Transcript: Deciding What To Do

Alright, Steve Elzinga. And we're with the coaching class, I hope your studies are going well,  keeping up with the readings and the quizzes, and all those things, I think this class could  make a huge difference. Maybe in your professional life or your personal life, your family, your friends, any leadership opportunity that you have, we're sort of going to get into the meat of  things today. I've entitled, this one, Deciding What to Do Part One, we're going to look at  several sessions of this thing. This is where you start coaching is, remember, coaching is  about getting your client to some form of action. Counseling is all about understanding,  thinking about the past, understanding the influences of your life, and how things have gone  and, and in the process of understanding, change may happen for your life. Coaching is is not  looking at the past it's really looking to the future, what what things should you be doing?  What thing would you like to work on, it's all about action, getting someone to do something,  the three things coaches Does, does with a client to accomplish this. Number one, a coach will help the client figure out what they want to do. And I'm calling that make a decision make a  decision about what it is that you want to do. Second thing that a coach does is help the client figure out how to do what they want to do. You just you make a decision to do something. And then you make a plan of how you're going to do what you've decided to do. And then finally,  you help the client do what they plan to do. And that's really management, you're managing  the process of working out the plan. So we're going to look at that first one, I found this sort of picture of what we're trying to do. This sort of summarizes those three things. So if you start  with number one, the objection objective, what is it that you want to do? Okay, then you  move to number two, readiness, where are you? Now? Again, you want to do something, but  what resources? What's your situation presently? Direction? Which way will you go? So this is  where you're at? Where do you want to go? And finally, number four, execute? How will you  get there, that's like coming up with a plan, you want to do something you want to you have a goal in mind. But how are you going to achieve this goal. And then finally, you review what  you've achieved. So that's the management part. So this is really number one, this is number  two, and this is number three. So we are going to see I'm having trouble getting past this.  This, there we go. Alright, so we're going to look at number one, help clients figure out what  they want to do. We're going to try to help the client make a decision, try to examine their life to figure out what they need to change. What form of action plan that they should come up  with. Well, why do people need help deciding what they want to do? I mean, it seems simple  enough, what is it that you want to do in your life and just go do it. But the reason people  need help in figuring out this out is because for a lot of people, they just lack focus. I talked in an earlier session, how we live in kind of an A. D. D. world, and we live in an A. D. D. world  attention deficit is so people have this syndrome or attention deficit syndrome, where they  can't concentrate on one thing. They start with one thing and then they're distracted. That  actually used to be a really good thing. When when people were you know, back in the  hunting and gathering part of human history. To be a good hunter, you want to be easily  distracted, you're in the woods, and you're you're searching for game and then you hear  something over here and your ear right away goes to that, that a lot of creative people are A.  D. D. They see things and notice things around them. They have a hard time concentrating on one thing, but they they see things other people do not see. But we live in more of a farming  world and the farming world is more about organization and management. You have to plant  your seeds at a certain time and then you, you have to till the ground and you have to weed  and you have to water and you have to fertilize. There's schedules of things that you have to  stick to. And there's priorities. And it's more of a management thing we live in kind of a  management world. So people that are A. D. D. struggle, but I think because of all the  choices, and the freedom and all the options that we have with, with work with, who we meet  what we do with our time, we have unprecedented freedom. In our world today, people are  not sure what to do, they don't know what to focus on. And because we're bombarded with  advertising and noise, and people can call us on our cell phone at anytime. We're always  distracted, it's hard to find a focused time to do anything. So I think people, the average  person today, whether they're A. D. D. or not, I think the average person has a hard time  deciding what they really want to do. Because there's so many options, so many things.  People have this huge to do list, and they don't know where to start. Number two, I think 

