Video Transcript: What Causes the Need for Coaching Part 1

Hello again, my name is Steve Elzinga. And for the next three sessions, we're going to be  looking at some of the causes for the need for coaching. My first question is, when did you  first hear about coaching? My guess is, it wasn't that long ago, coaching is a relatively new  phenomenon. It's not in the sporting world, okay. The whole concept of what a coach is, you  know, sort of comes from the sports world, if, if you're on a, you know, professional soccer, or  football, team, basketball, or baseball, whatever it is, generally, there is a coach, you have the players, but you need a coach, someone that organizes the players, if we just had the players, the players would end up fighting about what position who plays and who has to sit on the  bench, and who gets to play in what positions they play, what strategy we're going to do, and  you know, how we're going to practice and you know, all the management kind of activities.  So there's this need for a person who's not playing, to sort of step in and say, This is how  we're going to do it. This is how we're going to practice this is how we're going to identify who plays where and when. And so, so the whole coaching thing is sort of originated out of the  sporting world. But then over the last, I would say, maybe 20 years, the whole concept of  coaching has sort of shifted from just the sporting thing to the business world. And they used  to be, they were they were called consultants. So you had a business. And then you want to  talk to some expert in the field, that you're trying to do something in someone who has a lot  of experience, and they come in, and they teach you about all the things that they've done  and what they see that works and, and they try to help you improve your game improve  whatever business that you're doing, we call them consultants. But over time, and  consultants, it was sort of the wild west of consulting, a consultant could encourage a  consultant could teach could give a whole program of activity, could just listen could evaluate and then lead could manage. I mean, there was a whole bunch of things. But over time, this  whole concept of coaching, which is more of a limited thing, it's not a coming in there and  teaching about how to do something is really about helping people do what they already want to do. And they just can't seem to do it. And, and that is really developed over the last maybe  10-15 years. And it's it's really I would say over the last couple of years that everyone's  talking about it. And it's sort of trickled down to the whole church world as well, the Christian  ministry world, where people are now becoming Christian life coaches, there's life coaches,  there's business coaches, there's personal training, exercise coaches, there's diet coaches,  every topic you can think of there's a coach to help you succeed, or whatever it is. Now, the  question that I have for us here today is why? I mean, 100 years ago, we didn't have coaches, and people went out and did things and accomplished things and had, you know, families and raised kids and started businesses and churches were developed and expanded all over the  world, the great missionary movements, okay, there were no coaches. So why now? Why is  this a thing? Why is this becoming more, more and more people are interested if you're taking this class, somehow, you got introduced to this whole idea of coaching and you heard it  enough times that you decided, Hey, maybe I should do something about it. And oh, I see  there's a class out of the Christian Leaders Institute. I think I'll take that. So here you are  trying to figure it out. Why, why? Why did this why did this thing even come to you? What  what has happened in our culture that makes coaching more of a necessary necessity than  than it was in the past? I'm going to talk about several things but the one thing I want to talk  about in this lecture is the rise of the someone should do it for me. Culture, the rise of the  someone should do it for me culture. What I mean by that is, okay, I'm trying to do  something, and then I run into an obstacle, and I don't Power through the obstacle, I don't, I  don't, you know, push it down or go around it. I wait for someone to do something about it.  Why is there this obstacle, you know, the government should change this, or the community  should change this, or the pastor should change this, or my parents should change this, or my business, my boss, the company should change this. So it's always looking for someone else  to fix the problem. Someone should do it for me, there's a problem. There's a frustration in my life. And I can't do anything about it. So someone else should. And I'm saying that this is  becoming more and more a way that people think that someone should do it for me, I want to look at just three sort of basic examples, socialism versus capitalism, number two, Sunday  school movement, and then the church just to give you a little flavor, a little idea of sort of  how this has happened. Again, the first one it's a little complicated, but socialism versus 

