Transcripts for Days 11-20

Day 11 – 20 - Helping People Find a Spouse 

There are 3 Video Transcripts 

Video Transcript: Singleness, Dating, Marriage - Dr. Mark Gungor

We are coming back here next month, it was the first weekend of next month to do a conference entitled laugh your way to a better marriage. Now, this is going to be a fun conference and it's open to everybody. It's just not for people who are messed up. If you know we don't need to go, we're looking at people who are really messed up won't come. That's the problem. We need the rest of you to show up. But come and share this time with us. We're gonna have a lot of fun. And you guys will like this. This is a man friendly conference.

 

This is not one of these conferences that beats up on men for not being women. What's up with that anyway? And your women exits on?

 

All you got to do is ask most women to describe their ideal man. Listen to them, they will describe another woman. What if God made us this way on purpose? Hallelujah. Come on, boys. Give me a who, Ah, that's a man's amen right there. We are not sick, disgusted, twisted perverts. We're just men.

 

God made us this way on purpose, we're gonna have a lot of fun. So it's also open to singles of any and every age. This is not a classic marriage conference. That's why it will be fun. It's, this isn't one of these conferences where we all sit and hold hands and call on each other. So single people will feel totally perfectly comfortable here. In the event, there will be no workbooks handed out, you won't have to take any notes. There will be no emotional breakout sessions.

 

I call this the perfect seminar for men because you don't have to do anything. Hallelujah, that's the man's conference right there.

 

So it's gonna be fun. So you want to check it out. Alright, this morning reading from Romans, the 12th chapter. This is the Apostle Paul writing to the Roman Christians 12 chapter, verse two, he writes this, he says, do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world. And make no mistake, the world is desperately trying to squeeze you into its pattern. People don't care the world. And if you believe in Jesus. They don't care if you go to church. What bugs them is when you don't act and think like them. That's what irritates them. And the thing that really separates us is the fact the way we act and think. Now, the world is desperately trying to squeeze you to act and thinking like they think when you don't, it's very odd to them. So instead of being into this pattern, Paul says be transformed. Well, how do you do that? Well, he tells us, you'd be transformed by the renewing of your mind, you've got to change the way you think. The reason we struggle in marriage is so much in the Christian communities because we suffer from what I call stinking thinking. And we've got to think more biblically, instead of the crazy thinking that we've been thinking. Now, as I travel all over the world, speaking about relationships, I love doing this. But today, I want to do something a little different. I want to talk to singles. How many single people do we have here today? All right, good, good. Now, first thing I want you to know, it's okay to be single. You do not have a disease. There's nothing wrong with you. Oftentimes, singles feel uncomfortable in the Christian community because it's like we say, it's great to be married too bad, if you're single. When the Bible actually teaches. It's great to be single, too bad if you're married. So it's okay to be single. And the reason I feel so motivated to talk to singles, is we've got to stop the crazy before they get into this stuff. I've gotten so many emails over the last year from people all over the world who write me as a Pastor Mark, we've been married for 12 months, and we're in hell, we have been married for six months and we're in hell two months and we're in hell. I've been seriously? It should take you a long time to get the hell. How did you get to hell so fast. That's if you do everything wrong.

 

Man when you get married and you are in hell in a matter of months, and I'm tell this is repeated over and over and over and over again among Christian people.

 

That's when it starts to doubt man, we are not preparing these people. We're not doing this right. Now a lot of people don't like talking about these issues. A lot of pastors don't like talking about relationship issues because so many people have failed at it and they don't want people to feel bad. Well, this isn't about making people feel bad. I get it. Lots of us in this room. Have messed up at one way or another and along these lines, but we still need to tell the truth so we can help people to avoid crazy. Okay? It's as if people think, well, you know, we can't talk about the truth because we believe in grace. But we believe in grace, but it doesn't erase the truth. They are not contrary to each other. The Bible says Jesus was full of grace and truth. Just because we believe in grace doesn't mean truth doesn't exist. Because we believe in truth doesn't mean we don't have hearts for people who've messed up.

 

For example, should you kill people? No. Will God forgive you? If you kill someone? Yes. Well, then I can kill people, NO.

 

We've got to stop the crazy. Graces I give you a license to keep doing life crazy.

 

Now, assuming you are single and would like to consider marriage, how do you find the right person to spend the rest of your life with? Well, you have to use your brain. The Bible says to use wisdom. We are to crave wisdom. We are to seek and study after wisdom. The Bible says only a fool the scripture says, despises wisdom. But I fear that we become very foolish in the Christian community today because we despise wisdom. We don't want wisdom. We want divine revelation. We don't want to study the Scriptures to learn how to live life. We want Jesus to tell us what to do. We want God to tell us well, we so spiritual, it sounds so spiritual. But it's not spiritual. It's carnal. Just when we talk spiritual, a lot of it is just so that we don't have to really study the Bible. Get serious about life, and God just tell us what to do, then we don't have to plan it out. And if anybody over spirited there's any group of people that over spiritualize things It is God bless people's hearts. It's single people. And all you got to do is get any group of single Christians anywhere in America gathered together, I don't care what denomination and listen to them talk. And you'll hear stuff like this. Well, I'm just waiting for the Lord, to bring me a husband. I'm just waiting for the Lord to bring me like what are you Moses. I was waiting for God to tell you? The Christian leaders get up and these nitwits keep the same crazy going. That's when they email me in six months. Now, you got to use your brain. We need to use wisdom. Now when you are dating someone, it's not about divine revelation. It's about discovering character. You're supposed to look and see what that person is like. You want to find someone to spend the rest of your life with you want someone of character. Don't get all caught up in how cute they are. character will last a lifetime. Sexy has a shelf life.

 

It's true. And some of us hit our expiration dates. I gotta tell you right now, it's over for us. I gotta tell you. When you're dating them, keep your head clear your eyes open, look at how they act. But more importantly, look at how they react. because anybody can act. It's why they call it acting. Reacting that's hard to fake. When the pressure really builds and things are going hard and how do they react then? If you're dating some guy and he gets all mad and crazy and psycho, get away from him. You're dating some girl she's all whiny and needy. dump her butt and move on. They say to me Oh pastor, that's not normally how they act. Hello, listen, if you don't remember anything from this morning, you single people remember this. You date the act, you will marry the react. Let me say it to the side. You will date the act you will marry the react. Man you see people acting all react and all crazy and nasty. Get away from them move on. And when you're dating them keep your eyes open head clear. Everything is fair game everything, you find us about the life you're not comfortable with move on. It's not about finding the perfect person. Well, it's stuff that really sticks out that's weird and crazy man just and everything's fair game even the family, good Lord if you can't stand the family move on.

 

You go over and it's the Adams Family get out of there. I have had it up the here with married couples who whine incessantly about the family if you're here doing this today shut up. Alright, enough already against that and his father, I get that in the mother I get lol you couldn't tell us before you married in a crazy? What do you say I do, is over be quiet. Now if you're comfortable marrying into crazy then fine. My wife was, she doesn't whine about it. I hate the family. I hate the family. Look at their relationship and commitment to God. How strong is their commitment to God?

 

Some of you girls, for heaven's sakes, you're so quick. Oh, we believe in Jesus. We are getting married, he believes in Jesus, now. He just got out of jail as an axe murderer, but he believes in Jesus. You might want to see if that took yet. Come on people that devil believes in Jesus. How's that working out for him? He believes in Jesus. Come on. Do they really live it? If that's what you're trying to figure out? Do they go to church regularly whether you come with them or not? Do they pray? Do they read their Bible? The ultimate test? Do they give money? Without whining and complaining? Do they freely give or is it like giving birth?

