Hello again, Steve Elzinga here. This is the coaching class. I hope it's going well. Again, I hope you're practicing the things that you're learning. It doesn't have to be in a formal coaching situation. It can be when you're out with friends, with family, people from the church, people at work. It’s just a way of interacting with people.

Generally, when we're with people, people tend to be giving ideas and thoughts to the people around them. People want to teach people stuff. People want to say, “You know, I learned years ago that this is the way to go,” or “In my marriage, this is what I experienced.” We gravitate toward wanting to help people with our thoughts, especially when we see people struggling.

When we see someone struggling, our urge is to come in and help them by informing them — number one, why they're struggling, what's going wrong, and what they can do about it. We want to mentor them, we want to teach them, we want to lead them.

Coaching is not any of those things. It is coming alongside someone and trying to help them take charge of their own life. A lot of times we give advice to people, and they listen politely, but then they go and do their own thing. The reality is, we hear so much advice we can't possibly take it all in and do it all. So people have learned to hear advice, and then it just passes right through. They don't do anything because they don't own it. They don't own the problem, and they don't own the solution you're suggesting.

People believe in the things they experience. They believe in the things they come up with. When they've been through enough pain, they believe there might be a better way to go, and they become more willing to do it. The coach's job is to help someone figure that all out.

Managing the Plan of Action

There’s a decision to follow a goal in a certain area of life. Then we make a plan. And now you're trying to hold this person accountable to the plan they've come up with.

Last time we looked at all the things coaching is not — it's not shaming, it's not guilting, it's not directing, it's not leading, it's not pushing people in a certain direction, it's not sharing all your experience.

So what is it?

1. Coaching Is Making the Client Accountable

Coaching is making the client accountable to the decision to do something about some aspect of his or her life, and the plan chosen to make it happen.

How does one do that?

Here’s the basic accountability process. It is really a feedback loop.

The Accountability Loop

Step 1: Ask “What happened?”

The week before, you met with the client. The goal is always to get toward some kind of action — some action goal, some plan of action. So you always want some plan of action before the next meeting.

You set that up. You told them, “This is what we want you to do.”

Steve gives an example of a couple he coached. The wife agreed to make lunches for the husband — something meaningful to him. The husband agreed that if he was tempted to smoke (after previously quitting and relapsing), he would call her.

So at the next meeting, you ask: “What happened?”

Maybe it went well, maybe it didn’t. You must not show disappointment. You’re not the judge. You’re the mirror.

Step 2: Ask for an evaluation — “How do you feel about what happened?”

In the example:

  • She made lunches for a while, then stopped.

  • He called her one day — not because he was tempted to smoke, but because he had a terrible day.

  • She thought he was calling because of smoking and tried to help him say it.

  • He felt nagged and misunderstood.

  • She felt afraid he might hide things again like before.

Both had good intentions. Both misunderstood each other.

Life doesn’t flow smoothly. Plans run into bumps.

Step 3: Ask what they’ve learned

“Can you tell me what you've learned about your plan as you engaged in it?”

They talk. They listen. They realize:

  • Neither wanted to push or accuse.

  • Both were trying to make the relationship work.

  • They simply misunderstood each other’s intent.

You don’t summarize it for them. They must articulate it themselves.

Step 4: Ask if they want to change the plan

“Do you want to keep the plan exactly the same, or tweak it based on what you learned?”

In the example, they decided to tweak it:

  • If he is tempted to smoke, he will bring it up.

  • If he doesn’t bring it up, she will not assume anything.

This wasn’t part of the original plan, but experience revealed the need for it.

Plans evolve. That’s normal.

Step 5: Ask what they want to attempt before the next meeting

“What specifically would you like to attempt before our next meeting?”

Let them choose. Let them own it.

The Heart of Management

You help clients expect that plans will change. You help them adapt. You help them learn from experience. You help them stay accountable to what they decided.

You don’t rescue.

You don’t judge.

You don’t direct.

You don’t take over.

You help them see, learn, adjust, and move forward.

Alright, that’s enough for this time. We’ll see you again next time.



最后修改: 2026年04月17日 星期五 10:19