Video Transcript: Managing the Plan of Action

Alright, Steve Elzinga back here. Again, this is the coaching class, we are looking at sort of the heart and soul of what coaching really is. Number one, we looked at a couple sessions ago,  trying to help a client, figure out make a decision about what area of their life that they want  to change where they want to make an action goal. And then last session, we looked at, how  do you how do you make that goal a reality with a plan? Goals? generally have many steps to  them. So you know, how is the client going to going to actually reach that goal? What are the  what are the steps what's the plan. And then finally, the role of the coach is to hold that  person accountable for that plan. And that's really, management. So I've been entitled this,  managing the plan of action. Remember, coaching is about getting your client to some form  of action. Three things coaches do to accomplish this, I'm gonna keep repeating this. Because in some ways, it's simple. But I want to keep repeating it repeating and repeating it. So the  you get it, because once you get it, once it's there inside of you, the coaching process will be  relatively easy. Coaching is, is really simple. But it's hard to do. It's harder to to not slip into  counseling, and giving advice and the more traditional ways of trying to help and lead  someone. So that's why we have to keep going over the ground again and again, again, and  again. Three things coaches do to accomplish this help clients figure out what they want to do the decision number to help clients figure out how to do what they want to do. That's the  plan. And finally, that's what we're going to look at now help the client do what they plan to  do. And that's management. Management is the process of accountability as a plan is being  carried out over time, we have a plan. But now we're actually trying to carry out this plan. It's  the clients job to carry out the plan. But it's the coach's job to help the client manage that  process. It's something that takes place over time, goals are more of a process it's not just  doing something you know, it's done. Usually there's a process of accomplishing this goal.  Why do people need help in managing the plan that they decided to do? Okay, traditionally,  most of our lives, we don't need someone to manage us to, I don't need someone to manage  me in the morning to get dressed. Now maybe some of you need that. Maybe you have a  spouse that does that find the clothes lays them out for you. But that's the kind of thing we  usually do for little children. You know, children can't manage the process of figuring out what  clothes go with what and so often parents will lay it out. But as we get older, a lot of life does  not have to be managed for us anymore. We just do it, we do it by habit. I get dressed by  habit, I get my breakfast by habit. I don't need someone to drive me to work, I can drive  myself, I've been over that road many, many, many, many times. I don't need someone to  manage my sermon, because I've had to do it for 40 years. So the things that we're used to  doing, we don't need some kind of management system, we just automatically do those that  that's most of our life. But when it comes to new things, when it comes to new goals, when it  comes to new plans, see those aren't habits, habits are automatic. And thank goodness, we  have habits, or we'd have to constantly work. Habits just happen. And so the more things we  can turn into habits in our life, the easier as if it's exercise, eating right, or whatever it is,  being kind to your spouse, maybe have a habit of giving a kiss, good. You know goodbye  when you leave for work. All those things make life a lot easier. You don't have to rethink  them. You don't have to, you know, get all motivated. Habits just happen. But whenever  something is new, you have to put in that extra effort because habits aren't going to carry  you through. So the client comes up with a goal comes up with a plan of how to achieve that  goal. And now a client generally needs help. Some support in actually carrying on and  actually following through with the plan that they've made. So why do people need this help?  Number one that people lack endurance. There's the story in Nehemiah where Nehemiah  goes back to Jerusalem and the walls of Jerusalem have been knocked down and obliterated,  it's been seven years, they come back, and they're trying to rebuild the wall. And Nehemiah,  you know, motivates the people he gets money from the foreign king and, and he's, you  know, we're gonna build this wall and he gets the people all worked up and they go at it. But  the the there's a line in Nehemiah where it says they built the wall until they got half its  height. And then the problems and then the neighboring people were threatening and, and  the people started looking at all the stones and all the work that had yet had to be done, and  they lost heart. And that's about what happens, you know, when when you have a new  project, you're all excited, you're going to clean your office, you're going to clean your desk, 

