Video Transcript: The Decision Part 1

All right, my name is Steve Elzinga. Again, we're in this coaching class, we looked at sort of  the basic things that a coach does. We sort of do a fly by with it. Now we're going to go into a  little bit more detail. But we're going to start with the decision, we're going back to, you know, how do you how do you get a client to actually figure out what aspect of their life, they want  to do some action to make some goal to do something to make some aspect of their life  better. So we're going to be looking at different models. So three things again, just review, I  want to keep reviewing this with you. So you know, you get it. The three things coaches do to  accomplish making things happen is to help the client figure out what they want to do. So  that's the decision. That's what we're going to look at number two help the client figure out  how to do what they want to do. That's the plan. And then finally, help the client do what  what they plan to do. And that's management. So we're going to be looking at over the next  several sessions, how to help a client figure out what they want to do the decision. Really,  that's probably the most important thing, that's where you start. There's three basic model  categories, we're going to be looking at models of brainstorming, to think different ways of  things to change in a person's life. And then we'll be looking at models to help them prioritize  all these different things that they brainstorm. And then finally, how to make a commitment  to actually come up with a plan to do something about whatever it is that they decide they  want to do. So this first step, brainstorm areas of action. I mentioned several sessions back  that the seven Connections is a way to help a client think about their life, and what's going on in their life. And here's some helpful thought shapers of this models, I'm going to give you  these ways of thinking or ways of asking a question and thinking about a certain what are the  seven connections, and then we'll apply these thought shapers to the seven connections. So  here, they are helpful thought shapers of this model number one problem. I want to get the  client to think about a problem in a certain area, or a pain or, or a question to solve. So in a  particular area of your life, where's there a problem? Where's their frustration? Where's their  brokenness? Where's there pain and suffering in your life in this area of your life? Like to think about that, and then maybe there's some action, some some goal that we can come come up  with out of that. The second thought shaper for this model is improvement. So one way to  think about things is the problem or the the frustration or the pain. The other is to think about an improvement, where in my life do I want improvement, where's their desire to go to the  next level, so it might not be necessarily a problem in my life, it's just that I'm stuck in a rut,  and I want to get to the next level on something, you know, maybe a sport, I'm at this level,  and I'm sort of stuck at this level it's a great level, I've made a lot of progress, but it seems  like I've plateaued, or maybe my marriage has plateaued, or you're looking at some aspect in  your life, where you want to see some growth or desire to go to the next level. So problem, or  improvement is sort of on different ends of the continuum. So now what we'll do is we'll try to  apply them to the seven connections. So remember, in the seven connections, we first think  about our relationship to God. You know, we have this relationship to God of talking, listen,  listening relationship to God, we sometimes call it a walk with God. That's one of the big  themes here at Christian Leaders Institute. So so, you know, I'm sitting with a client, I'm trying to help him think about his life to figure out what he you know, could come up with as a goal,  something to work on, something to make a plan, you know, and then eventually work on  something to manage. And I am giving him a way to start thinking because you know, your  whole life is huge. All the different things that are happening in your life. Often the client has  no idea where to start. So we're going to introduce him to the seven connections model So  number one, a problem or an improvement related to God. Okay, so I want the client to think  about his or her relationship to God, you have this relationship to God, can you describe your  relationship to God? Tell me something about your relationship to God. And then, you know,  are there any problems in that relationship? So generally, what you do is you get someone  just talking, you know, whatever comes to their head about their relationship to God, oh it's  great. It's awesome. You know, I'm struggling in this. And sometimes they think God isn't  listening to me, or, you know, I'm struggling with, you know, prayer, or I'm struggling with this or that. So you give them in a way an area of their life, your relationship to God. But now, I  want you to think about a problem. Is there a problem? I can't think of any problems. Okay. Is  there anything about your relationship to God? Where you think things could improve? I 

