Transcript: Lesson 14 - The Covenant of Marriage

Friends, welcome. We are thinking about God's redemptive story and our sexuality. And in this unit, we're thinking especially about how marriage points to the gospel, helps us understand  better who Jesus is, helps us better understand God as the one who makes promises and  keeps them, the one who is faithful to us. In this video, we want to think a bit about the  connection between sexual union and marriage, we want to reflect on, you know, the  connection here, and why it's so important. Oftentimes, it's one of the things I heard a lot of  times growing up in a church and a church youth group. That part of what makes a Christian  sexual ethic unique is that we think sexual union is something that belongs in marriage, that  it is not something that you take lightly. But that you should wait until you're married, to have  sex. And you know that that message is one that as I've talked to people, my college  students, other folks who grew up in a similar background as mine. A lot of times people hear  that message, but they don't really understand why, why is marriage the proper context? for  sex? Why do it why do sex and marriage go together? Especially in a world that says, you  know, maybe that's something you need to explore before marriage, or that's something that  you know, really at the end of the day is is is kind of a recreational activity. And so if, if your  sexual partner and you are okay with something, then that's what makes it okay is, is really  just making sure that everybody involved is okay with it. And so I want to think a little bit  more in this video about why sexual union and marriage go together. And one of the things  that we need to reflect on when we think about sexual union is, does sex, mean anything?  Does sex mean anything? If you go all the way back to our discussion, in an earlier unit about  the story of technology, you remember, there we talked about naturalism, this this view that  our bodies are mere matter in motion, and so there's not really any meaning to our bodies,  other than meaning that we might each individually subjectively give to them. And so our  bodies don't really have meaning, sex doesn't really have meaning. And what you see, when  we start to examine scripture, we start to understand this theologically, and biblically is that  sex actually does have this very powerful meaning that the part of the Christian vision for  marriage and sexuality is that our bodies do mean something, that sex does mean something. And so there are four dimensions to sexual union that that I want to highlight that I think are  crucial to understanding both the nature of sexual union and the nature of marriage. And so  the first one is that the way that God intended sex to be is that this is something that spouses enter into freely. So this is part of the nature of our bodies, as the God has given us this  integrity as image bearers, that sex is not something that should be forced upon anyone that  this is a person's free responsibility to, to enter into, to undertake. And so when we think  about when we think about marriage, when we think about sexual union, it should not be in  any way shape or form, something that is forced, it should be something that somebody  freely enters into. And this is part again, of harming the personhood of each and every  person. And so this is why you when you think about especially, I feel like just the last couple  of years and the me to movement and this recognition that women especially being harassed, being sexually abused. Stories like Larry Nasser, the USA, gymnastic team doctor who abused over 100 women 100 girls, just strike us, I think as so problematic, because even in the  broader secular culture, there's still this awareness that this is something that is meant to be  freely entered into that we are our bodies, ourselves are not to be exploited, or not to be  treated as just objects for another person's pleasure. And so just as Jesus freely loves us, but  you think back to Ephesians 5, Jesus is not forced to do what he does, but he freely says, I will become human. I will take on humanity. I will go to the cross willingly for you and me, that  that that's the kind of freedom that you and I are called to exhibit in our marriages in in  sexual union, that is this free giving of ourselves. The second thing to reflect on here is that  sexual union is meant to be a total giving of ourselves. And what I mean by this, when we  think about who we are, again, we're not just bodies, we are this body soul unity, and that  when I give my body to someone in the sexual union, that giving of my body is meant to  represent this total giving of myself to this person. That that there's a recognition that this is  not merely a physical act, but it's a, it's a personal act that involves all of who I am, as a  person, it's a spiritual act, that involves this depth of my personality and depth of my spiritual being as well, that I'm giving to this person. And so this, this dimension, this idea of a total  giving, is really meant to work against any idea that, well, what I'm doing is just a physical 