you're going to finally get things off your desktop of your computer and stick them into the  folders, the way you should have organized it long ago, you're finally going to do it. But you  get about halfway, and it's like, you had the energy of the new, you know, I'm doing  something, I'm making something happen. I'm finally taking control of my life, and you have  all that energy in the beginning. But as you go at it, you know, you discover that things are  hard, you discover that there's obstacles, there's things fighting against you succeeding, and  you're discovering it's way harder than you thought. And not all of it is that much fun. And so  people get they just lag endurance, they can't get the thing finished. How many projects do  you have in your life that are like half finished, and you just didn't complete them. So people  need coaching in their lives because they lack endurance. Number two, they lack focus. It is  like we work really hard on something for a while. But then all of a sudden, something else  distracts us. You get up, you know, you're working on something and you get up and you go in the kitchen, you get yourself some tea, and all of a sudden you start working on something  else it's like we can't focus on one thing. And so we need a coach to come alongside us to say no, remember, this is what we're doing. Don't waste time with these other things. We need  coaching because we often lack discipline, we just lack the discipline to do the things that we  say we're going to do. We have a lot of intentions, a lot of people live by good intentions, I'm  going to do this, I'm going to work on my marriage, I'm going to work on my parenting skills,  I'm going to deal with my anger, I'm going to figure out what job I really would like. But we  just never get to it. We don't have the discipline to do those, do the things that we already  know we want to do. Number four, we lack the support, often, when you tell people something that you're trying to do people right away, think of the 10 reasons why you're going to fail. In  some ways. As human beings, we don't like other people succeeding because that makes us  look bad. Oh, you're working on making things happen. And I'm not. So I'm hoping you fail  just like I fail. So a lot of times, we just lack the support of people around us to say yes, you  can do it go. Number five, we lack there's a lack of negative consequences. Okay, a lot of  times, I mean, the sound sounds like a weird thing. But we're motivated by two things. I'll give you the last one too, we like positive reward. These are the two things that that motivate us,  it's, it's a carrot and the stick. That's the traditional view of it, at least in English. The carrot is  you know, you're working hard and you want the carrot and it's a reward something good. The stick is it's gonna hit you. And we don't want that. And so we avoid things and, and we do  things because we don't want to get punished we we pay off. You know, if we buy something  on credit, we we keep making those payments, because if we don't, someone will take our  thing away the car that we bought, they'll take it away. So we get punished, we're rewarded  by pain, and we're rewarded by joy and good things. And a lot of times, we make goals, and  there's neither pain nor joy and there's no reward or punishment. Okay, we sometimes in  order to motivate ourselves, we need to put in some things, you know, I'm going to lose  weight, and if I do then this is my reward. And if I don't, this is my punishment. So we were  talking about incentives external accent incentive. Now, ideally, we'd always do things in  intrinsically, in other words, I'm doing this thing because, because I want to, because it's just  the right thing to do. But a lot of times, we need a little help a little incentive. So sometimes  when I'm working, I, you know, I'm working on, you know, writing a course or something. And, you know, I've got three hours of working on this. So if I stick with that, if I really do it for  three hours, then I'm going to reward myself with a bowl of ice cream. Okay, yeah, I know, it's a made up thing. But it's helping me do a hard thing to think that, you know, after an hour, an hour and a half, I don't want to do three hours. But I had this incentive, I made this deal with  myself, so I'm going to carry it on. So people, you knowa Coach can sort of come alongside  and make some of that happen for a client. What kind of management is not a part of  coaching? So again, I think I started this way back when we started this course that  sometimes to understand the thing, you have to look at its opposite. And so that's what we're  going to do, what kind of management is not part of coaching, management. Number one,  controlling, okay? The tendency of a manager is to control. You work for a company, and I  have all these employees who are trying to make something happen. And employees want to  just sit and do nothing, they, they don't want to work that hard. So as a manager, I'm trying to control them, I'm trying to get them to do the things that I want them to do, in the way that I 

