Video Transcript: Prerequisites to Christian Coaching

All right, welcome back, Steve Elzinga, here again. This is the coaching class. And I want to deal with some prerequisites for Christian coaching.

Coaching is a big deal in the secular world. It's client directed. The coach really just enables the client to pursue whatever goals that they have in mind; they can fall into the Christian worldview or not. But when Christians do Christian counseling, we believe that it works only because there are certain prerequisites that the client meets.

I want to go over these prerequisites. You may be coaching someone that doesn't have all these prerequisites. But then that might be the area that you need to start, and it wouldn't technically be coaching; it would be more like discipling, or mentoring, or at least teaching and training. You may have to do a little bit of teaching and training before you can actually do the coaching, at least when it comes to Christian coaching.

The first prerequisite is sort of obvious: it's a saving connection to Jesus. If you're going to do this client-centered sort of therapy or coaching, whatever you want to call it, where you're not trying to have an influence on the person that you're trying to help, you're trying to bring something out of them. You want to make sure that the something that is in them is Christ. Without Christ being there who knows what direction you're going to help your client go?

So this is criteria number one: saving connection to Jesus.

Acts 16:30–31. He (the Philippian jailer) then brought them out and asked. This is Paul and Silas; they were thrown in prison, and all of a sudden the Holy Spirit came and the prison doors were flung wide open, and the jailer came running, and he thought everyone had escaped. And Paul and Silas were still there. But he was still afraid; he was afraid for his life. If the prisoners would escape, perhaps the jailer would have to pay for that with his own life. So he's afraid. The Philippian jailer then brought them out of the prison and asked, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”

Probably the Philippian jailer is thinking saved from the people in charge of the jail—saved his own skin. But Paul and Silas answered this way: they replied, “Believe on the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.” They're talking not just about saving your physical life; they're talking about how to actually get saved for this life and for all eternity.

You may have to deal with your client and actually talk about that. You know: Are you saved? Do you have a saving relationship with Jesus? If they don't, this might be the time to lead them to faith.

John 15:4–6. Jesus said, “Remain in me.” This is part of the criteria of why you want Jesus in their heart already before you do the coaching process. Jesus says, “Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself.”

That's the whole premise of coaching: the fruit is inside of the client already. The good stuff is already there, and the coach is there to bring it out. It's like a coach in a sporting venue too. The ability to play a certain sport like soccer—the ability physically and mentally—all these things are there, and the coach is now going to help bring all these things out.

It's the same thing here. Jesus is the thing inside that you want to bring to life. No branch can bear fruit by itself. What's needed? It must remain in the vine. “Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit. Apart from me you can do nothing.”

The whole goal of coaching is to help a client identify a problem in their life or something that they want to change, and then to help them make a goal, make a plan to reach that goal, and then to help manage that plan so that they succeed. Apart from Jesus, you can do nothing. Another way to say it is: you might be able to do things, but who knows whether it's serving the Lord or not, or serving his kingdom.

Philippians 4:13. Paul says, “I can do all things.” Again, this whole coaching thing is that I'm trying to help you do something. Are you able to do something? Are you able to change your life? Are you able to become a better parent? Or to start a business? Or to plant a church? Are you able to do these things? Is all the capability within you? Yes—if Jesus is inside of you. “I can do all things through him who gives me strength.”

Ephesians 3:20. “Now to Him (Jesus) who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. To Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”

This is quite a well-known verse. “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.” A lot of times you'll hear people talk about this verse, and how they tend to use it is: you need to imagine greater things. Your dreams have to be bigger than they are right now. You have dreams, but they're not God-sized dreams. So, according to this verse, you should have big God-sized dreams. If you're going to plant a church, it should be a big church. If you're going to go to CLI, you should be taking these classes and you will become a professor—or some grand view of what you can do.

That's not really what this verse says. This verse doesn't encourage people to imagine things—to imagine immeasurably more. That's not what it says. It says that now unto Him who is able to do immeasurably more than you imagined. In other words, you didn't think of any of these things. You're just trying to do a small thing.

You know, Mother Teresa didn't start out trying to be Mother Teresa. She saw someone who was dying on the street and thought, “A person shouldn't have to die alone.” So she helped that person; she was alongside that person. Then she helped more, and then other people started helping her, and then she became Mother Teresa.

In other words, God took the small, tiny little thing that she did and did immeasurably more than she could ever ask or imagine. She wasn't asking for what she couldn't imagine.

It's not that we have to get people to dream these huge big dreams. We just have to get them to do anything. We leave it up to God in terms of what it's going to be. The pressure is not on us.

With your client, it's not like you have to get him to have some big huge dream; he just has to do something. The goal is to get him to do something, but we trust that God can take whatever that is and make it into something.

John 14:5–7. Thomas, one of the disciples, after Jesus (they're having a discourse) said to him, “Lord, we don't know where you're going, so how can we know the way?” And Jesus answered, “I am the WAY and the TRUTH and the LIFE.”

In this client-centered coaching, where I'm not trying to lead the person that I'm trying to help—I'm the coach, but I'm not trying to lead this person—I'm trying to help this person figure out what it is that they should do. But you want someone that is connected to a good way, right?

If a person is a Christian, then they have Jesus in their heart and in their life; they're talking and listening to him every day. There's a way, and there's the truth, and there's a life inside of the person that you're coaching. If there isn't the way, the truth, and the life inside of them, then as I'm coaching them, who knows what they're going to do—something that is anti-Christian. As a coach, as a Christian coach, that's not what I want to do. I want to help people become the best servant of Christ that they can be, not a servant of the devil.

Philippians 3:10–11. “I want to know Christ,” says Paul, “yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so somehow attaining to the resurrection from the dead.” I want to know the power of Christ's resurrection.

