in your counseling in these conversations is you will come up with evil. When we understand who God is, with and acknowledge who he is, then we can grapple with one of the biggest questions. humankind asks. If God is in control, then why do bad things happen? Was he just looking the other way, when I was a young couple, and the three children were killed in the middle of an intersection by a drunk driver, or when an elderly neighbor, his house burned to the ground because of faulty wiring. In you will have that again and again. Where people in their relationships, God, in their mind, let them down. But what you're going to help them see is when God created the universe, he put into place certain physical and spiritual laws, sort of driver drive south, a dotted northbound lane, innocent people are going to pay for that mistake. When electrician makes a wrong judgment about wiring. The result is your neighbor loses his house. God really did give us free will. Now we're not free from God. God is sovereign. All things work out for good because God is so powerful that he takes what we understand is our free choice. And he works it for good, especially for those who believe. So we process the whole world in a way that whatever comes before us, is something that glorifies God, something that we learn from, you know, I've studied a lot of the martyrs. And I'm always fascinated by all the bad things that happen in their relationships, and then how their own government puts them to death for their faith. And I'm always amazed at some of their ending words about how don't hold it against my persecutors.

 

Jesus said that on the cross. But Mars along the way, did the whole thing. And you saw in many of those dynamics that even the most evil thing that occurred is not going to take away from glorifying God. And some of the most beautiful stories in Christendom are the stories of these martyrs. God allows bad things to happen in relationships. God isn't a puppeteer who controls humankind's like marionettes on a string. Things happen because physical and spiritual laws he has put into place are violated. Is God all knowing? Yes. All Powerful? Yes. Always present? Yes. But many of our maladies are a direct result of human free will and choice which God has allowed. So in pastoral care conversations, always understand that these conversations are about God. Dr. Kevin Lehman says in get it straight, God is not your co pilot. The reality is that God sent His only Son to die in a Roman cross is a very terrible way. So in a very terrible way, so that each of us if we acknowledge him can spend eternity with Him in heaven. Now that's a pretty good deal. factory worker in Moline. God is a jealous God. He's not your co pilot. You can't put him in a box. He doesn't need to prove anything to you His creation. You can't give him your best shot. He's not interested in your second best effort or believing in Him with God. It's all or nothing.

 

You know, Kevin Lehman talks about sort of the common thinking that you know, I'm just going to give my best shot. That's what his word effective worker. Millennia was talking about how people just saying, hey, I'm just doing my best. Now God wants your heart, because God is the God of the universe. And if you see the world, that way, everything will change. And then you will see that we have violated God's laws, sin must be acknowledged in relationships. Dr. Kevin Leman says Maggie blunt, there are some people in some relationships that cannot be made straight because one of the people in their relationships is not willing to change, it is downright sinful. Sin is a word not often used in our culture, because people are afraid they might that might make someone feel guilty. Well, some people need a good dose of guilt, Kevin Lehman says, and others need to stand up for themselves and hold a wrongdoer accountable. As you talk about relationships, you're going to see the role of sin got you where you are today. And as a pastor, you're going to help people get beyond what sin has done to them. And it is a factor in relationships. The Psychology world wants to take sin out of the equation. Oh, you know, man is good. And the environment has polluted man and woman. And somehow we need the psychological techniques to or more drugs to make things better. No sin is in the world. satanic demons are also in this world, and they are tempting people. So sin and Satan are a role in bringing so much destruction. Coupled with that is we have the free will, to live our lives.

 

So we can freely choose our own way. polluted by sin, tempted by the evil one, who will save us from this body of death. Only God can do that by the power of the Holy Spirit by the new life in Christ. So help people get perspective. In the book heaven by Randy Alcorn, one of the books that has made a significant impact in my life and thinking Kevin Lehman says, one of the things Randy said that struck me the most was that when you enter Heaven, there will be a reception line for you. And the ones you love the most will be there in that line. In case you wonder, who will be making the arrangements you don't have to worry, the one who knows you when a sparrow falls, knows the number of hairs on your head and orchestrates the entire universe can certainly handle the guest list for you. I am convinced that everyone is put on this earth for a reason. I used to apologize for using humor everywhere I go. Then 25 years ago, I realized humor is a gift from the Almighty God a legacy I can pass on to others.

 

You will see this in the videos that Dr. Kevin Lehman uses humor and he and he laughs at himself. He is not sarcastic humor. It's fun humor in by the way for you who are going into Christian ministry. We did a people smart class on ministry and we talked about humor. Here's a great guy to really watch how he uses humor in these YouTube videos you're gonna see and you can enjoy even in some of this writing that humor now is all this humor how you would do the humor, no. But help people get perspective is really his point. that each person is different, that God created us and that we're meant for heaven. So in this earth on the test of this earth that we have, let our whole hope be Christ in Christ alone. And as a pastor, if you help people get perspective to see the big picture in all their relationships. You will be a Christian leader, Pastor, chaplain, youth leader, music leader, Bible study leader, whatever you're called to be in ministry, if you can help people get perspective that the that life is beautiful, God made it and I'm not gonna lie to you and take away that beauty, that joy. I'm going to Take responsibility for my life. I'm going to ask the Lord to help me in my life. I'm going to help others I'm going to be a great father, if that's my calling a great mother, whatever that's going to be not great because I want to impress anybody, but great because I want to glorify the God who created me. As a Christian leader. This class will be something that I hope will start more and more conversations, conversations that will bring healing to everyone who God has placed in your life.