Video Transcript: The Wisdom of People Smart Balance (Edited Transcript)

The Wisdom of Balanced People Skills Informed by Scripture

By Henry Reyenga

It's remarkable how frequently the Bible discusses the wisdom of balanced people skills. Whether you're reading the book of Proverbs or other passages in Scripture, the principles of emotional intelligence and interpersonal skills are pervasive. When you're called to ministry or any vocation, every interaction with people is a part of your divine calling. God orchestrates these encounters for a reason, underscoring that every meeting is purposeful.

Colossians 2:2 states, "My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ." Paul’s objective in every letter, sermon, and meeting was for others to gain a deep understanding of God's truth. Likewise, as we navigate our lives and fulfill our calling, we should recognize that every encounter is divinely orchestrated.

In this course, we’ll explore 'people-smart' principles, some of which come from secular thought but will be studied here for the higher aim of glorifying God. I've sifted through a multitude of resources to discern which materials are appropriate and beneficial for our purposes. While you may agree or disagree with some points, rest assured that God has a plan for every encounter.

Key Scriptural Principles for Balanced People Skills

The Power of a Smile

The first principle is the simple act of smiling. Various types of smiles express different emotions, but they all share one common thread: as a Christian leader, I am blessed to be in your presence. The Bible echoes this sentiment:

• 2 Corinthians 13:12 - "Greet one another with a holy kiss."
• Proverbs 15:30 - "A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones."

Body Language

Your posture signals eagerness and openness. As Paul communicated with intensity and eagerness, so should we.

Eliminate Distractions

Distractions like smartphones can seriously impair effective communication. The Bible reminds us:

• Proverbs 20:12 - "Ears that hear and eyes that see—the Lord has made them both."

Be Teachable

Another key principle is to cultivate a learning attitude wherever you go.

• Proverbs 3:7 - "Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil."

Helping Others

Going out of your way to assist someone is epitomized by the story of the Good Samaritan.

• Proverbs 3:27-28 - "Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due when it is in your power to act."

Avoid Materialistic Judgments

Finally, we should not judge others based on their financial status.

• Proverbs 23:5 - "Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone."
• Proverbs 23:6 - "Do not eat the food of a begrudging host, do not crave his delicacies."

Throughout this course, we will delve deeper into these principles, always aiming to apply them in a way that glorifies God and enriches our interactions with others.

God's Purpose in Relationships

"God has a purpose for every relationship and for every place we go. Promote the cause of the destitute; that's being people-smart."

Proverbs 31:8
"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute."

Compassion and Moderation

"In your interactions, always have compassion. Let people know you care about the cause of the destitute. Be moderate in your approach; moderation is people-smart, especially in ministry."

Proverbs 23:20-21
"Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags."

Ecclesiastes 7
"The one who fears God avoids all extremes."

Watch Your Words

"It's crucial to be cautious with your language, especially your humor. Avoid demeaning anyone, even your enemies."

Proverbs 4:24
"Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips."

Proverbs 24:17
"Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice."

Be Optimistic

"Maintain a positive outlook on life and future opportunities."

Proverbs 12:14
"From the fruit of their lips people are filled with good things, and the work of their hands brings them reward."

Proverbs 4:25
"Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you."

Maintain Integrity and Boundaries

"Avoid flirting in inappropriate contexts; keep your integrity intact."

Proverbs 5:15
"Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well."

Proverbs 6:16-19
"There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community."

Understand Limits

"You can't save everyone. Some people are not open to advice."

Proverbs 9:8
"Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you."

Listen More Than You Talk

"Embrace the 60/40 guideline; listen more than you speak."

Proverbs 18:13
"To answer before listening—that is folly and shame."

Be Transparent and Sincere

"Avoid scheming; be honest and open."

Proverbs 10:10
"Whoever winks maliciously causes grief, and a chattering fool comes to ruin."

Keep Learning and Growing

"Always strive to improve your 'people-smart' skills, tailored to your unique background and situation."

No Gossip

"Protect your neighbor's name."

Proverbs 11:13
"A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret."

Practice Genuine Kindness

"Real kindness gains respect."

Proverbs 11:16
"A kindhearted woman gains honor, but ruthless men gain only wealth."

Be Generous and Avoid Arguments

"Generosity enriches life, while argumentativeness can rot relationships."

Proverbs 11:25
"A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed."

Proverbs 13:10-13
"Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice. Whoever scorns instruction will pay for it, but whoever respects a command is rewarded."

 

In this class, we'll discuss becoming agreeable, likable, and finding joy in who you are. We aim to let go of self-destructive attitudes. My prayer is that no one holds onto bitterness, especially when entering relationships. Even pastors, though aligned with God, can have bitterness which affects their ministry. When someone pushes their buttons, this bitterness can alter their demeanor, leading to avoidance, aggression, or passive-aggression. It's crucial to avoid introducing bitterness into relationships.

Proverbs 14:1 says, "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, the foolish one tears it down." Hebrews 12:15 warns, "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many."

Naysayers can deter you from your mission. As Proverbs 14:6 mentions, "The mocker seeks wisdom and finds none, but knowledge comes easily to the discerning." We must focus on staying firm and avoid being sidetracked by negativity.

Encouraging words are essential. As Proverbs 16:24 says, "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." We'll discuss the importance of being the kind of person who always has something positive to say. When confronting sin, Galatians 6 guides us to restore the person gently, emphasizing the power of an encouraging word.

Recalling Ruth, she directed many to the Lord with her unwavering encouragement. Her legacy reminds us of the importance of consistently positive interactions.

Forgiveness is vital. Proverbs 14:9 notes, "Fools mock at making amends for sin, but goodwill is found among the upright." Avoiding anger is essential for healthy relationships, as anger can dampen our ability to connect with others. Proverbs 17:27 reminds us, "A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered."

Every interaction contributes to your reputation. Proverbs 22:1 asserts, "A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold."

Christian leaders must show no favoritism. We should be careful about how we treat different groups, always showing love without compromising our beliefs. Confidentiality, especially in pastoral relationships, is key. As Proverbs 17:9 says, "He who covers an offense promotes love, but he who repeats the matter separates close friends."

Avoiding quarrels is critical, with Proverbs 17:14 advising, "Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out." If you offend someone, especially family, acknowledge it. Family dynamics often reflect how we'll interact in leadership roles.

As we journey through this class, remember:

1. Don't take yourself too seriously.
2. Be receptive to the Holy Spirit's guidance.
3. Be courageous in making changes.
4. Repent and make amends when necessary.
5. Approach this class as a prayerful adventure. Get your family involved and grow together.

Ultimately, let's use the wisdom from Scripture to bless those God places in our lives, pointing them to Christ, and reflecting His love in our interactions.