 

I need Lamaze classes before the offering goes by. As for divine revelation, what about divine revelation. Listen to me, were taught the Bible talks about marriages. It uses marriage it uses the word find everybody say find. He who finds a wife finds a good thing. A woman of noble character who can find that's what the Bible taught. There's not this this revelation stuff, finding and being found. That's what it's about. This implies Of course, looking, looking. Where to find him. You got to look, because of the crystal singles whining about dating. I want to get married but I don't want to date. Good luck with that. He don't want to date was such a hassle. Well, let's stay single. You're gonna find something you have to look for it. Some of us are lazy. We don't want to look for things we wanted to hand it to was given to us automatically. You think that's what God's gonna do for you. You need to look, some of us find very quickly. Others it's raiders of the lost ark. You know, you really got to dig. Okay. Some lady emailed me the couple of weeks ago for heaven's sakes.

 

She says pastor, you've talked about finding, she says, I live where there are no Christian men. There are no Christian men where I live. What should I do? Move, is that that complicated? Just move. People are crazy. I want my soul mate.

 

So listen to me. The idea of a soul mate comes from Greek mythology. It is not a Christian concept. And we should know better and we take this broken pagan concept that's in our culture today. And we spiritualize it. If God has created one special person just for you. He telling your kids this, shame on you. Seriously, if that is not the epitome of self centered narcissistic thinking, I do not know what is. God did not create another human being just for you. And the moon doesn't really follow you when you drive at night either. Shocking everybody this morning with all kinds of revelations. Listen to me if there was one perfect person who could meet all the needs of your heart and soul, trust me when I say that God would use all of his divine power to keep that person as far away from you as possible. Why, God is supposed to meet all the needs of our heart and soul. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. You think God's gonna be thrilled with you making a God out of some guy or girl in your life? Stop that. You know what needs of your heart and soul, seriously?

 

And you girls? Do you really think some boy is going to meet all the emotional needs of your heart and soul? Yes, Pastor I do.

 

Stop the drugs for heaven's sakes. You're so miserable, to get married and stick a straw in his brain and try to suck out all his life.

 

There is not a man on earth designed to meet all the emotional needs of a woman. So what do I do? Get a life? Get some friends, talk to people get involved in the church volunteer. Try to get it all from some guy. Yeah, well, I'm just waiting for God to tell me who to marry. Okay. I'm not saying God can't, God can do anything. What I will say to you is there's no biblical example of that ever happening. Ever. There is no place in the Bible, the book we say we believe in and pattern our lives after. Or God ever told anybody to marry anyone. The closest you can get is when an angel appeared to Joseph in a dream and told him to take Mary as his wife, but he'd already picked her. He was just freaked out because she was pregnant.

 

Nobody was buying the angel told me story, you know I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, right an Angel.

 

Glad to show up to snap out of it, boy, marry the girl. The next closest you can find is when God told Hosea the prophet to marry a prostitute. But even then he didn't tell him which prostitute he just said go pick one. Pick a hole any hole. That is what he said, hole, hole and hole. That wasn't a Christmas saying that was three hookers on a corner. Oh, oh, oh. Pick a hole.

 

Well pastor, what about what about Eve? What about when God brought Eve? Oh, okay. Okay, but come on. It was the only people on earth.

 

Hardly applies here. Besides, if you're walking around naked in a garden, you've got issues.

 

Well, I disagree. I want a marriage. I want. I want a divine appointment like Ruth and Boaz. Oh, have you read Ruth and Boaz? You know, people don't read the Bible today. They don't. They read about the Bible. They hear nitwits, like me talk about the Bible. But they don't actually read it for it. read it for yourself. Do their quote anything. You haven't actually read it for yourself. Ruth and Boaz. Have you read Ruth and Boaz? The whole thing was rigged by the mother in law. All right, Naomi sent the whole thing up.

 

He said, Okay, here comes boy, so Okay, stand over here. He'll see you. I didn't see what an idiot was trying to get.

 

Let's go over here. Try that. Again. Again. his attention here. Okay. Yeah. Okay, now this time now, okay, here, he's gonna be at this party. He's gonna lay down and take, take a nap. And when he takes a nap, you lay down at his feet. So you get all dolled up and smell pretty. It says, you know, he's supposed to be just decked out to the nines. The mother and I was doing all this and then when he wakes up, he will find you. That's what happened. Boaz is just chilling out. You know he's sleeping. And then he wakes up and goes. What are you doing here? I don't know. It must be the Lord. Praise God. I don't know.

 

See Boaz thought he found Ruth. Ruth made sure she was found. Hallelujah.

 

That's right girls got to get out there get found. Why does not the Bible ever talk about soulmates and all this other nonsense? Because the writers of the Bible knew that the principles of Christianity the principles we say we believe in, these principles are so Life Changing and they are they are so powerful. They've been changing lives for 1000s of years, for eternity. These principles are so powerful that you can take any two people in the world put them together, and they can have a successful marriage if they live by the principles. That's what it's about. It's not about you. Cute, though you may be. It's about the principles. That's why you're supposed to find you're supposed to live by the principles and find someone else who does. It's about the principles. It's not about some magic. Here's an important point marriage was never designed to make you happy. And all the married people said, amen. Yes, praise God. Does not make you happy, you're supposed to be happy in the first place. Listen to me if you are a lonely, empty, miserable soul. For the love of heaven, stay single. Because a lonely, empty, miserable soul that marries another lonely, empty, miserable soul just makes a marriage of two lonely, empty, miserable souls. It does not a marriage make besides we're supposed to be people of faith. We're seeing all these great songs celebrating the life of God and us and you're not happy.

 

We're supposed to already be happy. I was looking at a university study. University study the stupidest things on earth. And this one university decided they wanted to study the effect of smiles.

 

So what they got the money to study, this gives them money for the stupid stuff. They went and took old yearbooks, and they rated people's smiles. And then they would take the people with a 10% best smiles I got them all in a group. So whatever criteria they use, and the 10% best smiles in each year group yearbook, and they went and interview these people later in life. What was stunning is how successful these people were in life. And as a passing note, but it caught my attention. They had one sentence in there that said this now think of this. This isn't just a Christian studies of people in general.

 

They said these people not all successful what we also notice is that not a single one had experienced through divorce.

 

Is that fascinating. So we don't know why that is. I'll tell you why it is they were happy in the first place.

 

If you're not happy, and they need somebody else to make you happy. You're never gonna get happy. You need to be happy. And besides marriage isn't about being happy. It's about building a life together. Look, there's days you're happy. There's days you're not. Sometimes if feel liked you are nuts and sometime you don't. Which brings me to the next point. Don't trust your feelings.

 

If you trust your feelings, you are headed for disaster. Only in marriage are we so incomprehensibly immeasurably stupid because we have listened to people with PhD's, not to knock people with PhD's, but these people are idiots. What's that appeal appears to all these experts on marriage. Because they can't stay married themselves. We as appraisers. I'm an expert on her smartphone. And these morons have been telling us for the last 50 years in this country in a successful marriage. You have to be honest with how you feel. You heard this, most of you living. Let me be honest with how I feel. So I get people emotionally vomiting on each other all the time. Some of the nicest people in the world some of you sitting here too smart looking as sweet as pie. get you home? Yeah.

