Video Transcript: Dealing with Despair

Video Transcript - Dealing with Despair

This is the last session in the leadership (the leader) section; this is session 5. Again, I'm assuming that you've gone through the 10 sessions (11 sessions) that I did as part of the intro course for CLI. And you’ll notice that this one is titled, “Dealing with Despair”, but just a reminder of where we're coming here. We've been talking about this model of leadership: the leader with culture and vision, prayer and planning. Here’s the words that I've been putting on this - the definition (my definition) of leadership. “A leader with all his plusses and minuses, strengths and weaknesses, interacts with a group of people to define the culture (the way things are done here) in order to develop a vision for a preferable future, and then provides the impetus for doing the actions necessary to bring about that future with plans and prayer. 

So, that's what we're talking about. Now just a note here: next week we're gonna move on to culture. And this class is kind of a combination of (as I said in session one) of those first 11 that occurred back in the intro class. And so, you know, if you hear references back that you're not aware of, just keep on plowing through the class at this point, and next time we're going to move on to culture. But today I want to deal with one more aspect of you being the leader, and the leader in this process that we call leadership. And that is: dealing with despair, or those times when you're driving on empty. 

Now there's an old Seinfeld TV program here in the United States back in the 1990s, and it still is on re-runs everywhere. But there is  one episode where one of the main characters Kramer gets in a car for a test drive at a car dealership. Of course, they don't put much gas in it when they sell the car, but he's in there with the salesman, and they try to see how far they can go before they run out of gas. I mean it's on empty: how far can they go? They're out there...can they get back to the dealership? And so it becomes this kind of celebratory thing when they roll into (on fumes) roll into a gas station, that they made it! All the way, just a block from the dealership. 

Well, sometimes Christian leaders act that way too. They end up pushing themselves and pushing themselves until they're running on empty, and they become despairing of ministry entirely. I talked to a young man just a short while ago, and I’d run into him at the school where my grandchildren go. And I know he's a pastor in a church in my area, so I ask him every once in a while: “how are things going?”. And this particular day, he had just had it. And then we began looking at his life and his ministry in a church that has a lot of older people and they were sick, and in a very short period of time I think it was like three or four months; he’d had twenty-two funerals. 

I can't imagine that. All that goes into a funeral: first of all, caring for people while they're dying and their family for while they’re dying. And then in the dying process, and then planning the funeral with the family, and then the emotional aftermath of that. After funerals, I'd always be wiped out and I'm thinking: “Twenty-two? That's an average of two a week! How could you do that and then be expected to get up there on Sunday again, as well as being expected to lead to anything, as well as expected he was to teach a class in the church etc.?” And then they had problems with one of the employees in that church. He had quit abruptly and that was not necessarily a sad loss for him, but now he was saying things about him that weren’t really true. And so, I came and said, “Whoa, whoa...how are you doing?” And his response was, “I'm ready to quit. I'm ready to quit.”

Most leaders I know go through those kind of experiences at sometime or another. One man compared it to, you know, you're going to the desert and you're on your last legs you can't even walk anymore, so you're crawling through the sand just hoping for a glass of water. Now, I mentioned Gordon MacDonald before and his book on Restoring Your Spiritual Passion. He describes what this is like in the heart and soul of the leader. He says, “It is action without heart, oratory without power, doctrine without love. Inside they experience a rising turbulence - confused goals and motives, and inconsistent, unexplainable patterns of personal performance.”

Yeah, I've been there. I remember going out at night walking my dog and there was a small hill where I lived in the first congregation I served. And I would stand on that hill at night, look up at the stars and say, “How long, God? How long do I have to do this?”. And it’s surprising to me that some great leaders, if they're honest, will express that they do the same thing.

This is a picture of W. E. Sangster. He was a very, very well-known pastor and preacher - best known in London for many, many years. In fact, he had an evening service on Sundays that would pack out the place that he preached with 2500 people. And he was influential in the city, he was engaged in a lot of things, and yet went through a people like this: this is what he describes as his world. “Dried out” is how he put it. He said, “I am a minister of God and yet my private life is a failure in these ways:

A. I am irritable and put out. 

B. I am impatient with my wife and children. 

C. I am deceitful in that I often express private annoyance when a caller is announced and simulate pleasure when I actually read them. 

