Video Transcript: Personal Values

Welcome back. Today we're going to talk about using basically the same kind of process to  define your own personal values. Now, knowing your own personal values is important for  several reasons. The famous quote, and I don't know exactly who originally said it. But "if you  don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." And so what do you stand for as an  individual? What do you stand for? Well, as somebody who's a follower of Jesus Christ, what  are those things that you're committed to now your value system, you know, will hopefully be  informed by the scriptures and so on. I'm assuming that. And so I won't be quoting scripture a whole lot as we talk about discovering your own personal values. But the values are  important, in that they define how you act, as well as what you believe. For instance, your  value system will change your behavior. In other words, if you choose as your value, one of  my values is going to be personal health, well, that that can be your value. But how does that  relate to your desire for comfort, you can say my value is to be a healthy, physically healthy,  physically robust person. And, and then if you sit on the couch all day, or you watch TV, or  you eat, whatever, you do a lot of snacking and that sort of thing. You don't get any exercise,  then that's not really your value. And some people read this past week, one man, as I was  preparing this lecture at the age of 22, was first given this idea of a value system that he  would live by. And so he wanted to say, he began to say, what do I want to be as aspirational  value? What am I am now what do I want to be? And he determined, especially because of  family, health history, with heart disease, and that sort of thing, among his uncles, his aunts,  and even his father, that he was going to be healthy. And so he immediately began to do an  exercise program that he kept up regularly, he began to watch what he ate but it became that behavior came out of a value system. Now, I'm the last person to say that we don't ever  compromise our values we do. That's what sin is. But our core values are those things we're  committed to and willing to work at, and the ones that define our behavior. Knowing your  values helps you in making decisions. If you are trying to make decisions, and you've got this  choice, or that choice, well what what is your value? I'm working with a young couple right  now, and one of their values is family. And they have three lovely children, and yet they live  far away from their families of origin. And so unfortunately, their families of origin live in two  different places in the United States. And so they're trying to figure out what how do we live  out this value of family engagement on a broader scale than just our three children. And so  they're making a decision that they're probably going to move in the next year, toward one of the families just because they want that broader connection with cousins, and with uncles and aunts, and they want their kids to grow up in that kind of atmosphere. And so, so that value is helping them make that decision, whereas they were relatively happy where they were, but  now they have to have come into this discussion, largely because of Death, death of one of  their parents. About what does it mean to have values of family? And so it's helping them in  their decision making? Now values can help you in your decision making? If you're purchasing a car, you're purchasing a home? What kind of value do you put on that? Is that going to be a  functional place? Or is it going to be a place of beauty? If you're in a church, the value system that you have, will affect your behavior? We talked about that last time as we talked about  defining the values of an organization. But you can tell when you do the culture walk, what is  the value? What what did they decide to do when they got the space? What did they decide  to do when they had this opportunity to go into this mission or that mission? What? What's  important to them in that regard? And so often, if you're in a church or organization, it's very  helpful to come back to your value statement, what do we value? Well, that will help us we  have an opportunity to give an increased amount into this particular thing. What shall we do?  This is vitally important, a good friend of mine pastored a church. That was a very large for  had a large budget. They had gone through a relocation at one point in their history where  you'll meet them at some point in this if you haven't already in this presentation, where the  church they were in was growing too small, the building and so they bought a property and  they moved the church. And the idea was that that was going to be phase one of a multi  phase building process. And it came time that that first relocation stuff was paid for. And that  was time to make a decision about what was going to be the next step for them. And so they  began to go through that process of defining architecturally, what should we build. And at  that same time, my dear friend began to think through the implications of putting more 