people live their lives with the priority of the urgent. There's the important things that you  need to get done. There's the things that if you did these things, you would get the biggest  dollar for your effort. But if, for example, if your house is on fire, it doesn't matter what your  other priorities are, you have to put that fire out. And I think people live their life that way.  They live by one emergency, there's an emergency with your son, there's an emergency with  your wife, there's an emergency at work, there's an emergency in the community. And all  these distractions keep you from going after the things that are most important to you. So  you have the things that are most important to you. But then you have the everyone trying to get you to do their thing. Number three, why do people need help deciding what they want to  do? Number three conflicting expectations your spouse wants you to do one thing your your  boss wants you do another thing your church wants you do another thing, you feel God calling you to some other things. So you have all these voices pulling you in all these different  directions, and you don't have enough time to meet everyone's expectations. Number four,  too many commitments. Because of all these expectations, we feel obligated to make  commit. Okay, I can do that. Yes, I can do that. Okay, I'll get to that. And we make all these  commitments. And we don't have enough time to do all these commitments. People don't  have reflection time. They can't just sit back and go, What do I really want to do? We get up in the morning, we have all these things that we have to do, and we just get started with them.  And we never sit back and go, What am I doing? Why am I spending all this time doing the  things that I don't really want to do? And how do I get out of those things. And so people don't have time to think about evaluating what they're doing, and to think about what they really  want to do and how they might change. People just don't take that time to do it. Number six,  no discipline process to figure it out. Okay, so we feel like we're on this merry go round, we're  going around and we can't get off. And we're not disciplined enough to stop everything and  just go What am I doing and reevaluate and figured it out how to change the things that are  going on in our life? How does coaching help people decide what they want to do? So so we  have all these issues and problems? How does the coaching process help? Number one, it  forces focus. Okay, so I'm the coach and I'm going to help you focus on these problems. You  know, there's all these distractions, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna cut through the the distractions, we're going to carve out this time and say, Okay, let's stop. And let's look at these things and  figure it out. Number two, it the coaching process process pushes for priority, what is truly our priority. Okay, so So I mentioned that there's the priority of the urgent that there are all these  demands around you and people want things right now. Well, in the coaching process, we  don't let people control your life. Let's not let people's desires for what you should do control  your life. Let's stop that. What do you want to do? And the coach is in a way giving you  permission to say no to some of the commitments and the expectations. It answers  expectations. Okay. We you have all these expectations, let's figure out a plan to take care of  those things. So we can get rid of all those expectations. Number four helps narrow  commitments, okay, you can only have so many commitments, some of the commitments,  you're going to have to let go, some of the commitments, you're going to have to delay some  of the commitments you're going to have to change, you get a realistic view of the  commitments that you can actually keep. How does coaching help people decide what they  want to do number five, it reserves reflection time. So instead of just being pushed along by  all the commitments and expectations around you, and never stopping, and reflecting on this, we're going to carve out time. And maybe it's the maybe the meeting is once a week, and  we're going to take an hour every week, and we're going to think about these things. We're  not just going to keep doing, we're going to stop and go, What is it? What is it we really want  to do? And how do we achieve the things we really want to achieve? Coaching uses a process  models I'm calling them that can be learned and repeated. So in this process we're going to  try to as is in the coaching process, we're going to help a client, think about goals and action  things in different categories of life. And once once, it requires a little bit of learning at first,  but once once the client has learned some of these models, then it becomes an easier  process. And eventually, maybe they don't even need a coach at all, because now it has  become part of their lifestyle. The three basic model categories that we're going to look at,  and right now we're again we're talking just about the decision process, a decision as to what 