mean, everything could improve? Can you think anything specific related to God, where you'd like to see some improvement, and maybe it's your devotional life, it's hit or miss? Or maybe  it's, you know, knowing enough about God, or understanding this aspect of God, or  understanding, you know, what the purpose of prayer is, or the power of God in your life,  some aspect of your relationship to God? Number two, is there a problem? Or an area of  improvement related to your marriage? Okay, let's think about your marriage. Can you  describe your marriage? Can you talk about your marriage? When did you mean, how did this  go? What What What's this been like, over the last years? What have been the highlights sort  of the highs, the lows? What? Tell me something about your marriage? And then as he's  talking, he may gravitate towards one of these things. You know, what are the problems? Or  the frustrations in the marriage? Well, you know, lately, we don't seem to do anything  together. Well, why is that? You know, we sort of ruminate, we, you know, we talk about these  things, get him thinking about his marriage, and he may gravitate towards a problem, a  specific problem. Okay, that that might be one of the things that might be one of the goals  that he works on. Or it might not be a problem it's just an area of improvement. You know, is  there anything about your marriage that you'd like to see improved? You know, and probably  a lot of people, a lot of things. Yeah, you know, we could talk about it, we could spend more  time together. Sometimes we fall into the same arguments, we need to learn how to, we need to know how to resolve our conflicts. To me, it seems like we never resolve them. We just do  things and then we don't talk to each other, or we argue and then we argue about the same  things over and over again. And number three, is there a problem or an improvement related  to your family? Okay, if you're married, you have some children. Can you tell me about your  family? Let's explore the whole arena of your family. What's going on in your family? What do  you like? What do you not like? Again? Is there any problems that you see in your family?  Yeah, and you know, the kids don't get along? Or it seems like we have a problem with  discipline in our family where there's a lack of consistency. Our kids don't listen, where there's a lot of yelling going on in our family, okay. So that they may identify a specific problem, okay. So, you know, as you're going through this, as a coach, you you write all these things down,  these are the things that the client is thinking about, here's some problems in the family,  doesn't mean that that's the thing you're going to work on. Remember, this is the brainstorm  time, we're trying to look at the client's life and try to figure out where we should put our  effort and focus. Number four, is there a problem or improvement related to your friends? Tell  me about your friends. Do you have a best friend? Do you know what? What are your friends?  Like? What are they into? Why are they your friends and describe your friendship circle? You  know, some people don't have any friends in Do you have a best friend? And they'd say, No,  that's true for a lot of men, they just don't have a close friends. A lot of wives have close  friends, but a lot of husbands men don't have close friend. They don't have someone to share  with. Was that a problem? Or is that an area that you'd like to see improved? Or you have  some friendships? But sometimes there's a lot of politics in the friendships. You know, there's  not the trust that should be there and you're not as close or you have you have friends in  different arenas of your life. You know, this interest you have this friend this over here you  have that friend that you just described, the end of there might be something there that  someone wants to work on. problem or improvement related to your church. Okay, what  what's your Steve? Well, I don't go to any church. Well, why not? What's the problem with  church? She feels. So there's issues at church or maybe you know, I'm in a church, but I don't  see my role. I don't know what my gift is having a hard time finding my place or, you know,  there might be some issues some problem in church, well, let's talk about that. Or there might be an area of improvement, what could improve in terms of your relationship to church. So  that might be a topic of discussion. Or number two, or a problem or improvement related to  the kingdom, you know, the kingdom of God, what's going on your connection to what God is  doing beyond this church. And finally, a problem improvement related to your world. And  when we in the seven connections paradigm, where, when we talk about the world, we're  talking about the part of the world that is not connected to Christ. So is there a problem in  your witness, and maybe you don't like your witness, maybe you don't know how to witness,  maybe you, you don't see any success in your witnessing. Or maybe this is an area that you'd

like to work on, you'd like to see some improvement. So my point is, you know, what we're  doing is we're trying to help a client start to think about certain areas of their life that might  need improvement, or certain areas that are causing pain or problem, what area of your life is giving you the most frustration right now. And maybe that is the thing that we are going to  work on. Okay, so once you once you have identified the problem, you know, there's a  problem or a relationship to God, or this is an area I would like to see improved once you can  identify that you haven't picked anything yet. But we're still thinking and exploring  possibilities where you're in the brainstorm session of this. Then, once we've identified a  problem, or thing that we'd like to see improved, then the next thing is to go over that same  ground and attach action orientated goals to that thing. Okay, so I have a problem is my  devotional life, it's hit or miss. Lately, it's been more Miss than hit. So what kind of action  goal? Can I come up with? That, that addresses this problem that we've identified? So, you  know, how can I solve this devotional problem? And so then you let the client figure that out?  I'm not gonna tell them. I'm not gonna say, Well, you know, here's one thing you could do. You could, you know, maybe your problem is you just lack the discipline. And so, you need to find  the same time every day to do your devotions. And maybe you need to attach your habit to a  habit that you're already good at. You're trying to add a new habit, you're trying to do  devotions in the middle of the, the afternoon, and you don't have any habits in the afternoon  to attach them to. So why not attach your devotional habit to eating breakfast? You eat  breakfast every morning, don't you? Yes, I do. Alright, well do your devotions. While you're  eating breakfast. You always eat breakfast every morning. And so your te you're going to be  okay. So if I was a teacher, that's what I'd be saying. I'd be advising you this is what I have  found works. When I tried to add a new habit to my life, I always attach it to a habit that I've  already done. And then I find that I'm successful. Okay. But I'm not the teacher here. I'm the  coach. So I asked, I'm asking you, what do you think it's going to take to make you more  consistent in your devotions? And now, now, the client has tried to brainstorm and think about ways. Well, I could you know, or maybe he doesn't know, well, fine. You keep you keep  struggling? What what could you do to get to know? I don't know. Well, let's think about that.  You know, so you're forcing him to own the problem. You know, people don't want to own the  problem. They want someone to swoop in and do it for them. But then people never stick with the thing they Well, okay, I'll do that for a while. But then if that doesn't work, you know, I  blame Well, that was a bad idea. You have to force people to come up with their own  solutions. Number two, if the problem was something in marriage or an improvement in  marriage, okay, what action oriented goal related to your marriage? What can you do about  this? What small thing a little big thing whatever. What can you do about trying to solve this  problem? What are some of the solutions that you have? Number three, action oriented goal  related to your family? If there's a problem in the family or if there's a something in  improvement, you know, what are we going to do to change that? What ideas do you have?  Number four, action oriented goal related to your friends, action oriented goal related to your  church action oriented related to the kingdom, action, action oriented and goal related to your world. Okay, so you get what we're doing here. We're applying a seven connections model,  this model we're giving to our client and saying these things will help you start to think about  your life in two areas, problems, things that are frustrating things that are hurting you. And  then other you know, things you just want to improve things where you want to go to the next level. Let's look at this area. God, let's look at your marriage. Let's look at your family's like  your friends ligatures, like you can look at the world. Look at these various aspects of the  seven connections. And is this helpful to start thinking about things that you could possibly do differently than you're doing now? And that's all you're doing. Okay, we're just in the  brainstorming, trying to figure out a thing, you know, a goal that we could come up with, that  we could finally decide on we're not prioritizing yet. We're just brainstorming. Alright, we'll see you again in the next session.