Video Transcript: Managing the Plan of Action

Alright, Steve Elzinga back here again. This is the coaching class. We are looking at the heart and soul of what coaching really is.

Number one, we looked at—several sessions ago—trying to help a client figure out and make a decision about what area of their life they want to change, where they want to make an action goal. Then last session, we looked at how you make that goal a reality with a plan. Goals generally have many steps to them. How is the client going to actually reach that goal? What are the steps? What’s the plan?

And then finally, the role of the coach is to hold that person accountable for that plan. That’s really management. I’ve entitled this Managing the Plan of Action.

Remember, coaching is about getting your client to some form of action. Three things coaches do to accomplish this—I’m going to keep repeating this, because in some ways it’s simple, but I want to keep repeating it so you get it. Once it’s inside you, the coaching process will be relatively easy. Coaching is really simple, but it’s hard to do. It’s harder to not slip into counseling and giving advice and the more traditional ways of trying to help and lead someone. That’s why we have to keep going over the ground again and again.

Three things coaches do:

1. Help clients figure out what they want to do — the decision.

2. Help clients figure out how to do what they want to do — the plan.

3. Help clients do what they plan to do — management.

Management is the process of accountability as a plan is being carried out over time. We have a plan, but now we’re actually trying to carry out this plan. It’s the client’s job to carry out the plan, but it’s the coach’s job to help the client manage that process. It’s something that takes place over time. Goals are a process; it’s not just doing something once and it’s done. Usually there’s a process of accomplishing this goal.

Why do people need help managing the plan they decided to do?

Traditionally, most of our lives don’t need someone to manage us. I don’t need someone to manage me in the morning to get dressed. Maybe some of you need that—maybe you have a spouse who lays out your clothes. But that’s the kind of thing we usually do for little children. Children can’t manage the process of figuring out what clothes go with what, so parents lay it out.

As we get older, a lot of life does not have to be managed for us anymore. We just do it by habit. I get dressed by habit. I get breakfast by habit. I don’t need someone to drive me to work; I can drive myself. I don’t need someone to manage my sermon—I’ve done it for 40 years. The things we’re used to doing don’t need management. Habits carry us.

Thank goodness for habits. If everything required conscious effort, life would be exhausting. Habits just happen. The more things we can turn into habits—exercise, eating right, being kind to your spouse—the easier life becomes.

But whenever something is new, you have to put in extra effort because habits won’t carry you. The client comes up with a goal, comes up with a plan, and now they generally need help—support—in actually following through.

Why?

1. People lack endurance.

There’s a story in Nehemiah. Nehemiah returns to Jerusalem; the walls are destroyed. He motivates the people, gets funding, gets everyone excited. They start building. But Scripture says they built the wall “until it reached half its height.” Then the threats came, the problems came, and the people looked at all the stones still left and lost heart.

That’s what happens with goals. You start cleaning your office, your desk, your computer files—you’re excited. But halfway through, the excitement fades. You discover obstacles. It’s harder than you thought. It’s not fun. And you quit.

People lack endurance.

2. People lack focus.

We work hard for a while, then get distracted. You get up to get tea, and suddenly you’re doing something else. We need a coach to say, “Remember, this is what we’re doing. Don’t waste time on the other things.”

3. People lack discipline.

We have good intentions:

“I’m going to work on my marriage.”

“I’m going to deal with my anger.”

“I’m going to figure out my job situation.”

But we never get to it. We lack discipline.

4. People lack support.

Often when you tell people what you’re trying to do, they immediately think of ten reasons you’ll fail. Humans don’t like others succeeding—it makes us look bad. So we hope others fail like we fail. We lack supportive people who say, “You can do it.”

5. People lack negative consequences.

We’re motivated by two things:

• The stick — avoiding pain

• The carrot — seeking reward

Many goals have neither. No punishment if you don’t do it. No reward if you do. So we drift.

Sometimes we need to create incentives.

“If I work on this for three hours, I’ll reward myself with ice cream.”

It’s silly, but it works.

A coach can help a client build incentives.

What kind of management is NOT part of coaching?

Sometimes to understand something, you look at its opposite.

1. Controlling

Managers control. Coaches don’t.

Subtle controlling sounds like:

• “Don’t you think you should…?”

• “Wouldn’t it be better if you…?”

These are not real questions. They’re disguised advice.

2. Giving advice through stories

“In my experience…”

“That happened to me, and here’s what I did…”

That’s mentoring, not coaching.

3. Guilting and shaming

Parents do this. Coaches must not.

Examples:

• “What’s it going to take to get you to do what you said?”

• “How do you expect things to change if you don’t…?”

• “How do you feel about wasting your time and mine?”

This is the coach expressing frustration and trying to motivate through guilt. That’s not coaching.

Coaching helps the client find their own motivation.

4. Pushing

“Don’t you think it would be better if you…?”

That’s pushing the client toward your solution.

5. Directing

“This is what I think you should do.”

Even when the client chooses something unimportant—like working on the yard when the marriage is falling apart—you must resist directing.

Coaching is easy to understand but hard to do. You see the disaster coming. You want to save them. But if you direct them, they never learn to think for themselves.

6. Judging

“What were you thinking?”

“How stupid can you be?”

Parents say this. Coaches cannot.

Judgment communicates:

• “You don’t know anything.”

• “I know everything.”

This destroys motivation.

So what IS coaching management?

• Standing with the client

• Helping them reflect

• Asking what they learned

• Believing they can figure it out

• Letting them fail safely

• Helping them think through consequences

• Supporting without controlling

You’re helping them become self-reliant, not dependent on you.

These three things—decision, plan, management—we will explore in greater detail in the next sessions.