Transcript: Lesson 27 - Common Mistakes Made

Welcome, friends. In this unit, we're thinking about the family of God and LGBT+ people. And  we thought a little bit about some big picture concerns. last video, we walked through some  different terminology to make sure we're all on the same page. And now in this video, I want  to I want to think a little bit about some mistakes that that Christians have often made in our  thinking and in our approach to sexual ethics. That I think actually leads to a lot of conflict  and a lot of confusion when we are addressing LGBT+ concerns and thinking about how to  journey well with LGBT+ people. Well, Ed Shaw, I'm drawing on Ed Shaw's book, "Same Sex  Attraction in the Church" here. And in that book, he talks about what he calls the plausibility  problem, the plausibility problem. When we talk about plausibility, that's really just another  word for what makes something believable, what makes something plausible, where I look at  that and say, oh, yeah, I could, I can see that happening. Or I can, I can understand that, that  way of thinking or, or that way of life. And so, for example, when we think about plausibility  structures, I like to think of my children. And they're, I don't know if they truly believe in Santa Claus, but this is a big thing that kids wrestle with, I hear them talking about this plausibility  structures, is it plausible that Santa Claus exists? Now parents and adults go through a lot to  sort of reinforce, at least for young children, the fact that there is a Santa Claus, you can you  can go see Santa, at the mall or or some other place, there are presents that appear under  the tree on Christmas Eve, we leave cookies and milk out for Santa Claus, and those are gone. And so there's a lot that goes into creating the structure that makes it at least plausible,  makes it at least possible for children to say yeah, maybe there is a Santa Claus. And until I  start to get older and asking questions about you know, how to Santa visit all these houses on one night and, and things of that nature. But what I find helpful about plausibility structures is it reinforces the fact that it's not just that we believe what we believe, because those things  are inherently believable or not. It's not just that, you know, somebody says, well, will I  believe in God? Because it's obvious or somebody else's, I don't believe in God, because it's  pretty clear. There's no God, but that our beliefs, even our beliefs, our religious beliefs, are  oftentimes sustained by plausibility structures by ways of life that say, yeah, that's, it's I  understand what it means to believe in God, I see people who believe in God, I see what that  does in their life. I recognize, you know that I have a church here that's dedicated to following  Jesus. And so it makes it more plausible as I look at their life. And I say, Yeah, I can, I can see  myself following Jesus, I can understand what it means to to walk in this way and to be part of this faith. And so part of what the part of the question that Ed Shaw raises, and what I  appreciate is this question, what makes the biblical sexual ethic plausible? What makes it  believable? What makes it something that people look at and say, Yeah, I can. I can see  myself living that out. In particular, he's concerned with one of the subjects we looked at it in  an earlier unit, and that is singleness and celibacy. On the Ed saw himself is he talks about  himself as a person who experiences same sex attraction. And so he's he looks at that and  says, I experienced same sex attraction. But I think that scripture actually is calling me to  celibacy not not to be in the same sex, romantic or sexual relationship. But oftentimes, that  people look at that and they think that's not plausible. That's it's not doable, to really be  celibate. It's not doable to follow the biblical sexual ethic in this way. And so part of what I  appreciate about what Shaw does is he highlights a few missteps that we as the church make, that if we take these missteps, it's going to look like celibacy is not really an option. And it's  going to look more broadly speaking, like the biblical sexual ethic is not really an option. And  so we have to pay attention to the way that that we as Christians often make assumptions or,  or just fall into these broader expectations that then set people up to actually reject the  biblical sexual ethic. And he's thinking here, especially for gay and lesbian people, but here's  those, here are some except the missteps that he highlights, and I want to spend just a  couple minutes unpacking each of them, because I think it's really important to make sure  that we do not make these missteps. As we head into the, these broader discussions. The first misstep that Shaw highlights is that your identity is your sexuality. That is something that,  you know, in, at least in North American culture, we have bought into this very much so that,  that, who I'm attracted to my, my sexual orientation, is this inherent part of my identity. And  Janelle Williams Paris, in her book, "The End of Sexual Identity", she points out that that's, you know, there are cultures around the world and throughout history, where people have been 

sexually involved with people of the same sex or had romantic or sexual relationships with  people of the same sex. But that how we think about our identity, not only in terms of gay,  but also in terms of straight is a little bit unique, that we have taken this this dimension of  