we're going to focus on as, as a coach and a client, what what form of action are we going to  take, what do we want to change? There's three basic model categories that we're going to  look at. Number one, we're going to look at the brainstorm category, we're going to help the  client look at a lot of things. Then number two, we're going to help the client different ways of prioritizing the things that come out of the brainstorming. How do you put them in order?  What's what's more important? Or where do we start. And then finally, number three, a  commitment to one of those priorities. So brainstorm all these different options of what we  could do number two put them in sort of an order, you know, this first, second, third, and then finally, choose one to make a commitment to actually do it. So brainstorm areas of action,  we're going to look at different models. There's the seven connections model. So you know  about the seven connection, your walk with God, marriage, family, friends, church, Kingdom  world, it's a model, it's a way of looking at relationships. And so that model can be used with a client, okay, we're going to look at these things. And I want you to think about these seven  areas of connection. And where are you hurting? Or which one of these is causing trouble in  your life? Which one of these makes you most excited? So it helps the client, you know,  because if I just come to a client say, What in the world do you want to work on. And they  have the whole world to think about, and they have no idea where to even start. So a model  helps give them categories to start thinking about what they want. So I'm, I'm not directing as a coach, I'm not directing you, I'm just giving you a model from which you could start thinking about your life. So there's the seven connections model. Number two, there's the needs  versus wants model. Okay, what are the needs? That what are your current needs, that are  not being met? What are your current wants? You know, are there are there wants in your life  that you think are needs are there needs that really are wants? You know, let's think about  your life in terms of needs and wants. Number three, obligations and commitments model,  okay, you have all these commitments, you have all these obligations in your life. Let's think  about those for a while and see where you're hurting, see if there's something that needs to  be changed. So that's going to be our focus. This is as a coach, I'm going to try to help you  think about the areas in your life that are related to obligations and commitments. And then  out of that, you may come up with an action item. The dreams model. You know what is it  you've always dreamed about doing if you were to You know, if you were gonna die in three  years, what would you want to accomplish in the next three years, that the see that that  model helps the client, think about their life and what they want to do in a totally different  way. Number five an opportunities model, what opportunities are out there financial  opportunities, job opportunities, relationship opportunities, ministry opportunities, okay? If  you now think about the world of opportunities, what is it that you want to do? You see how  each one of these models sort of takes a whole different direction. So you're offering this  client all these different models from which he can think about his life? And think about some  of the things that he wants to do. Number six, problems model? Okay, what are the problems  in your life? Where's the friction in your life? Where where's the frustration in your life? Where  are things breaking down? And you just want them fixed? Okay, so that's a whole different  way of looking at one's life. Number seven, the emotions model. Okay, what emotions are you dealing with? Maybe you're frustrated, maybe you have anger issues, maybe you're just not  happy with anything that you're doing. So let's look at your the areas of your life in terms of  your emotions. And that will help us think about what it is that you want to do. state of being  model. That's kind of a weird one. I have a picture to sort of outline that. Okay. So we start  with what is happening now your current state, what is happening now in your life? What's  going on? Your desired state, because this is where you're at? Okay, you're in a job, for  example, that you can't stay, can't stand, you don't like your job? Desired State, you want a  job that you can enjoy? Where do you need to be? Okay, now, here's the identity guess what  is the difference between the current state and your desired state? I'm not unhappy in the job that I'm doing. Why am I unhappy? Because it doesn't use my gifts it's no excitement in it.  And what do I want? I want something that's more exciting. Now, what's the difference  between the two? Joy in my work? Okay. And then finally, design intervention, what can you  do? What are you going to do? And that leads to the action? So it's sort of a, you know, where  are you right now? What do you what do you not like about where your life is? In what area of 

