Video Transcript: Coaching Like Jesus

Unit 01f Coaching Like Jesus

Welcome back again. My name is Steve Elzinga, and this is the coaching class. With this session, I want to talk about coaching like Jesus. Jesus did more than coaching. Jesus was a mentor to his 12 disciples. He was an example. He was a teacher, he was called a rabbi. I'm sure he did a lot of counseling along the way. Certainly, he did pastoral care.

But he also did coaching kinds of things. Remember, coaching includes pastoral care, includes some counseling, it includes some teaching, but it's not primarily those things. All those things are about the teacher giving something to the student: the teacher has the knowledge, or the experience, and the teacher is trying to pass that knowledge off to the students.

What coaching is, is trying to bring something out of someone. Coaching is trying to help people figure things out for themselves. The whole idea behind this coaching thing is, if you can help someone figure out what they already want to do, they're more likely to do it. A lot of success is not dependent on what you know, a lot of success is dependent on your motivation to actually do something.

Most people are not stuck because they don't know things. They're stuck because they're not motivated to do things.A coach can come alongside and try to figure out how to motivate them, how to ask the right questions to get people thinking for themselves, and doing for themselves.

Jesus did these kinds of things. Jesus did many other things too. I want to give you the impression that all Jesus did was coach. Jesus did many different things with his 12 disciples, but one of the things he did was to coach them.

I'll give you some examples.

Number one, Jesus called disciples. He believed in their potential. Mark chapter 1:16-20, passing alongside the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon, and Andrew, the brother of Simon casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. And Jesus said to them, follow me and you will become fishers of men.

So Jesus, first of all, he didn't choose people that you’d think he might choose. He didn't choose other rabbis who had been studying the Torah, and studying God's laws and, and knew the history of Israel. He didn't start off with businessmen that had built things and made cities. He didn't start out with politicians that had influence. He started with common labor people, people that didn't have the highest education, people that basically were doing things with their hands.

He chose ordinary people, and yet he brought extraordinary things out of them. Mark 2:14 as Jesus was walking along, he saw Levi son of Alphaeus, sitting at the tax booth. And he said to him, Follow me and he got up to follow him. A tax collector was  one of the hated people. I guess a tax collector had a lot of influence, but it was all negative influence. Who wants to follow a tax collector?

Jesus started with ordinary people. Jesus believed in the potential of average, ordinary people. This is one of the qualities that a coach has to have. A coach has to believe in the potential of the client that he's trying to help, regardless of the client's background, regardless of the client's education, regardless of the success the client has already had in the area of life.

Jesus demonstrates that, that he has believed in ordinary people's, average people's potential.

Number two, the disciples often had to ask Jesus the meaning of his stories. Jesus told stories. Even when Jesus was teaching his disciples, he wasn't always direct. If you think about it, for example, Jesus didn't teach us anything about a worship service. Wouldn't it be nice if Jesus had said, Alright, folks, when you start your churches one day, this is the kind of order that you want. This is this is the kind of structure. Let me tell you a story that illustrates that.

We have nothing. In fact, we have hardly anything in the whole Bible! The closest thing we have to a worship service outline is in the book of Nehemiah. When they read the law, they do certain things, and if you go back and read the book of Nehemiah, you'll see that we sort of follow that structure in our worship service. But other than that, there's nothing.

Often, when Jesus spoke, he spoke in parables. Often he didn't explain them. The disciples had to come and say, Well, what does that even mean? Matthew 13:26, then he left the crowd and went into the house, his disciples came to him and said, explain to us the parable of the weeds in the field.

Jesus left it up to his disciples to ask the meaning of his words. In other words, Jesus is looking for them to do stuff, for them to take ownership, Jesus wasn't just handing it to them here: let me tell you what to do. Let me tell you how it goes. No, he would tell a story and then the disciples had to figure things out, the disciples had to use their minds and ask questions to try to figure out what it is that they were supposed to learn, what they were supposed to do.

Number three, Jesus left the starting of the church to his disciples. It's incredible. The church is the most significant organization the world has ever seen; it's changed more about life than anything else. I've been all over the world, and I can go anywhere in the world, and I can just go to some church, and they will take me in, they will help me, they will house me, they will feed me. It's absolutely incredible, this thing called the church that we are a part of, but Jesus didn't even start it.

He let his disciples start it. He put it in their hands. This is a coaching kind of thing. You know, when you have a coach of a soccer team, the coach doesn't run out and kick the ball. The coach doesn't play the game, the coach, invests in the players who then play the game. And that's what Jesus did. Jesus invested in his players, his disciples, and he let them take the field, and the winning and the losing was up to them.