D. From an examination of my heart, I conclude that most of my study has been crudely ambitious; that I wanted degrees more than knowledge, and praise rather than the equipment for service. 

E. Even my preaching, I fear that I'm more wondering what people think of me than what they think about my Lord and His Word. 

F. I have long felt in a vague way that something was hindering the effectiveness of my ministry. I must conclude that that something is my failure in living the truly Christian life. 

G. I am driven in pain to conclude that the girl who has lived as a maid in my house for more than 3 years has not felt drawn to the Christian life because of me. 

H. I find slight envies in my heart at the greater success of other young ministers. I seem to match myself with them in thought, and I am vaguely jealous when they attract more notice than I do. 

Wow, now that's somebody who was a success, you know. Everything's going right as far as outwardly: people would look at his ministry and say, “Wow, W. E. Sangster!”. That's how people looked at him in history. This is a giant, and yet he's reflecting those kinds of things. All I'm trying to say is, it's going to be normal for you to go through times of tiredness, times of wearing out, times when you say, “I want to quit. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't do this anymore”. So what I want to talk to you about is how are you going to handle that in your life?

One of the great examples from scripture, of course, is Elijah. Hopefully you know the story of Elijah well. Elijah is a prophet of God. God tells him to go to Ahab the evil king of Israel and to tell him, “it's not going to rain again unless I say so”. Basically, Ahab says, he's speaking on the part of God and so he’s saying, you know, if God makes a declaration it's not going to rain again. And that was introduced, that introduced, a period of 3 years of drought in the country. And because Ahab wanted to punish Elijah for the message, he looked for him all over the country and couldn't find him. Well, God had told him to go and hide by a brook: a brook named Cerith or Cherith depending on what translation you look at. And there the question is you're out in the wilderness: there’s this little stream that you can get water, but how are you going to get food? And miraculously, God sent ravens with food to feed him. Now imagine that: ravens aren’t known (they’re scavenger birds) and so they're not known for giving up their food, they're known for fighting over food. And yet, here they feed him for a period of time. And when the drought has gotten so severe that the brook dries up, he’s sent to Zarapheth and he finds a widow there who doesn't have the capacity (is almost out of resources). And there he becomes a house guest to them, and God miraculously supplies what they need. So he's a prophet of God; he’s seen God supply for him in magnificent ways; miraculous ways. 

And it culminates when God says, “okay, it's time to go back and confront the people of Israel and confront the king”. And so, he shows up again, and he challenges the king to kind of a duel between God and the other Gods that are being followed in Israel at that time. It's all going to take place on Mount Carmel, and he gets the people together there and there was 450 prophets of Baal and 400 prophets of Asherah, these two idols. Baal was considered to be the fertility god, and he’s pictured with a lightning rod, so if you wanted good crops, you prayed and you sacrificed to Baal. Or if you wanted children, you sacrificed to Baal. Asherah was a sexually-oriented thing. 

Anyway, all these prophets: 950 prophets on one side and Elijah on the other. And he gives the challenge; he says, “let's build an altar”, he said, “and put a sacrifice on it and the God that answers by fire is the real God”. And he turns to the people: “what do you think of that?” And they say, “okay sounds good” or they're silent... they are just so calloused against God at this point (or ignoring him) that they can't even answer positively, but the challenge is taken.

All morning, the other prophets are dancing around that altar. They are calling upon Baal and Asherah to respond with fire, and when he doesn’t, you know, Elijah kind of goads them and says: “well maybe he's on a vacation somewhere, or maybe he’s traveling. Maybe he’s asleep and you gotta wake him up”. And so, they start cutting themselves, hoping that that self mutilation will get the god’s attention. And after a period of time, it's obvious that that god is not going to answer. 