So you're trying to help someone overcome something, to help them formulate goals, action goals, that might transform his life, change his marriage, change what he's doing in work or ministry or whatever the issue might be. We'll talk about that in future lessons: how to try to figure out what that thing is when you're trying to help them, and how they're going to succeed.

The reason that they've come to you as a coach is they haven't succeeded. They have not succeeded in the past. They have a lot of failure. How are they now going to succeed? Is it just because you're such an awesome coach? You don't want the whole thing resting on your ability. You're just trying to help them do what's already there. You're not making it happen. You're not making phone calls. You're not the one making connections for this person. You're only there to help them do the thing that they should be doing.

How are they going to succeed if they don't have a power within them to do it?You want someone who has a connection to Jesus so that they can have this resurrection power. They can take things that are dead—things that have failed—and turn them into successes.

2 Peter 1:1. His divine power—God's divine power—has given us everything we need for a godly life, through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life. A godly life.

In some ways, that is what we're coaching this person to have: a godly life, a godly-directed life, a life that serves the purpose of God. And we're trying to help this person—this client, this person we're trying to coach—we're trying to help them figure out what God's purpose is for them. What is God's purpose in their family, their marriage, in parenting, in their community, in their friendship circle, in the church, in their business, in the world?

Okay, so: a connection to Jesus.

Secondly, they need to have received the gift of the Holy Spirit. There are three aspects of the Holy Spirit I want to go over briefly: the fruits of the Spirit, the gifts of the Spirit, and the guidance of the Spirit.

Start with the fruit of the Spirit. Galatians 5:22. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control.” When the Spirit of God is in someone, the Spirit exhibits Himself in these qualities: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

These are the kinds of things that people need to succeed when they set out goals. They need love—otherwise people become selfish and they do things just for themselves. They need joy—joy is the thing that motivates us. Peace. Forbearance or endurance—whenever you make a goal in life, you're going to come up against obstacles, and you're going to have to endure. It's the Holy Spirit that gives people the ability to endure the hard things. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness—sticking with something even when you don't have all the evidence that it's going to be a success.

You want your client not just giving up the first time he hits an obstacle or a wall. He's got this goal, and then he goes out, it doesn't work, and then he wants to quit. No! You want someone that is faithful, that has some endurance. Tthese are gifts that the Holy Spirit gives.

When you become a Christian, God puts the power of His Holy Spirit inside of you. The Holy Spirit exhibits Himself in these kinds of things. These are the things that a person needs to succeed.

The gifts of the Holy Spirit. There's the fruit of the Holy Spirit—that's the result of the Holy Spirit inside of you. The gifts of the Spirit are specific abilities that the Holy Spirit gives a person.

Romans 12:4–8. “For just as each of us has one body with many members”—he's talking about his physical body—“and these members do not all have the same function…”

In Christ, we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts according to the grace given each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith. If it's serving, then serve. If it's teaching, then teach. If it is to encourage, then give encouragement. If it is giving, then give generously. If it is to lead, do it diligently. If it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

This is Romans. The gifts of the Spirit are also talked about in 1 Corinthians 12. So Romans 12 and 1 Corinthians 12: “Now to each one, each person, a manifestation—an evidence—of the Spirit is given for the common good.” So he's saying that the Holy Spirit gives different gifts to different people in the church, and all those gifts work together for the building up of the whole body.

“To one is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom; to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit; to another faith by the same Spirit; to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit; to another miraculous powers; to another prophecy; to another distinguishing between spirits; to another speaking in different kinds of tongues; and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one just as He determines.”

There's all these different gifts. If your client doesn't know what his or her gift is, one of the things you might discuss before you get into the whole coaching thing is the gifts of the Holy Spirit, and the fruits. Do you see evidence of the fruits of the Spirit in your life? The gifts of the Spirit? You'll be surprised at how many Christians have no idea what their gift is. In fact, they've never really thought about it or even talked about it.

You may have to spend some time looking at the gifts of the Spirit to figure out what gifts they have, because what gifts they may have may relate to the goals that they come out with. If your gift is leadership—if that's the spiritual gift that God has given you—then some of the things that you're thinking about doing might involve leadership. If your gift is serving, or the gift of mercy—you really care for people, and kindness is the thing that drives you—then that might be used in some of the things that you're pursuing.

The guidance of the Spirit. John 16:12–13: “I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear. But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth.”

You're trying to help your clients figure out what they should do with their life. You're just opening the door, but you're trusting that there's something inside the client that will help direct him in the right way. You're going to ask questions, set up scenarios, and use different models to help them figure out how to think about their own life. You're not going to influence or try to push them in any one direction.

You have to trust that the client is going to go in a good direction. The only way to do that is to be talking with and helping someone who has Christ in them and the Holy Spirit in them—the Holy Spirit who will guide them into all truth. I'm going to trust my client. I'm going to trust that he's going to come up with the right things and pursue the right things. Why? Because I trust that the Holy Spirit will guide him into the truth. If the Holy Spirit wasn't there, I don't know what direction this client is going to go.

John 14:26. Jesus said, “But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” There it is again.

The whole point of this is that the prerequisite is that there is actually something good. Remember, I talked about Rogerian therapy as possibly the foundational thing behind this whole coaching idea. The problem with that whole view of working with people is that Carl Rogers thought that people are basically good, and there's goodness in them, and all the coach has to do is help bring that goodness out.

As Christians, we believe that's not really true. It's not goodness at the heart of it; it's sin at the heart of it. Unless we deal with the sin problem—sin is in there, and somehow it's going to come out. And people will have selfish goals or self-absorbed goals, not goals to be used in God's kingdom.

The starting point is a person of faith—someone who believes in Jesus and who has received the gift of the Holy Spirit. Maybe they have, maybe they haven't. If they haven't, then that really is what you should be discussing.