Matthew 25, then Jesus came to them His disciples and said, All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me, and what am I going to do? I'm going to give it to you. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them into the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey everything I commanded you. I'm not going to teach them, Jesus is saying, you are going to teach them.

That's what a coach does. A coach doesn't do it for people, a coach inspires the person to do it. You get out and do something. I'm not going to do it. In fact, I'm not even going to teach you all these things you are going to have to learn as we go along. And surely I am with you always, to the end. That's a coaching thing too, that you're with the person: look, you can try these things we're going to meet next week, we'll talk about it. You're not alone.

It sometimes feels like you're alone. When you go out there and you try to do things as a coach, you're trying to get your client to own a goal, and then to go out and try and do something about it. But the next week we'll meet and maybe the person fell on their face. Okay, I'm with you, you're not doing this alone.

Number four, Jesus promised the Holy Spirit to empower them. Acts 1:8, but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you. And you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea, and Samaria to the ends of the earth.

Remember, coaching is client directed. In other words, you let the client figure out what it is that he wants to do. You get the client to make a plan of how he's going to do it.Then you keep the client accountable to the very thing that he wanted to do and the only reason why this works is because of the Holy Spirit. We're assuming that the Holy Spirit is inside that person, that the Holy Spirit is already there giving nudging, pushing in certain directions. Part of having the Holy Spirit is in reading the Bible and prayer, all these things inform the client. As a coach, I don't have a blank slate here with this client. I have someone who has the Holy Spirit in them.

Jesus is saying, You're disciples; you're not going to just start the church based on everything that you know, the Holy Spirit is going to be in you. The Spirit of God is going to be inside of you. Because of that, I believe that you can do these things. As a coach, we believe in people, not just because of who they are, but because the Holy Spirit is in them.

Number five, Jesus constantly asked his disciples questions. Matthew 16:15, but what about you? He asked, Who do you say that I am? So some people were saying Jesus is this, Jesus is that. Then Jesus said, Well, who do you say? Jesus is always asking them questions.

Matthew 20:21, What is it you want? Matthew 20:32. And this is the blind man. Jesus asked, What do you want me to do for you? That's a coaching kind of question. What do you want? It's not what I want from you, what do I want to do for you? It's, what do you want from me?

Luke 12:57, why don't you judge for yourselves? What is right? Okay. Jesus is always throwing the situation or the problem back to the client. That's what a coach does, that the client, a lot of times, will want the answer. Well, what do you think I should do?

If the coach answers it, then the coach is taking over. Okay, now I'm going into teaching. I'm starting to give advice. But when a client asked me as the coach, what do you think I should do? I just reflect it back. I don't know; what do you think?

I'm not going to be the one that owns this. I am trying to get you to own it. And the client is probably working in the opposite direction, because that's easier. It's a lot easier to say, Well, what do you think I should do? Then they tell you, and then you go try it. And then when it fails, you can say, well, it wasn't my idea anyway.

The whole goal of coaching is to get the client, the person you're trying to help, to be the player. You need to own this process. You need to own what you want to do. You need to own how to do it. And then you need to own the process of actually following through with doing it.

So I'm going to ask you questions that will help you do that.

John 11:26, Jesus said that He was the resurrection and the life. He's talking to Martha after her brother had died. Jesus came and he's already dead. She was sort of upset that Jesus wasn't there. She was thinking if Jesus had showed up on time that her brother could have been healed, but now he's dead.

They get into this discussion of the resurrection. Jesus declares that he is the resurrection and the life. But in the end, he puts it to her. Do you believe this? It's not about what I think I am. It's what you think.

Again, always pushing towards the client. It's, What do you think? What does it mean to you? What are you thinking? How are you feeling? It's not about me. It's not about my stories. It's not about my advice. It's not about the experience that I've had. I'm not saying that's not legitimate. But now you're moving towards teaching. Coaching is not teaching.

Number six, Jesus challenged his disciples to do things that they had to figure out. Jesus didn't give all the answers. Jesus called His 12 disciples to him and gave them authority to drive out impure spirits and to heal every disease and sickness, these 12 disciples, these 12 Jesus sent out with the following instructions.

Notice, he doesn't give them much. Do not go among the Gentiles or among or enter any town of the Samaritans; go rather to the lost sheep of Israel. Do not get any gold or silver or copper to take with you in your belt, no bags for the journey or extra shirt or sandals or a staff, for the worker is worth his keep.