want them to do it. Coaching is not controlling it's, it's, it's, you don't say, you know, and this  is how you can control subtly, okay, as a coach, you can control by the way you ask  questions, for example, you can say something like this, don't you think you should? And then you fill in the blank? Don't you think you should research that more? Don't you think you  should talk to that person? Don't you think you should? Spend more time on this goal that you said you're going to do? So So what am I doing? I'm trying to control you with my question.  Seeing you know, I'm evaluating here. And I think you're not doing the right thing. And I'm  going to ask you a question that sort of pushes you in a certain direction. Because I want to  control the process. I think I know what it will take for this thing to happen. And I'm trying to  make you do that is not coaching. Wouldn't it be better if you? Okay, that's not really a  question. That's really advice. Okay, it's in the form of a question. Remember, as a coach,  you're always asking questions to get them to make the decision, not you. But sometimes you can ask questions that aren't really questions. Wouldn't it be better if you did it this way, as  opposed to that way? So it sounds like a question. But really, I'm saying what you're doing is  the wrong thing. And what I think is the right thing is what I think you should do, if you want  to succeed. See, now I'm teaching now I'm leading, and that's not coaching. In my  experience, and then I tell some story about something that happened to me, you know, I,  I've been through this whole thing, I had that same goal that you have, and this is what I did. I first did it this way, and it didn't work. And then I did it this way, and it did work. So learn from my experience, okay, that's, that's mentoring. And that's that that's, that's not coaching,  coaching is not telling your experiences and all the things that you learn, it's trying to help  the client figure out their experiences and what they've learned from their experiences. And if they haven't had enough experiences, you're just helping them have experiences so that they can learn from their own experiences, not yours. What kind of management is not part of  coaching, guilting and shaming. Okay, a lot of times parents use this and So this might be a  new approach that you take as a parent. parents try to motivate their children by shaming  them. That's not the way to go. Do you think that, you know, after everything I've given you,  and now you have cleaned your room or you've done some work around the house, and then  you did it really sloppy? I mean, if I did that kind of thing at work, I would never get paid to  pay for all your food. And so this is how you treat me. Is this shaming that skilled and trying to make you feel guilty to motivate you to do something? Good. That's not coaching. Here's an  example of shaming and guilting. What is it going to take to get you to do what you said you  would do? Okay, so we have this goal. Last week you said you were going to do this and now  We meet and I say, How did it go? And you say you didn't do it? Again, and I'm frustrated as a coach, because I feel like, you know, my value is dependent on whether you succeed or not.  And how am I going to succeed if you don't do the thing that you're going to do? And so I'm  trying to lay the guilt on you, what is it going to take to get you to do to say what, you know,  I'm making you feel bad. And I'm thinking, if I make you feel bad, then you're going to do  what you said you're going to do, and then you're going to succeed. And if you succeed then  it makes me look good. See, that's not coaching. How do you expect things to change in your  life? If you don't, you know, so it's, again, it's a coach, communicating his or her frustration  with the clients behavior. And sort of in a negative light, you should change your ways. So  now I'm leading again, I'm teaching, I'm not coaching. How do you feel about what how do  you feel about wasting your time and mine as well. So someone's not doing what they said  they were going to do. And I feel as a coach, I'm wasting my time. And so I say it in the hopes  that you will feel guilty, and you'll start working hard, see, okay, that's not coaching. Coaching doesn't use shame and guilt to motivate you have to, I'm trying to help you find your  motivation. I'm not trying to be your motivation. I'm trying to help you find your own  motivation. And here's, here's what's behind that. If you can find your own motivation, you  really be motivated. If I try to impose some motivation on you, it will only work as long as I'm  imposing as long as I'm pushing and shoving. And that's not what we want, we want the  person to figure it out themselves. What kind of management is not part of coaching,  pushing? Don't you think it would be better if you and then I give a suggestion, though, is  your your client is doing one thing, but you think they should do something else? And so I say  that, don't you think it would be better if you did this? Because then I'm pushing in a certain 

direction. The clients go this way, and I want them to go that way. What kind of management  is not part of post coaching, directing, you know, telling someone what to do? This is what I  think you should do. So you know, remember who you're looking at all the options of, you  know, what do you want to fix in your life? What area? I think this is an important area. Okay,  so now I'm directing you, I'm not letting the client figure out what area of life you know, I, you  know, as I get as I'm coaching this person, I'm getting to know them. I know where they're  struggling is. And then I ask the you know, the client, well, what do you want to work on? And  he says he wants to work on his yard. When his marriage is a disaster. So as a, you know, as a human being, I want to say you want to work on your yard, don't you think you should be  working on your marriage, that's where that's where the pain and suffering is coming in your  life. So that's this, I keep saying that, in some ways, coaching is really easy. It's easy to  understand what you're supposed to do, but it's hard to do. It's hard to do when you see  someone who's in pain and suffering and hurting. And their solution is way out here. And you  want to, you know, you can see it crystal clear. Look at buddy, you got to work on your  marriage, or none of these other things are gonna matter. Okay, but then I'm directing. I'm  the one in charge. And maybe the, the client will do what I want for a while, but then I will  have to be in charge of his life forever. Because the client has never figured out for himself,  how to decide between doing the yard and fixing his marriage. He has to learn that himself.  