capitalism. Number one, capitalism, what is capitalism? Capitalism is opportunity plus  responsibility equals success. Okay, opportunity, plus responsibility equals success. So at  Christian Leaders Institute, we believe in that we believe in giving you an opportunity, we  believe in giving every person that wants to learn a chance to learn, if you can get connected  to the internet, it doesn't matter where you live, it doesn't matter how much money you have, or whether you were raised in the right environment, had the right parents. In the right social  status, we don't care about any of that equal opportunity for all, we are giving everyone the  opportunity, but the only way that you're going to succeed at this opportunity is to take  responsibility. If you don't take responsibility, nothing's going to happen. And if you've already taken a few classes here at Christian Leaders Institute, then you know that in the courses  there, the lectures are there, the quizzes are there, but I can't come and force you to do it. I  can't even go over there encourage you to do it, you have to take responsibility for what is  going to happen. Okay, now, this doesn't sound like the someone should do it for me culture,  right? This is you should do something culture. It's up to you. And that is part of capitalism.  But I'm gonna look in a minute, we're gonna look at socialism, then we'll come back to  capitalism, because capitalism has also led to some of the someone should do it for me  culture, you wouldn't think it because it has responsibility right there. But it has socialism,  socialism is provision in other words something is provided plus equality is equals success. So  the goal really is it's both both are trying to succeed. But but the way to do it is to provide for  people to make things equal capitalism makes things unequal, because someone works really  hard, and they get twice as much done as someone who works not as hard. You know, Paul,  one of his lines to one of the churches was if you don't work, you don't eat. If you work, you  eat, if you work really hard, you eat really well, if you don't do anything that you starve, okay.  Well, as, as humans, we don't like that. It's like, well, you know, some people are getting rich,  and they're getting powerful, and they have everything. And then other people, they don't  have all the, you know, opportunities that some have, and they're struggling and they're  suffering and they're innocent children are suffering, so we should do something about it. We  should provide, and we got to figure out how to balance. So we have these two systems that  keep fighting with one another. And we keep fighting with it. I mean, here in our country  where we were started as a, you know, a capitalist nation, you know, that we were founded  on those kind of principles. But in our political world, right now, we talk about socialism, you  would think why are we even talking about it? But we do, because human beings see the  suffering of the any that unequity of things, how some people are hurting and some people  aren't. Some people have way more than they need. And some people have less you know,  than what they need it's like this, it feels wrong somehow, you know, when we get to heaven,  is it going to be a capitalist system where some people have more gold, you know, paved  streets in front of their house, or are we all going to have enough to eat? So it's like, how does this go and so, but you can see, the socialists, you know, mentality is that everyone needs to  be equal. And the only way to do that is to provide for people. But if that becomes sort of the  symbol of how we do things, then you can see where this idea is, someone should do it for  me, becomes the mentality. And the more this mentality, you know, that people have, that  someone should do it for me, the less they take ownership for things. And because people  don't take ownership, they can't get anything done. They can't succeed in anything, because  the first obstacle that they hit, they stop and blame and say, someone should take care of  this. For me, it's hard to succeed at anything, if every time you run into an obstacle, you think someone else should remove it. And so people need coaches to come alongside to help them  get over that, right, because you can't have this mentality that someone should do it for you.  Or you'll be waiting your whole life for someone to do it for you. So a coach is needed. Now, to sort of combat that idea that someone should do it for me. By the way, the whole, you know,  the, the problem with trying to make everything equal is it's almost impossible to do. Because the very thing that you used to fix something often causes another problem. So I just I just  listened to a report about how in the 60s in the United States, before the social network was,  you know, social system was really developed, that 25% of homes, in poor families, that the  Father is absent, the father left. So now you have a single mother trying to raise children. So a safety net was provided. Different programs came in to try to help that single mother deal 

with trying to live, you know, raise children on her own. Well, I just heard a report the other  day, that said, even though we've tried to fix that problem, we now have 75%, of poor  families without a father. So try to fix a problem, all we've done is incentivize, because now  it's easier for a single mother to do this, because there's more resources, so fathers don't feel  responsible. And so they leave. Because there's the safety net to take care of it. So the very  thing that we use to fix something, is the very thing that causes the problem. And again, and  again, you know, this whole idea of trying to fix all these things, and what does it do? It gives  people the sense that someone should fix this, someone out there should fix all these  problems. No, I said that capitalism can do the same thing. Capitalism has led to a sense of  inadequacy, capitalism. Adam Smith, back in the 1800s, wrote a book entitled The Wealth of  Nations, and