 

Crazy. Be honest with how I feel. That's how I feel. No, you don't. Good Lord. It is a formula for disaster. No wonder our divorce rates are spiking through the ceiling. Your Mama was right. If you don't have something good to say. Don't say it.

 

Marriage is not a license to be a mean jerk. Listen to me, some of the sweetest but you know who you are you little sinners.

 

Somebody is the sweetest people on earth. The minute you get home you get is mean and nasty and whiny. And because you're married, as if marriage gives you permission to be mean and nasty. It does not. Stop. Be nice. I can't help how I feel yes, you can. Shut up. I'm not saying you can discuss issues that come up. There are issues we all need to wrestle I get it but that's different than what I'm talking about. This thinking of I needed us. I gotta tell you how I feel about. Honestly, feel so miserable. My wife and I that cute redhead over there. We've been married going on 40 years people say how have you been married for almost 40 years? Because we're not honest with how we feel.

 

What's the matter with people. I'm sure there's mornings she wakes up looks at me and feels like she's been bussed by God. I'm sure there's mornings she looks at me and is convinced she married the spawn of hell. A simple Good morning would suffice. Listen to me. This thing of living by your feelings, you apply this to any area of life, you will fail. And I can virtually guarantee all y'all Oh, y'all in here. I can virtually predict how successful you are in life based on how much you live by your feelings. People who are successful in school and college. Never ask themselves do I feel like studying? You know who does terrible in school? Those of you who say, I don't feel like it, I don't want to study? I don't Mama. I don't? I don't feel like it. Those of you who built successful businesses. Everybody thinks you're lucky. Oh, you guys. You're just lucky you had a successful? Oh, yeah. Yeah, real luck. You're lucky because you didn't ask yourself if you felt like working 18 hour days for 20 years. The people who didn't do it?

 

I don't. I feel I feel like it. These musicians this morning jamming it up and when you love to play like that. Wouldn't that be great?

 

The reason they do this? Because they never asked themselves do I feel like practicing you know who never gets here? Because when you tell them to practice and they say I don't feel like it. Who feels like practice who feels like going? (He went up the notes and then down.) Nobody feels like it they just do it. Ask themselves if they feel like it? Any take any area of life? The ones who succeed are separated by the ones who fail by one simple measure. Do you do what you feel. Many of you live by how you feel you will fail in that area of life. That's why you parents need to talk to your kids and teach them they just need to do it. And don't reason with them.

 

Are you crazy? Do this? I don't I don't feel like. I don't care what you feel like, do it anyway. You need to teach your kids they need to do stuff. What do you feel like it or not?

 

Don't reason with them. Oh, well, I don't want them to do what they don't feel. They will fail in life. They will. And it will be on you. Seriously, life is tough.

 

It's always been tough. Nobody can you imagine people tomorrow morning going to work based on how they feel. calling your boss and saying listen, boss, listen. I'd really love to come to work today. I really would. But I'm not feeling it. So I'm staying home. He got fired. Can you imagine soldiers on the front line of a battle and the Sargent yells charge, and one of the soldiers got some says listen listen guys, I'd love to charge. I really would. I'm very pro charging. I have been rehearsing charging with you for a long time now. But in an honest I don't think it would be fair to you. If I charged that this time, because I'm not feeling it.

 

They take a gun and shoot you in the head. Only in marriage, have we bought into such a foolish concept and have done so without question or challenge because someone had a degree behind their name. When they told us this insanity. This idea that you have to verbalize every emotion popping through your heart and soul is a formula for disaster. Be nice. You want to make a good choice for life. Listen to your family and friends. If your family and friends are all telling you this is a bad idea. Listen to them.

 

Like Can I have to follow my feelings? This is what your kids are hearing over and over again. You watch these chick flicks. These emotional cycle things. Everybody the guy is like crazy psycho. Nobody agrees. But yet they've got to be the guy must follow my heart. And they live happily ever after. Because they never show you what happens after the wedding.

 

Because I promise you in six months, she's emailing me saying, I am in hell. Here's a really important one. When you're dating, don't get physical with these people. Listen to me, you single people. Do not get physical with them because sex will make you stupid.

 

It will it will make you dumb as a brick. Now in a way it's supposed to. It's true. You see, sex is the Novocaine that makes marriage possible. Numb me up Jesus hallelujah, I am feeling pain. I need my Novocaine. It's supposed to numb your brain when you're married. But you do this before you get married, it'll just make you stupid. The one thing you can do that will virtually guarantee you will make the biggest mistake of your life. Get physical with them. All you got to do. On our failure of life, get physical with them all the takes. It's an unmitigated disaster if we had the time to listen to all the failed stories in this room. People said oh, I don't know what I was thinking I was in this horrible relation. Everybody's got their dramatic stories. All this was awful. I don't know why what happened? I ask them one question. Were you having sex with them before you married them? 98% of the time the answer will be yes. That is why my dear you made such a big mistake. It is a disaster. These things just don't happen by themselves. say well, we're not actually having sex, why are you Bill Clinton, stop that annoying physical with them. If it involves this general area it;s sex, knock it off.

 

Wish I had more time. Let me end with this. Jesus gave us a parable. He said, unless a grain of wheat falls or is planted in the earth. Unless it dies, it will remain alone. But if it will die, it will spring forth new life. Now the problem is again, most people don't really read the Bible. I read pieces of it then I should have read it you need to read it. Read one of the Gospels is virtually it's not a big read. It's not like you know the Star Wars trilogies or something? It's very simple. Okay, it's a very simple read. You can't possibly read one of the Gospels and not walk away with the sense that God wants to kill you. Not the physical part of you. But the selfish part of you know how many times Jesus talked about dying to yourself picking up your cross laying down your life, planted as a seed waiting to die, so new life can come. God wants to kill you. And there is no more perfect institution designed to kill you than marriage. Because you cannot do it and stay selfish. It's impossible. And listen to me. Marriages only end for one reason. I know y'all have these various or not. There's only one reason your marriage failed or any marriage fails. One or both of you get selfish. As we as Christians, this whole Christian journey is learning not to be so puking selfish. We need to die to ourselves and live the life of Christ in us. We need to let go and let God in us. Jesus said if you plant the seed and we're all planted, if you're a Christian, if you're a believer, he The first thing he does is he plants you in the ground and wait for you to die. You know what people are like who won't die? Pastor, it's so cold down here. I can barely move my mouth. What should I do, die already? There is no person more miserable than a Christian who has been planted that refuses to die.

 

You will be in comparably miserable, let go let God in your life. Quick hanging on me, me, me, my precious, my precious I love my precious. Stop.

 

Let go, let God you know why this is so important. Because dead people are very easy to get along with. They are they never get mad. You can ignore them, they don't care. You can poke him with a stick, they never hit you back. They're dead. We need to learn. Look, this is not easy. And this is a lifelong journey. Laying down our life letting go. If you demand to hang on to everything you want. You'll never succeed as a Christian. And you'll certainly never succeed in a marriage. We've got to learn to let go. And let the life of Christ come in so we can blossom into something more beautiful than you ever imagined or dreamed. If you'll just let go, and let God. Let's pray. Father, thank you for your kindness to us. Thank you for the example of Jesus who lay down his life so we could have life. Lord, help us to let go let God quit hanging on to everything we want. Help us use wisdom and making these important decisions in life. Help us to do life, right? Help us to have the kind of lives that people who don't know you will look at us and say, man, I want to be like you. And this will give us a wonderful opportunity to share your glorious love with them. In Jesus name, we pray and everybody said, Amen. Thank you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Video Transcript: Courtship Understanding with Dr. Mark Gungor

 

Debbie Chavez  0:55 

Hello, Mrs. Chavez. Welcome to love marriage and stinking thinking. I'm Mark Gungor and our lovely call co host would you please welcome Debbie Chavez? My wonderful friend, the Reverend Jimmy Bratcher and the band.