And you have to let him go through the pain of working on his yard instead of his marriage. In  order for him to finally figure out what it is, it's going to take some time. Okay, you want to  sum you want to solve the problem. You're a smart person. That's why you got into this  counseling or coaching thing. You want to help people. And you know, you've been gifted with insight and you have all this experience in your life has been dramatically changed by  something and you want to share all that with someone. See, then you should go into  counseling, you should go into teaching, coaching, you have to have way more patience. But  the reward for your patience is greater. Because if you can, you know let the client go through all the problems and make all the bad decisions, and then experience the consequences of  those bad decisions eventually You're going to get someone who's self reliant, you're going to  get someone that actually can take charge of their life and do something. And eventually,  they won't need you. You've actually created a strong person. And this is for parenting as well. You can direct your children, that's the easiest thing to do. That's what parents want to do, do  this. Don't do that. You know, here's the 10 steps for cleaning your room. Here's the five ways  that you and we list it all out. And we direct it because we want it done exactly how we want  it done. But then the kid doesn't learn a thing. And then one day when he leaves your house,  and he goes, and he tries to make his own life, it doesn't work, because he's never learned  how to think for himself. He's totally, absolutely dependent on you directing every step of the  way, and he becomes unmotivated. He's just not motivated. Why? Because you're the  motivation. You've stepped into the motivation slot. So you have to always hold back, you  can't be the one directing. What kind of management is, is is not a part of coaching, judging.  That's hard to do, too. Because you're going to see a client go and do all the wrong things.  And you want to say, that's the wrong thing. How smart was that? What were you thinking?  Which is the kinds of things that parents say to the children all the time? What were you  thinking? How, in other words, were you know, as a parent, we're thinking. how stupid can  you be? Are you going to keep doing these things that don't work? See, again, we're making  we're standing as the judge, we're the ones that know better. And I'm talking to someone who doesn't know better, and that's what we're communicating. We're communicating that you  don't know anything. And I know everything. Well, how motivated is a person who starts  thinking, Yeah, I guess maybe I don't know anything. I guess I can't figure out anything. I  guess there's nothing good inside of me. I guess I'm dependent on everyone else around me,  telling me what to do and showing me what to do and doing it for me. So ultimately, you're  not doing people a favor by taking control of their lives. But it's hard not to, right. You're  You're standing by and watching people take, you know, make mistakes, some of the mistakes that you've made, that you've been saved from and you want to save them from all of that,  well, there's no saving people all of that. People need to experience bad decisions, and the  pain and hurt of some of these bad decisions. And you can be there with them, helping them 

and guiding them. And helping them figure it out. Help them think about the thing that they  did that didn't work. What what do you think about that? Why do you think that didn't work?  In a non judgmental way? I'm not saying you're stupid. Or I'm just saying what did you learn?  You're the smart person, what did you learn? I believe that you can figure it out. I believe that  you can fail and actually learn something from the failure and figure out something better.  That's what I believe about you. And I don't believe I have to rescue you. I don't believe I have to save you. I don't believe that I have to point things out. And I don't have to figure out  things for you. Because I think that you eventually you can figure it out yourself. And I'm here  to help you do this. Okay. That's what that's what coaching is. That's what the management  part is. The management is very important. You're holding someone accountable, but you  have to do it in a non judging, pushing, directing kind of way. So these three things we've  looked at, you know, how to make a decision, what you want to do, how to make a plan and  then how to manage the plan. We're going to look at these things in way more greater detail  over the next several sessions.