money into buildings. In the United States, we put billions of dollars into facilities, and yet we  see churches numerically declining rapidly. And so there hasn't been a solution. And he began to think about Jesus called to the poor. And so he came to his elders, as a part of his own  personal value change, came to his elders and said, You know, I think we've got to look at this again. And together, they struggled through that for a period of time, and they came to a  conclusion that they weren't going to do any more building. And instead of that $300,000, a  year that they had set aside for servicing the loan that had paid off their building, they were  now going to commit that to missions, they were going to commit that to missions that were  like the ones that they had as a congregation. So they had a value of going to places in the  world and sending people from the church there so that they could get engaged in mission.  And it was a huge cultural shift for them. But it came out of a value. And the value helped  determine their behavior. It helped them in making a decision about what should we do with  this money with this budget this year. And your value system, your own personal value  system also helps in your fit with the culture? Do you fit with this particular congregation? Or  are you going to have to adjust to your particular values in order to fit with the congregation,  dealing with the congregation, in this vicinity in this region of the country. They it's a small  church that had been through a rough time. That a pastor left, and they've been a difficult  part departure. And so they called a new pastor, and it was an exciting time to start again.  And they all agreed on the value that they wanted that church to grow, they all agreed on the  value of that they wanted to make an impact in that community. But when it came right down  to it, they had an entirely different value system. As far as how that's to how's that to be  accomplished. The people in the church had a high value on being being an attractional  ministry. In other words, the idea was that they were going to do things to get people in the  building. And that's where they would reach them and touch them. And so they put a lot of  energy and effort and, and money and resources into making that Sunday worship  experience, a fantastic one. The new pastor that came had an entirely different value system, he wanted to make the church be missional. In other words, not inviting the people to come in to be impacted, but sending the church out. And so he had this vision of a series of small  groups that would meet in various places of the little city in which that church existed. And  they were going to ever each group was going to adopt a mission within that community as  well as encouraging each other to spiritual growth. And so they were trying to mesh these two powerfully different values, and it just didn't work. And so within one year, the pastor had to  leave. And so determining your own value system will help you determine what questions to  ask if you're going into a new church situation, if you're going to be invited to be part of a  ministry, can you fit there? Can you operate there well? I once had a call to a church that was  very, very high church. In other words, I wore a sport coat that day, and a tie now I wouldn't  do that anymore. But that then I thought I was dressing up. And one of the questions the  elders asked me when I met with him is why didn't you wear a suit? I had to wait a minute, I  don't think this is going to be a place I'm going to fit well, if that is the cultural value. And as I  began to talk to people, I realized that indeed was the case. And so how do you go about  making your own set of values to determine how you as a leader, since this allows you as a  leader, with all your strengths and weaknesses, what do your values look like? Start as a  beginner, you know, you may have done this before, but try to throw all that out and say,  Okay, I'm starting from scratch, what is really important to me, and then create a list. On that  list can be high points, things where things really went well for you, when there was great  success when you felt a sense of fulfillment. When you felt really good. Make a list of those  moments. What is your code of conduct? In other words, how when you put your life together, what are those things you say? This is how I'm going to live what what's most important to  who I am And, and so I'll write those things down. And then you can also write down low  points and say, okay, when I, when I fail, what happened there? What will be the opposite of  that kind of experience? Now, I gave you this list earlier when we're talking about another  subject. But here are just some lists of values, you can find value lists online, some of them  are up to 400, I think, different value systems. But do you value your health do you value  financial security, that's a biggie. If you're not willing to risk everything for Jesus Christ, you'll  find it limited. Your your service limited to those places that can afford you. And so is that 

your value system, our possessions, your value system, is free time your value system is  family life, your value system, I share with you my son-in-law made a decision based on his  commitment to his family that he wanted this flexible kind of experience, my other son-in-law  was offered a job. And he said, Well, these are the hours I can be here, because I've got three  children, I am committed to being a father to them and spending time with them. And so he  said, I can't fit here unless you are going to endorse that. And so I will do overtime, but I won't do it all the time. And in other words, I'm not going to sacrifice myself in order to get ahead in your company. And they accepted him. And he since has gone to part time as my daughter  went full time, he went back to part time so that the family at this stage with young children  could be a fulfilling experience for the kids and they would have a parent available to them.  Those kinds of decisions help that his value his family, as my is my value system friends. Is  my, are friends important to me, is that, how I'm going to commit my time and my energy.  Now for some people who have had friends for a long, long time, you know, that's very, very  true that they can become an important part of your value system and that I want to minister  to them or I want to minister with some frugality. I put that one on there just because that  tends to be part of my heritage. I'm a Northern European and background couple of  generations ago. In my I come from a Dutch background, actually, my my grandparents  immigrated here, way back when, before the turn of the 20th century. And in my Dutch  background, I found out that there's a legend among the Navajo, our church, our  congregation in denomination has had a great involvement in ministry in among the Navajo  people. And so I when I was involved with denominational ministry quite a bit, I got a friend  developed a friendship with this Navajo Indian. And he said, Well, he says, You know what we  say about you folks, we say that, you know, when the Grand Canyon was created, we know  how it was created. And I said, Well, how was the Grand Canyon created? And he said, Well, a  Dutch miner dropped a nickel and went digging for it. Yeah, frugality. Now, that tends to be  one of my values. It's not one I like it's one that I occasionally will have to balance with my  generosity. But I tend to be frugal in how I spend money. Generosity. Like I say, those two are  seem to be diametrically opposed, but they don't have to be justice. Am I committed to  justice in the world? Right now in the United States, we are in a time of great upheaval. So  socially, my commitment to justice in those situations. Am I committed to justice? There's a  ministry called AGM something Justice Mission, where their job is to go around the world and  and find injustices and correct it and and what does that do for you? Are you committed to  seeing that the poor are getting a fair shake? That it's not just the rich getting ahead? Is order having things in order of value to you? You don't like chaos? You don't like a messy situations? is learning a value to you? And what does that look like? Is happiness, a value to you probably is, in the United States, of course, we're guaranteed that we are able to pursue happiness.  That's one of our national values. Some people will give up happiness in order to do  something of greater importance. One of the men I admire greatly, was a president of a  college here in the United States. And his wife became sick. It was a debilitating and was  going to be a terminal illness. And so he quit his job in order to care for his wife over those  last years of her of her earthly life. And as a result, he set up a value system that's really  quite he wasn't about his happiness. He was about his commitment to his wife, he realized his value unless I have a commitment to this woman that will supersede anything I'm getting in  the professional world. Now that wasn't a happiness trice. It was a relationship choice. That's  the next one. Are you grow committed to growth? In your capacity in your skill? In your  character? Are you committed to truth what about wealth? Is church part of your  commitment? Now, there are many people who say that that's a fascinating thing to me that  I've had people say that to me, and I know that they're part of the church only occasionally in  worship service and not involved in anything else. But for for you. Is that a value system that  you're committed to the church as as what Bill Hybels called The Last Hope, on earth, the last  hope for the earth, committed to churches, the instrument that God is going to use to bring  about his king kingdom and build His kingdom here. Peace of mind, the security of value for  you. That's an important thing to consider. If you were to be called into a mission field where  safety is not guaranteed, would you be willing to go? Or is security greater value for you?  Respect, sincerity, personal growth, hard work? You know, that's a value of a lot of 