 

Debbie Chavez  1:18 

Our friend, producer, Lynn Wheeler,

 

Mark Gungor  1:21 

Lynn Wheeler, our fabulous producer girl here is helping with the show. And my lovely girl over there Debbie, my wife, Debbie 36 years of pure on wedding bliss.

 

Mark Gungor  1:41 

That's how they've done it. No. wedded bliss

 

Debbie Chavez  1:46 

Was kind of a strange Freudian slip, but I'm not sure.

 

Mark Gungor  1:49 

I was born married. What are you talking about?

 

Debbie Chavez  1:51 

You're born married. One of those arranged marriages at birth or something like that?

 

Mark Gungor  1:55 

We got married, I was 18.

 

Debbie Chavez  1:57 

That is really young. That is so young. Nowadays, people would say that you would have been lunatics. earlier. Nobody gets married at age.

 

Mark Gungor  2:04 

So why did you get married at 18?

 

Debbie Chavez  2:06 

Why did you get married?

 

Mark Gungor  2:07 

It was against the law at 17. Very clear. Very clear.

 

Debbie Chavez  2:12 

So Wow. And you actually advocate young marriage?

 

Mark Gungor  2:16 

I'm a big proponent of that. And well, we'll get into get into that. Some others. I actually want to continue with our topic from last week. We're talking about dating.

 

Debbie Chavez  2:28 

Courtship, we actually learned something during the show, because we do a daily radio show together. Just thinking thinking.com to find out more about that. But we actually learned something from a listener that neither one of us was aware of, because apparently we're not very hip and with it. But that now the term in the Christian community if you're dating his courtship, did you all know that courtship because courtship is with the intention of finding someone to marry dating is well leading to hooking up or something like that. He's still clueless.

 

Mark Gungor  2:58 

I don't care. The basic idea when you're spending that much time with someone is for the purpose of discovering. Is this person, a suitable mate for life, that's really what the whole courtship dating or dating process is all about. And people are doing very, very poorly. And as you point out, we have a daily radio show that we do that you can listen, you can join us go to stinking thinking dot com, and you can find the link there every day central time 10 to 11.

 

Debbie Chavez  3:25 

Pacific time 8 am. Early, I don't. But anyway, while they're on that show, trust me, it's a little out of control sometimes.

 

Mark Gungor  3:35 

And we answer people's questions, and we've gotten so many questions. Yeah, that's why we're taking the TV show. And we're spending more time answering people's questions about love and marriage and dealing with their sadly, stinking thinking. So many of these things. A lot of the emails that we get are from people who have been married for an amazingly short amount of time and have sad stories. Oh, there. Alistair was terrible. And and I think the worst one, I think it was either seven or 10 days, after the wedding.

 

Debbie Chavez  4:04 

Oh, just shocking. Yeah, I mean, that they didn't even consummate the marriage because it just went downhill immediately.

 

Mark Gungor  4:11 

How do you go from the happiest day of my life, to hell in seven days is unbelievable. So clearly, people are doing a really bad job of the dating process. They're trusting too much their emotions. I know. Romantic romanticize over romanticize. I like romance too. But when people are just over matched, like, you know, it's a soul mate. It's all about the connection. Who cares what he's like, who cares that he kicks his dog every time he's mad, who cares that he curses at his mom when he gets upset, who cares? He's got issues, that's all. He's got some issues. You know, they overlook all that stuff. Because they over romanticize it because at some level, they're just thrilled to have this person in their lives. Then they marry him and then boom, they find out what they're really like and they're absolutely miserable. And I argue, you should be able to figure these things out ahead of time. That's what the dating process is for. And we've talked about several ideas here. What are they talking about? They need to be personal faith. Yes, watch their reactions Don't be drawn in by their actions. Anybody can act anyway. But they only react the way they really feel.

 

Debbie Chavez  5:17 

And you even say, look at their past. I mean, even though, Christian, you know, they're still being transformed, right?

 

Debbie Chavez  5:23 

Yeah, exactly. I mean, if they, you know, if a guy just got out of prison for anger issues, and beaten his former girlfriend half to death, then, you know, and he comes to church, and he's thrilled to be there, and you marry him six months later, yikes. He might still have issues even though he's been saved. Why? Because it takes a while to walk these things out. Okay. Talked about getting your family involved, you know, look at the family. Do you like their family, if you hate them, may not want to marry. Now, I'm not saying you can't just be aware, it'll be enough. Some people are comfortable with the fact that I can't stand the family. And they just they endure it, you know. But some people, they get so angry about it, and so freaked out about it, okay, and it becomes a disaster. And then getting someone that they trust in their lives. If it's not their parents, then it would be their pasture or some with veto power or some kind of a flag timeout. It used to be that for centuries of parents had the veto power.

 

Mark Gungor  6:27 

And you curls goodness gracious you single women. Quit dating these heathens? Are you hearing me? So while he's saying oh, come to church? Yeah. Come on. Thank you for that, yeah. Stop dating these heathens. You should not be but he said he can be changed with me. He'll do whatever he's got to get you. Usually get something out of you, which we won't get to right now. Yeah, we will don't do that either. Don't date him and for the love of having, don't have sex. Your people have faith. You're supposed to be servants of the Most High God, your children of God. You're not supposed to be unequally yoked with these pagans. Now he gets in here and get saved, born again. And then we can talk.

 

Mark Gungor  7:44 

I told lady the other night she said, Well, how do I know who I should date? If somebody wants to date you? He said I would love to go out with you. But you have to go talk to my pastor first. Bring it on, babies. I don't do a whole lot of appointments for those but I'll do. You send those boys that talk to me. You can date her Yeah, talk to me first that her spiritual papa. Want to show you the big sword on my wall over here?

 

Mark Gungor  8:49 

For centuries, it was actually the parents who brought the kids together. But the kids always had veto power. This idea that people were forced into marriages they didn't want is not true at all. Okay, as a bunch of large, romantic nonsense can make that sound evil somehow. The kids always even today in cultures where they have arranged marriages, the kids still have veto power. By the way, that system is so effective that in countries where they do arranged marriages, and whether their Christian culture or not, they have a 5% divorce rate. They have the lowest divorce rate in the world. They might be miserable, but they're married. But I don't know. I mean, people are miserable, but they want they're getting divorced. I mean, we're so miserable, we're getting divorce. Okay, so it's, it's, it's, there's a really a lot of positive things that are happening with marriages. Well, this is this whole idea of the parents are doing the filtering for them.

 

Debbie Chavez  9:42 

Okay, so back to your point that we need to get people.

 

Mark Gungor  9:46 

People who have perspective on this stuff, okay. Okay. And then about an 1800s it's switch then instead of the parents making the decision, the kid started making the decision. Yeah. But the parents then had veto power and it still worked. That's where you get the tradition of going to ask the fathers permission.

 

Debbie Chavez  10:00 

Does anyone do that anymore?