act, you get maybe on par with, for some, especially in our worlds hookup culture, it's like,  well, people hook up to have sex just like they might connect to to play around a golf or play  racquetball at the Y. It's this physical activity doesn't really have any meaning other than I  kind of enjoy it, maybe get some exercise. That's, that's it. That is not the Christian vision  here, we're saying that this involves the totality of who a person is. And it really, that that's  how God made this. And so when we, when we try to begin to separate our bodies, from our  personhood, we try to separate our bodies from our soul, that and say, this is just a physical  act, we end up warping ourselves, and we end up warping our behavior toward other people  by by seeing them just as sort of purely physical to be used in whatever way I see fit, and  then and then discarded. And so it's really important to understand that sexual union is meant to be this total giving of itself to my spouse. Third, sexual union is also something that is, it's  meant to speak to our faithfulness. So here we see that actually, in the sexual union, there is,  there's a promise being made that to give myself totally to someone. One is to say, I am  committing myself to you, not just this once, but I'm actually committing myself to you for  life. That there is this, I think, deep desire that we have as human beings, not only to love, but to be loved, and to find and understand a secure love, a love that says like God's love, I am  going to love you, I'm going to be committed to you, regardless of the surrounding  circumstances. And so when we think about the marriage vows that we make, that we  actually speak to one another, there's a sense that in sickness and in health, for better or  worse, for richer or poorer. And part of what I think we see is that sexual union itself actually  has this component of faithfulness, built in that I'm going to be there, that I'm going to  continue to take care of you. And that's partly connected actually, to this fourth and final  dimension, that there is a fruitfulness to sexual union, that part of how God made us  physically as male and female is that as we unite in sexual union, there is this reality, this  possibility of procreation of new life, coming from that union. And part of the reason I see  these as tied together, is that when we think about this nature of sexual union is fruitfulness.  Part of the faithfulness is a promise to my wife that I'm going to love you, I'm committed to  you, I'm going to continue to care for you. And that includes continuing to care for children, if  the Lord blesses in that way in the future. And so there's a sense in which, as our bodies are  united in sex, our lives are united together in marriage. So when we think about sexual union  and marriage in this way, I want about I want to think about sexual Union as a kind of body  language. When we think about how we communicate, one of the main ways that we  communicate to other people is through our body language. We look at somebody's face or  facial expressions to sometimes to try to get a read on you know, if somebody is being  sarcastic or, or if they're just being genuinely straightforwardly critical, we can oftentimes  read people's body language to see whether they're discouraged whether they're excited  whether they're upbeat. And so usually when we communicate with other people, there's a  sense in which our body language, our posture, our expressions are a key part of that  communication. You could even argue that's why emojis have become so popular. Because if  all you have is written text, I don't know about you, I'm sure this has happened to you.  Because I know what's happened to me. And just about everybody I know, you read a text,  sometimes, you're like, I'm not sure exactly how to take that I'm not sure. You know, are they  joking? Are they not. And so, you know, that's why we have smiley face emoji, or all kinds of  other emojis to try to convey some of this expression that the things that come through our  body language. So I want to, I want to think a little bit about sexual union as body language  that we're actually saying something in in through this physical act. And again, we do this in a variety of ways with our bodies. Think about the way that somebody will will stand up when  national anthem is played, where we're saying something through our bodies about the  respect that we have for that, or somebody puts their hand on their heart, while they say the  Pledge of Allegiance. There's something to these physical movements, there's something to  how we use our bodies that really communicate. So part of what when we think about sexual  union is as body language. Part of what I want us to see is that the proper context for sexual  union is when there has been this exchange of vows, that if we think about what's happening  in the wedding ceremony, when people speak these promises to each other, where, where we say that, yes, I will love you, I will care for you, I will seek your good, I will be committed 