generational people. So you look at these kinds of things, you can find other lists, encourage  you not just to look at lists and pick one or two, but to say, is this true of me? Who am I? So  you start as a beginner, you create a list, then you put similar statements together. For  instance, if you get integrity, and truth and honesty, all together, some things like that, you,  you try to chunk them together, in some way, in a meaningful way. And then I highlight  themes, what are the themes of your life? And what are the themes of what you put down on  paper. And then once you've highlighted themes, you prioritize them. In other words, this is  the most important thing to me, this is the second most important thing, to me, this is the  third most important thing to me and try to create, you know, five or six of them, don't try to  make too many. And then you write them out. It's important that you write them out, just  because it gives you something to refer back to now, some of you who practice journaling  regularly, this, this will become just a process, but you'll write in your journal. For the rest of  us, it's got to be something that we put down, I had the privilege of in the month of February  going through a process again, where I just say, said, what's important to me, I'm at one of  those change points in my life where I've recently retired from ministry within the  congregation that I last served, and I am serving in other capacities now. But I was able to be  by myself for a period of weeks. And with first brother coming, and my wife joining me, but  time by myself for at least five days in a couple of different stretches. And so I sat down with  my computer, and I just said, what's important to me, in this next stage of my life, what are  those things that I want to see lived out in my life, and then to look for opportunities to  continue to serve that fit with those values of who I am now. Now, many of my values systems are ongoing. But there are some now that are changing, as now my opportunity to engage  more of my grandchildren's just a reality, because I now have the time to do that. And so they become a higher priority for me, than they were so you write it out? And then it put them to  the test. Is this real? Is this true? If you're married, you can do this with your wife. If you're not married, you can do it with a close friend, saying, you know, look, this is I'm trying to define  what's really important to me, in my life and behavior, does this look really important to me  these values, so test them out, and then look at how you live them out. In other words begin  to make life plans based on that value system that you have discovered. For instance, here's  one person's value system statement part of it. So is ranked value number one, his health and well being. And he scored all of his values, one to 10 in order in order to prioritize them. And  this one came up as an eight. And so when did he do this? Well, on 1/20/16. What are the  action steps to practice conscious breathing every morning? That's was one action step. This  has become one of my values. I realized that I'd gotten out of physical conditioning when I  was engaged in active ministry and so I begin my morning with devotions and time with God  and then I spent some time exercising. Two, learning and growth. This person scored an eight  In other words, as he scored all of his values, this is important to him. And so he's going to  read two books a month. integrity, honesty is important to him. And so he's going to do  Shadow Work exercises every night. In other words, the shadow work, that's the dark side  that I talked about before. And so he's going to identify those areas in his life every night,  where he was attended to go off into the shadow side of his experiencing a creativity rank, as  a seven. He's going to schedule time each week for creative writing. That's how he expresses  his creativity, and adventure is part of his value system. And so he's going to plan a trip to  South Africa, those kind of things, you do those kind of things, and you're going to find that  you're gonna have a better understanding of who you are and how you act, you'll have a  process by weight making process for making decisions as you compare your opportunities to  the values that you hold. And you'll understand how the organization in which you fit relates  to you and how you relate to it as a leader, so that you will be leading out of a value system  that corresponds to the value system of the church. Not exactly, necessarily, but you can still  be a leader in that kind of situation. Now, you know, just an example of that the church I  served in Southern California was a upper middle class church, as far as the value system  there, they they had grown up, or the kids had grown up with a certain level of wealth in their  life, some of the people in the church were very wealthy. And I had control of a lot of money.  And I grew up in a blue, blue collar, my father worked in a factory all of my life that I can  remember. And so my value system reflected that frugality and not any kind of opulence in 

our experience. And, and so I wondered when I first got the call there, whether I could serve  that kind of congregation and I had conversations with people there. And in some cases, I had to adjust to my value system to fit in with the church value system, but also, I had an impact  on the church value system as well. And so it goes both ways. But once you understand what  you're committed to out of your background, out of your experience out of your life, what God has called you to be, it's going to impact your leadership in a positive way.