 

Mark Gungor  10:01 

Well, they do but doesn't mean anything. Because the dad says nope. Will do it anyway. Doesn't really matter. Okay, so we need to get some kind of thing like that where other people are filtering for you don't just do it on your own. If you do it on your own, you're headed for this 50% divorce rate nonsense. But again, we get stubborn and the reality is our emotions get so caught up, we don't want to see. And we don't want anybody to tell us

 

Debbie Chavez  10:23 

what we don't want anyone to tell us about red flags. No, way.

 

Mark Gungor  10:26 

Alright, so now, that's kind of where we've been. Now. Let me go to the next. So this one's huge. This is huge. Alright, huge, don't get physical with these people. Okay.

 

Debbie Chavez  10:38 

What do you mean by that? What do you mean by physical? Because there's this whole movement across America that you shouldn't even kiss before you get married?

 

Mark Gungor  10:46 

I'm good with that. I thought, especially with my daughter, but anyway, um, you know, I don't know, that needs to be that. But I mean, the minute I'm like trying to avoid here sex. I mean, if you start having sex, what do you mean by that? Oh, that's my whole point is today It can mean anything. You know, Bill Clinton, you know, what is his you know, I don't know, you know, look, if it involves this general area it's sex.

 

Mark Gungor  11:24 

But it doesn't have to be born out sex, it can be just the messing around. Because here's what happens. Ah, sex makes you stupid. It just does.

 

Debbie Chavez  11:33 

And how did you come to that conclusion?

 

Mark Gungor  11:35 

Because it just does. It just makes you stupid. And it's supposed to in marriage, it's the thing that makes you stupid to all the imperfections of the other person. It's that one thing, that endorphin rush that kind of resetting the meter in your life that helps you kind of overlook I mean, that's, that's why sex is supposed to be so powerful is supposed to be the glue that God intended to hold two people together for life. That bound, okay, yeah. But when you do it before you're married, it just makes you stupid. Okay? Because now you don't see anything. all you are doing is you're caught up in your emotion

 

Debbie Chavez  12:07 

and the invisible bond that you've now created with this other person.

 

Mark Gungor  12:10 

Now, how many people have you heard? Who said, you know, they were in a terrible marriage. And then they say, I don't know why didn't seem so full.

 

Debbie Chavez  12:25 

Or even a terrible dating relationship, breakup, and they go, I don't know why I was ever with that person.

 

Mark Gungor  12:30 

For four years, I don't know why it's so clear to me. Now, I'll tell you why. Whenever somebody says that, take it to the bank, they're having sex with that person. Because sex makes you dumb as a brick. Okay? Again, it's supposed to in the right context, but beforehand, it causes you to not see clearly and if you are trying to date someone, and really find out Gee, is this the right fit for me for the rest of my life? The minute you start getting heavily, heavily physical with this person, I think that'd be blown out intercourse or whatever, the minute you started doing this, it clouds your brain. And now you aren't stupidville and the 1000s of people who are doing this today. You're watching right now you know exactly what I'm talking about you oh, I can't believe I was that guy for that. And you're on. Yeah, I can't believe I was with that girl for that long. And I don't know what I was thinking. Then always ask him. Were you sexually active with them? And they'll go, oh, well, well, yeah, I guess I was. Well, that's why that's why you're doing stupid. So I mean, the biggest advice I can give to any woman, any Christian guy, who is dating, keep it out of the heavy physical mode, okay? If you can do this thing, we're not even kissing all the better. Okay? But the minute you cross into that, now you are having problems.

 

Debbie Chavez  13:40 

And I'm going to just be honest, because I'm pretty transparent with my life. You know, when I was a young person, and I was sexually active, and you know, I was with a jerk. Many people can probably relate to that. You know, in hindsight, a couple years later, he breaks it off and later I'm like, Oh my gosh, this guy was a complete moron and jerky treated me terribly, but I didn't see it at the time.

 

Mark Gungor  13:59 

Why didn't I see it? Why didn't Why didn't I see it? Why not? Cuz you're having sex with him? Stop it, stop it. Oh, my God. What is the matter with you people. Christians, not new. You know pagans idea, I get there kind of clueless. They don't know what it is they don't have God in their lives is not much of a standard. You know, their their vision of how to live life is what's Brittany doing? You know, I mean, but Christians, people who claim the name of Christ, and I'm not talking overwhelmingly about 17 - 18 year old, I'm talking overwhelmingly 30 40 50 year old singles, Christians going to church who are dating with each other, ripping each others clothes off doing all kinds of stupid things you shouldn't be doing and justifying it and God will. Is God's schizophrenic for crying out loud. He says don't do this. They justified it all kinds of levels. It's unstinking unbelievable. That's the stinking thinking. Yes. That's the name of the show. All right, what else did I want to say? I want to finish this up because then we'll catch up to some other emails. Probably the next show. But next thing Above all, don't let your emotions be your final dictator. Okay.

 

Debbie Chavez  15:15 

Oh, that's a difficult one. Because love is emotion and what are you going to do?

 

Mark Gungor  15:20 

Be as careful as you can only in marriage. Only in marriage.

 

Debbie Chavez  15:27 

You lose your credibility, when you say it like that. I don't care.

 

Mark Gungor  15:33 

Anyway, from the movie Princess Bride, I love it, great movie. But yeah, what we were talking about. Only in marriage, do we let emotions be our final dictator? And some of you do this right now? You are right now you're miserable in your marriage. And you're making the decision with that to stay based solely on your emotions. Solely on your emotions? Well, I don't know I am in love you with you. But I'm not I mean, I love you. But I'm not in love with you. Yeah, that's really common. A stupid talk is that people need swirlies in love what what it means is strictly I'm not feeling the right buzz here. I'm not I love you. But I'm not in love with you.

 

Debbie Chavez  16:18 

But there is a difference. Oh please you know you love your your dog you love your aunt but you don't you're but you're not in love with your aunt or your dog. I mean, it is a different it's a different level of emotions.

 

Mark Gungor  16:43 

There is no such thing as in love versus love. If you love somebody you love somebody. But there's music love and then there's regular. Just love you love you. But what is I love you? I hope not well. You know, I love my wife. They're gonna say I love you but I'm not in love with you. Therefore I can make some stupid decisions for you and stuff. Because I have to be honest with my feelings. So the be honest with you stupid psychologists come up with your feelings and so they verbally vomit all over each other. I don't want to really say this like vomit the show us every everything we have. For crying out loud only in marriage. So I don't think it's good to be verbalizing everything you feel. I know. I don't want to hear everything my wife thinks about me. Well, I'm sure. I'm sure there's days she's gets up and she thinks she's been blessed by God. Someday. I'm sure those days she gets she married the spawn of hell. I'd rather not know that. All right. I don't want to hear that. And I don't want give her every thought. Because there's some good things and there's just some bad things. Okay, if I feel like she's being a big fat stinking jurk, he didn't mean that. Okay, so anyway,

 

Debbie Chavez  18:04 

So the in love thing up and down peaks and valleys in in a normal relationship right?

 

Mark Gungor  18:08 

Emotional this okay, only a marriage. Do we do this.

 

Mark Gungor  18:14 

My marriage is always under attack. We're always under attack. Pastor why it's always under attack. Because the devil knows that. He keeps it up, you'll quit. Why isn't my marriage under attack all the time? He knows I'm too dumb to quit. Seriously. He never quits. Seriously, the more determined you are. And the more you experience determination and demonstrate determination in the spirit life. I believe those who experience the greatest and I've experienced and demonstrated the greatest amount of determination are the ones who are least likely to be under attack.