who we are our experience with sexual attraction and orientation. And at least in North  American culture, we put that very much at the heart of our identity. And so I think it can be  easy, I think, for some people to single out in gay and lesbian folks and say, Well, you know,  why did they define themselves in that way. But I think there are just as many straight  Christians who do this as well, maybe they don't do it, they're not aware that they're doing it  in quite the same way. But when you think about yourself as sort of superior to a gay person,  because I'm because I'm attracted to or oriented to the opposite sex rather than the same  sex, that's another that's one way of actually relying on your sexual identity, rather than  Jesus, to give you your sense of identity to maybe there's a sense of pride or a sense of, you  know, well I'm better than them because of my identity as a straight person. And so we have  to be clear here. Shaw is not saying that we shouldn't use terms, I think, like gay or straight to help to help us understand our experiences, but he is saying, we have to be very careful that  we don't take those terms, and make them the absolute core of our identity that, that for all  of us, as followers of Jesus, the core of our identity should be the fact that we are loved by  Jesus, that we have experienced His grace and mercy and truth and justice, and that we are  now figuring out what it means to follow Him with our different sexual identities. But in that  way, we're making sure that our our sexual identity always comes after our identity as Christ  followers. Well, the second misstep that that he knows that we've made is that we idolize  marriage and family. This is a danger I've alluded to a few times throughout this course. But  part of the problem here is this that in a lot of church cultures, we do say marriage is the be  all and end all marriages, sort of the aim of you know, this is how you know when you have  really made it as an adult or this, this is maybe even, you need to really get married, if you're  going to experience the fullness of human life or of the Christian life and have a family. Your  part of the problem is when when we do that, then we are in a lot of ways setting ourselves  up. Because we've we've said, singleness is a second class status. But then we say to gay and lesbian people well, if I think Scripture is not teaching that the same sex marriage is valid,  then then you're called to singleness as a gay or lesbian person. But singles are the second  class status. And so that there's there's kind of a double whammy factor here where we say,  you know, you're a second class citizens partly because of your sexual identity. And just  because you're a single person in the church. And so it's really important this is why I think  it's so important to make sure that we don't treat single people with this kind of second class  status. Because it's really important across the board. We don't idolize marriage and family.  Otherwise, then if we tell somebody Well, marriage is the ultimate be all and end all but you  can't really participate in it. You know, that Understandably, people will say, Well, you know,  why should that experience why should that opportunity be blocked off to me? Just because  I'm attracted to the same sex Yeah. So if marriage is that goal is that Apex then we should  affirm same sex marriage in order to allow people sort of reached that pinnacle of human life  and Christian life. So it'd be really careful that we're not idolizing marriage and the family.  Third, this is another misstep we make that sex is where you find true intimacy or, or sex is  really the place where you find intimacy, and connection. Another way to say this is that not  only do we idolize marriage and family, but we we also idolize sex. And so this is where  throughout this course, hopefully, we've seen how sexual union within marriage is the sign  and pointer to the reality of Christ in the church to the love of God that's there. But even in  our discussion of singleness, we pointed out that there's a sense in which single people  already embody, where we're going in the life to come that there's this communion with God  and this communion with other people, and intimacy with God, intimacy with other people,  that does not include sex. Again, think about the life of Jesus, our single savior. If this is true,  then Jesus never really experienced intimacy never really experienced friendship. But in fact, I think Jesus actually really challenges this. In John 15. He says, "Greater love has no man than  this, that he lay down his life for his friends." And so Jesus says that He is exhibiting the  greatest possible love the greatest possible intimacy, the greatest possible friendship, and  then it comes again, not in marriage, but actually in this relationship that he has with his 

disciples and with us as His church as, he lays down his life, for us. So so we have to be really  careful here that we don't make the sex the only place where intimacy is found. And I think if  we're honest, maybe if you talk to married folks, you're this, this really had looks at sex  through rose colored glasses as though it's always great or that, you know, the sex lives of  married folks are always perfect. And it's not there are struggles there too. And so we have to  be really careful here that we don't hold this up as the ultimate place of intimacy. Well, those  are the three missteps that Shaw highlights, I want to briefly highlight three more. So the next one, that he the next one that he mentions here is that you are you should do what makes  you happy. He says, this is one of the foundational laws of how our culture and society runs,  that if if I have the desire to do something, I should act on that desire that, that rather than  maybe questioning that desire, what I do is actually question anyone or anything that would  get in the way of me fulfilling that desire. Now, especially from a Christian perspective,  hopefully we realize that there are things that seem right to us or things that seem desirable  to us, that ultimately lead to a path of death of destruction of, you know, the restlessness we  talked about earlier, as Augustine says, "Our hearts are restless until they rest in you." We  think there are things that are going to make us happy, but but they often don't. Movie Star  Jim Carrey, actually once said, "I wish everybody had the chance to be rich and famous. So  they could see that it's empty. So they could see that's not what it's cracked up to be that you can have those things and still feel empty inside." And so part of what we have to recognize  here is that my happiness is not the ultimate thing to consider, or what I think is going to  make me happy is not the ultimate thing to consider. Now Shaw is really clear here. Again,  this is something that our culture as a whole, and Christians as a whole have embraced this is not something where we're singling out LGBT+ people. But we're recognizing that so many of  us have, have kind of embraced this way of thinking that it gets very hypocritical if we  embrace this thinking across the board, but then we just single out gay people or just single  out transgender people and say, Well, you can't do what makes you happy. But everybody  else is just supposed to do what makes you happy, especially in terms of our other sexual sins and struggles. If we're kind of turning a blind eye to the way that somebody thinks  pornography is going to make them unhappy or, or somebody thinks you're walking out on  their spouse and abandoning their family relationships, I think that's going to make me happy. Well, that's okay. We can't turn a blind eye to those things where people are just kind of doing  what they think are going to make them happy. And then single out gay people. Or if we do  that, then we have to acknowledge that really, we're, we're being pretty hypocritical if we do,  and so the solution here isn't just to say, well, everybody just do what makes you happy. The  solution here is actually a look across the board and say, Look, we're all we're all being met by Jesus in this place of where we are, recognize our sin. And we're all being called by him to  grow, to recognize that, that God is concerned and empowers us to holiness. is not just to  happiness. Or a fifth misstep that we often make is this assumption that Shaw talks about.  And I think this is a pretty dangerous one. That godliness is heterosexuality. And so when you  think about this, Shaw in his book tells the story of a parent who has a child who's gay and  and they're wrestling with, you know, is their child, you know, going to be gay their whole life, right? Is this how, you know, this is just how they are. And Shaw makes the point that the  concern here should not be let's take somebody who's gay and make them straight. The  question is, how are you following Jesus, that the goal is Christ's likeness, that the goal is  following Jesus surrendering your life to him growing in the fruit of the Spirit? It's not you,  when you look at this, it's not necessarily that my orientation is going to change from gay to  straight. And a lot of times, unfortunately, throughout the last 30-40 years, many Christians  have focused their efforts on trying to shift somebody's orientation, instead of just asking  what does it mean, for all of us gay and straight to recognize that, that who we are as gay or  straight people is that we are people who are created by God loved by God, but who are also  sexual sinners sexually broken, and that all of us have to understand what it means to grow in our walk with Christ. And so part of the part of the danger of this again, is it kind of makes it  sound like, straight people's sexuality is is is up here and not quite broken, not quite fallen.  Whereas for gay people, there's definitely something wrong, they need to be fixed. And so  this misstep often actually blinds straight people blinds heterosexual people, to the way that 