And then God moves Elijah to build (rebuild) the altar to Jehovah God that's there. And he rebuilds it, and he puts the sacrifice on the altar. And he directs people to take water, this precious resource that is so rare, and dump it over the altar over and over again. And then he humbly prays to God and he says, “okay God: now's the time. Show that you are who you are,” and boom! Fire comes down and consumes it all: what an incredible moment! 

The people began crying, “the Lord, he is God! The Lord, he is God!”. And they’re ready for revival to happen in the country! Elijah says, “okay, kill all those prophets”. And so they take them into the valley, and Elijah kills them all: 950 of them. And then he comes to Ahab the King and says, “okay, now I'm going to pray for rain”. He goes up on the hill and he prays, and he sends a servant to look: is there any clouds coming? Eventually after a couple of times of that he says, “I see a cloud the size of a man's hand”. And Elijah goes down and says to Ahab and says, “Head towards Jerusalem, there's rain coming!” And it said that Elijah with all this energy (imagine the adrenaline flowing in this great victory...adrenaline flowing in his veins) it said he runs in front of the chariot all the way back to Jerusalem. 

And the rain comes and he expects this great revival to happen in Israel! But instead, word comes to Jezebel the queen and says...she sends a messenger to Elijah that says, “By tomorrow you're gonna be dead” is basically what he says. And it's a fascinating thing to me that Elijah had seen God work in so many powerful and miraculous ways, and yet what does Elijah do when he is threatened like that? Well, we read: “Elijah was afraid and ran for his life...he came to a broom bush (in the wilderness), sat down under it and prayed that he might die. ‘I've had enough Lord’, he said, ‘take my life; I am no better than my ancestors’”.Wow, how could that be? Now just picture him: he’s somebody who's a lot like W. E. Sangster. A lot like you've probably felt if you've been involved in ministry at any time or another: “just let me be done with it, I’m no better than my ancestors who have been rejected by the people of Israel. Just let me die; let me out of this. Let me do something else, you know, I want to just push a cash register... I just want to drive a truck. I don't wanna do this anymore”. And that’s a powerful moment for Elijah. 

How would God respond? The way God responds to you and to me when you're in such a time if we make the right choices. The first thing he does is God responds by letting him rest. He falls asleep. And we don't know how long that sleep is, but the way it's phrased in the scriptures, it’s like he went into this deep sleep. He's exhausted; he's had this huge expenditure of energy, and now he's just wiped out. And so, he lets him rest. Then, there's this miraculous feeding that happens. An angel shows up: this is a painting by a famous painter of this event. An angel shows up and gives him food. He's gonna need energy, and so he feeds him. And this process goes over: rest and feeding, rest and feeding for a while. 

(start at 14:37) He is given an experience with God himself. He is told to go to Mount Sinai which is down in the wilderness it's quite a trip. he goes there and there God meets him now here's a picture of Mount Sinai I had the privilege of being up at Mount Sinai a few years back and one of the things they point out at the base of the mountain there's a a monastery called Saint Catherine's but up on the mountain they've created this chapel which is called Elijah chapel because this is supposedly the place where Elijah met God another group says no this is the cave where Elijah ask God to reveal himself he's whining about you know I'm the only one left and the only one left and God says okay hang on he comes in is this great storm and God not on the storm how God remembers in the still small voice. And then God after the rest After feeding After the experience of knowing God is real. He's alive God alone gives him a new mission. I want to anoint this person king here and I want you to get a mentor partner Elisha.

and so Elijah begins to mentor Elisha into the role that he's going to play now in the kingdom of God. now I point all this out to just to say that this is how God wants to deal with you as well when you get tired. You need rest you should be getting that on a regular basis is a leader you're going to be good but there are times there are seasons when you're you're gonna want rest you're gonna crave rest and just there's just not time for it when you go to sleep you you can't figure out how you gonna stay asleep because you wake up in the middle of the night. In the network of leaders that I have that we'd meet in southern California they came from all over the country we meet for off for days together just to talk about mutual things we all were leading church of about the same size same traditional we learn from each other and and whoever was leading there be 2 people were designated as the leaders to set the agenda. a one year one person put on the agenda what do you take to sleep. 