 

Mark Gungor  19:06 

These are the ones who just they seem to just have more of a spring in there's a why is that? Because I am not letting go until you bless me. Like a chihuahua for Jesus. There are like chihuahua they're so ugly, and they're so obnoxious, and there are so mean, and they are so determimant and they attack and they grab your pants and chew. It's like Don't you know I could squish you like a bug.

 

Mark Gungor  19:43 

They don't know it. They think they're a big dog. Great Dane walks by and that's their brother. That's it bro. Come on. That's it. We all have we all have well dog as a dog I'm a dog as a dog. You ever see a big strong dog whose spirit was broken? You approach it and it just helps in a pulls back and it's so afraid because they've been abused or something like that. It's kind of heartbreaking and I'm talking about and you think wow, that dog could eat me alive. It could kill me if it was determined. But its spirit is broken.

 

Mark Gungor  20:39 

Then you run into the chihuahua what I had for lunch was bigger than the Chihuahua okay and the chihuahua doesn't know he is little and he is barking, and yelling. Rather you won't like, let go you stupid dog. Actually freaking the willies out of you, have you ever seen this dog do that, it will freak you out.

 

Mark Gungor  21:12 

Jacob was a chihuahua. I'm sure the angel could have pretty much flipped him like a burger. Don't you think? But it won't let go. Why, because you have to bless me?

 

Mark Gungor  21:34 

Man, I'm telling you this is life changing stuff man. If you get this in you it'll change your life. You become a chihuahua for Jesus hi in Latin go I'm hanging off I'm hanging out.

 

Mark Gungor  22:21 

My final thought on dating okay. If you're an empty soul, for the love of heaven, stay single. Okay, what do you mean, if you're an empty, miserable, I need someone to make me happy. So just stay single. Because marriage is not about to empty souls making each other happy. It's about two people who are already happy, getting together and building a life together. So check it out on our radio show that you can listen to everyday check out Monday through Friday. That's a stinky thinking dot com. Okay, so anyway, on originally we're talking about this survey that they did where these people went and they did the study and took people's graduation pictures. You're under this thing? Oh, yes. This weekend and they rated people's smiles. Yes to their pictures. Yeah, how good they smile. Happy. So the people in the top 10% of the best smile. Yes. They went in interview these people. Not a single one. Check it out. Not a single one had been divorced.

 

Debbie Chavez  23:49 

Yeah, years later, they stayed married.

 

Mark Gungor  23:51 

That is absolutely unsink unbelievable. But what is it? It's the people are happy to begin with. They're happy to begin with. If you're miserable and empty and needy, to make me happy and you find some nitwit what you thinks gonna make you happy. You're gonna marry him and you're not going to be happy, because you're an empty soul. For crying out. God should be as Christians. God should be my source of joy. Amen. My wife does not need me to make her happy.

 

Debbie Chavez  24:24 

Thank goodness.

 

Mark Gungor  24:25 

Sounds romantic. But it's true. Okay, she's happy. And when she's complete in Christ. She knows who she is. I'm always complete and happy. I didn't need her to be happy that I'm happy with her. Yes, for sure. But if you're miserable and empty and sad and crying, you ever smile, just need to get married. No, you don't.

 

Debbie Chavez  24:46 

But so many stay single. especially women are at that point. I mean, I know personally of many of them who are needy, and they're looking for the guy they'll grab any guy that I'll give them attention and you're saying they need to pursue God first. They To be whole first they need to find joy first before they enter that marriage, yes.

 

Mark Gungor  25:05 

Okay. Final thoughts. How are we doing on time? Okay. You gotta quit. But another thought now if you've got all this stuff together it's amazing how many women Christian women say this to me. I'm trusting for God to bring me a husband. Yes, I'm believing for God to bring me a husband.

 

Debbie Chavez  25:26 

Yes, pray, right to be praying for God to help you.

 

Mark Gungor  25:31 

What are you Moses for crying out loud? I mean come on, if you're looking for a husband, go find one. It's like me living in Arizona, in the middle of the desert saying I'm trusting for God to bring me a fish. Yes, I'm believing I'm gonna have a fish some day. I would just love to catch a fish. There's no water around here, but I couldn't go fishing. But I don't want to go fishing. I'm trusting God will bring me on fish.

 

Debbie Chavez  25:56 

Just have my friend.

 

Mark Gungor  25:56 

You know, I'm wait. I'm gonna I'm gonna they're gonna find my bones out there in the desert, you know, rotted away with a little sign looking for fish. Okay. Okay, and God will answer your prayers, but if at some point, you've got to be proactive, sure, you want to fish? Go fishing.

 

Debbie Chavez  26:13 

So where do you go fishing? A lot of women would like to know that.

 

Mark Gungor  26:16 

Well, I don't know. I'm kind of can't answer that for you. There's all kinds of ways but all I'm trying to tell you is the set there quietly. First of all, we got to go find where men are. You got to go find people. There's singles networks for Christian. There's all kinds of guys I'm telling you what I'm just saying chances of just God supernaturally flying in some guy on a balloon for you to marry is highly unlikely. True. So just don't sit around waiting for God to bring me a wife. You ever go talk to any other women? No. Yeah. Are you afraid? woman? Yes. Yeah. Do you ever try to talk to a woman? No, I'm scared me to death. You know, I mean, come on. You've got you can't just sit around and do nothing. Online dating? Yes, No? Depends on the place that you're going and stuff. Again, best scenario is when you got family and friends who bring people together. I'm telling you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Video Transcript: Helping People Find a Soul Mate - Dr. Mark Gungor

 

Mark Gungor  0:15 

How are you?

 

Debbie Chavez  0:59 

I'm perfect now that you've arrived?

 

Mark Gungor  1:01 

Yes, I'm sure this has made your day. Welcome to love marriage and stinking thinking. This is the show where we discuss how men and women tend to think very differently about relationships. We are shooting here in my hometown of Green Bay Wisconsin. Celebration church in Green Bay, the best church in the universe. Fabulous pastor in this church a brilliant man.

 

Debbie Chavez  1:38 

A wonderful woman,

 

Mark Gungor  1:39 

my lovely wife, Debbie. Let her feel welcome, if you would, please.

 

Debbie Chavez  1:49 

You have to introduce Mrs. Wheeler. During our internet radio show.

 

Mark Gungor  2:03 

Yes, if we have a stalemate. And we cannot just that we bring in a third party, which is Mrs. Wheeler. Mrs. Wheeler sounds like you're in grade school, doesn't it? It does. That's what I do what we call her.

 

Debbie Chavez  2:26 

Are you ready for lots more email questions.

 

Mark Gungor  2:28 

Yes. answer your questions dilemmas about marriage.

 

Debbie Chavez  2:32 

Well, this is a doozy. So just brace yourself. Oh, this is from a man writing it actually most of our emails are from women. But this is from a man. He says he's a 45 year old man of faith. So we already have faith. Yes. Who has been married to a wonderful woman for almost 20 years man of faith. wonderful woman, too. I hear an echo.

 

Mark Gungor  2:36 

I got a short memory.

 

Debbie Chavez  2:39 

Man of faith, okay. Okay. A few years ago, I met my soulmate. Now, does anyone see a problem with this picture so far? He's married for 20 years and a few years ago, he met his soulmate.

 

Mark Gungor  3:09 

Man of faith, that's what I'm here to do a wonderful woman. True. And he has a bimbo on the side.