your life? Do you feel some dissatisfaction, you knew you're here presently, with this part of  your life. And here's where you want to be. So some of you are not happy with your  education. You don't know enough about ministry. So your and you want to be a sold out  follower of Christ, working hard in his kingdom, maybe you want to be a pastor, maybe you  want to be a church planter, maybe you want to be a life coach. Okay? Right now, this is  where you're at, this is where you want to be. So what do you need to do to go from here to  here? See, that's kind of a model that can help a client figure out what it is that they should  be working on. Okay, then there's, you prioritize your action items. So we looked at all these  models to help a client figure out what it is that they want to do, there's all these different  ways of trying to figure that out. And now the client has a whole list of things. Well, when I  looked at the seven connections, I was thinking about family, when I was looking at this one I  was thinking about my job. So he has a whole list of things that he could do, that he sort of  wants to do, but you can't do them all. So now we have to prioritize these action items. And  there's different models to figure out how to prioritize. Number one, there's the easiest versus hardest, which one of the options that you came up with is easiest, maybe that's where you  want to start. Or maybe you want to start with the hardest, you know, and there's there's  logic both ways you start with the easiest, you you're more likely to succeed. You start with  the hardest it's the biggest challenge. You know, sometimes, you know, when I organize my  day, I write a priority list of things I want to do. I put the hardest first, because if I can knock  out the hardest right away, I have all this energy to finish all the rest. And if I start with the  easiest, you know, I'm working on the easiest, but I know the hardest is coming. And so it's  always in the back of my mind. And I want that hardest out of the way. Get it done. Okay, so  there's different logic for doing one or the other priorities action items number two biggest  bang for the buck. Okay, all the things that I listed which is going Gonna make the biggest  change, which is going to help me go towards the thing I really want the most. Okay, so I'm  going after the biggest bang for the buck. Number two, fun, boring continuing continuum,  which of all these things would be the most fun to do, which would be the most boring. And  maybe I need to start with the boring, get that out of the way, and then save the fun for later.  So, you know, you can go either way with that. opportunities. So you know, if I looked at all  the things that I wrote down, which one gives me the biggest opportunity towards growth  towards making something happen, that's a way to think about making the priority, which is  the most interesting. So the client may have a whole list of things, I need to do this in my  marriage, I need to do this with my workplace, I need to do this with my studies, I want to get  healthy, you know, he's got all these different goals that the process of trying to figure out  what he wants to do, he came up with all this list, okay? Which one of all of these is the most  interesting to you right now. And that becomes the criteria with which they prioritize what  they want to do. Okay, then finally, so there, there were three things, right, you there's this,  this is trying to figure out what it is that you want to do. And then you get a list of things. And  then you prioritize that list. This is where, you know, if I was going to do one thing, this is  where I would start, this would be second, third, fourth, fifth. And then finally, you you have to make a commitment to doing something I mean, this is the bottom line, we can't just talk  about these things, we have to actually do something. So there's different commitment  models. Okay, I'm going to try to help you make a commitment. And there there are different  kinds of commitments. So which kind of commitment would you like to make? So number one, try it for a season. So, you know, when I, when I made a commitment to get married to my  spouse, my wife, I didn't make a try it for a season commitment. It was, I'm going to do this  for the my entire life. Okay, so there's the try it for a season and there's do it for your life. So  you know, we come up with an action item, do you want to just give this a try and see how it  goes? Is that the kind of commitment you want to make towards doing this thing? Or do you  want to throw mud on the wall and see what sticks? Okay, that's kind of an American phrase,  if you took a pile of mud, and you threw it up against the wall, the sticky stuff is going to stick  on it. And so the sort of the analogy is, you know, I'm gonna try, I'm going to start this  business. But I don't know if it's going to succeed. And that's okay, I'm going to try three or  four things, I'm going to see which one of these four things works. I don't know what's going  to work, it's trial and error. Is that the kind of commitment that the client wants to make? Or 

is, you know, what kind of commitment you know, making a commitment of time and energy? You know, how much time are you going to give this? How much energy is this, you know, a  high priority? Are you going to make this the focus of your week? Is this what you're going to  do with your spare time? What kind of commitment is this? So you're giving your client  options? Right? He's got these priorities, he finally makes a decision. Now, what kind of  commitment are you going to, you know, I'm gonna hold you to this commitment. But what  kind of commitment is it? It's important, because that's the energy that's the expectation that you're setting up with your client. Because the next piece is, is coming up with a plan, okay?  So they're committed to this form of action. But in the next thing we're gonna look at is, how  do we actually do this? What are the steps? Alright, we'll see you again next time.