he's, he's called the father of capitalism. And in that book, he outlines how, how  wealth can be accumulated in the nation. And he basically said that, that, you know, before  we had sort of a farming, you know, world, and on the farm, the farmer does everything he  has to, he has to be a mechanic, he has to be good with animals, he has to be good with the  fields. And he has to know a little bit of he's got a well, he's, he is he does everything. And he  manages, he does the accounting, but he's not specifically good at any of it. And what the  Industrial Revolution did is, you break things into its parts. So if you're going to build a car,  you're break it into a sort of the assembly line, and one person does one thing. And when they do one thing, they do it really well. And because they do it really well, they get really fast. And because they're fast, the price goes down with the product that they make. And because the  price goes down, more people buy it because more people buy it. You can do a bigger scale, a bigger scale, you can get it done cheaper, the cheaper it gets, the more people buy it, it  becomes this revolving door and wealth is created. Okay, so that's worked really well in the  industrial world. It's really, you know, made our modern world. It's why things are so  inexpensive as they are and why you can be listening to this you know, we have  smartphones, we have all these things because of this revolution. So it's worked really well  with business, but hasn't worked so well with other arenas of life hasn't worked so well with  parenting, for example. Now a parent is sort of like the farmer he has to do all of it. There's  educating. There's teaching. There's training there's, you know, when they're little and the  the, you know, all the different stages of parenting. And but but what's happened is the  industrial revolution is the capitalism ideas come to parenting. So why should you teach your  kid anything, we as a parent, you don't know, you're not an expert teacher are you. So send  them to a teacher, send them to you, your kid wants to learn how to swim, send them to  someone that can teach them how to swim your your child needs to learn how to play a sport, you send them to the coach, he'll help your you know, so what we've done is we've jobbed  out the parenting role to all these experts, these people who have focused on one thing, the  problem is, what we lost is the parent child connection. See, back before, when a child was  raised on the farm, and the father had to teach a son, everything, there's a connection,  there's an excuse for father and son to always be together, father and son to talk about life to sons to observe the father and see what he does and learn. So there's a relationship, there's,  there's an excuse to form a relationship. So when the father shares his heart, and the father  shares about God, you know, there's a relationship, there's something there, okay? The  modern father hasn't spent any time with his son. He's jobbed out his son to learn all these  things from all these other people. So now, when the father wants to say something important son, I really want to tell you the secret of life is to walk with God. Well, Dad, you haven't  taught me anything my whole life? What kind of relationship do we have, I don't even know  who you are. I'm exaggerating a little bit. But it's sort of what's happened. And because of the industrial revolution, we all feel inadequate in most of life, we feel really good in the one thing that we know how to do. But in the rest of the rest of life, we feel inadequate. And because we feel inadequate, we can't get things done. So again, that's the need for coaching. A coach  comes and says, maybe you can do something, maybe you can spend time with your son,  maybe it's more important that you teach your kid how to swim poorly, then, and develop a  relationship than to have some expert teach your son how to swim well. But it's in a coaching  process that you can find out, you know, what's really going on in your life, I think people are  just on autopilot. And we don't know what to do. I think because of all these things, people 

don't know what to do. They don't know what to do with their children. They don't know what  to do in their marriages. They don't know what to do in their business. They don't know  whether they should take education here you are taking Christian Leaders Institute. You don't  know what to do either. You're like, should I work in the church? Should I quit my job? Should I  be a tentmaker? How? What can I do? How can I do this? I think you're not alone. I think  everyone is like, because we don't know what our role is. We don't know what we should be  doing. We have this conflict between the capitalist and the socialist system. And we don't  know how to figure it out. And so we need someone to sort of cut through all that and help us. You know, I need someone to come into my life and say, what's important to you? Where are  you hurting? What would you like to most work on in your life? And then someone to help me  do that? The Sunday school movement, okay. In the United States, the Sunday school  movement happened, you know, some 100 or so years ago, if you go into the rural areas of  the United States, you will see churches, and they they all look like one big box with the  steeple on it. There's no educational wing. Because 100 150 years ago, there was no Sunday  school. There were no classes. The responsibility of teaching the Bible and teaching the  doctrines of the church was not the responsibility of the church staff it's the responsibility of  the parents. Sunday schools started as a movement to reach the kids of parents who didn't go to church. So, you know, how are these kids going to learn about Jesus, how they can learn  about the Bible if we don't do something? So people came up with this idea of Sunday school,  it's at Sunday school. This is an educational process for the kids whose parents don't go to  church. Now, some of the Church Fathers way back then said, Whoa, let's be careful with this.  