 

Debbie Chavez  3:18 

Well, he doesn't call her that. From that point on, I've been working my way toward getting away from my marriage and being with this other woman whom I love with all of my heart, and she feels the same way and has been waiting patiently for me to do so. Yes, we did have an affair, but for the last year we have not.

 

Mark Gungor  3:40 

We had an affair. But yes, she's waiting patiently. That's right. Oh, what a wonderful woman.

 

Debbie Chavez  3:47 

That's pretty much what he is saying almost like that, too. He says that they have not seen each other for a whole year just living on faith that one day. We will be together.

 

Mark Gungor  3:58 

Faith.

 

Debbie Chavez  3:59 

Yes. Oh, come on. Do you want to hear more? Oh, you gotta hear more. He says I've struggled with leaving my wife because my wife is a wonderful woman who deserves better than when I'm able to give her.

 

Mark Gungor  4:14 

A slide bag. So she's a wonderful, great woman. Yeah, he's trying to find a nice way to dump so he can run off with this other chicky.

 

Debbie Chavez  4:24 

Because I guess he feels like you would understand.

 

Mark Gungor  4:29 

Mr. compassion. That's why they write me. I don't know why people write me.

 

Debbie Chavez  4:34 

This guy wrote you. He says that his wife knows about the affair, and has been treating him like a king and doing everything to keep me from leaving her. And I am so torn about what to do. I know I made a commitment to my wife. But do I just walk away from what I know in my heart is the one who was meant for me. There's more but I think that we've sufficiently covered the topic. So what what would you like to say in this man? Where shall we begin?

 

Mark Gungor  5:04 

It's adultery. It's adultery. You know, I love how we rephrase stuff today. It's my soulmate. We're patiently waiting before God. You know, it was God who said don't commit adultery. Right. He was pretty clear about it. Yeah, it wasn't, Thou shalt not commit adultery, ordinarily. Thou shalt not commit adultery unless you find your soulmate. Oh, what a bunch of baloney. All right.

 

Debbie Chavez  5:36 

We'll have to explore this in further depth in a moment.

 

Mark Gungor  5:38 

I will check my medication.

 

Debbie Chavez  5:39 

Yes, indeed, we'll come back with more thoughts from the wise one here on love marriage.

 

Mark Gungor  6:14 

Okay, I feel better.

 

Debbie Chavez  7:23 

That's was therapeutic after this email. But now we have to really dig into it. Okay, so soulmate. Let's start there. Soulmate, is there such a thing as a soulmate?

 

Mark Gungor  7:42 

No. Okay. Next question. I know a bit, you know, people want to say that as a term of endearment, you know, she's my soulmate. Like, she's my sweetheart. So I'm like, I got no problem with that. But what they're trying to buy into, is that there's this one special cosmic person just for you. And what he's saying is, oh, my goodness, I have a great wife, a fabulous life, whatever, but she's my soulmate. And surely God doesn't want me to miss out on my soulmate. You know, he's bought into a broken, stupid line of thinking, you know, it comes from pagan thinking actually comes from Greek mythology.

 

Debbie Chavez  8:17 

Really?

 

Mark Gungor  8:17 

Yeah. The Greeks at one time believed that people had four legs and four arms. And some debate whether or not we had two heads or one face one head with two faces, but basically really fascinating. Yes. Face In fact, of course, you know, Greek mythology. So anyway, apparently, we made some God angry, okay. And he came in, he split us all in half. And that's how we want it with two legs, two arms, and just the one fit. I'm getting the part of the punishment now is you have to search out the world to find your other brain to find this cubby whole. You complete me. You're trying to find that that other half. Yeah, so people are desperate and they bought into this idea. And in this culture has just, you know, just shoved it down everybody's throat to the point that people really believe it. Yeah, you know how many chick flicks there are? But it's a movie. I also like Star Wars, but I don't think there's really a Darth Vader. Great people, It's just the film. But you know how many of these stupid films have a woman Oh, yeah. at the altar. She's about to say I do to a really nice guy. wonderful guy. Yeah. And at the last second someone runs in, don't marry him I am the one. She turns he goes and she runs off with a soulmate. I mean, what a bunch of baloney. For crying out loud. We romanticize this. When in fact they're lying, cheating little pieces on rutter. Sleepless in Seattle. Yeah, it's okay. All right. Okay, now reality check. Alright, check your meds. Alright. This woman is a lying cheating slime bag. Okay, she is living with the man that she's supposed to marry, that she has promised to marry who said committed herself to him and to the family. And I love this man here and while he's sleeping, she's on the phone trying to connect with her soulmate Tom Hanks over in Seattle. But this is known as a line slide bag.

 

Debbie Chavez  10:40 

Well, when you put it that way. I like the movie and you're just destroying it for me.

 

Mark Gungor  10:46 

Oh, good. And we romanticize this. Yeah. Oh, it's so wonderful. We finally meet on top of the Empire State Building. course she lied to this guy cheating on this man lying to this man. The whole time trying to connect with a soulmate? Yeah, of course. Then they get married. Of course, the movie ends I'd like to know what happened. Six years down the road. Oh, he snores at night. Chews at his mouth open. He said to Derek again. Standard, you know she probably find some other soulmate somewhere. Goodness gracious, you know, don't think in those terms. Look, we need to think biblically, if we're going to be Christians, okay. There was a radical concept.

 

Debbie Chavez  11:23 

Wow. write those down, folks.

 

Mark Gungor  11:26 

He's a man of faith. He's a man of faith. He believes in God, Who? It's amazing how many people claim to believe in the Bible, but don't live by the Bible? Yeah, yeah. Very biblical. Very put a hole in my thinking. I've biblify everything.

 

Debbie Chavez  11:43 

But people think, would you stop talking that way. But people think that God wants us to be happy. And so, you know, a lot of people they get that from, I don't know, because the Bible actually says we're gonna have a trouble. So it's not like we're supposed to.

 

Mark Gungor  12:04 

Jesus says, I got a promise for you. In this life, you will have tribulation. You don't find those in the promise boxes. With this reality life, life is hard. God is so interested in making you happy as he is and making you holy. Okay. And oftentimes God will require us to do things that make us profoundly unhappy. Now, in the end, you're the happiest of all can still have joy. Yes. But I do think the to be chasing temporal happiness all the time, is ludicrous and absurd. And somehow this has become common Christian thinking in America today. In Western culture. God wants me to be happy. I met this guy in California. But anyway, he says to me, he says, you know, I just left my wife and family as wise because they weren't treating me with respect. Respect I deserve I just left. And he looks at me says what do you think of that pastor? I says, I think you're wrong. You should go back to your family. And his response was. But doesn't God want me to be happy? No. I said, who told you that? If I find the guy who started this, I would beat the snot out of him. God often requires people to repent repent is a sorrowful thing. It's painful. Yeah. Stop doing that, okay, I mean, look at the Bible and when Peter was being crucified upside down that was a bad day for him, all right. I mean you know when when did the martyrs I mean all the people I mean, this idea in Christianity that God wants you to be happy. You know, we're coming up on the holidays.

 

Mark Gungor  13:46 

It's a great it's a great time to talk about this.

 

Debbie Chavez  13:47 

Christmas time. Together with all the people you love them never annoy you.