exclusively to you that those those vows are saying verbally, what we actually say with our  bodies in sexual union. So that if you go back to the previous slide, thinking about free total  faithful, fruitful, that those meanings are things that we both speak with our mouths, when we commit to one another in marriage. But really, that sexual union is itself the consummation is  saying that with our bodies. So these two go together, the one is what we say with our words,  the other is what we actually say, with our bodies. I also want to emphasize again, that sexual union has an objective meaning. This goes back to our discussion, previous in a previous unit  about the theology of the body. And what Pope John Paul II calls the spousal meaning of the  body that, that our bodies as we give our bodies to our spouse in sexual union, they help us  understand that I really discover who I'm supposed to be I become who I'm supposed to be  when I learned to give myself away. Now this happens in marriage, it can also we'll talk about  how this works, especially for single or celibate people as well. But the spousal meaning of  the body is important for understanding the objective meaning of sexual union. And so  Christopher West in his book Theology, the Body for Beginners says, "it's not just that sexual  union belongs in marriage, whether it's a sexual union as God designed, it has an inherently  marital meaning." In other words, that it's not just sometimes people speak of having sex  outside of marriage. Part of West's point here is that sex is a marital act it's something that  actually again is is in our bodies. Making these promises speaking these truths that I love you  I give myself totally to you, I will be committed to you and so when we when we think about  this vision here you'll we see that part of what this is trying to do is actually honor the  personhood of the person I'm having sex with. And we're not just treating people as objects.  We're not saying hey, do you consent to a one night stand and then we're good like, No, don't  do that. I'm not gonna have anything to do with you or, you know, I'll stick with you as long as it kind of works for me and works for you. But if not, we'll we'll we'll then kind of go our  separate ways. This is saying this, this is each person is to be treated with dignity with  respect, and that's why sexual union belongs in marriage. That's why marriage and sexual  union go together. Not because we think sex is bad or sex is horrible or dirty or something like that. But it's actually because there's this high value to each human being. That that says  that yeah, that's why we're not just out there sleeping around with whoever, because that  actually devalues, who they are as an image bearer of God, somebody worthy of respect  somebody worthy of commitment. So that if there is not that, that lifelong Christ like  commitment, then that's how I was able, then there shouldn't be sexual union because that's  what sexual union is connected to. That's what sexual union actually says. It's also important  to recognize it in Scripture. We saw earlier when we look to Genesis 1 and 2, that there's  certain kinds of bodies say this, in other words, that that God's definition of marriage is that  it's this one flesh union, between two sexually different people, between a man and a woman, between a husband and wife. Because it's, it's, in many ways, this kind of differentiation, that  truly images God, right male and female, he created them in the image of God, He created  them. So this, this differentiation, this diversity and unity, images, God, and it's also this  diversity in unity, that actually allows for new bodies, new life, that, that it's in the  relationship of husband and wife, both male and female, that as they come together in this  fruitful union, that children are produced, that new life comes to be. And so part of God's  intention for, for life for human life is that as to spouses, husband and wife enter into this and  give themselves give themselves and their whole life completely to one another. So also then  that, as they do that, as they give their life to one another. There's the reality and the  possibility of new life, new bodies. And so hopefully, that when we think about the nature of  sexual union, the nature of marriage, you can, you can start to see why. This story, this, this  relationship, points to the story of Scripture points to the Gospel story, that just as Jesus freely gave himself for us, so we also are called to give ourselves to one another, just as Jesus gives  all of who he is right, he lays down his life, he lays down his body, for us. So I'm called in  marriage, to give myself totally and completely to my spouse. And just as Jesus faithfully  loves me, as he gives himself for me, even even when I'm unfaithful, while we were still  sinners, Christ died for us. His faithfulness, shows me the pattern that my faithfulness is  called to have. And Jesus as He gives His life for us, as he lays down his life totally faithfully  for me. He bears fruit, he brings forth new life in us by His Spirit. And so in a similar way, 

when I freely totally faithfully give myself to my spouse, in and through sexual union, and in  through our marriage as a whole. So there's also the possibility of fruitfulness of new life that  comes from that self giving love that I have toward my spouse. As soon as we think about  sexual union, as we think about marriage, we see that these things are meant to actually  point us to the ultimate marriage to Christ in the church to God's love, God's faithfulness,  God's covenant keeping with us, his people. Next time, we're going to make a little bit more  about some myths that Christians often have around sex. It's important to understand, I think, the depth of the theological and biblical meaning of sex. It's also important, I think, to have a  practical theology of sex and recognize, oftentimes, the struggle that it can be both the  struggles and the joys as people walk together, sinners following Jesus in marriage, seeking to live out God's will, in their marriage and in their sexual union. So we'll pick that up next time.  Until then, blessings