He just sends them out. No preparation, you don't have any provisions, he sends them out to be totally dependent on who they meet for their food, for their clothes, for their shelter, for everything. Jesus is just sending them out. You need to learn on your own. Jesus is the master teacher.

You think that Jesus could just sit down with them and explain things in a way that no rabbi had ever explained anything that full, that now we're going to get it. I mean, if teaching was the way to get people to really succeed at doing things, then you would think Jesus could just do that. You know, just have a daylong seminar on how to reach people and teach people and so on.

But what does Jesus do? He sends them out. You need to learn these things on your own. You need to learn these things through the ups and downs of your own experience.

What does he do? He sends them out, but then they come back. And what do you think they did? Well, what happened? You know, some good things happen. And the disciples were frustrated with other things. And the Jesus could work with them again.

That's what a coach does. As a coach,  we identify a goal: we're going to try to do this, we have a plan, you go out and try something. But then you come back. Well, what happened? It didn't go well. Or what went well, what didn't go well, and we can evaluate it, we can look at it. We can double our effort. Or we can change the goal, adapt to the situation to see, or now people are more willing to be taught. Because they've had an experience. Sometimes failure is the best thing that a client can experience, because they become more teachable.

Number seven. Jesus loved unconditionally, giving his disciples space to grow. This is one of the characteristics of a coach.A coach has to love his client unconditionally. If a coach is always judging is always saying, you're not doing it, you're not doing it right, what kind of goal is that? That plan is not going to work. In other words, I am in the judgement seat, and the client, every time he speaks, as you know, he's not quite there. I'm always correcting and directing. I'm always giving advice, because his idea is never good enough.

If we have that kind of relationship, then the coaching processes is not going to work. In the coaching process, you have to trust. And the coaching process takes time.

So you trust that the client comes up with his own goal, he comes up with his own plan. Maybe it's not a great goal. Maybe it's not a very good plan, but then he will fail. Then he comes back and you can ask, Well, what happened? Well, it didn't work at all. Why don't you think it works? You're helping the client, figure out why it failed, rather than you telling him.

If you tell a person why they failed, they're less likely to learn or to listen, or to change anything in their approach. If they discover it for themselves, there's nothing like discovering something for yourself to really get motivated.

Haven't you had that experience where you have an idea and you put your idea towards somebody, and the first thing they do is criticize. Or you're very persuasive, and you sort of bowl over them, and you answer all their objections, and they don't know what else to say. It seems like they've accepted your idea, but they don't carry it on. They don't really do it. They haven't bought into it, because it's not their idea.

We  buy more into our own ideas, than someone else’s. We’re less inclined to listen to advice. We may listen to advice: Okay, you tell me I should do this. Alright, I'll go do it. But the first bump in the road that I hit, the first roadblock that stops me, that keeps me from succeeding. I just say, Well, that was lousy advice.

Now, if it's my idea, and I hit a roadblock, I push a little harder, because I'm not going to let just this little roadblock, this objection, this obstacle, get in my way, because I'm owning this idea and so I fight a lot harder when it's my own idea. That's the whole idea behind coaching.

But I can't come to my own ideas, and people's ownership of their own ideas comes slowly So if you throw in judgment as a coach, if you're always judging their ideas, well, okay, I guess it's an idea, it's not a very good idea, can you make it a better idea?

If the client feels like you're never satisfied with them, they will stop. They won't come up with any ideas at all. They'll just wait for you to come up with the idea.

You see that with parenting with kids, Kids will just sit there in silence when well, what do you you should do? You know, if a parent says that to a child, what do you think you should do? Most kids will not say a word, because they can tell from the tone of your voice that no matter what they say, it's not going to be good enough.

Reading a book on coaching, and the author wrote these words: Jesus sees us with an unconditional love, as well as an unconditional belief in our destiny. The freedom we gain from that unconditional relationship empowers us to change from the inside out because we want to, instead of trying to adjust how we look on the outside. So that we'll be accepted.

There's a lot of truth to that. If I'm in a teaching role, then the student is trying to please me. He's trying to look good. He's trying to say whatever it takes to make me give them an A. But when in a coaching process, I'm not trying to teach you. I'm trying to help you teach yourself. I'm help. I'm trying to help you bring out your own idea and learn as you go. I'm trying to help you succeed because I believe in your potential. I believe unconditionally in your destiny, because you're a child of God and he has his hand on you. The Holy Spirit is inside of you. You have gifts that God has given you have a purpose, why you're here on this planet, and I'm here to help you figure out what it is because you can do it. That's what Jesus did. That's what we as coaches need to do. So Coach like Jesus.