 

Mark Gungor  14:20 

What am I talking about, okay, Christmas. So, so we celebrate the Christmas story. Okay, so you know, we have the story and all the little kids will play it out during Christmas time. You know, Mary and Joseph and you know, riding the donkey to Bethlehem and it's all warm and fuzzy in the nice music. But in reality, stop and think about this event. This is a horrible thing. Okay, for the people going through it? Okay. You imagine you're Mary okay. Yeah, an Angel shows up. Yes. An angel shows up to you and says blessed are you among woman? All right. But you are about to be blessed. You are going to be the fulfillment of the promise for 1000s of years of the Messiah.

 

Debbie Chavez  15:05 

That's good news.

 

Mark Gungor  15:06 

Now you would think, hey, my ship has come in. Yeah, my life is going to be good. I got it made an angel shows up. Alright, so the angel takes off. Okay, well, now you're pregnant. Nobody is buying the angel told me story. Right. Well proving that nobody is buying this. Yeah. So she's humiliated. She's embarrassed. Joseph wants to get rid of her. An angel has to show up to Joseph's and says stop it. Okay, so he, oh, okay, I'll stick with her. Right. And then Cesar Augustus comes along. He's a big fat jerk. All right. And he makes everybody go back to their homeland. You know, so now, so she's like, how pregnant is this lady? Eight, nine months. She's ready to pop like a balloon. Okay. And now she's got to go on this stupid trip on a donkey on a donkey. You're pregnant, pregnant on a donkey is really gonna be bad news, man. I'm telling you. It's got to be bad, bad news. So they finally get to Bethlehem.

 

Mark Gungor  16:08 

She's in the bangs of childbirth. And there's no hotel. Yeah, there's no place to go. Yeah. Where exactly is God?

 

Debbie Chavez  16:17 

Where is that happiness.

 

Mark Gungor  16:18 

Where's that angel? I will kill that angel? That Asian show about to strangle him. Gabriel, what's his face? So, they wind up in a barn? in a barn? It's not what are aromas. The old day Kaka is everywhere. All right. So now this this is awful. Yeah, this is weird. How happy, do you think these people are? How happy, do you think Mary is? How happy do you think Joseph is. These people, I'm telling you? If it had been us, we would be crying, we'd have been screaming. Where are you God? How could you deny? How could you abandon me? How can you not answering our prayers? We seem to have no favor. Everything is going wrong. Where are you God. And yet, in the midst of that profound misery, and make no mistake, people this was a mess. I don't care what music they play when they join us. This was a miserable experience. But in the midst of their incredible misery, it would have been impossible for God to be literally any closer. He was physically right there with him. Don't judge what's right and wrong based on your comfort level, or how happy it makes you. We need to do the right thing. And God will take care of the rest. There you go.

 

Debbie Chavez  17:43 

Just let me know the music stopped.

 

Mark Gungor  18:56 

They probably weren't hearing that song on the way to the manger.

 

Debbie Chavez  18:58 

Probably not.

 

Mark Gungor  19:02 

More like woe is me. What is that I smell? Anyway,

 

Debbie Chavez  19:07 

Back to this guy's email. Yes, one other additional thought on this guy that the guy that's 45 years old, been married for 20 years to a wonderful woman and yet you know and wants to find a soulmate. So many times the enemy of our souls is so crafty with the delusion that the grass is always greener on the other side. Has anyone ever experienced that. And he be plants that thought that you've just got to have the other thing that you're going to be happier. And I'm just going to share a personal experience because hopefully someone will learn from my pitiful mistake that I actually don't for this lie of the enemies. I was married bad marriage kind of alluded that earlier. bad marriage, lots of awful things going on and you can get into the pitiful state of woe is me. Woe is me. I deserve something better that lie from the enemy. I deserve something better than this. And then Satan goes okay, let's just wave that carrot in front of your eyes, right? And if you're not careful, it's a trap in He's very cunning how he sets it up. It's it's that you deserve this. This person truly understands you that whole soulmate concept. And for me it was getting stuck in a radio studio with someone four hours a day. What are you going to do during the commercial breaks? We start talking about? Well, how's your home life? Oh, how's your home life? Oh, really? Yeah, that is, that's too bad. Wow. And then you start to connect. And it's just insidious, how it happens, and pretty soon you think you found your soulmate. And when you finally wake up and smell the coffee after a while and think, like this person he is a lie from the enemy.

 

Mark Gungor  20:34 

I've been hoping my wife did not come to that realization. That thing waving in front of you, but you just have to be so very careful because I fell right into that trap. Not a good place to be.

 

Mark Gungor  20:46 

You know it is a trap. When you get into into the I'd rather be, oh, I deserve our need. I feel, I want. You know, you can't you can't live by your feelings. If you live by your feelings. You will be a disaster. Yeah, that's why we have the Bible. Okay, as people of faith, this is our point of reference. Why? Why do we have God's direction how to live life, because you can't trust your feelings. Your feelings will lead you in all kinds of disasters situation. So by following God's principles, you judge those principles against your feelings and then make the right choices. I don't it doesn't matter what I feel like, yeah, it's the wrong thing to do.

 

Debbie Chavez  21:27 

And the grass is always gonna look greener. You yourself, I believe, have told me that I know this. Look, I'm a shock to some of you. But some women probably think Oh, I wish I had Mark Gunger as a husband. Oh, yeah, he's so godly.

 

Mark Gungor  21:41 

How many people want to come up to Debbie and say, oh, it must be so wonderful to be married to him, and she just smiles and thinks it's a thrill a minute. But it's always the I'd rather be. Oh, I'd rather be.

 

Debbie Chavez  21:52 

You seem so spiritual. And my husband isn't spiritual like you.

 

Mark Gungor  21:55 

I am deeply spiritual.

 

Debbie Chavez  21:57 

But you know what I mean, you always look at somebody else's spouse or their house or whatever it is. You're like, if I just call that?

 

Mark Gungor  22:03 

Yeah, don't covet. Up there. Again, we're back to the top 10 here. Thou shalt not covet. Don't be coveting stuff that isn't yours. You know what Paul said? He says, I have learned the secret. We quote this verse. Yes, that says I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me very popular verses of scripture on Christian television quoted all the time, I can do all things through Christ. But if you read just before that what he says is, I have learned the secret to be content in any circumstance, even the bad even the bad ones, whether I have lot or if I have a limits. Whether I'm full or whether I'm hungry. I have learned the secret to be content no matter what. And that's when he says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I mean, when you're hungry, you're not happy. When you're cold and miserable, you're not happier. Look at Paul's live I mean ball beaten all the time. Who want to travel with his cast he always get thrown in jail? Yeah, in most of Adventist coming to town check out you know, the Holiday Inn he checks out the prison because he's gonna end up there eventually. You know, you know, you get on a ship with him. it sinks to the bottom of the sea. Right? Yeah, you're correct. Yep. Yeah, all swim for your life, you get to the beach. And the first thing I had was a poisonous snake reaches up and bites him and stuff. He then this boy is having a bad day. You know, you think if anybody was cursed and have been Paul, right, but he was blessed beyond measure it, but it's not about being happy. It's about doing the right things. Sometimes blessings are overwhelming and they're fabulous and great. Other times you have you have times of testing and trials in your life, where it's hard, and God is really checking you say, are you going to do the right thing? Are you going to chase your feelings and where this guy really has gone wrong? He's chasing his feelings doing something the Bible's very clear, you should not do an ending in a disaster. He keeps down this path. This will lead to his utter and total destruction. So how does he find his joy? Do the right things. Just do the right thing. Woman repent and keep your vows.