Video Transcript: Reading Body Language (Edited)

Today, we're exploring the importance of effective communication in ministry. We must remember that mastering these skills is a lifelong process, a journey that we should approach humbly and earnestly. As spiritual leaders—specifically as Christian leaders—our ability to love, care, and communicate effectively is crucial. One often-overlooked aspect of this is body language.

We all send nonverbal cues to the world, often unconsciously. As Julius Fast notes in Robert Bolton's book, "People Skills," we express a range of emotions through our gestures—be it raising an eyebrow in disbelief or clasping our arms in a protective manner. Such body language provides valuable insights into not only a person's emotional state but also how they are managing those emotions.

Psychotherapist Alexander Lowen once said, "No words are so clear as the language of the body, once one has learned to read it." As leaders, it's important that we understand this form of communication, for it offers clues into the emotional well-being of those we minister to. For instance, a person's facial expression might reveal anger, while their body language shows how they are coping with that anger.

It's worth noting that people often use words to mask their true feelings—a phenomenon I call 'Communication Bifurcation.' Like Adam and Eve hiding in the bushes, we too may subconsciously hide our emotional truth. Learning to interpret body language can help unveil these hidden emotions.

Even when we attempt to control our nonverbal cues, our bodies usually reveal the truth, even if it's only for a fleeting moment. So, understanding body language is like having a lens that brings the unspoken into focus.

When it comes to reading body language, cultural context can vary, but Robert Bolton offers universal guidelines:

1. Focus on Facial Expression: The face often reveals true emotions and interests. For pastoral leaders, noticing when someone's face lights up during a conversation can provide clues into their gifts or calling.
2. Consider the Eyes: The eyes, along with the surrounding facial tissue, can be extraordinarily expressive. They can display a range of emotions from trust to hostility, and give insights into the nature of your relationship with someone.
3. One of the critical aspects of effective communication, especially for pastors and leaders, is reading body language. A glance or a simple gesture can convey a lot. For example, a wife giving her husband "the look" can immediately communicate her disbelief or disappointment.

As people age, their most frequent emotional states often become etched onto their faces. Some faces show a lifetime of joy, while others may express a chronic sense of disapproval. Understanding these cues can help leaders and pastors minister more effectively.

Voice tone and expression are equally important. A monotone voice might indicate boredom, while a higher pitch and volume can express enthusiasm or anger. These are part of what Dr. Lynn Sperry calls "paralanguage," cues that provide vital clues for understanding feelings.

Body posture, gestures, and actions can also give away a lot about a person's state of mind. For instance, someone preparing to leave a conversation might begin straightening papers on their desk or adjusting their sitting position. These cues can guide how a leader or pastor interacts with people in different contexts.

But we have to consider these signals in context. For example, someone consistently arriving late could have issues with authority, or it might just be a habit formed over years due to circumstances like farming duties.

Body language is never an isolated event; it's part of a larger pattern. If you notice a shift in someone's typical body language, it could be a sign that something is going on.

There can be discrepancies between what people say and what their body language communicates. In ministry, you'll often find these discrepancies. For instance, someone might laugh while sharing a tragic story, masking their true emotions.

Being aware of your own body language and feelings is just as important. A leader can often feel the emotional climate in a room and should use that awareness to adjust their approach.

Body language can be like a clear yet confusing language. Phrases like "frozen with fear" or "flush with embarrassment" are cliches in our language for a reason: they capture universal human experiences.

To become more skilled in "people smarts," one must practice. It involves both a natural aptitude and, I believe, the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

The goal of understanding body language and nonverbal cues in ministry is to facilitate better communication, to deepen our understanding of others, and ultimately, to serve them more effectively in a manner that glorifies God.