And people said, Well, why why? I mean, it seems like a good idea. And these wise Church  Fathers said, okay, but this is what we think might happen. If we start doing Sunday school,  for the kids of parents who don't go to church. Eventually, that Sunday school will be used for  the children of the parents who do go to church, and if that happens The parents will stop  taking ownership for the spiritual direction of their children. And that's exactly what  happened. From Ernest Trice Thompson Presbyterians in the South Volume One, in the early  days, what we now term religious education was primarily a function of the home. Parents  were expected to train their children in an in the knowledge of the scriptures, and also of the  doctrines, it was the pastor's responsibility to see that this duty was not neglected. Okay. So  what has happened with this Sunday school thing? What has happened in the church?  Someone should do it for me. The parents had the responsibility. It's the responsibility of the  parents teach the Bible, and to teach the doctrines. It's the responsibility of the church to  make sure that they do it. But what's happened over time, people say, No, someone should  do it for me. Why should I do this? I'm not an expert, let's let an expert do it for me. So again,  that that mentality of someone should do it for me. And so if you have that mentality, again,  it's hard to get anything done. One more example, the church. The church, in general, is not  only just Sunday school, where this has happened, where, you know, the church, the  education of the children is now in the hands of the church. It's almost everything. Worship is  now in the hands of the professionals who do it on Sunday morning. My father in law was a  farmer. And he loved singing the hymns. They had a piano every, they would sing a couple of  hymns every day, he'd be singing the hymns in the barn. When the uncles and aunts came  over for 20 minutes or so they'd all gather around the piano and sing some hymns. Now,  people don't sing, they don't sing the hymns together, no one says, Hey, let's sing for a while. It's all done on Sunday morning. And it's done by people who have been practicing and  figured it all out. And we go and if you look at the modern church today, half the people aren't even singing. Why? Because someone is doing it for them. Let's have them do the worship for them. My father in law farmer, simple farmer, he had Calvin's Institutes, sitting by his  bedside, this is tough doctrine reading. He would read those at night before he went to bed.  But today, people are like, you know, that's what we pay pastors for. Let's let the pastors  study the Word of God. Let them figure out what it all means. And then on Sunday, I will come and just listen to him. Now I let I let the professionals do it for me. And so. So what has  happened? So churches are filled now with people who sit back and are letting other people  do the spiritual things for them? And what is the result of that? unhappiness? I mean, if my  only role is to come and sit back and listen to you, you know, what am I going to do? I'm 

going to be critical. You know, last week, Pastor, you really did a great job. You hit it out of the  park, it was a great sermon, really effective, but this week is kinda lame. I hope next week is  better. See, I'm not involved. I'm not doing anything. I'm not taking ownership. I'm not reading the Bible. I'm not studying what it says. I'm not tricking, trying to figure out how it applies to  life. I'm just sitting back and letting you do it. So you know, just an aside in our church, we're  trying not to do that I have a little book that I write for every sermon series. And every day,  there's things to read questions to answer. And then on Sunday, I preach out of it. I don't want to be the one who does it for you. Because I don't want the people in my church to get this  mentality, that someone should do it for me. So what am I saying? I'm saying that with the  example of capitalism, socialism, the example of Sunday school, the example of church, what  I'm saying is because of this attitude, this pervasive attitude that's growing, I think around the world, that somebody should do it for me. People's lives are broken, people aren't  accomplishing things, they're frustrated in their marriages frustrated in their parenting,  frustrating in leading, in business, frustrated at leading in church, because people are sitting  around waiting for someone to fix it all. Waiting for someone to swoop in and change things.  And so we, we elect people, we unelect people, some countries, they have a coup, they kick  that government out, they bring in a new government and it's the same old thing over and  over, because people aren't taking ownership. And so some people are now discovering that  with a coach. Coach can help you get over that mentality. You don't sit around and wait for  someone else to do it for you. You do it, you can do it. And that's what a coach that coaching  relationship enables people to actually accomplish things and go after things instead of sitting back