Because sometimes it's hard to sleep, so we talk about medications for for making sleep more likely. the reality is that people are leaders have minds are spent particularly entrepreneurial leaders have minds that keep going and going and going and they're running and running and running and so how do you slow down your mind enough to sleep. Well usually after we withdraw from ministry for a time. You know I I'm pretty hard on I've I've earned that right I think after long years of ministry I'm pretty hard on the person who says to me young ministers in particular a man who is mentoring said well you know I haven't had a vacation haven't had a vacation in four years, he said, why not. 

I just can't leave. Well I have news for you you are not Jesus Christ the head of the church. now he can do just fine without you there for a while. You're going to need rest and that may mean withdrawing from ministry. Good friend of mine who might I know and you're going to hear an interview with him later in this course he began to practice approved by a church that one week per year was not as vacation time it was his rest time and he would go away and he would spend time and he wasn't a pastor here in Michigan so he would chose choose December when winter is setting in this dark and gray and cold here and he will go down to a place in Florida and he would just walk the beaches and he go see a movie if you felt like it would read what he felt like reading and he'd spend a week just to be recharged renewed no I never had that privilege but.

I made sure that I took all my vacation time. in addition to that I made sure that I had some study time no it wasn't spending time around the pressure of what I got to get a sermon on Sunday but it's time to to withdraw from ministry. and to just recoup to be fed again my feeding you know and United States is not physical a maybe for you it is that you you need to spend a time eating well for a period of time but for me it was always feeding myself spiritually. and so there are certain people that I would listen to their sermons are I would read their books of people whose Bible studies I have our real respect for. and so I would read those Bible studies or I'd watch them on video on on my computer and are these are people who would refresh me they would feed me. I remember all those times when I was seek experiences with God and so I would just ask people to tell what I would call them God sightings. In any organization or gathering I was part of I would ask about God sightings. 

Where have you seen God at work. and then I ask another question sometimes are also really feed my soul and give me an experience of God. I would ask people especially pastors groups has what's the funniest thing that ever happened to the ministry. I started that figure I do a book because ministry sometimes just hilarious  but I'm sort of so many stories but some of them feed my soul about the about God and his church. you know one of them is about a a pastor told this one that the elder was supposed to prepare communion in his church wasn't there that week and so a woman volunteered. happy to be a wife of an elder she volunteered to serve communities so she came she got all the juice and the juice of the they use separate cups for their communion and got the the wafers use wafers for can we got them all got them all set for Sunday morning. this pastor is presenting communion and he's pointing it out he says you know the the the cop who represents the blood of Jesus Christ is pointing at some point that doesn't look like a grape juice or wine it seems to brown. 

And then invites people to drink together when he takes a drink you realize that doesn't taste right turns out it's prune juice he grabbed the wrong jar in the refrigerator church and fill all of these cups with prune juice and everybody's kinda you're putting up during communion and said there you know there's just some. 

Turn around as people are what the world is this stuff some don't even drink the whole thing the women was embarrassed when she found out what was wrong with the embarrassed but he said the rest of the story is during that next year she was diagnosed with terminal cancer and she had to spend a period of time away living with one of her daughters in order to get the treatment that she needed. and to get the care that she needed her daughter's home. and just shortly before he died she died she came back to space we say goodbye to her church family and that morning their communion and they had it with prune juice. I hear stories like that and it tells me the church of Jesus is alive and it cares about people and how those experiences that will feed our souls and powerful and wonderful ways. 

And then you get a fresh view on the mission. And sometimes that involves God Identifying who your replacement is going to be. who your gonna take on as a partner in this ministry. sometimes it's a vision for a new thing. in these courses I'll be telling us all about that with me as I hit retirement and begin to wonder now what is my ministry was my calling. but it took some new ideas to give me energy to move forward. So you're going to face times of despair times of exhaustion and tiredness. It's not the time to quit. Still time to withdraw. To let God minister to you through good people around you the church that is giving you but mostly through time with him. So do that and you'll be an effective leader in the kingdom.