their own sexuality is deeply broken. And it can kind of lead us into this attitude of like, well,  yeah, I have sexual sin, I struggle, but at least I'm not gay. Whereas I think when you look at  Scripture, Jesus is very clear here that we all struggle. In the Sermon on the Mount, he  highlights the way that just a lustful look, is in God's eyes, adultery, because of how it shows  the disorder of our heart, and what's gone wrong there. And so we need to be careful with  this. Because I think this misstep will, can often cause us to have false expectations for gay  people that well what it means for them to follow Jesus means they turn from gay to straight.  That's a bad expectation, I think. It also gives us blinds straight people to how their own  sexuality is broken, is falling. So finally, the last misstep that I want to highlight. And again,  this is this is similar to the Do what makes you happy. But suffering is to be avoided at all  costs, that in our culture, there really is the notion, and I think this goes back to the story of  materialism. And the salvation that we try to find in technology is that if something causes  you to suffer, if there is a difficult road, you should avoid it. That the key is the really the end  goal for all of us as we we walk with each other is to just minimize suffering or to eradicate  suffering, because suffering is always bad suffering is to be avoided. Again, this stands I think, in sharp contrast to the New Testament, which seems to say that if we are followers of Jesus,  then part of what following Jesus is going to look like is that we do live a life that includes  suffering, that there is a sense in which as we conform ourselves to Jesus by the power of his  Spirit, that that that that is a life of suffering, both potentially from external sources, who are  going to work against us. But but it's also difficult because our own sinful desires are having  to be crucified with Christ are having to be laid down before Him that Jesus does call us to a  narrow and a difficult path. And a lot of times, we want to, we want to kind of smooth that  out, we want to say what's going to be easier or, you know, his, has Jesus really called you to  walk that path. And so for all of us, gay or straight, we have to recognize that part of what  Jesus is calling us to as we follow him, is going to be a life that will include suffering. Now, I  think it's important to distinguish here between suffering that comes from truly following  Jesus and suffering that comes when when people misrepresent Jesus or when when people  aren't gracious and truthful when they engage with us. And so I want to recognize here that a  lot of people in the church, gay and straight, have suffered. Because people have been, had  essentially misrepresented Jesus to them. And so I'm not in any way condoning or approving  the way that people inflict suffering on others the way that people inflict unjust suffering on  others. But at the same time, even as we work against that unjust suffering, we also  recognize that there is going to be a kind of suffering that does come from, from staying true  to the Gospel from staying true to God's calling on our lives, and that all of us, gay or straight, cisgender, or transgender, have to be willing to embrace this path to take up our cross and  follow Jesus, and that we do that together, as the family of God that we do this not not saying, again, you're in that mode, and we're in this mode, but that we recognize that we all stand in  need of God's grace and mercy, and that we are all empowered by His Holy Spirit, to grow, to  bear fruit to continue to grow in our maturity and grow and surrender our sexuality, surrender  our gender identity, to Jesus, day in and day out. So as we continue forward in the next unit,  we're going to dive more deeply into the topic of intersex people to understand the biology  and to think about how do we pastorally care for folks and how do we think biblically and  theologically about intersex people? So until next time, blessings